Believable Lies & Lost Truths
by Siobhan Masen
Summary: Edward and Bella are high school sweethearts, will one over heard conversation change that?  Will unexpected events and tragedy bring them back together for good?
1. Chapter 1 How Can Good News Hurt So Bad?

**Wow, you have no idea how excited and overwhelmed I am to be posting a new story! Thank you to all of you reading this, i appreciate you lots. **

**To Secretobsession7 and btrflyongreyst41 (I will hold your hand I promise:)) for reading, re-reading and editing this for me, I love you both lots!

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**Chapter 1-How can good news hurt so badly?**

**Bella's POV**

I was in a dead run for the front door of Edward's house. My nerves were like an out of control firecracker, so much so that I wasn't even sure that I had put the truck in park. I hoped so, because I think Charlie would have freaked if my old truck ran into the side of Carlisle and Esme's house.

But this news just couldn't wait. It wasn't every day that you got a letter of acceptance to the only college that you have wanted to attend since you were like three years old. And I now held it in my hands; I was really and truly going to Dartmouth.

And to top it off, I was being offered a full scholarship! Who knew my love of literature would pay off so big? I couldn't wait to tell Edward; he was going to be even more excited than I was. Of course that meant we would not be as close as we wanted, with him at Harvard for his pre-medical in Boston, and me at Dartmouth in New Hampshire. But we could commute on the weekends. It was only a little over one hundred miles and there were plenty of holidays that we could meet in Forks.

All in all we're both getting what we wanted.

I stopped short of the front door; my excitement almost caused me to run right through without knocking. I think I only got out a half a knock when the door was pulled open by Emmett.

"Hey Bella. What's up that you're pounding the door down like that? Is there a fire somewhere?" I wasn't sure why he of all people had the nerve to talk about what a little adrenaline could cause a person to do. But that was Emmett; he was always saying or doing whatever came to mind.

"Hey Emmett, where is Edward? He's not going to believe what I need to tell him. He's going to freak out! Is he here?" I shouted at him.

"Whoa, Bella slow down and breathe! You've spent way too much time with Alice, she's rubbing off on you. Edward went into Port Angeles with Alice; they're shopping for dorm stuff. They'll be back about four. You wanna stay and wait? We could play some video games." Emmett was leading me to a chair to sit, when his words registered with me, and I stood right back up.

Apparently the disappointment that I wasn't able to share my news with Edward was showing on my face, because Emmett immediately offered to drive me into Port Angeles to meet up with them. Fortunately, I had the good sense to turn him down. I knew there was no way in the world that Emmett really wanted to be anywhere near shopping. To him, that would be a waste of his weekend home from school.

"What about Esme? Is she here?" I figured that I could settle with sharing my news with her until Edward came back.

"Yeah she's up in Carlisle's study. She was reading in there when I came down to play the game." The relief on his face was priceless, and it touched my heart that he really would have driven me into Port Angeles. That meant he would have been close enough for Alice to snag him into her shopping web. Alice had a way of convincing Emmett that there was something that he just had to pick up for his dorm room, even though he had already been there a year, and he was already set up.

I ran up the stairs. My excitement was only slightly calmed by sharing this with someone other than Edward, and I was hoping that I didn't trip and break my neck in my anticipation of telling Esme my news. That was my kind of luck. As I bounded off the top step I forced myself to calm down and not run full force into the study. I knew I needed to get myself in check, so I slowed and took a few deep breaths.

I approached the door slowly and quietly. I wanted to also make sure I wasn't interrupting anything Esme was doing. I heard her sweet voice drifting out of the partly open door and waited to see if she was with someone or on the phone. I only heard her after a few seconds of silence and figured that the latter was the case. I decided to wait for her, after all, what else was I going to do? I wanted someone to know that I had reached my ultimate goal and celebrate with me. So I took a seat on the hall bench. I soon realized that this particular seat allowed me to hear Esme's conversation perfectly, and I felt like I was snooping. So, not wanting to intrude, I decided to wait downstairs. As I stood to leave, I heard the words that caused my heart to stop.

"I know. I'm not sure why they're still together. She's only going to hold him back. How is he supposed to concentrate on Medical school with her as a constant distraction? He has so much potential, and I would hate to see it wasted by not applying his full attention."

I was sure that she had more to say, but I was so stunned to hear those words coming from Esme. She was the last person I expected to hear something like this from. Esme was like a mother to me, I had gone to her many times in the past for advice since my own mother lived in Phoenix now. I was crushed to think that she has felt this way all along about me. It did make a small amount of sense to me though. Edward was never in my league, I always knew this. I asked myself everyday why we were still together. I loved him from the bottom of my heart and wanted to be with him enough, that I never really questioned why he stayed, but I did always dread this type of ending for us. Edward, Alice, and I had been best friends since we were small and eventually it turned into more for Edward and me. We had been dating for four years now. I knew I wanted him to be in my life forever, but would I do it at his expense. Would I put my happiness over his? I knew that the girls of Forks would fawn all over themselves to snag Edward before he left for college. Trying to get their crack at him in the small amount of time they had left. At least I wouldn't have to hear the snickers, whispers, and cattiness from them any longer. My relationship with Edward always bothered them.

I stumbled down the stairs and muttered a weak goodbye to Emmett. He was so engrossed in his game that all he was able to offer me was a weak "See you later."

I didn't remember driving the roads that lead me home, but I was in my own driveway; I could only hope that I drove them safely. I was numb all over, especially my brain. I slowly climbed out of the truck, locked the door, and walked up the sidewalk to the house. As I was opening the front door the phone began to ring. I grabbed the kitchen phone so I could sit. I wasn't sure that my legs would hold me up for long.

"Hello?" I mumbled into the phone.

"Hey Bella, Emmett said you came by and were very excited about something. Why didn't you wait for me?" Edward was slightly out of breath, I was sure from carrying in all the stuff Alice bought.

"Oh. Well I know how shopping with Alice can be and figured I would wait it out at home. That way I could make dinner for Charlie. Besides I was getting a headache and wanted to come home to take something for it." I hoped my voice sounded normal, since I couldn't tell for myself. Every sound had an echo in my ears, and I felt like my head was spinning.

I started to speak again before he could offer to come over. I wasn't sure I could see him right now. "Edward, would it be okay if I came over tomorrow and shared my news then? I think I might be coming down with something. I don't feel so well."

"Bella, are you okay? Is Charlie home? Do you need me to come over and help?" He asked in a panic.

"No Edward, I'm sure I will be fine. I just need a few aspirins and some rest. Can I see you tomorrow?" I tried to ease his worry.

"Of course. I'll call you in the morning. I love you Bella, goodnight." Edward was so patient with me even when I didn't make sense to myself.

"Goodnight Edward."

I was alone again with Esme's words running through my head, over and over. Was I really holding him back? Who was I kidding? Of course I was. I asked myself everyday why he was with me. I didn't deserve him, but to hear someone else voice this out loud just rocked my world.

I sat still for so long that my lower legs went numb.

I got up and took a hot shower, then climbed into bed. I think my head was finally past the shock, but now all new questions were starting to flood in.

_The biggest one was now what was I going to do? Do I be selfish and stay with him, or could I let him go?_

After hours of lying in bed I was no closer to the answer I needed. I heard Charlie come home, then later go right back out to work. The house never seemed so quiet.

At some point I must have drifted off because the phone woke me up. I wasn't sure how long I slept, but I didn't feel any better so it must not have been enough.

"Hello?" I croaked into the phone, the lack of sleep making my voice sound injured.

"Bella, is that you? You sound worse; do you want me to bring you some hot soup?" I could always count on Edward to know exactly what I needed from him.

"Edward that would be great. No offense but come by yourself, okay?" After the revelation that left me with more questions than answers, I wasn't ready to face Edward, much less any other of the Cullens. I was sure that the group of them would crack my façade, and I would be forced to admit what I knew.

"I'll be there in about thirty minutes, by myself," he said.

I was sitting on the couch when I heard Edward knock. He started to come in before I could get to the door. He must have been anxious to see how I was feeling; he never came right in. It wasn't good for us both to be wound up when I made my announcement about college; Edward always tended to over think things. The last thing I needed was for him to be all worked up and therefore cause me to worry as well, when I already had the biggest decision of my life to make. I guess I'd have to wait until later to talk about what this meant for us in details with him.

_Just keep it short and simple. I got into Dartmouth. He doesn't need to know anything else right now?_

Yeah that was the plan I was going with for now. I must have looked pretty bad because Edward blanched when he saw me. He started barking orders before I could say a word.

"First you are going to eat all of this soup, and then you are going to get comfortable on the couch. Lastly we'll discuss your news." Edward had no idea that his plan was perfectly fine with me. I wanted to put this off as long as possible. So I began to eat the soup, and I must say I did feel much better afterward. I settled on the couch after taking more medicine, and Edward wrapped a blanket around me to keep me warm. Finally he said, "Okay, let's hear your news."

"Edward, it's not that big of a deal. I just got into Dartmouth, that's all. My essay qualified me for the scholarship, so I can go without the guilt of what it's costing Charlie." He was practically jumping up and down beside the couch as I spoke.

"That's all? _That's all_? That's great! I told you that you were Dartmouth material." His eyes were dancing with the joy that I wanted to feel. I knew I was kind of putting a damper on the celebration. But I just couldn't be overjoyed at this when I knew what was looming on the horizon. "I knew you were going to get in. I'm so proud of you. Bella, why are you acting like this is no big deal? We need to celebrate!" By this time he was shaking the whole couch.

"I want to celebrate, but I just feel like crap! Can we celebrate for real at a later date?" I begged. He just gave a short nod and wrapped me up in his arms to comfort me. As Edward held me, we talked excitedly about the new things we were going to do at college. I let his excitement wash over me and carry me with him for a little while. I had worked hard for this and felt like I earned the right to celebrate this accomplishment. I would deal with all the other details at a later date when I had them figured out. For now Edward and I would share this joy, the wonderful feeling that the world is laid out before me.

Shortly after our "high" wore off Edward headed home. I went back up to bed and hoped that all of the details I was leaving for later would suddenly answer themselves in my head.

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**Let's have it, what do you think about it? Review and let me know:)**


	2. Chapter 2 Finally A Plan

**Sorry that I am epic fail on you all and made you wait. This past week was kinda hard for me. We lost my beloved father in law and that took all of my focus to just get through the day. I know you all understand and I appreicate you all so much. **

**Thanks to Secretobsession and Carla! You both are amazing and I love you for volunteering to help me make this mess a readable thing sort of resembling a good chapter. **

**As always mad love to my Baby Pea Pod Brigade members, you all are my rock and proved your friendship this past week. You kept me strong. I love you all more than you will ever know :)

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**Chapter Two- Finally a Plan**

**Bella's POV  
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I awoke the next morning and felt better. My head was able to form complete sentences, so I was progressing. Still there was no complete plan, but I wouldn't knock progress. I grabbed my books and headed down to the kitchen table, with a few weeks left of school I needed to study for finals. I knew that I could use the extra help in a few of my subjects. As I entered the kitchen the phone rang. I could bet my savings it was one of two people.

"Hello"

"Oh my gosh, Bella. Edward just told me about Dartmouth. I'm so excited for you. How you're calmly standing there, I don't know. Are you jumping up and down with me? You should be. That isn't so far from Edward or me in New York. At least we'll all be on the same coast. Who knew we would be split down the middle with Em, Rose and Jasper off in Texas and the three of us up there close together? How did Charlie take the news? Dartmouth is a long way from Forks, is he good with that? Bella, what's wrong with you, why aren't you saying anything?" Alice rushed out, all in one breath I think, without giving me a chance to respond to any of her questions.

"Well Alice, if you'll take a breath I'll answer some of your questions, but so far you haven't done that." She giggled nervously.

"I know, sorry, I just got carried away. You should know by now how I am when I get excited." Her sweet unassuming voice struck a bittersweet chord with me. Knowing all that I knew after overhearing Esme's conversation, I was probably going to have to make some decisions that would not make her happy at all.

I charged ahead with answering her questions before I traveled down a path that my brain was not quite ready for. "Now, I'm not calmly standing, I'm doing a little happy dance. I'm glad we'll be relatively close, well closer than Texas, anyway. I haven't had a chance to tell Charlie yet." I took another deep breath as I thought of another conversation that would make someone more unhappy than happy. "He had to cover a few shifts for one of the guys who are sick, so I haven't seen much of him. I know he'll be sad that I'll be so far from him, but I'm sure he'll do a happy dance so to speak with me about the full ride part." I could almost see her face busting at the seams to know more details about everything. She wasn't happy until she felt like she knew every minute detail. "So… anymore questions? I know that Hurricane Alice is surely not finished with her interrogations. So let me have them."

"Oh, well I have so much shopping in mind knowing now where you're headed off to, so we can talk more then." She was moving around as we spoke, I knew she was probably packing more things to take with her when she went off to college. Alice always said that 'Organization is a way of life', I'm not sure that I agreed with that. "Bella, have you thought about the graduation party that Lauren and Jessica are throwing? Normally I wouldn't attend any party thrown by them, but since it is a graduation party, with everyone there, I think we need to be there too. What do you think?" I bit my lip and fought against my gut reaction to simply yell out hell no.

I wanted no part of their little world; they had made my life a living hell the past few years. They wanted Edward and they made no bones about it to me or anyone else that would listen, except Edward. They were all sweet smiles and fake 'get-togethers' in front of him. Well, they could all go to hell. I realized that Alice was still talking so I tried to catch on to her conversation as if I had never checked out. "Edward told me he would go with whatever you wanted, so please say yes. Even if we only go for a short time, it will be the last party we go to here in Forks. I think we should go, what do you think?" Alice knew I couldn't say no to her, and if I even tried she would eventually break me down, so I might as well say yes and save myself some trouble.

"Okay Alice, we can go for a short time, and say goodbye to everyone. But only if you promise we'll only be there for a little while, and I don't have to wear any fancy outfits. If you can promise that, I'll go and so will Edward." The skanky outfits that those two will have on already coming to mind. I'm sure that they would cost a fortune for the smallest amount of fabric. "I know Lauren and Jessica only really want Edward there anyway, so they'll be happy if he shows up. I swear they just don't get it. We have been together in what I'm sure in high school years equals a lifetime, and they still hope for a chance with him. I told him he is too good looking for his own good." I chuckled through the phone to Alice but inside I really felt anything but happiness. When I tried to picture those two falling all over themselves to get to Edward, it made me snort. He would be so grossed out at the mere thought of being with either of them. That would be a nice little tid-bit to share with them. How opposed he was to dating either of them, even if I was out of the picture.

"Oh, Bella, I couldn't love you more if you were my own sister-on second thought that would be weird since you're dating my brother, so never mind. I'll keep it short and simple, and no outfits. How about a simple pair of jeans and a great sweater? Ooh, I know just the one for you. I got to study some more for the French final. I swear that lady is out to get me, so I'll go and see you Monday for school, okay?" Once again she was channeling the Amazing Fish Lady who could breathe through her gills while still talking. It certainly came in handy for Alice.

"Yeah, that's okay. I was just walking into the kitchen to study some myself. Tell Edward I'll call him a little later."

Who knew studying could help clear your mind, but the total concentration on other subjects allowed my mind to work on my big problem behind the scenes. I wasn't exactly sure when to do it, but I now knew that I needed to break up with Edward and let him go his own way. I was rational and clear headed when this thought hit me. But it only took a nano-second for the idea to completely break me down. I was a crying, utter mess in a few seconds.

I needed to pull it together before Charlie caught me like this. He would not understand my reasons and tell me to find out if Edward felt like I was holding him back. Which of course, I couldn't do, he would say no. But I knew deep down that I was, and I couldn't give him the option this time. I didn't want him to sacrifice anything for me. I knew that I would always love him, but I knew that I had to let him go.

Esme always knew what was best for her kids, and not once have I known her to be wrong. I couldn't see any other way.

I drug myself upstairs and took a shower. I cried all my tears into the running water, releasing my pent up pain. With my emotional outbreak over, I headed back down to make dinner.

Thankfully Charlie was so tired when he came in that all he wanted was to eat, shower, and sleep. I could have sprouted another head and he would not have said a word about it. I was thankful on many levels for Charlie, he had no idea. He didn't hover, and after years with Renee that was so liberating. I went up to bed and cried myself to sleep.

Monday, Edward, Alice, and Jasper showed up to drive me to school, and we all chatted about finals. Each of us felt like we were prepared for most of the exams, but there was always that one subject that we wanted a little more time for.

With studying, all the senior activities, and shopping the week went by quickly. Before I knew it, it was Friday and Charlie was calling for me to get a move on or we would be late.

I had a full blown case of nerves; my time was running out, and I knew I had to tell Edward soon. I decided that I would tell Edward Sunday afternoon. That way we could celebrate graduation; have all day Saturday shopping with him and Alice, then go to the party Saturday night. Then on Sunday we could go to lunch, and I would drop the bomb. I had to wait until then so I could make a few more memories with him to hold on to. So I pushed down the nerves and plastered a smile on my face.

Once Charlie and I arrived at the auditorium, I left him to find my place in line. Everyone seemed so happy and the joy was apparent on their faces. It pushed me into my own corner, knowing I would never look back on this day and remember any happiness. I would always know that it was the beginning of the end.

After all of the pomp and circumstance was over, I ran to Edward and hugged him. I buried my face into his shoulder and cried with all that I had.

"Bella, don't cry, love. Please, it'll be alright, it's just graduation from high school. We have our whole lives ahead of us, all the fun stuff." He leaned back and wiped the tears from my face. "Let's look forward and not back. You know I love you, right? I won't let anything happen to you, so smile for me. I love your smile."

His face showed the sincerity in his words and they caused more heartbreak and more tears. How could I doubt him? The love shown in his eyes, and for a moment, I really wondered how our future would be if I just stayed with him. How bad would I hurt his future? Could I keep him, and he still find happiness?

I needed to stop this train of insanity. There was no way I could stay with him. He needs to be able to make his way without the baggage I'll bring for him. He is standing there showing me how great he is, and I'm considering keeping him from his full potential.

_What a great girlfriend you are Bella!_

I'm not sure how I ever ended up with him. I knew I didn't deserve him, and that I had to let him go, but not until Sunday. He slowly pulled way and looked deep into my eyes.

"Bella, are you sure you're feeling better? I've felt like something was not quite right all week. Can I help you with anything? You know I'm here for you don't you?"

"Edward, of course I know that you're here for me. I don't know, I think I'm just a little sentimental about the changes is all. I'll be fine. I think it might be a good idea that I'm heading off to Dartmouth right away for the summer semester. That way I can get used to the changes and settled in by the time most of the other students get there." There was no harm setting the scene for him, letting his mind get used to the idea that soon I would be gone. "Hopefully I can snag a great job also, you know before all the returning students take them." I offered as much as I could to try to begin to convince him that this was for the best. "Don't worry about me I'll be fine, just a lot to process. It will just take some time to adjust."

I tried to give him the smile he requested, I don't know if it looked sincere, I hoped so. I wanted us to have the rest of the weekend to have fun!

"As long as you're fine. Go eat with Charlie, and I'll see you tomorrow for the great shopping adventure. Alice wants to head out at the crack of dawn, so get some rest. You still look tired. I hope your bug is gone. I won't let her push you too hard tomorrow, I promise." His eyes perused my face and down the front of my body. I could feel the heat that they gave off as they took me in. And just as quickly he ripped his eyes away from mine and stared off into space.

His eyes became dark and when he turned his face back to me, his face hid the emotions I know he felt.

"Do you know how much I love you? I know I don't want you to leave right away, but you might be right about getting the good jobs and getting settled." He gently kissed my nose and stepped back from me. I missed his body heat already. "I'll see you tomorrow morning. Tell Charlie hello for me. I love you."

With a sound kiss he was off, just as Charlie caught up to me and gave me a big bear hug. He rushed me off to the diner so we could get there before they filled up and we had to wait.

Charlie had lots of questions about dates, times, and info he felt was required for his peace of mind. He was wonderful at interrogations, and I understood that he needed to know all of this. Patiently, I answered all of his questions, while he came to grips with losing his daughter to college so soon. He wasn't happy about the quick departure, but he agreed that it would be easier for me to get settled with the lower number of students there. He thought that the job was a great idea; plus, he felt it would keep me from doing too much socializing. Good old Charlie, trying to keep me in line, some things never change.

Edward was right- Alice started at the crack of dawn, I'm not even sure the chickens were up at this time of day. She did, however, have coffee, so I forgave her…a little. After half my cup of coffee and a pop tart, I think I was finally waking up. So I ventured to ask Alice for our details for today. Big mistake!

"Oh, Bella, I had no idea you were so happy about our shopping trip. Hmmm, let's see… first we'll head into the mall and see what they offer." She drug a notepad out of her over sized purse and began to write. She was probably keeping notes on her plans for the shopping trip, if only she kept as detailed notes on her school work and she will be fine. "I think we should be able to find most of our linens and such there. Wait, should we go to the outlet mall first?" She began to scribble furiously as she spoke again, "Hmmm, we have about an hour before we get there, so I'll figure this out before we arrive. Is that cool with you Bella?" Without taking a breath, she then launched into a conversation with Edward. "Hey Edward, can we stop for a real breakfast? You know the little diner I love with the awesome french toast, right?"

"Of course, Alice, we all love the place. I'm not sure why you think you're the only one. Besides…I don't think Bella has been there yet." He then turned to face me and asked, "Bella, would you be up for a stop? I can promise the best french toast you'll ever eat!" Then he did the one thing that did me in, he smiled that smile that I can't resist. So I did the only thing I could, I nodded with as much enthusiasm as my attached head would allow. The nod was met with a squeal from Alice, and she began to bounce up and down in her seat. Edward just grabbed my hand and smiled at me again. I would do anything to see that smile all day long. I was a sucker for that smile!

After breakfast, we were on the road to our final destination. Alice finally decided that we could go to the mall first, then the outlet mall, and finally on to the office supply store. That would be our big stop. We all needed new computers, printers, and all the stuff you need to do butt loads of college term papers.

By the time we were done, we all had a full dorm room full of necessities. All of course, color coordinated, and Alice was about as happy as I have ever seen her. I can only imagine, she shopped for all three of us, and she still had to take Jasper shopping for his stuff. I'm sure that she was close to shopping euphoria.

I was dropped off at my house so I could show off all of my stuff to Charlie, and I could get dressed for the party. I'm sure that Alice was hoping that I would give in and allow her to dress me up for this part, but that isn't happening. I think I'll miss being Bella Barbie, and I know I'll miss all the girl talks we have.

I started questioning what Alice and I would have once I break it off with Edward. There was no way I could maintain the closeness that we had now, that thought once again brought on the tears. Uncontrollable sobbing fits were a more accurate description.

I finally calmed myself down with a hot shower and the assurance that Alice and I could maintain some relationship since none of us would be in the same city. I could do most of my communications with her by phone, and that won't bother Edward. I knew there was no way I could lose her and Edward at the same time. Once again my life was out of my control, and I wasn't real sure how to reel it back in. All I could do was hope that it all worked out just fine.

I made quick work of the ritual of getting ready for the party. I already had the outfit planned, and hair and makeup never took me that long. I was on the road again in no time, heading towards Edward's house and my head was already pounding.

I was determined to have the time of my life and enjoy tonight. Tomorrow would take care of itself, tonight was mine. Tonight was one of the few times I was cursing my slow truck and wishing I drove a certain silver Volvo. It would definitely get me to him faster, and that is all I wanted tonight, was him.

As I pulled into the drive, he was standing on the front porch waiting for me. I swear it was like he could read my mind, he always knew when I was approaching. I took him in as I parked and couldn't believe the sight before me. It was like I was looking at him for the first time. Every time I saw him, I saw something new to marvel at and be once again amazed that he is with me. I returned his smile and jumped headlong into my night.

"Bella, you look … I don't even think I have words for you tonight. Did Charlie see you tonight before you left?" I could see his mind stuttering as he was grasping for words. His hands running through his hair as he stumbled for his words. His face showed his amazement. I loved that I could make him this way. I felt on an even playing field with him when he was like this.

"Of course. I said goodbye and told him I'd be home in the morning. I told him I didn't want to make the drive in the middle of the night, on a dark road, with my old truck. I think he really thinks that there will be drinking there, and I'm afraid to drive after I had been drinking." Edward's hand found my waist and began pulling me close to him as I spoke. It caused a momentary stutter as my brain took in his wonderful scent. "H…He gave me the whole 'I know you're a good girl and can make good decisions' speech. Either way I promised to call before heading off to bed, and he let me out, so I said something right. Is there gonna be drinking?" I wasn't sure if I was ready to be drunk on my last night with Edward, I wanted to remember everything.

"We don't have any alcohol for the party, but I know Lauren's parents keep some in the house. So who knows! We can just dance and have fun. There's always the heated pool as well, if you want to swim. I know I'm looking forward to swimming with you. That is if you want to." He looked so nervous, and I really wasn't sure why. We have had sex a few times and seen each other naked, so for him to be nervous with me swimming made me think something else is going on.

"Swimming is fine, why are so nervous? We have seen each other naked before. Why does a bathing suit do that to you?" I leaned in as I said this. No one knew for sure if we were having sex, and I didn't want anyone to have any rumors to spread. I know Jessica and Lauren would love that, to be able to spill all our little secrets. Okay, our big secret, but either way I was keeping this between Edward and me.

I loved every time we were together and it was so special, I didn't want to share that… not even with Alice. If Edward told her, I wouldn't be angry, but I couldn't share what was between us. I leaned in a little more, hopefully encouraging him to think about us together and encouraging it to happen again. I would love to feel him one more time for my memories. He was such a perfect match for me, and while I didn't have much experience to go on, I knew that we were great together.

"Well, it has been a while since our last time and I wasn't sure if you were somehow unhappy about last time. I wasn't, at all, and I was hoping you had as much fun as I did. But you haven't said anything about it in a long time, or made any moves towards me, so I was wondering if I did anything wrong." He glanced up at me from beneath his lashes and I would have followed him to the ends of the earth at that moment. "Besides isn't that very cliché, for us to do it on graduation night? I just want us to have fun and enjoy being together, so if that is without us having sex, that's okay with me."

Man, he was so cute when he was stumbling on himself. I couldn't resist teasing him for a while longer.

"Edward, I was thinking that maybe a few clichés are probably good to go with, just not all of them. So the only thing is now which of the clichés do we choose to go with and which do we ignore? Why don't you tell me which ones you think are worthy…then I can tell you mine and see if any of them match." Of course this was said in a light whisper directly into his ear, with a little pant added just to stir the fire I was sure was already at a full burn. For added measure, I batted my eyelashes while twirling a lock of hair around my finger. How more school-girl-fantasy could I get, which I knew he had fantasized about for a while, thanks to an overheard conversation between him and Emmett about a year ago.

He stammered and sputtered for a few seconds and then spat out, "Graduation night sex is probably the only one we need to worry about, all the others are so overrated that we probably shouldn't bother. What's your opinion?" All said in one breath, just like his sister-he was channeling the pixie-how cute.

Just as I was about to give my opinion, I heard the two voices I could have lasted all night without, Mike and Jessica's. And they were approaching at a quick pace. I leaned back away from Edward but took his hand in mine. I braced myself for the conversation with the two village idiots.

"Edward, Bella, come and join us. We have a new drinking game and have taken down three couples already. So is the 'power couple' up for it? Think you can handle it?" Mike's voice had a way of making you want to stab your own eardrums just to avoid the pain of it, and with the added alcohol, it only doubled the sensation. I was scanning the room for an excuse for a quick getaway excuse for us both, but Edward just tugged on my hand and responded to Mike.

"Wait, did you just say yes to them?" I pulled away from his hand in shock. "I thought we were going to go swimming. Wasn't that our plan?" I pleaded with Edward, I couldn't think of a worse way to spend our night than playing stupid drinking games with the only two people I wanted to avoid. Besides as level headed as Edward was, when you add a competition into the mix, he became another being. I guess that was a byproduct of living with Emmett all his life.

"Yeah Bella, don't worry we can take them. It'll be over soon and then we can swim." He leaned in close to me and whispered into my ear, "Besides, I think that a little drinking will be good before we spend our time together, don't you? Loosen us up and allow us to not worry about all the nervous energy that we usually have." His hot breath panting into my ear was making me wish that we could be alone right now. "Just the thought of feeling you is making me a wreck inside, so I think I need the help, please Bella, please say yes for me?"

And so I did the only thing I could when he used that voice and that smile. I agreed with a big fat sloppy kiss.

I think that Mike and Jessica were cheating, because after two rounds, Edward was almost drunk. I had managed to get good cards, well, good enough cards that kept me from drinking as much. But poor Edward was not so lucky, and the sad part was that most of the cards I had to discard were the ones that made him drink. I finally was able to drag him away, and he just had to admit that Mike and Jessica had won. I knew that admitting that killed him, but I wanted our time and he finally was able to understand my reasons.

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**Help cheer me up, hit that little button and let me know what you thought of this chapter! Till next week...**


	3. Chapter 3 Graduation Party

**Hello Ladies (and Gentleman, if there are any) we are back for our once per week visit! I love that you all are here again to read my story:) **

**As usual thanks got out to Secrectobsession7 and lovinjim! They both work so hard to make what you all read so much better than it was when it flowed out of me, so I luves you both! lovinjim started a thread on Twilighted for this story, please drop by and let me know what you think about it~ www( dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11914&p=1092454&sid=**

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**I have two songs for this chapter-Stolen-Oasis (when they are on the beach)and When I Look At You- Lesley Roy(when they are changing in the pool house)**

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**Chapter 3-Graduation Party**

His face was difficult to read as we stood in the pool house slowly undressing. I wasn't sure if he was regretting drinking so much, or if he was regretting the whole swimming idea. I couldn't allow myself to go through all the 'what if's' without knowing. So I did the only thing I could, I leaned up against his bare chest and allowed my lacy bra to brush against him. He sucked in a gulp of air and pulled me closer so we were in full contact. I looked up at him through my eyelashes and hoped it looked as flirty as it does in the movies. With a shaky breath, I asked the question I wanted to know and prayed for the answer that I wanted to hear.

"Edward? You okay? Are you regretting this at all?" I was still praying he wasn't.

"Bella, I could never regret seeing your beautiful body or feeling it. I think if I regret anything its allowing Mike Fucking Newton to goad me into that stupid pissing contest, and drinking too much." His face was slightly flushed and his eyes glazed over. His hands gestured wildly as he continued his rant. "I still think they cheated, somehow, I don't know how, but I think they did. Are you okay, did you drink too much?" As soon as the rant started, it stopped. His eyes softened and he pulled me close again. "I didn't mean for our evening to turn out that way. I'm sorry. I know I was supposed to protect you, and now I let this happen. Bella, forgive me? I hope I didn't ruin the night for us."

Every hint of anger went right out the window. Edward always wore his feelings on his sleeve, and I knew without a doubt that he sincerely felt his words. I couldn't allow him to think that he let me down. "Edward, I'm fine. I'm surprised you can still walk after all that you drank. You held your liquor very well. For once I'm thankful your big brother is Emmett. I guess all of his drinking games may have paid off." I tried for laughter and lighten the mood but it fell flat, so I decided to go with the truth. "I'm glad we're finally alone." My heart almost beating out of my chest as I realized this might be the last chance I get to be with him. "I just wanted to make sure we're still cool." I motioned between the two of us and our half naked bodies.

"Bella, don't be silly, I'll always want this." He kissed my forehead as he pulled away with the fun loving look on his face that I was more accustom to seeing there. "Let's go swim before I'm unable to do anything other than you!"

We both dressed in our suits and ran for the pool. It felt so good to be in the warm water with Edward holding me like his life depended on it. He enjoyed running his hand up and down from my tailbone all the way up to the hairline at the back of my head.

After a few passes, he added a small swirl with his finger tips and pulled me close so his mouth was right beside my ear. I turned my face to his ear and gave him a small kiss.

I know in the movies they focus in on the couple, and it seems like all the activity around them just fades away- it's a real neat cinematography trick- but I swear at that moment an atom bomb could have gone off, and I would not have known it. All I could think about was his hands on my back and his breath on my ear. He moved his mouth in further and began pressing small kisses from my ear, down my neck and to the hollow of my collar bone. He began to murmur something, but for the life of me I couldn't make my mind understand what he was saying. I just listened to the tone of his husky voice and enjoyed the fact that we were together.

He was showing me something he has never shown anyone else. That alone made this the most special act in the world. We were giving ourselves to each other-in a way we had not shared with anyone else in the world. As the weight of this fact hit me, a small tear escaped my eye.

Edward chose that moment to look into my eyes and his serene face changed. I gave him a small shrug and a smile. That must have been enough for him because his face relaxed again, and he kissed my neck once more.

He made his way back up to my ear and whispered, "Do you want to get out of here?"

All I could do was nod my head since my voice abandoned me at this crucial moment. He began pulling me toward the shallow end of the pool and we climbed out. We didn't bother using our towels. Edward just hung them around his neck.

We went back to the pool house and slipped our clothes on over our suits. He led me out of the yard, through the fence at the back, and we made our way down the path, silently. We walked all the way down to the beach and over several sand dunes.

When we reached the largest dune Edward, spread out our towels side by side. I looked around to see if we were out in the open, but thankfully we were on the backside of the dune and hidden from the beach. Edward tugged at my hand as he sat down on the towels. I quickly sat beside him.

He laid me down on my back and leaned down over me. I always loved it when he pressed his body against mine. It filled me with tingling electric energy and it made my heart race. I felt so warm and protected by him.

"Bella, are you sure this is what you want? Things are kinda crazy right now, and I'll understand if you don't want to." His eyes revealed his still slightly drunk status. I could see him trying to make the right words come out of his mouth.

How could I say no to that? He had no idea how much I loved him, or how much I wanted to be with him right now. I could not say no or leave his side right now for anything in the world. I was in this relationship as long as I could be and definitely for tonight. I knew I didn't have much longer with him, and I couldn't think of any other memory that I wanted to make one last time before I had to say goodbye to him.

"Edward, I love you and there is nothing else I want. You're the one constant in my life. When everything else is crazy, you help me make sense of everything." The emotions of what I was saying to him flooded over me and swept me away. I was afraid that I would cry just telling him how I felt. "I love that I have shared this with only you. I know we're young and our parents would die if they knew about us, but I can't feel like anything we have done is wrong. I really want this and you, so be quiet and show me how much you want this!" Instead of smiling at my joke he stared deep into my eyes and searched for the truth that my words would hide.

Gently he pulled my shirt over my head, dragging his warm hands achingly slowly down each side of my body stopping at my hips. I felt the tug at the button holding my shorts in place, his hands shaking as he slid them down my legs, taking my shorts with him. I kicked the shorts off of my feet, and I was once again back in my swim suit.

Edward pulled off his shirt. My fingers ached to touch him, and I couldn't help but run my hands over his chest. He sucked in his breath while I lightly scratched my nails over his nipples. His lips traveled across my neck, before continuing down to the valley between my breasts. He glanced up at me as if asking permission to continue, so I reached around and untied my top to show him that it was more than okay if he continued.

His eyes were dark as he leaned back and watched as it dropped off of my chest and onto the towels. He took in the sight before him for a few seconds before he lowered his hands to my chest. He slowly wrapped his hands around each of my breasts and rubbed the nipples with his thumb. I felt like I was floating in mid air; I'd never get used to the feeling of Edward's hands on my body. The way he touched me always felt like he was worshiping my body and not just touching it.

Just when I thought the feeling was going to cause me to implode, he touched his tongue to my right nipple. He then gently took the nipple into his mouth and bit down ever so lightly. A moan escaped my mouth and my head fell back onto the towel. I couldn't think coherently when Edward touched me.

"Oh Edward, please don't ever stop. That feels so good. Tell me how you always know just where and when to touch me?" I panted out for him, the desire showing in my voice.

"Bella, I don't, I just do what feels good to me, but I'm glad you like it. Tell me what to do next. Tell me what you want from me." Obviously encouraged by his slightly drunken state, he was pushing the envelope with me. Asking me for something he hadn't ever asked me for before. He had never asked me to describe what I wanted, or actually talk about sex in detail with him. I was shocked. I couldn't talk like that to him.

"Edward, I can't tell you that." Shock tingeing my voice into an unrecognizable squeak.

"Sure you can Bella. You know better than anyone what you want and how you want it. Don't you touch yourself when you're alone?" His hand ghosted down my body and towards the spot I was too scared to tell him to touch. "Tell me how to please you. Close your eyes and pretend you're alone. Tell me what you imagine me doing to you? Don't be ashamed, it's just me and you, no one else. Just me and you Bella, tell me." His voice was rough with his desire, like sandpaper as it moved across my neck. I wanted to be consumed by him, to feel his body move over mine, but I couldn't talk about it.

"Edward, please don't make me tell you that. Just keep doing what you want, please!"

"Bella, God the things I want to do to you. Can I tell you what I want?" His mouth was in constant motion along my body, his hands following the same pattern. I couldn't think about anything other than the sensations that he was creating in me.

All I could do was moan and hope he took it as a yes.

"Bella, every time I see you in that blue sweater, the one that shows off your collar bones, I want to lick and kiss all the way across both of them." He nipped at my neck with his lips and I wanted to beg him to do that all night long. "Do you know how crazy that sweater makes me? I can't concentrate at all when you wear that thing. You're not allowed to wear that unless I'm with you. I don't want to imagine anyone else seeing your beautiful body and lusting over it." His words were harsh and seemed extremely possessive, but his tone made the words sweet and pleasant to hear.

I couldn't say no to him. If he only knew the position that he had me in. He could ask for the world, and I would give it to him. "Please tell me, Bella, your body will be mine and mine only." Desperation was flooding into his voice. Could he tell that what we had was almost over, could he know that I was soon leaving?

"Edward, I'll leave the blue sweater in my closet here in Forks. I promise. I'm not sure I could wear it now without wanting you to do the things you said to my anyways. It would drive me insane to wear it without you." That was the truth, I would no longer be able to wear that sweater without thinking of him.

I never made him the promise that he wanted, I hoped that he was too caught up to realize that I left it out. I couldn't say those words to him, he needed to move on without me and make his way in life. I couldn't say those words. I couldn't.

He obviously didn't realize, since he started back on my collar bones, on the right side and kissed from the outside up to my neck. Once he reached my neck, he began his trip back down; this time he was licking and placing open mouthed kisses. I never knew something so simple could make me feel so good. I couldn't stop him now if I wanted to. So I reached up to his neck and placed my hands in his hair and pulled him a little closer.

"Edward," it came out as a moan, but it described exactly how I felt.

"When I'm done with your luscious collar bones, I'm going to move on to your perfect breasts. You're beautiful when you're naked." As he raised up to take in my body, it never occurred to me to be embarrassed that he was looking at my body. I felt loved and cherished by him. His gaze saying the things his mouth didn't.

"God, Bella, you make me want to do so many things to you. I can't even form complete thoughts. First, I want to taste you all over."

Edward and I weren't typical high school students who wanted sex anywhere and everywhere they could get it. Don't get me wrong, we had sex as often as we could, but it was never a quick 'fuck-and-duck' routine. Edward always made sure we had time to talk and enjoy each other in non-sexual ways. I certainly was one lucky girl.

He didn't even give me time to answer before he moved down to my chest and began the same sweet torture. He took his time with each nipple by swirling circles with his tongue around each one until I thought I would lose my mind.

Edward traced my ribs and trailed his hands along my waist. I felt him untie my bikini bottom and then it fell slack against the sand below me. I lifted my hips slightly as he pulled the bottoms out from under me.

He stood and pulled the tie that held his board shorts in place. After he stepped out of them he moved back beside me.

His head was even with my waist, he began to place kisses along my stomach where he left off. I laid my head back down and closed my eyes. I concentrated on not making too much noise. I didn't want any visitors that were unable to see us because of our strategic position to be attracted by our sounds. Edward moved his focus lower, and I gasped as I felt his hands spread my legs apart.

"You okay, baby?"

"I'm fine, just…uh… continue."

"You sure? You don't sound fine," his eyes were dark with lust but his voice full of concern.

"I promise, you just surprised me that's all."

"I have been wanting to taste you forever, we just usually don't have the time or space. I guess I should have told you that I was going to do this, huh? I can stop if you want me to." Obviously he really didn't want to stop so how could I tell him he needed to stop just for my embarrassment.

"No, please don't stop. You have never been down there, so I wasn't expecting it. Don't stop, please, I want to try it." I smiled at him hoping it would settle his fears and assure him that I wanted this as much as he did.

He returned his attention to my body and slid his hands down the inside of my thighs. I grabbed a handful of the towels and bit my lip trying again to not make noise.

One of his arms twisted around my leg and he placed his hand on my stomach at the top of 'my girl'. He spread me open with this hand and placed a kiss directly on me. The sensations caused me to arch my back off of the towels and push directly into his mouth.

He took this as encouragement and started licking me from bottom to top in a slow heated rhythm. I could feel my body responding to his attentions and felt the results running down the inside of my thighs. I was slightly embarrassed by the reaction, but Edward seemed encouraged by it and quickly licked my thighs clean.

He slowly slid one finger into me and began moving it in time with his licking. This time I couldn't control the sounds coming from me, the sensations were too strong.

"Fuck, Edward. That feels so good." I was slightly embarrassed at my language, but it was the only word that seemed to apply to the sensations I was feeling. I threaded my hands into the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him closer to me.

"Mmmm, Bella, you taste un-fucking-believable."

Okay, so I guess I wasn't the only one getting carried away by what we were doing.

On the next thrust of his hand, he slid a second finger into me and moved his mouth directly to my clit. I lost track of time and even space. I wasn't sure if I was still on the ground or floating above it.

Edward was a great lover and had been responsible for all of the orgasms I have ever had. But I could tell that this one would top them all. I could feel the current passing through me and spreading to all of my limbs. My body tensed in anticipation of the final spark that pushed me over the edge and into ecstasy.

"I can't wait to feel you come against my mouth," he murmured against my sensitive clit. His words caused the most delicious of sensations, igniting the final spark I was waiting for, causing all other sensations to drift away as the orgasm took over my body. Edward slowed his fingers but kept them pushing into me until I came back down to earth again.

I tugged at his hair and neck trying to pull him up to me. He climbed up my body with a masculine sexiness that an eighteen-year-old should never possess. I pulled a condom from my pocket of my shorts that laid on the ground next to us and handed it to him. He quickly rolled it along his length. With it in place, he settled in between my legs. He took my legs and wrapped them around him as he leaned down closer to my face. I reached up and tried to kiss him. He pulled back slightly, and I frowned my displeasure at this.

"Baby, do you want to kiss me after that?" he asked, and nodded towards my lower half.

"Of course, I love kissing you. Why, did it taste bad?" I was suddenly unsure of what I had allowed Edward to do.

"No, you tasted like heaven. But just because I liked it, well, I didn't want to assume that you would want to taste it," he shrugged at me to express his loss for words.

"I don't care about tasting it, but I do want to kiss you."

He smiled and kissed me. When his tongue came in contact with mine I did taste myself on him. Funny though, it was so completely erotic to me. I pulled his tongue deeper into my mouth and sucked on it more. Edward pushed himself slowly into me.

We had been together a few times, but each time it took me a minute to adjust to him. It was overwhelming to have him fill me so completely; I felt consumed by him.

His tongue in my mouth that still tasted like me, and him inside my body combined to push me right back to the edge of another orgasm.

"A little harder, Edward, please." I panted needing to feel him move in me.

He took my leg and lifted it higher, pulling it up to his chest and leaned his upper body closer to me. The slight change in our bodies caused him to go deeper than before. I felt the instant change with his next thrust. I wasn't really sure what and where this illusive G-spot was, but I was certain Edward was hitting it now.

He slowed his pace, hitting all the right spots for me, and, once again, the spark took over my body. I allowed it to pull me wherever it wanted to as I enjoyed the bliss that it gave me. I enjoyed my second orgasm of the night. Edward's body tensed under me and he quickened his pace again.

My brain had shattered into a million small fragments and floated off into space and left my body there to simply enjoy the feelings.

"Baby, I'm close," Edward panted at me.

"That's it, baby, you are fucking amazing." I tightened my legs around his waist pulling him in closer to me and deeper inside me. "Uhnghhhh…"

I scratched my nails along his back as he came inside of me. I was sad thinking about the condom that he wore; I couldn't wait until we could use other methods of birth control. I would be able to feel him spill into me. As silly as it sounded, I wanted to know what that felt like with him. He was able to feel my orgasms, and I wanted to feel his.

When reality hit me, I almost cried. I was crazy going down this line of thinking when I was planning on walking away from him. I guess this a clear cut example of my head and heart not being on the same page.

Edward stayed close and held me, his body never leaving mine. I could feel him slowly growing soft, and all too quickly, he shifted his weight and pulled out of me. He sat up and pulled the condom off. We both pulled our swimsuits back on and lay down to watch the stars. Again, he liked the cuddling thing, and who was I to complain?

At the very least, I should head back to the party; at the most I should head home, but I couldn't make my body leave his side. I knew our relationship was coming to an end, and I wanted every second that I could get with him. I felt his body slip off into sleep, and I wrapped my arms around him and held him. Relishing the feeling, I closed my eyes and replayed every second of the night in my mind. I wanted to make sure that I would not forget anything.

A few tears fell from my eyes as I tried to not think about what tomorrow would mean for us. I closed my eyes and tried to follow him to sleep as well.

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As always, thanks for reading, alerting me, faving me and so on! I appreciate you all and soon will have the epi for Life Is Okay up for you all :) Leave me some love!


	4. Chapter 4 Here Comes Goodbye

**A/N: Wow here we are again, another week has gone by! First of all thanks to the Pea Pod~Mary, Erin, Amanda, Ness, and Laurel~you all are the best cheerleaders I have ever had, seriously! I am proud to call you my friends. To an honorary member of the PP~Jen. What can I say about you? You and your fantastic reviews made my day and the next day as well. Thanks for the great advice and insight! To Sarah and Carla for the beta and pre reader work you do, both of you rock hard!**

**My dearest Carla has made a thread over on the Twilighted boards for this little fic, please reward her hard work and go check it out. We don't bite I promise... **

**http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11914&p=1092454&sid=**

**And we have also created a C2 for the wonderful Pea Pods required reading list-this is a list that at least one member of our PP has fully endorsed as a must read. I hope you enjoy our rec's...**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/The_PeaPods_Official_Fic_Rec_List/85165/**

**I have gotten several reviews from you all and by the looks of them you all are pissed off at Bella! I can't say that I blame you at all for it. Here is the next installment for you all...**

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Chapter 4-Here Comes Goodbye

Bella's POV

I felt something crawling along my leg and swatted it away, suddenly aware of where we were. We were still wrapped up with each other on the sand dune and the sun was overhead. It must be at least noon. I quickly shook Edward, trying to get him to wake up.

"Edward, wake up we need to get going. I have to go home." I checked my cell phone and found that it was dead. "I'm sure Charlie has called a million time, good thing my cell died. That way he can't yell at me for not taking his call." Another thought flashed through my brain. Alice! She would be even more pissed off than Charlie, she would be the one to kill us for not telling her where we are. "Alice is probably freaking out, too since she has no idea where we are. Did you tell anyone when we left?"

Edward sat up as the panic in my voice caused it to rise to levels that probably only dogs could hear, and covered his ears. "Whoa, Bella. First, can you not talk so loud? Second, can you slow down? I don't think my brain is ready to process that much info yet." Edward looks absolutely torn up still. His hair was a wreck, of course I guess that is my fault, and his eyes were so blood shot. "I guess I shouldn't have drunk anything last night. I don't think I was too wasted, do you? Damn I feel it today though."

"No Edward, you were fine. I wouldn't have even known you were drinking at all had I not seen you myself." I debated about telling him how much I liked the one effect that the drinking had on him that I liked. I worried that he would think that I was a freak because I liked it. But then again how much of a freak could I be for liking it if he was freaky enough to say it. So, I went for it. "You were a little more forth coming with your dirty talk, but I kinda liked it." His smile showed how much he liked it as well. I felt slightly guilty for not being able to fully let go and tell him what I wanted. I just wasn't ready to last night. Maybe I held back because I knew we were quickly coming to an end. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you what I wanted, I'm not ready for that yet, I guess." I didn't want him to think that I held back because of him for any reason.

I bit my lip, I always did when I was nervous. It saddened me that I wouldn't get the chance to grow more adventurous with Edward. We wouldn't get to try new things and become comfortable with each other.

"Bella, I hope you aren't angry at me for asking this, but I can't quite remember…did we use protection? I'm not sure I had any with me."Edward ran his hands through his hair, his face concentrating on his words and my answers.

"Edward, of course we used protection. I took it upon myself to take care of that. I put a condom in the back pocket of my jeans." I gave him a small smile as we both began to pick up our belongings so we could leave.

As I arrived home, Charlie was pulling in the drive right behind me.

"Hey Bells. Did you have a good time at the party? I didn't get any calls so I guess it didn't get out of hand. You didn't call me last night, what happened?"

I quickly made my way in front of him so I didn't have to look at his face when I told him that we behaved as perfect young adults. "I know Dad, I'm sorry. My cell died and I couldn't find my charger. The party was great, no drinking. I think they were afraid with me there." I pointed my finger at my head and made a circle simulating a halo. "No one wants to break the law in front of the Chief's daughter. I guess they thought it would get back to you, and they'd get in trouble." Charlie's eyes lite up with way too much joy at the fact that he thought he had control over the teen population of Forks just by mere reputation. "I had a great time anyway. What about you? Anything exciting happen last night?"

"Nope, just sat at the station and played cards. If we played for money, Steve would owe me his paycheck for the next ten years." His face was happy yet at the same time it showed his age right around his eyes. I never saw the stress of his job get to him but maybe it was creeping in a little at a time. "No calls, so it was a slow night. I think I'm going to take a shower and lay down for a few. What're your plans?"

"I'm meeting Edward for lunch. I have to talk to him about leaving so soon. Then after that, I'm going to do some laundry and try to get some packing done." I wanted to deflect off of me and Edward, so I brought up the new subject that I knew that Charlie couldn't resist.

"Hey, by the way, I got the email about the job. I can report next Friday to the dorms, and then start on the following Monday at work. I'll be working in the library. That's about all the info I got-that and just a room number for my dorm." Charlie paused as he was going up the stairs to shower, but hearing my announcement he came right back down and stood stock still right in front of me. His face creased with worry.

I rushed to continue, hoping that I informed him of some small piece of news that would ease his fears. "I think I'll have it mostly to myself since it is still the summer semester; I guess most of the kids go home during the break. I don't know if I'll like having the dorm to myself."

Charlie's face was unreadable, but then again most times it was. Years and years of police training gave him one hell of a poker face.

"So it looks like I'll be heading out on this coming Monday morning. That will give me five days to drive out there and not have to hurry. I'm sorry this is happening so soon, I had no idea it would be like this, but I think this is an opportunity that I can't pass up."

"Wow. I'm not happy about you leaving so soon, but I know you need this job," response was drawn out as he exhaled a long breath. "I guess I'll survive, I did for quite a few years before you came to live with me, remember? Don't feel guilty, I'm a big boy. What about Renee? Have you spoke with her, does she know?"

I knew Charlie was just being supportive, but deep down I hoped that he would beg me to stay. I wanted to know that he wanted me here. I was afraid to be on my own and fail. I guess if he begged me to stay, then I could blame him later if life didn't turn out like I wanted it to. But since there was no begging, I tried to make my peace with heading off to college.

"Yeah, she's flying in on Monday to drive out with me, and then she'll fly home late Friday after I check into the dorms. I figured you'd like that she was with me, at least to keep me awake while I drive." Secretly I wondered if taking Renee with me was such a good idea. She was able to read me way too easily. I couldn't hide a single thing from her. "I'm hoping that will make the transition a little easier, on me anyway. You aren't mad that I asked Mom to go with me instead of you, are you?"

I was once again biting my lip with nervousness, I forgot to ask his opinion on the trip. I didn't want him to feel left out of this big step.

"Bells, it's okay. I would've had a hard time getting time off right now anyway. Bob still has four more days of vacation, and I couldn't leave Steve all by himself. So I guess that it's a good thing Renee can go. Like you said, you won't be alone, and I like that." He reached out and ruffled my hair like he did when I was little. "I'm gonna head on up to bed. Have fun with Edward."

"Thanks Dad, I won't be gone long."

I called Edward and let him know that I had to run a few more errands before I could meet him for lunch. I insisted that it just be the two of us again, and he promised that no one would tag along.

I grabbed my keys and headed for my truck. As I ran my various errands, I felt like my life was on fast forward. Suddenly I was out of time, and I wasn't sure how I felt about everything. I made a list of things that I needed to pack to keep my mind off of what I was about to do.

I pulled into the diner parking lot and turned the truck off. I leaned my head against the steering wheel, trying to calm my heart rate and my thoughts, which were racing at a million miles per hour. My head was still trying to tell me we could overcome this and work through it.

_Just give him an option and let him decide._

But Esme's conversation kept playing through my head, and I didn't want to hold him back. I wanted him to conquer the world, and he couldn't do that with me in tow. So I opened the door and started towards what I knew would be the hardest thing I had ever done.

"Hey Bella, I didn't think you'd be here for a few more minutes. Did you get everything done?" he said as he stood for me- such a gentleman, always remembering his manners.

"I didn't have many stops to make, so it went quick." I said flatly, knowing I couldn't put off this conversation any longer. "Sit down, we need to talk." He immediately sat down and pulled me down beside him. He opened his mouth to speak so I filled the silence and begged for his cooperation. "Please let me talk first before you say anything, okay?"

He gulped and then nodded, his eyes showing the panic he felt at my words.

It was now or never, so I just dove in. "Edward, I got information yesterday about my job at college. They need me to report to the dorms next Friday to move in, and to do that I need to leave tomorrow." His mouth dropped open and shock registered on his face. I quickly kept the information flowing so that he didn't have the chance to interrupt me. "They only have a few available rooms for the summer and its first come, first serve. So, if I get there too late and all the rooms are gone, then I'd have to rent a place. We both know I can't afford to do that. I know its soon, but I kind of have no choice. Please don't be angry with me."

His body relaxed and calm fell over his face. My heart broke that he was fooled by my words.

"Bella, why do you think I would be angry? I know it's soon, but we both knew we would be leaving for college. I have to head out sooner than I thought myself. Not as soon as you, but sooner than I thought. So we'll just have to talk, text, and chat online." His words flooded through my head and filled my heart with dread. He wasn't going to let me go easily. Edward mistook my dread for sadness as he rushed to appease me with good news. "It's not that long until our first holiday, and I think we can get through until then. So don't be upset, I'll be fine. What about you? Are you ready?" His calm smile only served to amp up my nervousness. I needed to break the awful part to him now. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million little parts.

"Edward, there's more. I've been thinking that we'll both be so busy with classes and work that I'm worried about trying to fit anything extra in my schedule. It's not like I'm interested in anyone else; I mean, how could I be?" My hand flitted nervously on the table, making too much noise. I rushed on to cover the noise I was making. "It's so far from here, and I don't know anyone there, so that's not the issue, but I know we'll be better off this way. You know what I mean?" I wanted to meet his eyes and watch his reaction. Anyway I could to gauge how bad he would take it, but I couldn't force myself to meet them for longer than a fraction of a second.

"Bella…I don't…I really…what are…are you breaking up with me?" The confusion clear in his voice and in his eyes.

I nodded my head at him.

"I don't understand. Did I do something? Is this about last night?" Both of his ran through his hair several times in rapid succession of each pass. He leaned in closer to me, "Bella, please, don't do this. I promise we can get through this. Just don't call it off, I need you with me. I don't know how but I just know I'll be okay if you're with me. Even if you're hours away and we only talk once in a while, I just know we'll be okay." Panic had now set in; Edward's voice raised an octave as he screeched out the words.

He took a deep breath, and before I could answer any of his questions, he started talking again. His emotions had caught up with him, his voice strained and cracking with his words.

"Why, Bella? Just tell me why. What did I do? Can I change it? Just tell me how to change it. I'll do whatever, Bella, anything for you. Please just tell me that we're not over."

Sometime during his speech he started crying, silent tears that fell straight down his face. I wasn't sure when that happened because I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes, so I looked at my shoe instead. I wasn't sure I could keep this up. If he begged anymore, I was going to cave in and say 'to hell with it'. So I tried to be strong and a little mean. I thought it'd be better if he was mad at me, maybe he'd get over me faster. So I opened my mouth and said whatever came to me.

"Edward, I think that we should break up. I know I'll be busy at first, and so will you. But soon we'll adjust to our new life, and we won't have time for each other. We'll want to try new things. Isn't that what college is about, trying new things? I don't think we can adjust and venture out unless we are truly on our own. Don't you?"

I shut off all emotions and pretended that this was some play for drama class. I couldn't let myself feel or absorb the words that my mouth was saying. I just needed to get through the dialog and get home. I couldn't break down until I was by myself.

"Bella, do you hear yourself? This isn't you talking. What are you saying? What did I do? I don't understand where this is coming from. Last night we made love and I held you in my arms all night, and today you're saying you want to break up."

His hands were shaking as he paced back and forth. He ran his hands through his hair several times, took a deep breath, and finished his thoughts.

"Why don't we just see how things go when we get there, and then on our first visit back to Forks, we'll decide if we need to break up? What do you think of that plan?" I tried to assuage him, let him down easily. He didn't deserve my cruelty, I had to find a way to make him feel better. But was it better to let him think that he had a chance later when he didn't? I was too confused to argue with my brain at this point. I just wanted to help him make it through this for now. That was all I could do now.

His voice was raised and he was clearly agitated. I knew I had pushed his buttons, which was the only way I could get through to him. I needed to pull the ace and lay it on the table, the final insult. I took a large breath and just did it.

"Edward, we just need to make this simple and do it now. That way when we get there we can start all over and be ready to jump into college. We can still see each other when we come home. I know I'll want to see all my friends and see how they are doing. I just think it's for the best, Edward. I think you'll agree with me when you get to Harvard and see all of the beautiful women you can now date. You'll be thanking me."

I shrugged, trying to show my indifference to the situation.

"Bella, are you still sick? Did you bump your head? I don't understand what's happened to you. Did Charlie or Renee talk you into this? Where did you get this idea? Bella, please rethink what you are saying. I don't understand what is happening, are we on Punk'd? Why, Bella, why?"

The last sentence was only a quiet, choked sob. He dropped his head into his hands, and I could see his shoulders shake. I knew he had begun crying in earnest. I stood up quietly and left the diner. I couldn't stay and watch him in this condition. It would be so simple to take it all back and stay with him. And I knew that I couldn't do that.

I climbed into the truck, shut off my phone, and drove home as quickly as I could. Making sure to lock the front door as I went in, I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. The weight of my decision fell on my shoulders as reality set in. I was afraid that Edward would follow me home and try to talk some more, but I knew that Charlie's cruiser in the yard would keep him away. At least for a little while.

After about an hour Charlie came down stairs. I was sitting at the kitchen table, as he came in. Trying to avoid the awkward conversation that I knew was inevitable, I nervously stood and got his dinner out of the fridge and put it in the microwave. Charlie sat down at the table with me so I decided to go ahead and tell him about Edward and me.

"Dad, I broke up with Edward. I know he took it hard, and he may call. If he does, please tell him I'm out or something. I just don't think I can talk to him right now." Charlie opened his mouth to interrupt, but I held up my hand to stop him. If I had to talk for too long about this I would break down in tears and I knew that would mean that Charlie would definitely want a long conversation about the break up. "Give me a few days and I'll call him, when he's had a chance to calm down and seen that this is for the best. But please just field the calls for now."

I asked him and he agreed, not questioning my reasons, just knowing that I needed the time I was asking for. Walking a fine line, I needed to make him understand how bad I needed his help, but all the while trying to downplay how I felt about the breakup. He nodded and I turned to walk away when a thought occurred to me.

"Uhm, one more thing. Please don't give out my new dorm phone number while I'm away. That includes Alice or any of my other girlfriends. I don't want them caught in the middle between me and Edward. I'm sorry to put you in middle, but I think this'll be for the best. I think it'll be easier to do this now, rather than later when we're more invested. So please help me out?" I fidgeted around with my fingers nervously; I didn't want to meet Charlie's eyes. I knew he would see right through me, and I didn't want that.

"Okay, Bells, if you think this is right, then I'll back you up. Edward is a great kid, and I'm sure he'll be fine. If he gives you any problems, please promise me you'll let me know. I've seen plenty of these types of situations end very badly, and I won't allow that to happen to you. Nowadays you don't know who'll snap and start shooting. So please let me know if this gets crazy, you promise? I know, I know I'm overreacting, I'm sure Edward will be fine. I just can't turn the cop off, ya know?"

I knew his job forced him to see many things that affected the way he looked at the world. I tried not to take offense to all of his overprotective ways, understanding where they came from.

"I know Dad, sorry to make you worry. I'll let you know if anything happens, I promise." I could tell by his expression that he wanted to ask more about the sudden break up. "I know you want to go all cop on me and ask more, and I promise that I'll tell you, but could I have some time to make my peace with it first?"

His shoulders slumped forward, and he release a deep breath he had been holding in, "As long as you're sure you are doing the right thing, I'll give you time. Just know that I'm here when you want to talk, okay?"

I was so thankful that Charlie didn't hover like Renee did. I nodded as I said, "I think I'm going to go up and start packing what I need. It's a good thing that Alice and I did all that shopping. All that stuff is ready, but I need to pack a few things from my bedroom to take with me. I have to pick up Renee at three at the Seattle airport. That means I better head out at eleven to make it to Seattle in time. What's your schedule tomorrow?"

"I'm going in at five tomorrow evening so I'll be here for you when you leave. Good night, Bella. Are you sure you're okay? The Edward thing is kind of sudden." Charlie was doubtful but he held it in well.

"I promise I'm okay. Goodnight Dad. I love you."

Edward

I laid my head down on the table and closed my eyes. I think she just broke up with me. Bella, my girlfriend, just broke up with me. What did I do? Did I say something, do something? I think I asked her that. How did she respond? I couldn't remember what she said. I wasn't even sure I was awake, maybe this was a dream. How could I tell if this was a dream? Could I wake myself up?

I needed to stop crying so I could ask her. I raised my head to ask Bella if this was real and realized that she was gone. I looked out towards the parking lot and her truck was gone. I got in my Volvo and drove towards my house. I didn't remember the drive, and for a moment, I wondered if I drove safely. I know for sure that it was hard to breathe, so I concentrated on that simple action. The tears stopped somewhere along the way. I hated that the tears were gone because now it just left me empty. I walked into the back door and everyone was in the kitchen. They all were talking and joking with each other, a normal day for them. When they noticed I was just standing there, they all stopped talking. Alice was the first to speak to me.

"What happened? You look like you just lost your best friend?"

I was amazed at how well Alice could read me.

I just staggered to the wall and followed it to the floor. Emmett rushed over to me, lifted me off the ground, and helped me walk to the chair.

"Edward, what the hell? You're freaking me out! Are you okay?" Emmett yelled at me.

"Bella's gone."

"Of course she's leaving. She had to be at Dartmouth for her job, and we all knew she was leaving. She said she would be by later tomorrow to say goodbye. Why is this so upsetting, Edward?" my mother asked in a gentle voice.

"No, not leaving, gone! She broke up with me. She said it was better for us to break up now, and that way we could be free at college to date other people. _So that is why this is upsetting!_" I shouted at my family. I was sure this wasn't processing in their brains either.

I turned to my sister and surveyed her face. I wanted to gauge how she took the news, hoping to see if she had some advanced notice of this coming.

"Alice, did you know anything about this? Did she say anything to you?" I accused.

"No, Edward, I would never keep anything like this from you. Did she say why? This doesn't sound like Bella? She is so in love with you that she can't see straight. I think something else is up with her," Alice offered.

"Alice is right, Edward, we've all seen the way she looks at you. She is deeply in love with you. Did you try to reason with her? Explain that you aren't interested in other girls at college?" Jasper tried to gently interject his ideas, but at this point, they didn't come across as gentle.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course I tried to tell her that I love her and her alone. She insinuated that she was interested in dating other people while she was at college. How can I reason, argue, or even plead with that?"

I paced back and forth, the emotions rising in me making it impossible for me to sit still.

"Son, Bella is very level headed, but she gets caught up in her emotions sometimes. Maybe she's just nervous and when she gets settled, she'll change her mind. This a lot to take in, all the changes are overwhelming. Just give her some time. She'll come around," Carlisle reasoned with me.

I only hoped he was right.

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**Does that change anyone's mind or just make it stronger? Let me know what you think of poor Edward and how he is feeling! **


	5. Chapter 5 Planes, Trains, and Automobil

**A/N: First hello and thanks for being here, the same thanks go out to all my girls...Sarah-for her super beta work, Carla and Jen- for their super pre-reading work and all my Pea Pod girls for just having my back! I love you all!  
**

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**I don't know if you all are missing the playlists for this story or not, no one has mentioned them. I do have a playlist that I can go back and add to each chapter, so just let me know if you'd like to have one!**

**On with the show...**

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**Chapter 5-Plains, Trains and Automobiles…no wait not the Trains**

**Bella**

I awoke a little after eight a.m. and called Renee on my cell. She was at the airport and must have had her caffeine already, as she was overly excited. I told her my plan, and she agreed to the idea of getting on the road right away. I also explained about Edward, giving her the version I wanted everyone to know, not the real story. I knew what she would say if she knew the real story, what she always said. "Bella, tell Edward the truth and let him make his decision."

But I couldn't do that. If I had to hear from Edward's own lips that he didn't want me, I think my heart would shatter into a million pieces. I couldn't take that kind of torture. I needed everyone to think I was ready to move on. That way meant less questions. I couldn't answer any questions about the lie I tried to convince myself was the truth.

Every once in a while Renee surprised me, and this was one of those times. She said she understood and wanted what was best for me, her voice was thick with emotion, I wondered if she was thinking about her relationship with Charlie, perhaps wondering if she should have walked away from him at this stage in their relationship instead of letting herself get carried away and get married. I felt guilty for possibly stirring up those types of feelings and emotions in her. It seems like I'm causing a train wreck of emotions for everyone I know. We hung up after I told her I'd wait for her at the baggage area.

As I entered the living room, I could hear Charlie talking on the phone. I stopped at the doorway as he was saying, "Alice, I know you're worried, but I promise she's fine. She's leaving to meet Renee at the airport, and then they're heading off together to get her settled into her dorms." Charlie paused, obviously allowing Alice to speak. "I'm sorry you're in the middle, but I think giving her a little time will definitely help her. She never meant to hurt you or Edward." Charlie paused again, nodding his head agreeing with Alice even though she couldn't see his agreement. "This is a little overwhelming for her, and she is coping in her own way. Is it the wrong way? Who knows? Not me or you, only she does. She may come around in few months and they may get back together, but for now, please ask him to give her some space. Tell him I'm sorry and wish him well." The suspense was killing me and I wanted to know what Alice was telling him because he was agreeing with him. "Say hi to your folks, and don't be a stranger. Bye for now, Alice."

He turned to hang up the phone, and I saw the sadness in his eyes. I know it killed him to say those things to Alice, of all people. He adored her, and I know if it caused her pain, it would cause him some pain as well.

I quickly mentally started calculating the miles per day we would need to drive and when to stop for gas on our trip. I was trying anything to keep my mind off the situation. I couldn't afford to give into this monster right now. I had too much to do and too much time to spend with the two people that didn't need to know how much I was really hurting, so I charged into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Charlie cleared his throat, and I turned to look at him.

"That was Alice." He shrugged and looked so forlorn. "She said to call her when you feel like it, and she'll listen. She also said she loves you and that doesn't change with your choice in boyfriends." Charlie looked very uncomfortable relaying Alice's words of love and concern for me.

"Thanks, Dad, I know that was hard, and I appreciate you looking out for me. If she calls again after I leave, let her know I promise to call when I get settled." I mumbled under my breath 'I love her for loving me even without my boyfriend.' It almost caused some the tears to come to the surface. "Now I'd better get some breakfast and get my stuff put into the truck. Do you have a small tarp? I don't want my stuff to get wet in the back of the truck." I turned my back and began the breakfast preparations for us. "Alice would have a fit if I ruined all her hard work even before I could use it. And we both know no one wants to cause Alice to have a fit. People usually don't live through her fits." I laughed weakly, hoping my attempt was successful.

"Actually, Bella, I have something better for you. Slip your shoes on and come on outside. I have something to show you."

I wasn't sure what Charlie was up to; he was being very vague. He wasn't usually like this and generally got right to the point before ending the conversation. His actions were confusing me, especially since he wanted me to go outside.

_Maybe he got me new tires for the truck. _

I sure could use them. I also wanted to get the oil changed, so I was hoping that might be the surprise, as I didn't know when I would have time to get it done. He was looking deep into my eyes, and I could see the excitement in his.

_Man, this must be huge!_

I had never seen him like this. It seemed like Christmas. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door almost at a full run. I was so focused on him that I didn't see the big surprise waiting for me. When he turned me toward the driveway I froze. My truck was sitting out next to the curb at the street, and in its place in the driveway was a Honda Pilot SUV. It was dark blue and really shiny. I couldn't believe that he had done this.

"I…wha..I don't understand…what is this? Dad, did you do this?"

"Well of course, Bella, I couldn't let you go off to college with that beat up piece of crap truck. Besides I didn't think it would make the drive out there, so I went down this morning and bought you this one." This was so unexpected from Charlie. He always made sure I knew he cared but showy emotional displays were not his thing. He scratched at the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was as totally uncomfortable as I imagined he would be. "It's a Honda so it will get great gas mileage, and I checked out the details in Car & Driver magazine. This thing is safe, so I thought it would be a great car for you to take across country."

"Wow, I don't even know what to say." I stood in total shock and speechless.

"I'm sorry for not taking you with me. I hope you like it. If not, I can drive you back down to the lot and we can trade it for something else." I could see that it was an honest offer, but I would never take this away from him. He spent time choosing my new car, and I loved him for it. I shook my head in the negative and his smile showed his pleasure clearly. "It's a few years old, but it has low miles, and the maintenance has been kept up on it, so it should be a great car for you." I walked around the car and touched it and played with the door handles. "I hope you're okay with the SUV. I figured you would need some space to carry all your stuff out there. Are you, you know, okay with it?"

"It's perfect. I love it, and I want to keep it." I knew that his salary wasn't that great and I worried that he had spent some of his retirement money on my car. I turned to him to ask, "Are you sure you can afford this? Do I need to send you money to help pay for this?"

"Bella, of course not, I paid for it in cash. I've been saving for years to help pay for your college. I knew Renee couldn't afford to send you to college by herself, so I put away some money for you. And since you got that scholarship, I spent some of that money for the car." I was impressed to know that Charlie had planned and took care of me for years now. I always knew he loved me, but during the years I had spent living with Renee I never realized how important I really was to him. "There's quite a bit left to help with books and other stuff you'll need. Since you don't have to pay tuition with it, it should last you for awhile." He hand flew up to his neck again, his sign that he was about to say something that made him extremely uncomfortable. "I just wanted you to know I'm so proud of you. I know I'm a big old pain in the butt asking so many questions all of the time, but I need to know that you're safe."

"It's fine, I swear. I don't mind you asking, I know you can't help it. Occupational hazard, I get it." I tried to lighten up the mood.

"I want you to have the money, Bella. I know you're smart enough to know when to use it and not squander it. I'll give you the bank book and card when we get back in the house so you'll have it." I tried to protest, but Charlie held up his hand and stopped any sound before it came out of my mouth. "Don't be mad at me. I want to know you'll be taken care of. You have all your stuff, a good car to take you there, and money to get by while you're there. What else do you need?" I swear I saw tears well up in his eyes as he said the last part. I didn't think I could handle it if Charlie cried. I needed to start the packing up process and take both our minds off of this emotional scene.

"Well, since Alice talked me into buying so much stuff, I could use some help loading up this new car of mine. Think you're up for that?"

"Oh great, manual labor, that's all I'm good for?"

I ran up stairs to start bringing all my stuff downstairs as Charlie took it out to the car and loaded it up. I couldn't believe how well he packed that Honda. I still had plenty of room. I was excited to know I wouldn't have to leave anything behind. I'm now a fan of the Pilot, its big enough to take all my stuff but small enough to not be considered a "bus".

Charlie and I jumped in when the loading was done, and we drove around the block. I commented on how smooth it drove and how I loved the interior of the car.

_A great radio, boy would Edward love…wait don't finish that thought. What was I doing to myself?_

I knew I didn't have time to break down and cry, I had to maintain control, I had to build up walls and keep him in his small compartment of my brain that I could unlock and visit when I was alone at night, but not until then. I turned to Charlie and tried to tell him how thankful I was and of course, I ended up in tears anyway. He hugged me, and we sat in the car for a few minutes trying to reign in our emotions. We both were silent, as the weight of me leaving was hitting us both. Charlie, in true Charlie fashion, broke the silence.

"Bells, I'm starving. Let's go grab a burger before you leave. You got time?"

"Yeah, I got an hour and a half before I need to leave to get Mom. Where do you want to eat?"

"Let's go to the diner, simple and quick. That way you won't be late getting on the road."

"Only if I get to drive my new car!"

"Deal."

We ate in a relative silence, Charlie asking a few questions here and there. I could tell he was trying hard to really spend time with me before I left, so I answered the questions and added details as I could. It seemed like time was flying by, and before I knew it, we were both done and Charlie was paying for our lunch.

As we were driving home, Charlie gave me the bank book and card so I could get money when I needed it. I pulled up and he jumped out. He came around to my side, and I unbuckled my seat belt. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him how great he was.

"Dad, you're the best ever. Do you know that? I can't say thanks enough for the car, money, everything." He beamed like a thousand watt light bulb, as he brushed off my comment. "I have loved being here with you, and I should have moved out to Forks sooner." His smile had a small hint of 'I told you so' for Renee. "Just thought you would like to know that Forks is my home now, and I'll come home as often as I can." I embraced him and held on, who knew how often he would let me do this so I took full advantage of it now. "I love you, more than you'll ever know."

"Thanks, Bells. It was easy being a good father to the best daughter. You practically didn't even need me. So thanks for being great yourself." His arms wrapped around me and held on just as hard as I held onto him. Perhaps he was going soft, he seemed emotional the whole morning. I laughed inwardly at the whole thought. "I love you, too. Call me often so I don't worry about you guys traveling. Do you have your cell phone charger with you?"

"Yeah, I got it," I said as I was getting back in the car and locked the doors, buckled my seat belt, and checked my mirrors. I honked the horn and yelled "I love you!" as I drove off. I could see Charlie standing in the yard waving until I turned the corner to start toward the highway. I knew he was going to be fine, but I was sad anyway.

Edward

"Alice, please try to call again. I know she said she was leaving today, so this is my last chance. Please, Charlie won't talk to me. I have to speak with her before she leaves, this is my last chance! Please!" I begged, pleaded and whined to her. I didn't care how weak this made me look, I couldn't let Bella leave without talking to me. I just needed to talk to her one more time. To make sure this was really what she wanted.

I felt badly for raising my voice, but I needed Alice to understand. I wanted to follow her around and stalk her, but I knew Charlie wouldn't allow that and probably would lock me up if that started. So I had to keep begging Alice; she was my only hope. I knew Charlie liked her so she stood a better chance of speaking to Bella. I had never felt so hopeless.

How could she just leave me? I thought we had something special. I knew we just graduated from high school, and it sounded like a cliché, but I thought we were really in love- not some high school shit, real fucking love.

I really only wanted to lay in bed and wallow in despair. The fact that this was my last chance to speak to Bella is the only thing that got me out of bed this morning. I needed Bella. She was the one person that made me feel like I could accomplish all of my, no, all of our goals.

I knew I had the full support of my family. I knew they were all behind me, but none of my future plans were made with them in mind. _**All **_of my future plans were made with Bella in mind. As a matter of fact, most of them were made with Bella. We planned and talked out each step we were going to make together. What do I do now without her in those plans? Do I scrap all those plans and start over? Do I follow our dreams without her? I was lost and not in a small way. I was totally fucking lost, and she was just going off without me. How did we get here? Am I so stupid that I didn't see the signs?

"Please, someone call her. Someone help me get in touch with her. Dad, maybe you could call. Chief Swan won't be expecting that, and maybe you can talk to her. Please, please someone pick up the phone and start dialing!"

I knew I was at the hysterical point but didn't care. I was pacing and pulling at my hair now. I started out running my hands thru it, but that was several hours ago. I think my scalp was actually sore from all the attention my hair had received while trying to figure out what to do, and how to make this work.

I was sure I probably needed some medication but wasn't going to ask for it. That would make it harder to get to Bella if I was medicated.

Mom came to me, put her arms around me, and began to talk to me in whispers. I could see Rosalie looking on, and I swear she had tears in her eyes. I had never seen Rosalie cry. Maybe she could help me fix this. Alice was off in the corner crying quietly, tears falling down her cheeks. Emmett and Jasper both looked terrified. I'm sure they were thinking that I needed to be committed. I turned to face my mother, buried my face in her neck, and did the only thing I could do at that moment. I cried like a baby.

I couldn't make my mind work, and the emotions just took over. I was a wreck and I didn't care. My only reason for being a normal, happy human just left without me.

At some point Emmett and Jasper helped me upstairs to my room. Later, how long I was uncertain, I shifted in my bed and realized that Jasper was sitting on my couch. I sat up and looked at him.

"Jasper, what're you doing in here?" I croaked, my voice sounding like someone else's.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay. It kills me to see you like this." He leaned down and placed his forearms on his knees. "I wanted to be there for you, just in case. You don't have to talk; just know that I'm here."

With his declaration I did feel a small amount better so I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I was too tired to think or feel anymore today. Tomorrow I would figure out what to do; tonight I was going to sleep.

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**E/N: a few rec's for you**

**Million Dollar Baby-that one is so good and smutty, for those of you who like that sort of thing, seriously try it- thanks pervy twin for it!**

**Truth, lies and Alibies by my one and only Peaches-Eternally Addicted, it is so good and just getting better with each chapter.**

**And last but not least The Path We Choose by les16, she is the founder of our Pea Pod and her story just simply ownes me for sure! **

**All of these are on my fav list since ffn is so freaky about links and all, just look them up and enjoy:)**

**Till next week my loves...**


	6. Chapter 6 We're In This Car For How Many

**A/N: Thanks to my girls~Mary, Erin, Amanda, Laurel, Ness and our newest Pea Pod Member (cute panties btw!) Jen! To my Carla girl thanks for being the pre reader for me, you are the best :)**

**To Sarah- I will so miss you but I understand that family comes first, so enjoy your family and time with them, they are only little once, much love to you!**

**A few housekeeping items-**

**A link to the blog, and the thread for this story on Twilighted can be found on my profile! Seriously you want to sign up for the blog emails, I have some hot Rob Porn on there that I send out weekly:)**

**You can also find a link to my girl Eternally Addicted and les16's blog on there as well, both have hot pictures and lots of good music there, so go and give them some love as well!**

**I don't have the playlist posted here for each chapter like I did with LIO, just cause the music is not as big of a part of this story like it was for that one. BUT...I do listen to music to get me in the mood to write so if you want to hear what I was listening to then head on over to the blog and the music has a page all on it's own. You can find it all there!**

**Thanks to all of you that have read and reviewed, I love hearing from you! I even write back so let me know what you think.

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**Chapter 6 – We're in this car for how many miles?**

**Bella**

I arrived at the airport about twenty minutes before Renee's plane was scheduled to land. I had stopped at Starbucks on the way because I needed some caffeine and knew Renee would need something to help keep her warm, she was after all only used to warm weather. With my cappuccino and Renee's latte in hand, I headed toward the baggage area. I looked at the board and noticed that her flight was on time, so I went and found myself a bench. I had only been sitting for about 10 minutes when I saw the board change, her flight had landed and baggage would be at baggage area 6, so I wandered down the terminal to find it

I waited for a few minutes, getting a little anxious to finally see her. I had known that she missed me while I was out here, but now the realization of how much I had truly missed her hit me full force. I knew that Edward, Alice and of course school had filled up most of my time. I guess I just hadn't realized how much of my time was really spent with my two best friends; the two of them kept me from realizing how much I missed her, until now.

I didn't want to think about Edward and all the ways he had taken up my time. Why did his name and memories always come up?

I needed to get to Dartmout and quickly. I needed a space that wasn't filled with Edward. Otherwise I'd lose my mind and run back to Forks, which meant that I would be running back to Edward, and to hell with everyone else.

I could tell I had hurt him badly; I could see it in his eyes. He was totally unprepared for what I said. I felt evil for making him think that I wanted to date other guys. I just felt like that was the best way to force him to let me go and start getting over me.

Of course, the pain I was feeling was unbearable, so it was a little hard to convince myself that all of this was the best idea. It was a constant ache- I felt it all over. I was sure any minute I was going to hyperventilate. I needed to get it together, I didn't need to show this level of emotion to Renee, or we'd spend the whole trip talking about Edward. I couldn't handle almost 3000 miles of talking about Edward- that would put me in the nut house for sure.

Renee stepped off of the escalator and started waving. She must have seen me as she descended from her vantage point. I'm sure it was easier to see through the crowd. I walked to her and she hugged me, letting me know how much I was missed. I pulled back and smiled at her. I had really missed her!

"So, college girl, are you ready for your new adventure?" Her face held a combination of fear and excitement, as I handed her latte.

"You bet I am. What about you? Are you ready to turn your girl loose and send her off to college?" I knew without a doubt that the answer was no but deep down inside she wanted this adventure for me as much as I wanted it myself. She missed out on this when she was my age.

"No, no, and no! When did you get old enough to go off to college anyway?" The teasing in her eyes spilled over to her voice.

"Day by day, I promise. Let's go get your luggage. I want to show you what Dad did for me. You're going to be so surprised."

"Oh no, is it a good or bad surprise?" Charlie never surprised anyone, so it was hard for her to gauge what kind of surprise this would be.

"No, it's good, definitely good!" I was still shocked at his grand gesture.

We stood patiently waiting for the conveyor belt to send out the luggage to us.

"That one Bella, the large red one, pull it off. That's the only one I have, so let's go and see this surprise." She directed as I pulled the suitcase off of the conveyor belt and moved towards the door.

We walked out to the lot and started down the aisle where I left the Pilot. Renee was slightly ahead of me, because I was pulling her suitcase. She was about two cars away from the Pilot when I hit the unlock button on the key remote. The car beeped at her and the lights flashed. She jumped and turned to me.

"I hate when that happens, I will never understand these alarms, seems like everything in the world makes them go off. I'll never have a car that has one." Her disdain was clear as she threw her hands around in mock horror. I had finally taught her to text within the last few months, technology was certainly not her best friend.

Renee walked over to the other side of the row, getting as much distance as she could between her and the offending car.

"Mom, I made it go off. Don't get huffy, it was me, this is my surprise. Dad got me this car this morning." I dropped her suitcase and waved at my 'new' car. Stunned silence from Renee, I don't think I had ever seen stunned silence from her, ever. I continued on with my explanation of Charlie's actions. "He said he was worried about the truck making it all the way to New Hampshire. I'm so glad he did, because I was worried about the same thing." I decided to test the waters and see exactly how much she knew about Charlie after their divorce. "Did you know he has saved for years for me to go to college?" She shrugged, apparently still in shock. She was never silent this long. "Since I got the full scholarship, he spent some of the money on this car. It's paid for, and he says it's really safe. Besides, the gas mileage is about 300%%%%%55 better than my truck." I waved again at it like I was Vanna White showing off the prize up for grabs on this round of Wheel of Fortune. "So here we are, besides won't it be nice to have a comfortable seat since we're going almost 3000 miles? You'll be thanking him when your butt is not sore from the seats." I tossed her suitcase in the back seat beside all of my stuff and motioned towards the door. "Now get in, so we can get on the road."

I laughed at her look of shock. Charlie would be happy that he managed to surprise both of us.

"You know, Bella, your Dad is a great man. I'll tell him that when we call and check in tonight." Renee seemed to appreciate Charlie much better when she wasn't married to him any longer. I guess some things work out for the best after all, they both seemed much happier on their own.

"Did he call you? I told him I would check in; I don't know why he had to call you." I huffed at Renee, upset that Charlie didn't trust me enough to allow me enough leeway to follow through on my promise, on my own.

Charlie is and always would be a worrier when it came to me traveling, occupational hazard I guess.

"Bella, he didn't call, I just know how he is; he'd be happy if you called and checked in hourly. I don't know why he's so worried; we'll be fine. But call him and let him know we are ready to start off on our grand adventure, just in case he is worried." Renee apparently found her voice again as she rushed it all out in one breath.

Deep down I knew that Renee was happy that Charlie insisted on the constant checking in; I think she was a big old scared-ycat deep down inside.

"Wow, you're almost as bad as he is." I started dialing, and I swear it hadn't even rung once when he picked up. "Hey Dad, Mom is here and we're just about to start off. She wanted me to let you know. And by the way, she loves the car. She said to tell you that you're a great Dad."

"Thanks, Bells, and tell your Mom thanks also. You two be careful. Call me when you stop to eat." Once a cop, always a cop.

"I will, talk to you soon."

We both buckled up and I started the car, Renee turned on the radio, and we pulled out of the airport parking lot. Only 2969 more miles to go. New Hampshire here I come!

After five days, almost 3000 miles, and lots of greasy diner food, we arrived in Hanover, New Hampshire. I followed the directions from my email and pulled up in front of a tall building. It looked like it could house at least 300 students.

I walked in and knocked on the DA's door. She yelled and cursed all the way to the door. She jerked it open, and I was surprised to find a small woman with bright red hair staring back at me. She was about Alice's size and was just as loud; what was with these small women? I told her who I was, and she gave me a key to room 106.

Great news, my room was on the first floor, which meant no hauling my stuff upstairs, and for that, I was thankful.

Renee and I went in and checked out the room. It was a decent sized room, and had a great window. It didn't open, but I didn't care; it was better than some I had seen in brochures for other schools. My room was set up for one person. When the other students came back after the summer, I would have to share, but for now I had the room to myself. I really wasn't ready to share with a stranger just yet, anyhow, so this really was a win-win situation. Angela and I were still hoping to room together when she got here.

Renee and I got all of my stuff into the room and made short work of organizing. I tried not to bring too much stuff. I knew I'd be sharing and wouldn't have a lot of space, so I tried to pack light, much to the chagrin of a certain pixie back home named Alice.

With most of the work done, we headed off to eat dinner, and then Renee needed to get to the airport. After five days together, I was going to be sad when she left; I would miss her.

"Bella, you haven't mentioned Edward all week. Are you sure you're okay with this? The silence is sort of sounding like avoidance to me. Tell me what's going on."

This is why I loved living with Charlie; he picked up on almost nothing. Renee, however, picked up on almost everything. I had thought that maybe I was in the clear; neither of us had brought it up the entire trip out and with only about three hours until she'd be boarding the plane, I really thought I had avoided it completely. I guess I let my façade slip a little too much.

"Mom, I don't want to get into this now. I have already told you, I thought this was a good time to end things with Edward." I blew out a long breath and tried to collect my thoughts and to prepare exactly what I wanted to say to her. "I knew college was going to be hard for both of us, and we would both need to concentrate on our studies. I know it's not going to do me any good, sitting here worrying about him and what he's doing, and vice versa." Renee seemed to be waiting for my full answer, her face showed the contemplative nature of our conversation. "So I thought that we shouldn't put that kind of pressure on each other. We're free to concentrate on college and enjoy our experiences without the pressure."

"Bella, I hear the words and I understand them." She patted my hand and pulled it into her lap. The last time we sat in this exact position flashed through my mind. She was trying to break it to my 10 year old self that my grandmother had died. "What I don't understand is why the two of you are fooling yourselves into believing them. I've never seen two people your age that are so put together and sure of where you're going in the world." My mind flashed to all of the plans that Edward and I had dreamed up. It was funny, but we made every decision for the future together. We had it all laid out. I wondered how each of us would fulfill those dreams now on our own. Would they change much or would we stick to what we had planned exactly. Renee waived her hand in front of my face, and I realized that she was still talking. After a brief examination of my face, she continued her speech. "And I have never seen two people who are so in love at your age. Not a high school kind of love, but real love, so what makes you think that you couldn't last through a little separation?"

"Mom, I just don't know…" I tried to organize an argument that she couldn't dispute, but she cut off my line of thinking before I could even really start it.

"You're only a few hours' from him. It'd be easier for you to get to him than it would be to get to me or your dad. That's what I don't understand, Bella." Her eyebrows creased in frustration.

"Mom, this is not a drama filled soap opera. It is exactly like I said. I thought you of all people would understand what I meant." The anger at myself threatened to spill over onto Renee. I needed to reign in my emotions before I said something to hurt Renee when none of this was her fault at all. I unclenched my fists from around the steering wheel and slowed my breathing. When I felt more in control, I began again. "I know you've said plenty of times that you wished you'd taken some time before you and dad rushed into marriage. Well, that is what I'm doing. I'm taking the time to figure out who I am and where I belong in the world before I'm ready to settle down." Renee's expression changed from one of skepticism to understanding. "If that means I don't date, then I don't; if I do then I do. I don't care either way. If I end up with Edward, then I end up with him. I just want options right now."

"Bella, you always have options, and yes, I understand. I just liked Edward. I thought he was good for you." I glanced at her out of the corner of my eyes and tried to pretend that I needed to keep my eyes on the road. I sat in silence waiting for her to continue.

Finally, after a few minutes she finished her statements. "I won't question you anymore; you decide your future. I know you can handle that. You're a great woman, and you'll be fine. I'm sure of it. Look out world, here comes Bella."

She waved her hands in front of her, like she was clearing the way for me. I had to laugh at her; she really was kinda crazy.

"Thanks, Mom."

The rest of the ride to the airport was silent, each of us caught up in all our thoughts. I couldn't tell if Renee believed my story or not. Many times in the past, I thought I'd fooled her, and she hadn't believed me for a minute, so who knows.

I had spent some time deciding what I wanted out of college, and what experiences I thought I could skip. I knew that Angela would be here in a few months, and I was really glad to have someone I knew to share it with. I was not big on the whole make friends with a stranger thing, so if I could last until when Angela got here, I would be okay.

Before I knew it, Renee was safely on her plane, and I was back in my lonely dorm room. I decided that all day tomorrow I wanted to wander around and get the lay of the land. Even with the emotional roller coaster I had been on over the past few weeks, I was really excited to be at school, and not just any school, but my dream school, but at the same time, it was all bittersweet. I grabbed my cell and texted Alice:

**A-**

**Im here, and by myself. I miss u! I'll call soon, thanks for still being my friend! Love u lots!**

**B 3**

I wanted her to know that I got her message from Charlie. That I had not abandoned her; I needed her now more than ever. I felt my phone vibrate and flipped it open before it even rang. It was Alice- I was sure of it.

**B-**

**Im srry ur alone! We ALL miss u, srry u had to leave so quick! R u ok? Call when u can, lots of love to u 2!**

**A 3**

Usually she knew what to say to make me feel like everything was going to be alright, but this time I still had doubts. I didn't want to call in case Edward was close by and because I was afraid I would put her in the middle. I really wanted to know how Edward was doing, but would she even tell me if I asked? Was it fair of me to ask? Did I deserve to know? I finally threw caution to the wind and decided, I had to know how he was, so I responded to her text.

**A-**

**How is E? Is he ok? Im sorry I hurt him! Take care of him 4 me, k?**

**B**

Should I have done that? Was she going to tell him I asked about him? Would she over react to my asking? What had I done?

She didn't give me long to think about it as I once again felt my phone vibrate.

**B-**

**Course I'll take care of him! He's not great, but I think he'll be ok. He'll need time. He really loved you! R u sure this is what u want? It's not 2 late!**

**A**

I sent one right back to her.

**A-**

**I REALLY AM SORRY, I didn't mean to hurt him, I need time to figure this out! Don't tell him we talk I don't want to hurt him more, or build up his hope. I was afraid I had lost you as well, I'm glad we can still be friends. I promise to call when I get settled!**

**B**

I felt better knowing Alice was still there for me. I felt like I would be okay.

I looked at the clock, it was only 9, but I was so emotionally and physically drained that I had to go to bed. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my mind down so I could get some sleep. I let myself think of Edward, how he looked so good in that black t-shirt he was wearing when I saw him for the first time, walking through the cafeteria. I also thought of him and the way he looked after the first time we had sex. He was so wonderful, so sweet and passionate. It always amazed me how Edward was able to convey his love with words, touches, looks, and silent thoughts. He always knew what I needed, and gave it to me.

With all of my thoughts catching up to me I couldn't hold it in anymore, I felt like I was an empty shell of the person that I once was and the pain was overwhelming. All I could do was close my eyes and let the tears fall. This wasn't a loud sobbing cry, this was the silent my-pain-is-too-deep-to-express kind of cry. I knew this wasn't the last time tears would fall for Edward; I knew this would be a nightly ritual. And that was okay with me. At least I'd still have him in my memories. I wanted to keep this emotional release to myself, without anyone else's interferences, so I was okay with it happening here at this time. I'd allow myself to love Edward now, giving myself time to be better by the morning.

When I woke up to my cell phone beeping, I grabbed it thinking maybe I missed a text from Alice last night. I opened it and saw it was a voice message instead. It came in twelve minutes ago. I wondered who would be calling at 6:43 a.m? I hit the button and entered my code to hear it.

"Bella, it's me, Edward. I just wanted to make sure you're there and you are okay. Alice said she spoke with your Dad, and he told her you were fine. I'm sorry you're gone. I tried to talk to you before you left." I could hear the emotion in his voice. He was barely holding it together. "I miss you and I want you to know I still love you. I will always love you. Please, know that." He paused and cleared his throat. I didn't know if he was going to continue. "I'll let you go Bella- it'll kill me, but I'll do it. I just want you to be happy; it is what I have always wanted. I won't call anymore, I promise. I don't think I'm strong enough to call and be casual friends with you, please don't hate me for that." My heart broke at the thought of hating him for any reason. "I know you and Alice are best friends, and I know she still needs you. Please don't let me keep you from calling her. I promise its okay." The sniffle was so faint I almost believed that I made it up. But I heard another one as he began speaking again. "You're…uh…You're amazing-I want you to remember that. Bella, make sure the guys treat you the way you deserve. And please know that I am always here for you, for any reason. If you ever decide that this is not what you want, I will be here waiting for you. I wish you well. Thanks for the great times, and thanks for loving me, please take care of yourself. I love you."

Edward was saying goodbye to me, of course he needed to do this, he needed to move on. I saved the message and closed the phone. I knew I'd want to hear his voice again, and this was my last chance. I wanted to cry because the pain in his voice was evident. I know he was far worse than Alice said he was; I could hear it in his voice. I wasn't sure I had done the right thing. Maybe I should've given him a choice, maybe I was wrong.

I needed to get a hold of myself. His own mother said I was no good for him. She should know- he's her son, she knows him better than anyone. Medical schools are so tough, and he'll need all of his focus, his parents and him had been so set on medical school for so long, and he didn't need anything standing in his way. I was simply a distraction to him and heaven knows he has enough pressure on him, the last thing he needs is a distraction like me.

I'd known all along that I didn't deserve him and he should have moved on. He was too good-looking, too popular, and too rich. How was I going to compete with that? I needed to be thankful for what I'd had for as long as I'd had it. He'd be fine, the girls will fall all over him, and in no time he'd be over me. We could both move on, and that's what I want. Everyone ended up happy. Isn't that the way the stories tell it? Now if _**I**_ can move on, we'll all be happy.

I fell back to sleep, and dreamt of our 10 year class reunion. Edward walked in and had a beautiful blonde on his arm. He was successful and she and their 2.5 kids were perfect. I was a wreck, alone, and unemployed.

_Wait, what, unemployed? How the hell could I tell that from a dream? What the hell, now I can't even get a job? So running off to college wasn't even going to get me a job in the future. _

I needed to wake up, and get on with my day. This dream wasn't going anywhere I wanted to go.

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**E/N: A few fic rec's for the week-**

**Summer Nights by Jenny0719-Wow this fic has Edward with tattoos, hot hair, a bike and he's a doctor that was in the Navy! It has all of my fav's rolled into one story, and it has good lemons to go along with the plot. You won't be disappointed at all. (You can thank my sweet Amanda for this one, she begged me until I read it and I am so glad I did. Thanks and mad love for you babes!)**

**Truths, Lies and Alibis by EA-This story is getting sooooooo good! I can't wait to see what happens, cause my bestie is so cruel that she won't tell me before, so I got to read it like everyone else. But seriously, it is good, go and read it right now!**

**Till next week:)**


	7. Chapter 7 Sweet Freedom or Pure Hell?

**Not much to say other than I love you all for hanging with me and reading this! I know Bella is whacked in the head but giver her time, she will soon realize! I promise:0)**

**Love to all my girls~Jen and Carla for keeping me in line! Peaches, Erin, Amanda, Ness and Laurel-you all are the best!**

**To my faithful readers and reviewers- you guys make my day with every fav, every alert, and every review-I swear you do! For those of you reading and not reviewing-don't be afraid I don't bite. And I reply to every review-just cause I want you all to know how much I appreciate you!**

**Lots of fun things on the blog and my profile, go check it all out cause you know it is a pain in the ass to put up a link to all of it from here (WTF is up with that?)**

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Chapter 7- Sweet Freedom or Pure Hell?

My first day on my own, well technically on my own, in truth I really have been on my own for about 8 years. Renee was well Renee and that meant that it was my job to make sure that there was food on the table and the bills were being paid, at least until Phil became a part of her life. Charlie wasn't much different, he paid the bills but I still did all of the cooking and cleaning. It was liberating to know I only had to worry about me. I only had to worry about taking care of myself for the first time in my life. Not that I had free reign, Charlie didn't hover but he still loved details, but now I could do what I wanted, and go where I wanted without even checking in with anyone, it was very liberating.

_I really hope that Charlie doesn't try to cook too often while I'm away. _

I decided to go to the library, to not only see where I was going to be working, but also to get an idea of where everything was. As long as I could get used to my surroundings then I'd go wherever my little heart desired. I was on my own, and I would go where the wind blew, God, I am starting to sound like Renee.

Hello world!

After leaving the library I spent the day wandering around the campus and getting to know my way around. After several hours of walking I thought going back to the dorm and unpacking the rest of my things would be a good idea. At about eight, I decided that a pizza would be a great reward to myself for accomplishing all I needed to get done today. It felt so odd that I didn't have a kitchen to cook in.

I settled onto my bed with my pizza and my iPod. I tossed around the option of which playlist to listen to. Did I want to go happy and hear upbeat stuff, or spend my alone time with the sappy love song playlist while mourning for Edward. Okay that was a no brainer, I went sappy love songs.

I closed my eyes as Sara Barellis's smooth voice filled my head, something about her voice and the piano on "Gravity" made me fall in love with her at first listen. I had never thought the song applied to my life when I was with Edward, but I loved her voice so I put in on this playlist. Now, however, it was tearing me apart. I know it is not the kind of song Edward would listen to, but I knew he'd appreciate the lyrics now. Just to imagine him lying in his bed, alone, hurt and confused. I could feel my heart crack open a little more with each image that came to my mind.

I felt like I could almost reach out and touch him, smooth his hair, and tell him it was okay. He always loved it when I held him close to me, and would run my fingers through his hair while I rubbed his shoulder blades. I would do anything to let him know how sorry I was that I hurt him.

I had to force myself to lie back down onto the bed and not grab my phone. I wanted to call and tell him that I take it all back. Tell him how sorry I was for letting someone else make my decisions for me, but in truth all I wanted was what was best for him so I couldn't. And really I couldn't blame anyone for the decisions that brought me here, I could have confronted Esme or talked to Edward, no I did this, so I couldn't change my mind now, I had hurt him too much and it wouldn't be fair for me to find comfort for myself now.

After the song finished I put the pizza in the refrigerator and lay back down. I covered up and allowed the tears to fall. I let all my grief out and hoped that each day would get a little bit easier, and that I wouldn't allow myself to be swallowed up by the fear and hopelessness that I knew living without Edward would be. All the while praying that he would lead the happy full life that I wanted for him, without becoming bitter and negative because of the choices that I had made

_Please allow that for him. God, please, I don't ask for much, just give him that. _

When Monday finally came it was time to go to work, and work was, well work. I loved being in the library, ever since I could remember I loved the smell of books, and of course the possibilities that all the books held was so exciting. I wanted to be able to read them all and absorb the knowledge that authors were trying to impart on us with their work. Emmett would probably laugh at my well-known geeky side but that didn't make it any less true.

All of these things are what led me here, not just at Dartmouth but let me to my love of the written word. I wanted to write one day, not just write any book though, no I wanted to write a novel that would be loved like I love 'Pride & Prejudice', or 'Wuthering Heights'. I wanted someone to not just own my book, but love it, love it enough to read it multiple times and to have notes in the margin, and highlighted passages. To have the spine so used that it falls open to their favorite chapters. That is and always has been my goal, so for the time being I soaked up the library and knew that no matter what I would work towards that.

So work took up the time I wasn't in class or doing homework. It helped remind me that I needed something to do that I loved and hopefully that would help to keep me sane. My nightly ritual of mourning for Edward was starting to peel away my sanity layer by layer, and work gave me something else to occupy my thoughts.

So with that in mind, I settled into a routine of class, assignments, work and a few study group meetings to help with my classes, because it was summer semester, I didn't have many classes just an English Lit and a freshman math but, I liked the routine of it all, and with each day I was able to spend less time at night with Edward and more time in the present tense.

By the middle of July I felt like I might be able to make it through this with at least my sanity. It has been 6 weeks since I left Edward and while I spent most of my time wandering around like a zombie, only answering when someone asked me a question, I was at least starting to feel somewhat normal. I knew that there would never be anyone else for me, Edward was my heart but the more people started to show up for the new semester, the more I was able to snap out of my walks down memory lane. I was moving forward, and I knew when Angela arrived that would help. Angela and I had finally gotten word that we were in fact going to be roommates and I knew it would help for me to have someone I knew after a few months alone.

I knew that once Angela was here my façade of not regretting my decision about Edward would be cracked. We had spoken a couple of times and I continued to play it off that it was the right decision, I said if it were meant to be then maybe someday…Of course, Angela was very perceptive, just like Alice, she has always been able to see right into my brain and know what was going on in there. I really needed to have all of my unresolved feelings in check and knowing that I was starting to feel somewhat like a human being again gave me hope that I would be able to before Angela arrived.

Before I knew it, the end of July had descended and it was time for Angela to arrive. I had a ton of laundry to do but the last few days I hadn't been feeling the best. I think it may have been a stomach bug so yesterday I stayed in bed, instead of doing laundry. I felt a little better today but got a late start it was two or so, before I headed off to the cafeteria to try to eat a little. I was grateful that the food seemed to have helped and spent the last couple of hours before Angela was due to get here focusing on my neglected laundry.

I was so ready for her arrival when Angela knocked on my door I yanked it open as fast as I could and hugged her like I was Emmett, even managing to lift her off of the ground. She yelped as I was putting her feet back down on the ground.

"About time you got here, why did you make me wait so long," I joked.

After a couple of minutes of us jumping up and down and squealing like Alice, we went down to her car and grabbed some of her stuff. As soon as we found out that we were rooming together we coordinated so she wouldn't have to bring as much stuff out. I was thankful to not have to a ton of stuff to bring in and help unpack, even if we were on the first floor.

I smiled as I imagined what Alice's dorm room would look like, she'll have that thing packed from top to bottom, front to back. Okay, focus on our task, unpacking Angela. She smiled at me, like she knew where my mind went and understood. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and we walked back to her car.

After Angela's car was emptied, we ordered a pizza and relaxed, while she got me caught up about everything that had happened in Forks so far this summer. She eventually got around to the people I knew this conversation was really all about. Neither one of us cared about any of the others in Forks, she cared about her family and Ben Cheney, and I cared about the Cullen's and my dad that was it. So I assumed that this conversation was a way to help bring up the person she wanted to know about. She hedged into it slowly and it nearly killed me, I wish she would just rip into it like a band aid.

"Bella, I think it is time to tell me what really happened between you and Edward?" She paused and shook her head. "After you left I saw him once or twice, and he looked like hell. He was a wreck. He could hardly hold a conversation. I know you two broke up, but you made it sound like it was a mutual decision but he seems to have fallen into a deep depression, I am really worried about him and that makes me realize that I should probably be worrying about you, you tend to internalize everything after all. Have you talked to him?"

"No," I sighed, "I haven't talked to him. He left me a voice message after I got here. He seemed like he was upset, but that was only a few days after we broke up, so I expected him to be hurt. I hate hearing that he is still upset after all of this time." I tried to hide my emotions, but it was so hard to talk about _him_. When she did not say anything I continued, "I have spoke to Alice a few times and she hasn't mentioned him, I think she wanted too, but didn't. Maybe I should call her and check on him."

I grabbed my phone and dialed her number. I was so anxious and she picked up only after the second ring. I blew out a breath and spoke.

"Alice, hey, Angela just got here and we were unpacking her stuff. She was sharing what happened after I left Forks over the summer. She said she ran into Edward and he looked awful. Why didn't you tell me this?" I asked hesitantly.

"Bella, what was I supposed to say, that he was a mess and it's your fault." Shit, she sounded pissed, but I let her continue because I wanted to know what she thought…didn't I? "I was trying to spare you the details. I thought you'd like it that way. I didn't want to hurt you with his pain." I blinked my eyes to keep the tears at bay. "I knew you wouldn't like to hear it because it would make you feel like hell. Obviously I was right to spare you the details, because as soon as you heard how badly he was doing you called me, so it must bother you."

She sounded distant; I knew that the breakup would eventually affect the friendship that Alice and I had.

"Alice, of course it bothers me. He doesn't deserve this pain, and it kills me that he's going through this. I wish I could change this and make it all better. What can I do?" I was pacing back and forth and wring my hands as I willed my tears away. "I don't want to give him false hope, but I want to help him. Is there anything I can do, will anything help?"

My pain and suffering is enough for us both, he needs to let me go and move on. The longer he holds on the harder it will be for me to sit in the wings and watch him fly without me.

"Bella, I think at this point any contact is going to feel like you're coming back, and he definitely doesn't need that right now. He'll only get hurt worse if you make any effort." Edward's hopeful eyes drifted across my memory. I could see the devastation on his face if he heard from me and then realized that I wasn't coming back to him. It caused a stab of pain to shoot through my heart. "I think for you to leave him alone is the best way, I'm sorry I know that hurts you as well, but let's leave it as it is. He's coming around, I can't say each day is better, but each week is. He's finally starting to plan for his move. He still asks if I talk to you and he wants to hear about you. He loves you, but he's trying to let go. I think if he can get to a new place without your memories he'll be better off."

"Funny that's what I thought," I mumbled into the phone. I wasn't sure that Alice heard me, she sat silent for a few seconds before she spoke again.

"That sounds like regret Bella, is there something you aren't telling me? You know you can't hide anything from me." Alice took on that I-know-it-all-voice that she so often uses on me. I couldn't really complain, because most of the times she did have a way of knowing it all. Maybe I was too easy to read.

"Alice, I just thought that the new atmosphere would help, and in some way it has, but in others it has made it worse." Alice had no real idea of how much worse it had gotten for me. She would freak out if she did. I couldn't tell her anything resembling the real truth. "Edward and I were together for a long time, and it's hard to adjust to life without him at all." I blinked my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, funny how just the mention of his name will bring them on. "In the past he was around every day, now he's not here at all. It was kind of like losing a boyfriend and best friend all at the same time. I miss his company, that's all." I released a large breath of air. I knew I had better try for some humor or else she would see that I was about to lose it big time. "Gosh, you are terrible. There is nothing here to read into, so stop." She didn't say anything so I needed to go with my next line of defense, ask about her and get her talking. "What about you, are you ready for the big city? How will you cope being away from everyone? I can't believe that we all couldn't spend an afternoon without being together and now we are all off in our own little part of the country, seems kind of weird doesn't it?"

Flashes of all of our fun times passed through my brain. I enjoyed being with the Cullen's as a group, each person had their own place and role in the family. Eventually I had fooled myself into thinking that I belonged as well.

"You have no idea, imagine how my Mom and Dad feel-in one swoop they have an empty house. I know that Mom is going to go stir crazy. She's picked up this massive renovation project to start on in early September. Maybe that will keep her busy until we can come home for winter break. Speaking of which, are you coming home for winter break?"

Winter break, it felt like it was years from now. But would I be ready to see everyone face-to-face by then? I had my doubts.

"I haven't thought about it, I guess I will. I have the money to fly so that will make the trip easier, but I'll let you know closer to that time." I knew I needed more deflection and quickly or I was going to break. "How is Jasper? When does he leave? Have you thought about both of you leaving at the same time so neither of you is left at the house alone? What about Em and Rose, when are they heading back?" If I pump her full of questions maybe she won't realize that I didn't say much about me.

"Jasper and I are flying out at the same time, well about an hour apart. I don't think either of us could stand being in the house alone. I feel for Edward when I think of the pain of that." A small whimper escaped my throat before I could stop it. Alice rushed to cover herself and her slip, "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by that, just strike it off of the record." I threw my hand over my mouth to stop any future noises, I did want to hear about Edward and if I made those kinds of noises again, Alice wouldn't talk about him at all. I focused back on Alice's monologue, "Em and Rose leave about two days after Jasper and I, then Edward leaves last. He'll leave the day after Em and Rose." I tuned out when I heard his name again, images of him flying out alone, and in the midst of his heartbreak-well it just made me want to cry some more. Alice again saved me from that fate as I focused on her explanations of the schedule for the Cullen family. "So like I said it will be a rough couple of days for Mom. Dad will keep her busy; he has planned a trip to Hawaii as a surprise for her. They leave after Edward does, so she won't have much time to feel bad. Oh, Jasper is calling for me. I guess I gotta go, tell Ang hi for me. Be good Bella, and love you!"

"Bye, Al. Give my love to everyone!" I bit my lip and realized that my normal farewell for her would not work anymore. "Well okay, strike that, just tell them all hi and I'm fine. Love back to you!"

Alice hung up so I was alone with Angela. She was right, and she was dying to hear what Alice said. I should of just turned Alice on speaker for Angela to hear all of it and save my breath.

I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds; I didn't know where to start.

"You were right. Alice says he's terrible, but improving. She says he gets better by the week, and he is finally planning for his trip." Angela's face turned down into a pitiful frown, of all my friends outside Edward's family she was the closest to the two of us. So I could see how she was sad for his hurt. "She says she doesn't think that I should contact him in any way what so ever, she thinks that will be bad. So I guess I'm no longer able to talk to him at all. Maybe it's what I deserve, who knows." I picked at the ragged edges on my pajama pants, unable to meet Angela's eyes with the fresh tears pooling up in mine. "I'm beat, you ready to head to bed?"

I know that she knows I'm using bed as an excuse to keep from talking anymore, but I was hopeful that she is tired enough from the drive and she'll give in for now.

"Yeah, let me get my things and we can turn the lights out." She moved around the room and gathered her stuff to take to the bathroom with her so that she could get ready for bed.

When she reemerged she climbed into bed as she reached for the light she said, "By the way, Bella, thanks for rooming with me. I love it already; I really think you and I would've been better friends without Jessica and Lauren getting in our way. I'm glad we get the chance now." Her smile was so genuine that I couldn't help but feel the same happiness as she did, because I truly felt the same about Jessica and Lauren. It was like they always tried to ruin everything that you had, they weren't happy until you were unhappy about something. I think they'll be ecstatic now, knowing Edward and I aren't together. I wonder how long it took them to find out that little bit of info, and how long it took them to contact him? I didn't want to bet any money on it, because I knew it wasn't long at all. He's all they both have ever wanted. At least I know that he despises both of them and would never ever go out with either of them. At least I can rest with that fact.

It wasn't long after the lights were out that I felt my '_Edward feelings'_ coming to the surface, that empty feeling in my chest that made it hard to breathe felt like it was ready to consume me. I laid there for a couple of minutes and listened to Angela's breathing to see if she was asleep. When it sounded like she was out, I allowed the memories to come. I tried to remember everything he said to me when he told me he loved me for the first time, how his eyes lit up when he was able to beat Emmett at anything, and how his face changed when he and Jasper were in an in-depth conversation. There were a million things I could think about, each of them painful.

_The pain is still there but at least the crying is at a minimum now._

I was proud of myself. I drifted off to sleep sometime after two.

The next morning seemed too bright, when I was able to focus. It also seemed like the room was spinning, but I didn't understand why it was. I didn't drink last night, so why did I feel like I had a hangover? I sat up to get a sip of water, and that was a mistake. I ran for the trash can and emptied my stomach right then. I took the trashcan into the bathroom with me so I could grab a washcloth, I ran it under the cold water, and laid it across the back of my neck. I was so paying for going to school half way across the country, I was not used to the water, the food or something. I was so sick of feeling sick. Perhaps it was time for a visit to the clinic. Maybe they can tell me what to do to get over whatever this is.

"Bella, you okay?" Angela sounded half asleep.

"Yeah, I'm fine now. I don't think the water agrees with me here. I've been sick off and on for about a month. Nothing constant, so I don't know what it is that's bothering me." Angela sat up and rubbed at her eyes. I slowly made my way back to my bed. "I think later I'll stop by the clinic and see if they can tell me anything. I'm going to lie back down for now. What're your plans for today?"

"I'm going to go see Ben. He is way across campus, but at least he is here in the same city, so I won't complain at all." Unintentional pain shot through my heart. I knew that Angela never meant to remind me that she was close to Ben while I had left Edward back in Forks, but let's face it she did remind me. It made the spinning worse, so I laid down and shut my eyes. I focused on what she was saying to tried to keep what was left in my stomach there in my stomach. "He has two roommates. Can you imagine three boys living in the same room? That is going to be one gross room in about a month." She yawned and rubbed her eyes some more. "I'm with you for a little more sleep for now, wake me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay." I yawned back to her.

After I was finished with my class, I walked over to the clinic. I knew it would not be busy, because there were still not a lot of students on campus and it was lunch time so everyone that was here would probably be headed to the cafeteria to eat. I hoped that I'd be able to get out quickly and get to work on time.

I went in and talked to the nurse, told her what I had going on. She took me into a room, had me pee in a cup, and then fill out some forms.

_I swear they have you pee in that cup for every single symptom that you have. Doesn't matter if you simply have a runny nose, you pee in a cup. I guess it's another way to make some money._

Soon enough she was back in my exam room. She came in and sat down. Her face looked calm so I hoped that was a good thing.

"Bella, when was your last period?"

So not the question I expected.

"Well it's usually at the first of the month, but it has been all over the map for the last few months. Some months it is at the first and real heavy, then the next month it is in the middle and real light. It's mostly real light, like only a few spots of blood and only for about two days. So it's hard to tell for sure." I knew I was rambling but I was so damn confused as to why she was asking me about this issue when this was not what I was here for. Perhaps she had a list of specific questions that she had to ask, you know then she can give me a good STD and birth control talk. I didn't want to upset her agenda so I finished my rambling for her. "I had one last month, lasted about two days, real light, none yet for this month. My Mom had some female problems when she was younger, and had to have some surgery. I'm not sure exactly what or why, I was young. Maybe I have the same sort of problems. Do you think that's causing the issues I'm having?" I started chewing on a hangnail on my thumb that I had picked while my verbal vomiting took place.

"Well, Bella, I don't think so. I think you'll probably not have your period for a few months and then things will go back to normal for you." She patted my leg and I got the feeling she was telling me something that I should have figured out by now but for the life of me I had no idea where she was going with this. "As part of our routine tests we do here is a urine pregnancy test, and yours came back positive. It's hard to tell exactly how far along you are if you're not sure of your last normal period, so I would suggest you go to see an OB/GYN as soon as possible." She began to scribble something down on my chart. I could hear the pen scratching along as she wrote. I know that I should be focusing on something a bit closer to reality but damn if I couldn't concentrate on anything but that slight scratch of the pen the whole entire time she wrote. When she stopped I lifted my head up and met her eyes. They were soft and sympathetic; she obviously could tell that this was the last thing I expected when I walked into this clinic today. "I can give you some prenatal vitamins and it would be best to try to eat some crackers in the morning before you sit up. That'll help with the sickness. I can tell by your face that you didn't plan this." I shook my head furiously at her. This scenario was the furthest from where I thought my life was going. She laid her pen down and slid her stool closer to me. "Is there anything I can help with or any questions you have?"

"No, I went through health in high school, so I have a basic knowledge of what is going on." That was possibly the stupidest statement I could have come up with but my brain had not caught up with reality yet. "Are you sure? Is there any chance that thing is wrong? Can we do another test, another kind of test?" Again I chewed on the hangnail on my already sore thumb.

She laid her hand on my leg and slid her stool even closer to me, she smiled like my Mom did when she was going to give me news that she knew I wouldn't like.

"Bella we can do several more, but the real test should be done by an OB/GYN. They have more sophisticated equipment and blood tests that can tell you with more certainty if you are in fact pregnant, they can also tell the doctor things like hormone levels which can help determine how far along you are. They will also do an examination on you that will make sure that everything is ok. So, again, I encourage you to make an appointment with them. I have written down their number for you." She held out a card for me, I noticed that my hand shook slightly when I reached to take it from her. "They are in town, so I'm sure they have seen many girls like you who are away from home and need some advice." I could only nod at her. Was I one of _those girls_? The kind of girl that gets away from home and needs help from strangers? I guess I was. "They have a group that meets to offer encouragement, which may help as well. I think you'll like the Doctors in the group." She stood up with her chart and her scratchy pen and walked towards the door. I remained in place. "You're finished here, so here are your vitamins. Good luck Bella." I stood and took the bottle out of her hand and left the room.

She patted me on the back and let me back out into the waiting room. How was I supposed to handle the bomb she had just dropped in my lap all by myself? She acted like she thought that I knew what I was doing, but she was wrong, I didn't know shit.

I called work and told them I was sick and had been to the clinic. They said it was okay to stay out today, they weren't busy.

Since I now had a free afternoon, I headed across campus to eat. I figured I should do that for a healthy pregnancy. It's so funny how quickly I started thinking and doing what I should. It then struck me that I was always taking care of someone, so this would be no different. I was used to this life, I could handle this.

I tried to make the words sound right but I wasn't fooling myself for one second, I was in shock. I didn't know the first thing about being pregnant. I am only child and never knew anyone who was pregnant.

The first person I thought of was Rose, because she always talked about how many kids she wanted to have with Emmett. I figured that she would know at least a few things about being pregnant, and she could ask Carlisle all the other stuff. But that meant that Edward would find out, and really I have hurt him far more than he ever deserved anyway, how could I tell him this. I knew what he would want to do, he would want to do the responsible thing and get married and I know that he wouldn't stand for me being here and knowing that I was pregnant with his child. He'd want me close to him or close to Forks one way or the other, bottom line was that if Edward found out I would be everything that Esme said I was. I wanted to cry, how could this have happened, we were always safe and responsible, all of my dreams, I knew for sure I was not going to be able to stay here at Dartmouth and go to college how could I take care of a baby and be in school.

_Holy crap, I am pregnant, I can't believe I am pregnant, I can't believe that I'm PREGNANT, WITH HIS CHILD! _

_I needed to sit and think about this. I need to eat, sit and think. Yeah, that is what I need to do. _

I made my way to the cafeteria, and I grabbed a salad, fruit cup and a juice to drink. I couldn't remember anything about nutrition that health class offered. I really should have paid more attention to high school.

All I could think about was what was I going to do now…Now that I had this tiny piece of Edward with me.

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**Was anyone surprised? Did you see it coming? Let me know what you think!**

**Till next week...**


	8. Chapter 8 How Do I Deal?

**A/N: Well duckies! Good to see you here again ;) Thanks for staying with me, I know quite a few of you are angry and hate Bella. She will come around, I promise! **

**Thanks for my girls~Jen and Carla, you guys make me look so good! You both ask good questions and make me really work to make this mess make sense, so from the bottom of my heart...I love you both. To my Pea Pod girls, you all are the best friends ever! Love you all-Erin, Mary, Amanda, Ness and Laurel!**

**Check out the profile, it has lots of stuff that I can't link from here so go and take a look.

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Chapter 8- How Do I Deal?**

**Bella**

After what I hoped was a nutritious lunch, I headed back to the dorm. I needed to lie down. I needed more time to think, and I needed to do it in the comfort of my sweats in my bed. I entered the room and Angela was sitting on her bed, cross-legged with her book open. She looked up and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?" The concern was obvious in her voice.

"Yeah, I just went to the clinic and got checked out. I figured I deserved a day off after the news they gave me." I turned my back on her and removed my bag from my shoulder. I couldn't face her yet.

"Well, what did they say?" I slowly turned to meet her gaze and she blanched when our eyes met.

I opened my mouth to speak and instead I burst into tears. Angela jumped up from the bed and ran to me. She put her arms around me and held me close for a few minutes. She let me cry until I slowed down enough for us to talk. She directed us over to the couch, and sat us down.

"Bella, start off slow and tell me exactly what's going on. Please."

"Ang, it's terrible, probably the worst news I could get right now. I mean I know I have always taken care of everyone else, but who says I want to do that right now. How am I going to do that? I don't even know my plans for the next semester, much less the next 20 years." She handed me a tissue and I wiped my eyes. The action never stopped the words rushing from my mouth. "Charlie's going to kill me and Renee, well who knows what she'll say. She's so unpredictable." I sniffed and blew my nose into the tissue. "Telling Edward, that's going to be the hard part, I mean I want him to know, but then again I don't. I don't want to keep him from his child, but I just broke up with him."Angela's eyebrows shot up on her head and she tightened her grip on my hand she held. Thankfully she didn't interrupt my mental ramblings. She let me carry on. "How am I supposed to get over him if I have to be around him? I know he's going to want to be there during the pregnancy and then after the baby is born; well he will probably want to move in to be around all of the time. All I ever heard from him is how great a father his real Dad was, and how great Carlisle had been to him." I paused and blew again. Angela must have had the patience of a saint because she continued to sit and wait for me to get to the point where she could ask her questions. "He said it was like Carlisle was born to be a father. He was a great Dad to Emmett and Alice, but when Edward came along he knew exactly how to be a great dad to him to, without letting Edward forget what a great dad his birth father was too. Hell, he is even like a dad to Jasper, Rose and me. Edward always said that between Carlisle and his real dad he had learned everything he needed to know to start down the path to being a great father himself. Of course he didn't know that was going to happen now, and not later." I broke into tears again and threw myself at Angela. "Oh Ang, tell me what to do. I want to call him, but I don't want to hurt him anymore. Please you're so smart, tell me what do I do?" I sobbed against her chest as I unloaded everything to her. My verbal vomiting took over where the physical vomiting left off.

"So I take it they told you that you were pregnant?" She started off with a basic and simple question but it still caused more tears.

I just nodded to her, and lowered my head. Tears were falling silently down my cheeks. I, for the first time in my life had no idea how to get myself out of this, without someone getting hurt badly. I just didn't know if it was going to be Edward, our child, or me and to be honest, at this point I would rather it be me.

This thought brought home the fact that there was a child growing in my stomach.

I knew that I already loved this baby, I knew as soon as I had heard the news, how could I not no matter what this child this perfect child was created out of the love that I had for the perfect man, for my other half, for my soul mate. But love didn't help me overcome all of the obstacles that I would face. I would certainly have a little piece of Edward Cullen, but how do I balance all of this without hurting him. Do I tell him or let his child go through life without its father?

I looked deep into Angela's eyes and they were soft and full of understanding. I knew she loved her twin brothers and she had helped her Mom with them a lot. I was thankful that she was here with me to help me get through this. I sat just letting her hold me for a minute.

"Bella, let's take a deep breath. Right now you need to get some sleep. We can deal with the Edward situation when you have decided what your plan is. None of that has to be solved right now. You'll be able to think when you are rested, so go and get into something to sleep in."

I sniffed and wiped away the tears that still slipped silently down my face. "How did I get so lucky? I can't tell you how great you are, I really appreciate you and your help."

I went into the bathroom, changed, washed my face and headed back to the room. I wanted to eat that leftover Chinese takeout we had in the fridge, and then I wanted sleep. Tomorrow I would decide what to do, but today all I would worry about was getting something to eat and some sleep_. _

I glanced at the calendar, October 10. I let out a long sigh, I really needed to decide what I was going to do; I have known that I was pregnant for almost two months. I was no closer to making a decision about what to do than I was the day I found out. There was a small baby bump that was starting to show; I couldn't wear my jeans anymore, I lived in sweatpants and oversized hoodies. Angela kept telling me that we needed to go shopping for maternity clothes but I knew that if I started wearing maternity clothes it wouldn't take long for everyone to know, then the questions would start, they would ask what my plans were, and I needed to have an answer. I also needed to tell my parents, I felt so guilty for not letting them know already. I usually didn't keep things from either of them, and this was a big thing, so it was worse that I was keeping this from them.

Angela had been great, she knew everything about pregnancy. She was around for her Mom when she was pregnant with the twins. She went to the Doctors appointments with me and bought me this pregnancy book. The book broke it down week by week and told everything that was happening that week. I was no longer having morning sickness, so I wasn't as cranky which I am sure Angela was happy about.

My OB/GYN told me that my due date is February 18th. That means I will miss the spring semester next year. I had planned on attending classes straight through until I finished but I guess one semester off wouldn't kill me, my biggest concerns was where I would live when I took that semester off and how I could keep going to Dartmouth and take care of a baby.

After contemplating all of these things, I knew it was time, I had to call Renee, I needed advice, the kind of advice that you need to get from your mother. I knew I would have to call Charlie after I talked to her, but no matter what I needed my mom first. I was glad I was here and not in Forks, I could only imagine how the rumors would run rampant there.

I picked up my phone and dialed before I lost my courage. Let's hope she was ready for this, because I can honestly say, I am not.

"Mom, hey, how're you?"

"Bella, I'm great, what's up with you? You okay?"

"Why do you ask?" I was trying to avoid lying to her, but I wanted to know what her Mother's intuition was telling her before I spill my secret.

"Silly Bella, a mother knows when something is wrong with her little girl. Spill it, you know you can't hide anything from me."

Okay, so maybe there was something to that Mother's intuition after all.

"Mom, uh…this is big, you uh… you might need to sit down. And, please, let me finish before you ask any questions. Please."

"Okay," her voice was shaky, scared to hear what news would need to be prefaced by that speech, I'm sure.

"Mom I'm pregnant, I know this is a big shock, and trust me this was not in my plans. I hadn't even decided if I was going to have kids, but I guess I am because I have decided to keep the baby. Before you ask, yes the baby is Edward's, no I haven't told him yet and to be perfectly honest don't know what I'm going to tell him or if I even should. Please don't push for answers, I'll figure something out, but I haven't decided yet." I could feel myself winding up and spilling all of the details that I knew so hopefully I could avoid some of Renee's questions. I didn't want her to know how not together I was with this. "All I know right now is that I love this baby. It's due February 18th, and I don't know what it is yet. I'll take the spring semester off and have the baby. That will give me almost three months to be at home with it and then I hope I will be able to start back in the summer. That's all I know for now. Okay, go ahead ask."

"Bella, why didn't you call me sooner? I could have helped you so much?" Her voice was full of concern. I felt guilty for assuming that she would pounce on the fact that I didn't have a plan in place yet. I forgot that I was her daughter and she would of course be concerned for me and my well being during this.

"Mom, how could you have helped?" I wanted to put her fears at ease.

"Bella, emotional support helps a lot, I couldn't fly in and make it all different, but I could have listened and helped you make decisions." She certainly had a point there. "

"I'm sorry for not calling. Usually I have things so planned out and it was killing me to feel so out of control this time. I felt like if I talked to you, you would want to know what my plan was, and since I really didn't know, it would make me look like I was a failure, well more of a failure than becoming pregnant at 18 would make me."

"Bella, you are my daughter and you are not a failure in any way. You never will be." I had heard this tone of voice before, only once though, when the other girls made fun of me in elementary school for not being that good at dodge ball. Renee went into the school and admonished the girls for the teasing and the teacher for allowing it. It was her I mean business voice.

"What does the Doctor say? Are you and the baby healthy? Are you gaining the right amount of weight?" The serious tone remained for the next question. "Bella, did you say you haven't told Edward and you don't know if you are going to?

I decided to skip the last part for now and answer the previous questions first. "Angela has been great, she has helped so much. She is patient with me, and talks me out of my crazy ideas. The Doctor says we are both very health and yes I have gained about 10 pounds. I need to gain twenty-five pounds by my due date, so I'm right on track." I took a deep breath before answering the part I know she really wants answers to the most. I was so confused and hated that I couldn't make a simple decision. "I still don't know what to do about Edward. I don't want to keep him from his child, but part of me can't decide if letting him know about this as he is starting the long process for his Medical Degree is good. Mom he was never 100% sure he wanted to be a doctor to begin with, but he feels that he needs to be to make Carlisle proud, he feels like he owes him this for taking him in and becoming the father that he needed him to be, that is so much pressure on him already, I don't know if I can in good conscience put more pressure on him like that. I have a little over a month left before I go home to Forks for winter break; I figure I'll need to know by then. Maybe you can help me talk it all out and that may help me make my decision." I offered, I knew that Renee wanted to help and knew that this would assuage her guilt for being so far away from me at this emotional time.

"Bella, are you over Edward, or is this deeper? You talk a lot about not bothering him, but I hear something else in your voice. Is there something else going on?"

"No Mom! I'm just sure this is going to be a big shock for him. First, I break up with him and go off to college. Then I call and say 'oh yeah by the way I'm pregnant with your child'. How do you think he's going to handle that? Alice already said it took him forever to even come out of his room, much less get back to normal, and now I lay this on him."

"I know, honey, but don't you think he has a right to know. This isn't just your situation, it's his too. He does deserve the right to choose, he is the father now too. You can't choose for him and expect him to be okay with that." I knew deep down that she was right but damn if it didn't hurt to hear her say, in very nice words, that I was fucking up his life anyway. No matter what I chose, we both lost at this point.

I tried to go down the only line of reasoning that I could think of to make her understand that I needed to keep him out of this for as long as possible. "Besides I don't want him to think that this changes anything between us, it doesn't, he has a life to live and I don't want to interfere with that, it just isn't fair to him if I do" I add with a little too much emphasis.

"Bella, even if you aren't ready for things to change, he still deserves to know about the baby. He's a great guy, and he doesn't deserve to be shut out. Have you realized that if you don't tell him he'll miss out on all the firsts that the baby will do." The passion in Renee's voice almost had me caving in. Besides, let's be honest I wanted to call Edward up and just crawl in his lap and let him hold me until all of this goes away.

"Bella, I know when we left that the distance killed your Dad, and he knew about you. It just hurt to not be there when you did all of the things that he wanted to be a part of. So no matter how the two of you decide to handle the relationship between you both, the baby deserves to have both of its parents. I'll put my foot down Bella. Don't do this to the baby, don't shut out its father, if you call Edward and he doesn't want to be a part of this, then fine, but give him the choice. Please, you'll be so much happier if you do the right thing, by Edward and the baby." Renee was channeling her inner parent and her advice was right on, I was so frustrated to hear once again that she knew exactly what to say and when to say it. I wanted her to be her flaky old self and not this new uber-mom that knew what I should do and why I should do it. She continued on with a new softer tone to her voice. "Now, do you need anything? Do I need to shop for you and send you clothes, what about for the baby? What do you need for the baby?"

"Mom, I'm fine for now. I don't need anything yet, but I'll let you know." Her words were slowly setting in for me and I needed more time to think about how I was handling things. "I'll think about Edward and me and let you know what I'm going to do. Okay? Thanks for the advice." I tried to lighten the mood a little and reassure her that I was okay for now. "I think Angela and I are going to have to move off campus to have enough room for all three of us. We are both fed up with dorm life anyway, so no big deal." I took a deep breath and let it out. Renee stayed silent, allowing me enough rope to climb out or hang myself, I wasn't sure which scenario that I was going to be able to pull off. "Is it okay if I go now and get a little rest before I go in to the library?"

"Yes, go get some rest." She sat silent for a few seconds before she continued, "Phil and I are behind you all the way, you choose what's right for you and the baby and we'll back you up. You know that right?"

"I know Mom, thank you both."

"The team is flying Phil and I out to LA for this baseball charity thing. We're leaving tomorrow, on their private jet. I'll be gone for about three days and then I'll be home. What do you think about me coming up for a few days when I get back?"

"I think that's a great idea, I could use my Mom for a few days." I sighed happy to have her support.

"I love you Bella."

"I know. Tell Phil thanks for me, you both are great, I don't know what I would do without you. I love you, Mom. Bye."

Okay one down, and only a few hundred more calls to make. Obviously I am exaggerating just a little but it seriously felt like I had a ton of people to talk to about this. I think of all of them that I need Charlie is probably going to be the easiest. How strange of a statement is that, telling your Dad that you're pregnant is going to be the easier than telling anyone else. I chuckled in spite of myself. I couldn't believe the turns that my life has taken.

I laid back on the bed and tried to collect up enough courage to call Charlie. Even if he was going to be the easiest, it was still going to be hard on me.

After a few minutes, I change my mind about calling Charlie today. I think I've had enough phone calls for today, Charlie can wait until tomorrow.

I knew eventually I was going to have to call Edward although part of me wonders if it would just be better to tell him when I go home for winter break, I don't know that this is news that I should break over the phone. I just hope a solution on how to handle things with him comes to me before that visit, Lord knows I'm thinking on it hard enough.

Just as I put my phone down it vibrated, I hadn't really talked to Alice since she arrived at school. She had tried to call a few times but I just couldn't find it in me to talk, we exchanged texts about once a week, but I was always vague. When I saw the message it just reminded me of how much I missed her.

**B**

**I know u are avoiding me, please stop pushing me away, I miss u**

**Luv u.**

**A**

I felt horrible, of course she saw right thru me. I knew why I was pushing Alice away of course; I just couldn't talk to her without wanting to break down, losing Edward has been so hard on me and every time I had talked to Alice I wanted to tell her why I left him. There was just something different about the bond I shared with Alice, we were like sisters, but because of my decisions I knew that we couldn't be as close, it wouldn't be fair to her, what would happen when Edward did find the one he was suppose to be with, I didn't want her to feel like she was betraying me. Keeping Alice wasn't really an option for me.

**A**

**I'm not, I prmis just really busy. I miss u 2**

**Luv u back!**

**B**

I wanted to tell her to call so I could hear every detail of how college has been for her so far, but I was too afraid if we actually spoke she would know something was up. I was nowhere near ready to tell Alice. First she would be completely disappointed in me for keeping it from her for so long, then she would tell Edward so fast it would make my head spin, and if Edward was going to hear about this, I wanted him to hear it from me. I knew that I at least owed him that much.

I had decided to turn my phone off just in case Alice called or texted back right away. I wanted to get some uninterrupted sleep, and Angela was out for the night with Ben so this was my chance. I seemed to never get enough sleep now days. I'm glad for it; it keeps me from laying awake crying for Edward. So I guess we all benefit from this pregnancy. My attempt at humor fell flat even in my mind so I guess that should be my clue that I am over tired.

I awoke the next morning surprised at how well I had slept, I didn't even remember dreaming or hearing Angela come home for that matter.

I showered quickly and got ready for classes. I had two classes today and then I had to work.

Once my boss found out I was pregnant she moved me to the circulation desk, it was one of the few sit down jobs at the library, it worked out perfectly because I I didn't have to climb any ladders or reach for heavy text books anymore which with my lack of coordination was never a bad thing. I wouldn't even try lie and say that I wasn't thankful for the move. Now I just sit and request the books that people need, and send out notices for overdue items. It wasn't as much fun, but it wasn't as tiring either, so all was good.

I was leaving the cafeteria after having lunch, heading to the library, when Angela caught up with me. She looked frantic, and Ben was with her. This didn't look good.

"Bella, where the hell have you been and where is your phone?" Angela never used that kind of language, so it just conformed that something was real wrong.

"Angela, I had class today, afterwards I came here to eat lunch. What's wrong, why are you so frantic, you're scaring me?" Panic was setting in, and I could feel my heart accelerate.

"Bella, your Dad has been trying to get in touch with you all day. He has called your cell a million times, he finally called my Mom and she gave him my number. Do you have your cell with you?"

"Yes, I turned it off last night so Alice couldn't call me, and I guess I forgot to turn it back on this morning. I was rushing, so I didn't pay it any attention." I went to turn my phone back on but Angela's face blanched, she grabbed the phone from me and handed it to Ben.

"Bella, yours is probably dead by now, why don't you call your Dad on my phone, let's go sit on that bench and you can call him?" She put her arm around my shoulders and led me over to it.

Ben followed behind us; he grabbed both of our bags as we sat down. He just stood looking at us, but he wouldn't allow his eye to meet mine. I started to sweat, and queasiness was taking over my stomach, I knew something was wrong. Really wrong! I hadn't even paid attention when she dialed and before I knew it she was handing me the phone.

When the line stopped ringing, I started yelling into the phone before Charlie could even speak a greeting. "Dad, Angela is scaring the hell out of me, what's going on? Why have you been trying to get a hold of me?"

"Bella, first I want you to know that I talked to Angela this morning and she told me about you being pregnant, now please don't be angry at her, she was just looking out for you." I glared at her, obviously angry at her that she told Charlie behind my back. "I have some bad news Bella; please sit down before I tell you, okay?" The anger disappeared at his words. Charlie had his official voice on that he used to talk to the families that he came in contact with while on duty, the families that he usually had to deliver bad news to.

"Dad I'm sitting down, now tell me, I can't wait any longer, YOU'RE SCARING ME!" I felt bad for yelling at my Dad but I needed to know what is going on and I needed to know now.

"Bella, your Mom and Phil were on a private jet headed for LA today, and the radio tower has lost both communication and radar contact with their plane." I sucked in a large breath and held it. Shock and disbelief seeped through my mind. Charlie rushed to continue, "No one is sure yet of the outcome of the plane at this time, but it doesn't look good Bella, they suspect that it has crashed, although they are unsure where. I'm sorry to tell you this over the phone, but I didn't want you to find out from anyone else, and I knew I didn't have time to fly out to tell you."

I struggled trying to answer, ask or just say something. "I, uh…I just. Uh, well, I." The last sound broke off into a strangled cry.

"Bella, I think it would be best if you flew home for now, and that way we can be together when the details come in. If you're here with me I can get you to LA faster to see Renee and Phil than if you try to get there from New Hampshire." I nodded to him, knowing that he couldn't see my answer but only needing to move my body and feel like I had control over something in my life right now.

"Bella how soon can you get to the airport, I want to book you a flight but I know you will need to talk to your professors and the library before that happens?"

All at once my brain kicked in and I flooded Charlie with questions. "Dad, are you sure? When did you find out? Why didn't they call me?" Other words were taking over my thoughts, plane, crash, not sure of the outcome. I couldn't think of the meaning of the whole sentences, all I could process was each word by itself. I looked up at Angela hoping that she could offer any help.

Charlie's soothing voice answered me instead of Angela. "Bella, your Mom had me down as her emergency contact. She told me years ago that I was on her list, she didn't want anyone calling and telling you any bad news so she put me down so they could call me instead."

"Okay, uh…"

"I found out at about ten this morning. The plane was somewhere in California, but that is all they told me. They don't have many details available yet. It may take them a while to let us know anything." Up until this point Charlie held it all together but his next statement to me nearly broke me right then. "Please come home Bella, I want you here." Charlie's voice broke. I knew he had years of training to hold it together during the crisis, he would remain calm, cool and do what needed to be done. His small crack scared the hell out of me.

"Yeah Dad, Angela will help me get my stuff together, I'll call work and talk to my Professors. Give me a few minutes and then I'll call you back when I know when I'm flying out okay?"

"Bella, that's great, tell Angela thanks. Don't let this worry you, it'll work out. Take care of yourself and my grandchild, okay?" I could hear his hand scratching at something close to the phone receiver when he added, "I love you Bella."

* * *

**Does that make you hate her more or feel some sympathy now? Leave me love and let me know.**


	9. Chapter 9 I Need To Get Home

**A/N: Thanks and love to the usual suspects-Jen, Carla, Mary, Erin, Ness and Laurel! To my pervy twin-I love you girl and my prayers are with you and Dr. McDreamy!**

**To my new readers and reviewers-I love you all and appreciate your kind(and not so kind, lol that is for you Blackie) words. **

**Lots of great links on the profile, I add a new set on polyvore for each chapter, there is a link for the thread on twilighted that my dearest Carla started, and so on and so forth, go check it all out!**

**Life gets way more complicated for these two so let's see how they handle it...

* * *

Chapter 9- I need to get home **

**Bella**

The next few hours were a whirlwind of activity. I had decided I better stop at work first as I was now late for my shift, I spoke with my supervisor who told me to take as much time as I needed. She assured me that I would always have a job when I was ready to return.

I was also able to speak with my Professors; they each gave me several reading assignments and papers to write. Because of the mitigating circumstances they understood that I would more than likely not be back before the end of the semester and instead of taking finals they each assigned me an additional paper to complete, I would just e-mail the papers by the agreed upon dates. This allowed me to complete the semester with full credit and honestly gave me one less thing to worry about. I only had about a month until we left for winter break so I could finish up with ease in Forks.

When I finally made it back to our room, I sat watching Angela as she packed my clothes into a suitcase. I don't know how I ever got so lucky to have a friend like her; she has been incredible to me.

I called Charlie to tell him the flight time and number that Ben booked me a seat on. I was a little worried about flying after hearing about Renee and Phil, but honestly how else was I going to get back to Charlie.

I called my Doctor and told them what happened. I asked if I needed to worry about flying at this stage in my pregnancy, I also canceled my appointment for my monthly check and my 20-week ultrasound. I was really looking forward to this appointment, my first ultrasound was at 12 weeks and the baby looked more like a sea horse then a baby. The Doctor assured me that it was very safe for me to fly at this time and called me in a mild sedative, stating that it will not only help me with the nerves on the flight but will help me deal with some of the stress. That of course reminded me that stress isn't good for the baby so I was grateful for him being proactive. He instructed me to take one tablet when I get on the flight and verified that I had someone pick me up at the airport just in case they hadn't worn off before I got there.

I decided that with everything that was going on I needed to call Alice, I needed my best friend, and while I really wanted to call Edward, I figured it was best to start small. I had about four hours before my flight when I called Alice, as soon as I heard her voice I lost it; I just started crying uncontrollably. Thankfully Angela took the phone and explained what had happened today, and about my flight home to Forks, they talked for a while before Angela gave the phone back to me. I held it up to my ear and continued to cry while Alice calmed me down, like only Alice could. She spoke to me for what seemed like hours and told me that everything would be okay; she told me she could fly back with me if I needed. As always Alice said all the things I needed to hear, and by the time we were done on the phone I felt ready to fly to Forks.

Angela and Ben drove me to the airport, and helped me get checked in. They waited patiently with me until I had to go through security. When I couldn't wait any longer I turned towards Angela, who was already holding out the pill I needed, along with a bottle of water. I silently took the pill and hugged her and Ben. I mumbled my thanks and took my place in line, fortunately security was quick for once and I was able to get to my gate and relax a little before I had to board. I had only been sitting for about 5 minutes when I felt my phone vibrate; I opened it immediately expecting it to be Charlie, I hesitated when I heard the voice on the other end of the phone but if there was ever a time I needed to hear from Edward it was now.I needed to hear him say things would be okay.

"Bella, I hope its okay that I called. I just talked to Alice and I wanted to check on you. Is this okay?" His voice was thick with emotion and uncertainty.

"Edward, of course it's okay. I appreciate you checking on me." I knew that I wanted to tell him so many things. Starting with I'm having your baby and ending with I still love you; come make my life all okay again. So I filled the void with meaningless chatter to keep the truth out. "I'm just about to catch a flight back to Forks. Charlie thought that it would be better for me to be at home with him, that way we would be together when other news came in. I think I'm okay, but I feel like I'm in a fog, you know?"

"Bella, it's a little hard to take in that kind of news and not feel like that, it's going to be alright. Just get to Forks and take care of yourself, okay? Can you promise me that?"

"I will Edward, I have to go they are calling for me to board. Can you call me later when I get to Forks?"

"I will love, talk to you soon."

I suddenly felt calm, and I was sure it was the combination of the medicine and talking to Edward. His voice always did wonders for my soul and calmed me like no other ever would.

I texted Alice quickly before the pilot came on and asked us to turn off our cell phones and we took off.

**A**

**Thanks for having E call me, how do you always know exactly what I need?**

**U R the best! Luv 2 U! Call U when I get to Forks.**

**B**

I shut the phone, and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew the Flight Attendant was waking me because we had arrived in Seattle. I stood and grabbed my carry on, and made my way off of the plane.

Charlie was waiting for me right outside of the gate. I guess he had used his badge to get all the way up here. I was so thankful, I wasn't sure I could make my way around the airport looking for him. I still felt a little woozy and wanted to sleep. He hugged me and we went to look for my suitcase.

I opened my phone and sent a quick text to Angela.

**Ang**

**I'm here, Dad was the gate and we're on the way home.**

**Thnks agn for all ur help! I'll call u when I know something.**

**B**

I then typed another to Alice and Edward.

**A & E**

**I'm in Forks, Charlie was the gate waiting for me.**

**I'm almost home now.**

**Thnks 2 u both, u both r the best frnds I could have.**

**Call u when I know something. Luv 2 u both!**

**B**

I turned my phone off; I wanted a few minutes to be with Charlie. I wanted some peace and quiet, before all hell broke loose. Because I was sure that all hell was definitely about to break loose, it was only a matter of time. I could feel it in my bones. I took a deep calming breath and laid my head back against the headrest in the car.

**Edward**

"Alice this had better be good, I have a massive test tomorrow and I need to study." I flipped open my third text book to search for the answer to the question that had eluded me for a half an hour. "Really, I don't want to hear about your shopping trip! If that is what this call is for, then sorry but I don't have time." I knew I was a little short with her, but I really needed to study. I was not in the mood to hear about the twentieth shopping trip this week. She really needed to make some friends at school, so she could share this shit with them.

"Edward, Bella just called, she's on her way back to Forks. Her Mom and Phil were on their way to California for a charity event and their plane lost communication with the tower and disappeared from radar as well." I was certain that I had not heard Alice correctly.

"What?" I almost shouted at Alice.

"Bella was so upset she couldn't even tell me herself, I had to talk to Angela to understand what was going on. I just talked to her for about two hours. She's not good, and I 'm afraid that Charlie only wants her to get home so he can tell her that Renee and Phil aren't just lost. I don't know what to do for her Edward, she's my best friend and I can't help her. I need help, what do I do?" She was in tears, emotions laced between all of her words.

I had never heard Alice like this before, usually she knew the outcome about things before they happened and was able to stay calm and reassure me when I freaked out.

"Alice I'm going to call Jasper for you and tell him what has happened. I'll have him call you, and I'll check on Bella. I know we aren't together anymore, but we were close friends for a long time, hopefully I can help her feel better. I'll call you later, it'll be fine Alice. I'll take care of it, okay?"

"Okay, Edward, thanks, I love you!"

I hung up and just sat in shock. I had no idea how to handle this.

Bella was all alone and had to deal with this…alone. My heart ached to be with her, hold her and tell her that she would make it through all of this. It wouldn't be easy at all, but she was strong, so she would make it through.

I knew first hand how much this would hurt; I had lived through the pain of losing my parents. Granted it was a long time ago, but at times the pain was still just as strong. For years I held onto so much guilt because I felt like it was my fault they died.

It was their anniversary and I suggested that they go out for dinner, even got myself invited to a friend's house to spend the night. They could enjoy their night out without worrying about me at all. Little did I know that it would be the worst decision I had ever made. They went to dinner, they went dancing and on the way home a drunk driver killed them both. To make matters worse, I never even said goodbye to them. I rushed off to play with my friend without a single word of farewell. My second biggest regret.

I became bitter and angry, shutting out everyone around me. Punishing myself like I punished them. Never realizing that it was not actually my fault at all, the responsibility rested squarely on the shoulders of the man who decided that on that particular night he would drink and drive. My eleven year old mind never even pondered that concept at all.

Thankfully Carlisle and Esme took me in. Made me a part of their family and never gave up on me when I resisted. They never turned me away no matter how hard I worked to make them hate me. No matter how much I wanted to punish myself, they never allowed it.

All of them, Emmett and Alice as well, worked hard until it finally sunk into the deep recesses of my brain that I did not actually kill my parents. I did nothing wrong. I was a small child who only wanted his parents to enjoy a special night. Esme made me realize that my parents would never want me to be this angry or bitter about their death. They would want me to remember the fond memories and know that I was loved. As loved as any child could ever have been loved.

It took some work but eventually I 'belonged' to the Cullens. I fit in their puzzle and filled my spot. Emmett was the big brother that I never knew I wanted. He was loud, obnoxious, always ready with a joke, full of smart assed comebacks-and absolutely perfect for my sullen self. Alice was full of life, she was always in motion, and she never allowed me to say no to her hair brained schemes. I was always a part of them, often times not willingly, but still a part.

Carlisle and Esme also played a large part in my change. Carlisle was so patient and willing to listen. He was the first to allow me to talk, speak my mind. No matter how mean, bitter or wrong I was he allowed me to vent the confusing emotions. Esme on the other hand was my calm and peaceful resting place. I would go to her when I needed to be held and soothed. Often Esme was the person that I allowed to soothe my tears. Talking with Carlisle allowed me to open the festering wound and cleanse it of the vile feelings that kept it steeped in sickness, while Esme's gentle spirit and love was the salve that healed it and allowed it to close without any visible scars. All of them in their own way pulled me out of my shell. Showed me that life must go on and I could still enjoy being part of a family.

Later when Emmett started dating Rosalie and eventually Jasper started dating Alice, it simply added to the dynamics. Jasper provided the quiet calm reassurances of strength and fortitude. Rosalie had a hard exterior but a really soft heart under it all. She didn't let you in easily but once she did, she would die protecting you. They completed their partners in ways that were indescribable. I hoped, begged and prayed for a partner so that I had that possibility of the perfect future that I saw when I looked at all of them. When my eyes met Bella's across the cafeteria her first day of school in Forks, I knew. I knew I had found her, the one, my other half.

My heart skipped a beat and lurched in pain as I thought of her alone, and dealing with this kind of pain. I wanted to take it all away for her, make it all better. I quickly dialed Jasper to fill him in so I could call Bella.

He answered right away.

"Jas, you free?"

"Yeah, what's up, I thought you had to study today?" He sounded distracted.

"I do, but Alice just called me. Bella's Mom and Phil were on the plane that went missing in California. Bella's on her way back to Forks; Charlie wants her to go home."

"Holy shit, Edward, are you kidding me?" Jasper's normal laid-back manner was gone for the moment and he sounded just as blown away as I was over this news.

"No, I wish I was. Alice is a wreck." I ran my hand through my hair, the fairly common sign that I was indeed worried. "She's worried that Charlie will tell Bella that they didn't survive when she gets back to Forks. She's really scared, I told her I'd call you so you could call her and calm her down."

"Hold on, how did Alice find out?" The sounds that just seconds before surrounded Jasper suddenly quieted, he must have slipped off somewhere so he wouldn't be bothered by the noise any longer.

"Bella called her and told her, I guess. Look, I told Alice I'd call and talk to Bella. Do you think that is a good idea? I don't want to take advantage of an already terrible situation, but I know Bella needs some support right now." Once again I felt my hand run through my already unruly hair. My tell tale sign that I was nervous as hell. "Please tell me Jas, if this was you, would you call?" I begged him, worry and fear for Bella growing in my mind as the minutes ticked by. I felt the worst kind of pain knowing that she was alone here and needing to get home to Charlie.

"Edward, you should call. Bella needs the support, and we were all very close for a long time. It'd be normal for any of us to call. I'll call her later after I talk to Alice, to check in with her as well." I nodded like a fucking idiot, knowing that Jasper couldn't see it but the action made me feel better. "We need to be there for her, she's our family, no matter what happened. Call her dude. But look, just keep it short unless she wants to talk. Keep it friendly, no love stuff, got it?"

"Of course not, call Emmett and Rose for me, and then call Alice. I'll call Bella now. Please ask Em and Rose to check in on her as well, maybe if we all call she won't feel any pressure. She'll just know we care for her."

"Sure thing, you good?"

"Yeah, man, thanks. Talk to you later."

"Later."

I closed the phone, sat down on the edge of the bed, and took a deep breath.

_I could do this. Concentrate on her pain, and helping her, that will get you through the call. She needs you, and she's probably at her lowest now, so just take care of her._

I would worry about myself later. With that final thought I dialed the number and waited.

"Hello."

She sounded terrible; her voice was flat, and emotionless. I could hear the panic right below the surface.

_Maybe I could call Dad and have him give her something to help with her nerves, something mild to get her through this. _

"Bella, I hope it's okay that I called, I just talked to Alice and I wanted to check on you. Is this okay?"

I held my breath; I hoped that I haven't made anything worse on her.

_Please, please say it's okay Bella. _

Bella began talking to me; I couldn't tell you what in the world she said. I only listened to the tone of her voice, the absence of her emotions and the flat cadence that it flowed over the phone lines and into my ears. I realized that I had basically tuned out her words and had no idea what she was saying and if she needed me to do anything to help her get to Forks.

"I think I'm okay, but I feel like I'm in a fog, you know?"

All I wanted to do in that moment was hold her in my arms and let her cry her hurt out. It hurt knowing that I couldn't do that for her, her pain was hers this time and I couldn't help her. All I could do was offer her some useless words and hope that was enough. I would fly to Forks right now if she needed me, but I couldn't push her. She needed to ask for me.

I tried to reassure her with silly words about getting news like that and not taking it hard. I asked her to take care of herself. She had to know that she was still the most important person in my life, even though she wasn't technically still in my life; she still meant everything to me. She was my whole world. I never stopped loving her not for one moment and I knew that even after everything I never would love anyone else, she was it for me, I just hoped that one day she would realize it. I made her promise me that she would be careful.

"I will Edward, I have to go they're calling for me to board, call me later when I get to Forks, okay?"

My heart skipped a beat, hearing her ask for my call was the purest form of joy for me.

"I will love, talk to you soon."

I shut the phone and lay back on my bed. I thought that the pain of losing Bella was the greatest pain I've ever known, I was wrong, this was. I couldn't take this pain away for her. I couldn't really even make it any better, no matter what I did. I felt so helpless.

I called Em and Rose to make sure that Jasper called them, he could have a one track mind when it came to Alice. I couldn't blame him, I was the same with Bella, I put her before everything else.

"Hey Edward, you okay?"

"Yeah, Emmett, did Jasper call you about Bella?"

"He did, but he didn't talk much. He wanted to call Alice and check on her, but he told us what he knew. Did you call Bella?"

"Yeah, we didn't get to talk long. She was being called to board her flight. I think that might have been for the best though, not enough time to get myself into any trouble, just enough to let her know I was here for her. You know?"

"Well, dude, I'll call her later when Rose gets here so we can both talk to her. Don't worry about her. Between us and Charlie, we'll take care of her Ed. She's our family, as much as Rose and Jasper are, you know?"

"That's funny that's what Jasper said. I guess I never realized how everyone had really woven into one big family, and I didn't know you guys were so attached to Bella."

"Edward, you and Bella are meant to be together, you may take the long route to get there, but trust me it'll happen. She is our sister and we take care of our family. Don't ever forget that. She'll be fine. I'll call you after we talk to her, or call me if you get any more news. Okay?"

"Okay, talk to you later."

Who knew Emmett could have such a soft side. I knew he always liked Bella, but I never knew how attached he was to her. Now that I looked at it she completed our family, in a way no one else ever could. She had formed an attachment with each member in her own way, an attachment that each of us was looking for. She filled a void that couldn't be filled by any of the rest of us. I realized for the first time how her leaving affected us all, not just me. I was too involved in my own pain to see anyone else's pain. I felt like I had let them down a little, I retreated into my own world, and left them alone. Hopefully I could make that up to them.

I began pacing and wondering how long it would take her to get to Seattle, then Forks, and then settled at Charlie's. How long before I could call her again? I knew studying was not going to happen. So, I cleaned up my desk and closed my books. I knew this material anyway. I would pass with flying colors. I needed to talk to someone to keep from going crazy and flying home right now. I called our home number, and waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello."

"Mom, are you okay, you sound out of breath?"

"I'm fine, I was in the garage looking for something, and I had to run to get the phone in time. What about you Edward, are you okay?" The knowing tone to her voice let me know that she already knew what I was going through.

"Yeah, Alice called me about Bella. I called her and she was about to get on the plane, so we couldn't talk for long. It was so good to hear her voice but Mom, she sounded like hell. I almost didn't recognize her voice. I'm so worried about her. I don't know if she can take this, this is too much for her. How do I help her?" I let the emotions rush out of me and into the phone, hoping that Esme had the miracle answer for all of this.

"Edward, you can only be there for her, and be her friend. If she wants more than that she'll let you know. I know Alice is worried about the same thing, she feels terrible that she's all the way in New York when Bella needs her. I told her to hang on, you only have about a month to winter break, and all of you can come home. You all can see Bella then. Besides, she's stronger than any of you give her credit for." I sniffed and tried to stop the tears that were flowing when I thought of how broken Bella would end up over this if it turned out badly. "I'll go by later and see her and Charlie. I'll take them some food and offer my help. I don't know if I can really do anything but be there for them. Edward, she'll be okay, and you will as well." Her voice sounded so tender and sweet. Just as soothing as my Mom's did.

I closed my eyes and allowed my brain to drift back and remember my Mom as she was before her death.

I still can't believe when I look back that I ever thought Esme Cullen wasn't going to be a good mother, I had convinced myself when I came to live with them that she could never be as good as a mother as my mom was. I of course was wrong, Esme was born to be a mother and she waited patiently until I came around. She was wise enough not to try to push herself on me; she let me come to her. I loved her for every single thing she has ever done for me. I was so thankful for her being close to Bella as well; she has always been able to comfort Bella.

"How do you do that?" I asked my eyes still closed as the images of both my Mom and Esme together floated before my eyes.

"What?"

"Say exactly what I need to hear. You do it all of the time. Thanks for helping Bella, it means a lot to me. I'm sorry I interrupted you. I'll let you go. I'm going to try to get some studying done. Thanks Mom." I rarely called Esme Mom, and I knew how her eyes softened when I did, I knew she would understand the gratitude I felt towards her when I used those two words.

"You're welcome Edward, call me later, I'll update you."

And with that she hung up. I felt better knowing that my Mom was going to be with Bella shortly. It was as good as I was going to get. At least with her there I can call and check on Bella without pushing Bella's limits.

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**E/N: So...? They talked that is a start, right? Let me know what you think! Till next week...**


	10. Chapter 10 Lots and Lots of Waiting

**A/N: Hello and lots and lots of love to all the usual suspects~Jen, Mary, Amanda, Erin, Becky, Carla, Laurel, and Ness! You all are the best ever:) **

**Just in case you all have been under a rock and haven't heard me plug these fics before, I have a few rec's that I would like to pimp out from my Pea Pod girls- Truth, Lies and Alibis by Eternally Addicted, The Path We Choose by les16, and Cotton Creek by rtgirl. All of these fics will blow you away for different reasons. I guarantee that they are all amazing! I'm doing some Polyvore stuff for Cotton Creek so head over to my profile to see the link for it. **

**To all my reviewers and followers~I love ya all with the intensity of a thousand suns! You all rock so hard:) Thanks for your support!**

**Now on with it...**

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**Chapter 10-Lots and Lots of Waiting**

**Bella**

When we pulled into the driveway, Charlie remained silent. I was so overwhelmed with everything going on that not only was I not even sure that I could talk to Charlie right now, and if I could, I had no idea what to say. I am sure the medication that I took before I got on the plane was helping to contribute to my current state of mind, as I still felt half asleep.

Charlie helped me get my bags in and put them in my room. I started to unpack as Charlie sat down on the bed.

"Bella, I know this a lot to take in right now. I think right now we need to focus on your mom and this plane business, but soon we'll need to talk about you being pregnant." This was the most candid I had ever known Charlie to be, usually he was stoically silent, not hovering or confronting, waiting for me to come to him. "I'm hurt that you didn't call me, and I know you're a big girl now, but I never wanted you to struggle like this. This will make things so much harder for you and you'll have to work harder than others at your age." I could see the frustration building in his eyes; he was a policeman and needed to know all of the answers to formulate his thoughts and plans. In this case he didn't have all of the info; in fact he didn't have any info to go on. "Do you want to tell me when and with whom this happened? Was it Edward and why hasn't he done anything to help you?" His frustration was written all over his body language as he paced around the room. "I guess he isn't the man I thought he was, I'm disappointed in him." I could see Charlie trying to hold his anger in for now. I was glad he was, I couldn't take one more emotion into my brain at this moment.

"Dad, this isn't Edward's baby, that's why he hasn't done anything for me. I haven't even told him or Alice. I didn't want to involve them, this is my problem and I'll handle this." Charlie's face revealed his confusion, so I continued with my explanations. "It happened right after I got to college, I was at a party, and I drank some punch. I didn't realize it was spiked. It was so fruity you couldn't taste the alcohol. I ended up sleeping with a guy that had been flirting with me, I'm not even sure if I know his name." Charlie held up his hands and started to interrupt me so I continued on with my speech. I wanted it all out there and let him absorb it all. "So see, right now at this time because of my choices this is really mine and mine alone to take care of. I can do this and I have put a lot of thought into how to make this work. I _**can**_ do this, and more than anything I want this baby. I don't feel like this is a mistake, the timing is terrible I'll admit that. But I'm strong enough to make it through, and little extra effort is all I'll have to put in." I flopped down on the bed and tried to collect myself when I decided to tell Charlie about the talk I had with Renee. I needed him to see that I had talked it out and thought it out and my decision was completely made. I wasn't going to change my mind. "I talked to Mom about this yesterday, I told her about the baby. She wasn't happy about the timing either, but she said I would be fine. I believe her, I got my strength from you, and you of all people should know how stubborn I can be. I promise I'll be fine!" Just the mention of Renee's name out loud pulled me back to the real reason I was home in Forks having this conversation with Charlie. The breath was sucked out of my body as I processed the pain of possibly losing Renee and Phil. I dropped my head into my hands and willed away the tears.

Charlie sat quiet for a while, when I began to move around the room again, he began to talk again.

"Bella, I don't doubt you'll be fine. I just wanted a perfect life for you. You don't understand how hard it is to stand by and helplessly watch your children struggle, knowing there is nothing you can do to help them. You'll understand when this little one comes along," he said as he gestured to my stomach. "It's hell to have to stand by and watch. There are so many joys and they far outweigh the bad, but just one time and you'll understand what I mean. The hardest job you will ever have is being a parent. I love you Bella and I'll help you anyway I can." I was shocked at Charlie's sudden gift of the gab tonight. In fact I don't think we had ever had a conversation that lasted this long when I was home full time, I guess when he has something to say he gets it all out at once. "Have you decided where you'll have the baby, and what about school after it's born?"

"Angela and I have decided that we'll move off campus and get an apartment. We are so sick of dorm life, it's too loud and busy all of the time, most of the time I have to go to the library to study. We'll move to an apartment to have a little more space. I can keep my job and school schedule. Angela has agreed to help, and there's an on campus day care, they have longer hours than a regular day care. So I have a plan, I'll get my degree, and I'll do it with a baby. I'm not giving up on what I want, just because I have someone else to take care of now."

"I have to admit that you sound like you have put a lot of thought into the plan, and I'm glad to have you and Angela staying together. It's easier when you're not alone. I have always thought that Angela was a great girl, I'm glad she's there with you. Have you spoke with Alice? Does she know what is going on?"

"Yeah, I called her while I was waiting for my flight. She and I spoke for almost 2 hours." I hesitated to tell Charlie about Edward's call but I didn't think that he would be angry with Edward once I told him that it wasn't Edward's baby. He couldn't be angry at him for something that he didn't do. So I plugged ahead with my original conversation. "Then later, Edward called as I was about to board the plane. I told them both that I would check in with them when I knew something else. Alice said she felt like she let me down by being in New York and so far away. I told her it would be okay, she was with me in spirit and I knew it." Not having Alice or Edward close to help me through this was going to be harder than I thought. Just thinking of them so far away brought back the threat of tears. "If it's okay I want to lie down for a few minutes, seems like I'm always tired now." Charlie opened his mouth to say something but I held up my hand and spoke first. "I know a pregnancy symptom. I'll be down later."

"Take your time. I need to check in and see if any more details are available. I'll come get you if I know anything new. Sleep well."

I opened my phone and turned it back on. I had four missed calls, one from Angela, one from Jasper, one from Emmett, and one from Alice. No one left a message; I guess they weren't sure how to ask in an original way if I knew any new news. I'd call them back later, right now sleep is what I needed. I changed into a pair of sweat pants and one of Edward's hoodie. It was way too big, but it was comfortable to sleep in.

I'm not sure how much time had past but I woke up to, Charlie sitting on the edge of the bed, and quietly whispering, "Bella, are you awake? Esme is here and she wants to see you. I figured you wouldn't want her to know about the pregnancy so I didn't say anything. I told her you had gone up to rest. If you don't want to see her you don't have to. It's up to you. I can tell her you're asleep."

"Yeah, I'll be okay, but you're right I really don't want her to know about my pregnancy yet, so let's not mention it. Did you find out any details yet?"

"No, they think they have found the area that the plane may be however they are having a hard time getting to the site, it's on the side of a mountain, and they have to set up proper safety equipment to protect the rescue workers. It'll probably be tomorrow before they can actually start moving in to verify that they have found the plane and in turn start rescuing passengers, so really nothing yet. Sorry."

"That's okay, they have to be safe. Please tell Esme I'll be right down, I need to brush my teeth and my hair."

"Okay."

I could hear Charlie walking back down the stairs, and then I could hear the quiet murmurs of several voices. I wasn't sure who was here, but I knew it was more than just Esme. I headed into the bathroom and brushed both my teeth and hair. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, and started down stairs. I was met at the bottom of the stairs by Carlisle and Esme. Further in the living room I could hear Jacob, Billy, and Sue.

Carlisle and Esme stepped forward and paused. I guess they weren't sure if they should approach, I hated I had put them in this uncertain condition, however I really was only doing what Esme thought was best for her son. I stepped off of the last step and almost ran into Esme's arms. She closed them around me and I broke down. I cried while she held me. After a few minutes I heard Charlie suggest that she sit on the couch, as all the men left the room. I could hear their voices in the kitchen. Esme soothed me with quite whispers like my Mom did when I was a child. I held her close and allowed her to be my 'Mom', anything to help the hurt I had. She finally pulled away and asked "You feel better?"

"No, but I don't think anything can help at this moment. I just need to know, not be in limbo any longer. The not knowing is what is killing me. To think that her and Phil may be somewhere in the elements, and possibly hurt or in pain, it is just all too much you know?" I struggled to make the right words express the mixed up cauldron of emotions I felt right now.

"Yes, I completely understand. What can I do for you?"

"You're doing it, just be with me, okay?" I was puzzled why the woman who unknowingly ruined my life a few short months ago was now my salvation, and why I was allowing her to be that salvation for me.

"Of course anything for you, I talked to Alice, Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Rose all today. They all wanted to know how you were. They each wanted me to tell you they were sorry, they loved you and if you needed any of them they would fly back for you, just say the word." She brushed my hair off to the side and kissed the side of my head before she continued her conversation with me. "I think Emmett has an exam he's trying to get out of, he was the first to offer to fly back. You know Emmett." She chuckled. "Would you like to call them?"

"Yes, let's call them. They each called me while I was in the plane, so I need to return their call anyway. Let's start with Alice. I know she's the most freaked out."

"Whatever you want, do you have all of their numbers or do you need to use my phone?"

"No I have them." I flipped open my phone and fumbled with it, I wasn't sure if I could do this without help, so I asked Esme, "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course."

I was scared to put my emotions on the line with Esme, I wasn't sure if I could trust her again after hearing her true feelings about me, but I had no one else to turn to at this moment. It was also hard to turn off the love I felt for her for all those years before this happened. I felt trapped between these emotions but, I knew I would have to worry about all of this later, for now I needed to accept whatever comfort I could.

"Hi Alice, how are you doing? I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, I was on the plane and then when I got home I took a nap. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"Bella, I'm so glad you called, I'm fine now that I have heard from you. Did you find out any news?"

"Not much, they think they have located where the plane may be but it is on the side of a mountain so getting to the location is difficult. They are hoping that they can get the rescue workers in sometime tomorrow, however they are still trying to determine what will be the safest way to go about it. It'll probably be tomorrow morning before we know what they find."

"Oh Bella. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing right now, I'm fine for now. It's just the suspense. It is killing me, I would rather know, I think at least then I could get myself in order." Alice sobbed on her end of the phone. I wanted her with me but there was no way I could ask her to fly across the country and miss out on school, just to sit and wait with me. "But, anyway I'm here with Esme. She's holding me and letting me cry on her shoulder so I'm so glad for her. I have always thought of her as my other Mom so it is nice to have her, I just hope that she won't be my only Mom." And with those words I was crying again, along with Esme and Alice. Carlisle and Charlie poked their heads into the living room and saw the tears and both stepped back out. It took each of us a few minutes to get it together, but we didn't have any shame in sharing it with each other.

"I'm sorry I guess that was building up and I needed to let off some of the pressure. I promise to try to be better." I said to Alice and Esme both.

"Bella, don't apologize, you have every right to cry right now, hell you can cry, kick, scream yell, whatever you want to throw at me is fine, I am so sorry that I'm not there for you right now, but I promise, I will be there as soon as I can. I have about three weeks before I can leave for winter break, but the first flight I can get I'll be in Forks."

"I know Alice, I know, and please don't feel bad, I know you have school and honestly there isn't a whole lot you can do right now. It will be nice to see you when you can get here though. I guess I had better go so I can call Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Rose. I told Edward I would call when I got in and I didn't, and the others called while I was on the plane. So I haven't spoke with any of them. I love you Al, call me later, okay?"

"Love you too, and you call anytime you want."

I hit the end button and called Jasper next, I wanted to save Edward for last.

"Jasper, I am so sorry that I missed your call."

"Bella, don't ever apologize for that. How are you my second love?"

I love it when Jasper called me that; I knew he was trying to show me how special I was to him. Not very many people were special in Jasper's eyes, I felt privileged to be in that group. Jasper always tried to take people at face value and never judge them based on what others thought of them. It was still hard to crack his hard outer shell and make it to his inner circle; it took a while before I felt like I had made it. It felt good to truly say that each of us had our own friendship independent from the relationship we had with our significant others. "I've been better, I still don't know anything and it looks like I won't until at least tomorrow. They think that the plane may have gone down on the side of a mountain, and they to decide what is the safest way to get into the location before they can send rescue workers in. It'll be in the morning before they can go in and start searching. So, for now I'm just on hold. I would feel better if I just knew. I would know how to plan my next moves and thoughts."

"I know baby, I know. I can't imagine what you're going through. We'd all be there right now, if we could get away, you know that right? It was all I could do to keep Alice in her dorm. That took some work, let me tell you." His chuckle settled my nerves. He made light of the way Alice felt but I knew he had a hell of a time getting her to stay in New York where she belonged for now. "We'll be there as soon as we can, and we'll work through this with you. You know you're still family, we can't let you go that easy! Is there anything we can we do for you now?"

"I think I'm good for now, I just need to wait. I'm here with Esme, she has been great. We have held each other and when I called Alice, all three of us cried together." I knew that Jasper didn't care about our little crying fest but it made me feel much better. "I'll be fine, I know I will, it'll just take time. If I keep saying that, then maybe it'll be true, right?"

"Aw, baby it'll be true one day, not today, but one day. They say your pain lessens with each day, but I think you actually grow stronger each day. That is what I think, and we know you, Bella Swan, are already very strong, so don't you worry about being able to handle this. You'll be fine; I know this as sure as I know my name."

"Jasper, have I told you how much I love you? You always know what to say, and when I need to hear it. Thank you more than you'll ever know. It's a good thing you are in love with my best friend or I would be stalking you, you know that right?"

"I know Bella, and I would enjoy it. I'm going to let you go, I know you have more people to call. I love you girl, call me if you need to anytime, it doesn't matter how big or how small, you promise?"

"I love you more Jasper Whitlock, and yes I promise!"

He hung up and I leaned my head down on Esme's shoulder. I looked up into her beautiful eyes and just smiled at her.

"That Jasper is one great catch, and I'm so glad Alice caught him. He should be a Psychiatrist, I swear. He makes me feel so much better, with just a few simple words. I love him so much!" I took a few minutes to thank my lucky stars that I had such a great group of friends. "Okay now I guess it is time to call Em and Rose."

I dialed again from memory and Emmett picked up on the first ring.

"Bells?"

"Em, were you waiting on me to call or what?"

"Jingle Bells, you know I was. Are you doing okay?"

"Emmett, I guess. That's as good as word as any to describe what I am. I could be worse, but I could be better. I just want them to get into that plane and let me know what's going on. I can handle what they find, I just need to know. This not knowing is driving me out of my mind and I can't take it any longer." My voice raised as I finished the sentence, the emotion taking control of me. "I was able to catch it on CNN, they didn't say much but they mentioned that the plane disappeared from radar and that they think they have the site where it may be located." His voice dropped down in volume, "Don't tell Jasper or Edward I watch that channel, they'll never let me forget it, but I have." He was right about Jasper and Edward; they would tease him about the CNN thing. "I was just hoping to hear something. I'm on the edge with you, you know that right?"

"Yes, Emmett I know. I love you all so much and I know you're all with me. I can't wait to see you all again, you know go back to the way we were. Young, stupid and without a care." Emmett snorted at my comment, I'm sure he was certainly remembering some of those stupid and without a care moments we lived through. "Okay, well, some of us were more stupid than other, but still. You know what I mean."

"Belly I swear, you get meaner each time I talk to you. You have spent too much time with Edward and Jasper." I laughed my first honest laugh in several months. It felt so good to have a small part of my normal back. Emmett on the other hand took more offense and added to his comment to further wound me. "I'm moving you down on my list of favorite people; you're at least three spots lower. I mean it." More laughing on my end and a few snickers on his end as well. "Do you want to talk to Rose, she's about to jump over the couch and tackle me?"

"Yeah, let me talk to her, I love you Emmett."

"I know and I love you back, Bellarina."

I heard Rose take the phone and smack Emmett, in what I assume to be the back of his head. "You kept me waiting you big lug!" Her words drifted across to me as she took over the phone from him.

"Hey Bella." Her tone was soft and caring, one that was not heard often from Rosalie.

"Rose, I'm sorry I didn't know he would talk so long, and keep you waiting. How are you both doing?"

"Bella, he has been beside himself all day, he's worried sick over you. He couldn't stand sitting here and not doing anything. He almost left three times." I was not surprised at all to hear that about Emmett. His huge size was extremely intimidating but his heart was just as big as his massive frame. Once you were in his inner circle he took care of you no matter what you needed. "I found him on the internet looking up flight info two times. I made him promise to wait until winter break, but he made me promise that if you called and needed us we would go early." I had no doubts what so ever that all of them would fly back in tonight if I needed them all. I just didn't know what to do at this point. I had no idea what the outcome would be, so again we would have to wait and see. "So, you call us if you need too, to tell the truth I'm secretly hoping for that option also, but don't tell Emmett, he won't let me live it down."

"I'm just so lost Rose, I keep saying that if I at least knew something I would be able to decide what I'm going to do, but this limbo that I am stuck in means I'm just feeling so lost. I hope they'll be able to get in there first thing in the morning and start searching. But we don't know for sure, they are giving Charlie a little more info that the normal person because of who he is, so for that I can be thankful. But I really want to know." My ears recognized the sound of the frustration in my voice leaking out and lacing my words with bitterness.

"Is there anything we can do for you right now?"

"Nah, I've spoken with Alice, Jas, and you guys. I need to call Edward next. He called while I was trying to board the plane, so I told him I would call him back. I appreciate all of you more than you know."

"Bella, you go and call Edward. If you get any updates, call him and he can call us. That'll make it easier on you, not so many people to remember to call and fewer times to repeat the same info, how does that sound?"

"I'll call Alice and she can tell Jasper, and Edward can call you. I'll see you all soon, right?"

"Yes, we'll be there as soon as we can, and Bella, everything is going to be ok, we are all here for you and you will never be alone, each and every one of us loves you."

"Thank you, Rose, I needed to hear that and please know, I love you and Emmett so much, thanks for sticking with me."

"Anything for Emmett's Bellarina. You go and call Edward. And Bella…please take care of yourself, okay?"

"Okay, Rose, bye."

I just had to get through the next phone call, of course that would be the one that would tear my heart apart. The fact that I needed him and wanted him here with me, holding me and yet not able to ask for him, I knew that it would break my heart. I just had to hold to my resolve, I did this, I broke things off, I want him to have what Esme wants him to have and obviously being with me will hold him back so I have to hold firm and not break down. It may break me but in the end, I have a piece of him with me at all times and that would have to be enough to get me through.

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**As always you are welcome to let me know what you think, you know I love to hear it!**


	11. Chapter 11 Barely Holding On

**A/N: What is this? A chapter posting early? Yes, this chapter is posting early and you all can thank BcTwiheart! She sent me a pm and begged for an update, well guess what I have a business trip tomorrow so I wouldn't be able to post till late tomorrow night. Then bam this pm comes in and begs in such a nice way for an update, so here you have it! I love that you care enough to want an early update BcTwiheart, so thanks:)  
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**Hello, love you and thanks to all of the same people...Jen, Carla, Mary, Amanda, Erin, Ness and Laurel! Come on February, please get here soon! **

**Okay a few stories to pimp out, all from my girls so you probably are reading them already, but just in case...**

**Truth, Lies and Alibis by Eternally Addicted, The Path We Choose by les16, and Cotton Creek by rtgirl (I'm doing Polyvore for this one so make sure to go and see all my hard work, lol!)**

**All three are great stories and on my fav list so head on over and start them!**

**To the rest of you, read and review for me, so I know what you are thinking!**

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**Chapter 11- Barely Holding On**

**Bella**

Before I called Edward I glanced up at Esme there was such a sadness in her eyes, I wasn't sure if it was for this situation or something else. I really wanted to ask her the question that I had been plaguing me for almost 6 months, I wanted, no I needed to know why I wasn't good enough for Edward. What was it that made me so wrong for him, was something I could do to change who I was so that I could be enough for him? If there was anything that I had learned through this situation was that I needed him more now than any other time in my life, but because of Esme's opinion and my need to do what was best for him, he wasn't here. I knew that I could wait until winter break, and at the very least see him but would that be enough, would that be what finally caused me to crack completely. And really, what about him? It sounded like he wanted to talk to me, and that was good I think that I could handle talking to him on a regular basis and that may help me to get me through all of this. At least that's what I hoping for, his strength and love to be there to help me get through what could be the most traumatic point in my life, but was that fair to him, isn't that doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do, and how could I talk to him and not deal with the giant pink elephant that was standing in the room? How much would him knowing about the baby change all of this?

I finally decided it was better to think about all of this later, for now, I need to hear the voice I have missed for almost 6 months, so I dialed the number I had wanted to dial all afternoon.

As he answered I noticed that his voice was muffled and groggy with sleep. "Edward, did I wake you? Is it too late?"

"Bella, no I was just dozing off and on. I was waiting for either Alice or you to call me. To be honest, I wouldn't have slept well without hearing from you so I am glad that you called." I could hear his hand rubbing through his hair. I could close my eyes and see him clearly. "How are you? You sound better than you did earlier."

"Yeah, I don't even know how I was forming coherent sentences at that point, I had taken a mild sedative before I got on the plane, I managed to sleep the whole way to Seattle and still had to take a nap after I got home to Forks, I feel a lot better now so I guess it helped. I had intended on calling you sooner, but I just needed more rest, sorry."

"Bella, don't apologize for taking care of yourself. I understand." The anguish in his voice was clear.

"I wasn't sure if I could get on a plane after hearing about Mom and Phil especially by myself, you know? I was so scared, but the sedative helped, it wasn't real strong, just enough to help me sleep, so I didn't have to think about anything." For some reason I felt the need to explain my sedative use to Edward. He obviously didn't know about the baby but somewhere in my grief stricken, hormonal mind I still felt like he needed to understand that I wasn't putting his child in any danger. "The Doctor said it would be ok to take as long as I would have someone to drive me home once I landed." Edward drew in a breath, I wasn't sure of the reason; I knew as the son of a doctor that he wasn't opposed to medications but any other reason escaped my mind at the moment.

"Charlie woke me up, when your Mom and Dad got here. Your Mom has been sitting with me since. I told her that I have always thought of her as my extra Mom so it was good that she's the one here for me now." I smiled up at Esme as she smoothed my hair out and returned the smile to me. I was still confused by her seemingly honest show of emotions towards me, but she was as close to Alice and Edward as I could get so I shut that train of thought down again.

"I called Alice first, I hope that was okay, you know how she is and I figured if I didn't call her soon, she was going to be on a flight to Forks. I also made sure to call Jasper, Em, and Rose, I know how worried they were. I wanted to call you last; I wanted us to have more time to talk." I didn't know how he felt, he hadn't given any indication as to his feelings yet, so I was still in the dark. I know it was so selfish to take the comfort from two people that may not really care that much about me, but for the moment I wanted it and so I would deal with what happened later when later got here. "I don't really know where we stand, and I don't want anything to be strange between us. So tell me what to do and say so we can be okay." I wanted things back to normal with us. I just needed him to be normal and help me get through this.

"Bella, you say whatever you want, I'm here for you. I'll be here for you in any way you need me to be. You need to let me know what you want. You're the one that changed things, not me. I know what I want from you, my feelings, and my love for you has never changed at all for me. I'm not going to assume anything. I will do anything you ask, do you understand what I'm saying?" The tone of his voice revealed to me the hidden meaning that his words only alluded to.

"Edward, I know exactly what you're saying. I'm just so confused right now, so please don't be angry that I don't know what I want. I think this has turned my world upside down and it'll take me some time to figure it out." I sat back and shut my eyes, willing myself to hold the emotion in and not show Edward how close to the surface my true feelings really were.

"I know that Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, Esme and especially you are the biggest part of my world and I can't get through this without you. I know that's not really fair to you, and I won't ask you to do more than you can. I don't want to hurt you anymore." I took a moment to breath in and try to collect my thoughts again, I figured now was as good as any to work out what we had been through over the past few months. I wanted, no needed him to know how much I was hurt by the actions that I chose as well. I didn't think that would bring him any comfort but I needed him to know that I did really love him and never wanted to hurt him. "I know what I did before hurt you a lot and I want you to be okay, as well. You need to know that my true feelings have always been filled with love for you. I never started out to hurt you, in any way. I promise." He remained silent but I could hear him breathing. I knew that he would need time to weight his words and decided what he wanted to say to me. Edward had always been an over thinker. I plowed ahead with my explanation, "We need to promise to be completely honest with each other, if something is out of the bounds or more than what we can take, we need to feel comfortable with telling each other that. Do you agree?" I bit on my lower lip and waited with baited breath for his answer.

"Bella, I promise to tell you if anything becomes too much and to be totally honest with you." That was as much as I could get from him for now. "Now tell me about you, how have you been? I've almost picked up the phone a million times to call you, and I wasn't sure if I should. I have missed you as my best friend just as much as I have missed you as my girlfriend, does that make any sense to you?"

"Yes, I completely understand, I told Angela the same thing. I spent every day with all of you and to go cold turkey and not see all of you for five months; it is like a form of torture." It seemed so much longer than five months that I had been away from Edward, yet in another way it seemed like no time had gone by at all. "It is hard to think about with how close we all have been that we each went to our own little part of the country, except of course weak assed Rose and Emmett. Who knew they would be the wimps?" I chuckled and couldn't believe that after a few minutes I was able to laugh again. Edward always had that kind of pull on me.

"How's school Bella, and what about your job? How's the job going?"

"Well surprise, it's in the campus library, it's like they knew me or something. I love it, the classes are kind of tough this semester. I'm doing well so far, nothing too difficult, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that the really hard ones aren't coming." Edward sounded shifty like he was searching for something to keep us on the phone. He had no idea that I would start to find excuses to keep him here as long as possible. "I have some reading and few papers to do while I'm here. Each of my professors agreed to allow me to do an extra paper instead of taking the final so that I could complete the semester. That way I won't have to retake all three courses. That'll save me a semester, and since I think I'll have to sit out one semester anyway, I don't want to waste another one." I clapped my hand over my mouth; I couldn't believe I had allowed that little piece of info to slip out. A few minutes of talking with Edward and all of my walls had come down and I was ready to spill all of my secrets to him.

"What do you mean sit out a semester?" His voice rose in anticipation of my response.

"Well, I think depending on the outcome of all of this I may either have to help Renee and Phil with any recovery that they have or stay here in Forks for a little while after all this clears over, you know getting myself together. I don't want to push myself, and try to pretend that I'm okay if I'm not. I don't want to sound weak, but this may take some time, and I feel like I deserve it." This was a real concern of mine but not the exact excuse that would keep me out of class for a whole semester.

"Bella, you talk like you know how this is going to end, do you know something I don't?" Concern laced his voice as he asked.

"Not officially, but I have a gut feeling. I may be wrong, but I don't think so. I'm certainly not going to pretend with myself. I figured that it would be better to meet this thing head on, and deal with it from the start. Does that make sense?"

"Of course it makes sense, it just sounds like a hard thing to do and most people don't have the guts to do it. I'm proud of you Bella. I always knew how strong you were, but every once in a while you surprise me." I could hear the longing in his voice and I wondered if he was thinking back to the time when I could crawl in his lap and take comfort from him without any questions asked. I certainly was. "You know that is what drew me to you when we first met. Most girls do and say all the same things. They're not original, it's like they were shaped from a mold and they're really all the same. You however, were always different, always say things that surprise me." He sat for a moment of silence; I was on the edge of my seat to find out what he wanted to say. "I love that about you, you do what you feel you need, and not what everyone else thinks you should. Make sure you never change that, don't ever let anyone tell you that you need to conform, you hear me?" I nodded at his request and realized that he couldn't see me.

"I will, Edward, I promise."

"That's your strongest trait and that's what is going to get you through this. We'll be with you every step of the way, but you're going to do this yourself. You're strong enough."

"Edward, thank you. I need to hear that a million more times, I'm not foolish enough to think that this will be easy, but I know I can make it." The resolve in my voice was stronger than I felt at the moment; I still had the final answer to get through.

"Jasper told me that people say that the hurt lessens with each day, but that's not true. We get stronger each day and learn how to deal with it. How you guys always know what to say to make me stay strong is beyond me." I never wanted to get off of the phone with him; I would stay there all night with him. But I knew that I needed my sleep. So I said the words that I never wanted to utter. "I guess I'd better go, so your Mom and Dad can go home. Your Mom has been with me for several hours now, and I think she'd like her lap back. I don't know what I did to deserve you and your family, but I swear one day I'll pay you all back. I don't care if it takes a lifetime, I'll do it." I stood on shaky legs and stepped away from the couch and away from Esme. "I think it's the Japanese language that has about fifty different ways to say I love you for different meanings, and I wish I knew them all because I'm sure that they'd all apply to your family. Thank you for not hating me and for still being my friend, and mostly for being here for me now. I'm not sure I would be strong enough without you. I'll call you in the morning when I know something. What's your schedule for tomorrow?"

"I'm in class from eight until twelve, and then I have a class from two until five. So most of the day, but I'll leave my phone on vibrate. Why don't you send me a text and then I can text you in class. I won't be able to hear your voice, but I'll at least know you are okay. Is that good?"

"That's perfect; promise me you'll call me here at the house when you get out of your last class." I remembered that Rose and Em asked me to have him call them to let them know the updates. "Oh yeah, Rose and Em said for me to call you with any updates and you can relay to them. That way I would have fewer people to call."

"That's fine, I'll be glad to relay for you. Goodnight sweet Bella, sleep well. Take those pills if you need them. Don't try to be stronger than you need to be, admit you need them if you do."

"I will Edward, don't worry about me I'm better now. I'll talk to you tomorrow, sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams to you, love."

I shut the phone and looked at Esme; she was smiling this large wonderful smile. I couldn't figure her out at all.

"What is that smile for?" I asked hoping she would give me an honest answer.

"The way you were holding the phone I could hear Edward's side of the conversation. He's a changed man, not that he was bad before, but it's so wonderful to hear how he is with you. I think we have done something right for him to have grown and become the man he is today. I'm glad you two still have each other in whatever way you consider your relationship." She pulled me in a hug and held me for a minute, her sweet soft smell enveloped me and it was hard to imagine that just a few months ago she was talking about me ruining Edward's life, what could have changed in those 5 months for her to say this now. Is she just saying these things to make me feel better now, or does she mean them. I would have to process this later, I just didn't know hot to handle it now. "I think you're right I'm going to take Carlisle home. I'll be back tomorrow. I would like to stay with you if you don't mind? I know you have Charlie, but you know how guys are with emotional displays. I figure I can handle those and he can take care of all the other stuff, besides I can cook better than he can." I nodded enthusiastically at her, again I knew I was probably clinically insane but I couldn't help but accept her help. "I'll call before I come; to make sure you have enough rest. I'll see you in the morning, sweet Bella. Sleep tight."

"I will thank you so much."

She turned to look towards the kitchen where the men stayed huddled up and away from the emotional display. "Carlisle, are you ready?" her voice called out sweetly.

All at once the men emerged from the kitchen, obviously deciding that it was safe to enter the emotional zone again. They all filed sheepishly into the room, as Carlisle stepped up to give me a hug.

"Bella you call if you need anything, it doesn't matter what time it is." He leaned back to look me over.

"I promise, thank you for coming, I needed it more than I realized." His calm and caring manner put me at ease and made me feel so cared for.

I turned to Esme, and hugged her. She just held me until I was ready to let her go. She kissed my head, and they both turned in unison to go out the door.

Billy, Jacob and Sue all came into the room, wearing their coats.

I felt terrible that I had allowed them to be here all evening and I had spent it huddled up on the couch with Esme talking to everyone else. I rushed to explain, "I'm so sorry that I wasn't a better hostess, I kind of got lost in the emotions. I really feel awful, don't leave yet." I laid my hand on Billy's wheelchair to stop him from heading towards the door. "Please let's go into the kitchen, Esme said there was some food, I could warm you something to eat, will you stay for a while longer?"

Billy spoke up as he grabbed my hand.

"Bella, we're here for you, you don't have to feel like our hostess. You do what you need, and we'll take care of ourselves. Don't apologize for spending time with someone who means so much to you."

Sue placed her hand on my shoulder and moved my hair off to the side. Her warm smile enveloped me in peace as she said, "We only want to see you happy and if that makes you happy, then we're happy. We'll go and come back tomorrow, we'll eat then. How does that sound?" She nodded her head at me and I repeated the gesture.

"Billy and I will come first thing, and Jacob will come after school. I'll leave him the keys so he can drive my car. I promise we'll be here. So sleep well."

Jacob bumped my shoulder with his as he filed out the door. Sue, and Billy hugged me and went out the back door.

Charlie and I worked in silence while putting away the large amount of food people brought over. The refrigerator was full by the time we were done. It was nice to live in a small town for many reasons, and this was one of them. Their attitudes were 'You took care of your own', especially since it was their Chief of Police that needed help. Countless times Charlie had been there for them in their time of need, and now they saw it as their chance to pay him back. I appreciated Forks for how well they took care of the person who was so special to me. I definitely had grown to think of Forks as my home.

When we were finished we said our goodnights and each went up to bed.

I stopped in the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and wash my face while I was in there I took another pill. When I was finished I climbed into bed, and turned out the light. For a moment I felt like if I closed my eyes tight enough I could feel Edward with me. But when I opened my eyes again, the feeling of him was gone. I realized I couldn't relax without hearing his voice one more time so picked up the phone, and dialed him.

"Bella, hello, are you okay?" He had been asleep, his rough unused voice sounded so sexy.

"Edward, this is silly but I'm in bed and needed to hear your voice again. Is that okay?"

"Bella that's fine. What do you want me to talk about?" Uncertainty hanging off of every word that he spoke. We still were in the unsure awkward stage with each other.

"Just put in one of your piano CD's for me and I can listen with you until I fall asleep."

"Yeah, hold on, I'll get one. Be right back."

I could hear him moving around and then the music started, he turned on his iPod and put it in the dock. It came through the phone just like I was there with him. I listened for a few minutes and as I felt myself drift off, I said "Edward, I think I am falling asleep on you."

"Don't worry Bella, I'll let it play for about 10 more minutes and then hang up."

I smiled again, and then said "You mean the world to me, love you." I was too tired to worry about the words that came out of my mouth, and since Edward never responded I let it go.

Turning over, I closed my eyes for the night. I never heard him hang up.

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**So...are you liking it or hating it? Let me know, I love hearing from you!**


	12. Chapter 12 Finally An Answer, But Will I

**A/N: Hello to all of the usual suspects-Jen, Carla, Mary, Erin, Amanda, Ness and Laurel-you all keep encouraging me and I love you for it!**

**Thanks to twilightink for being so invested in my story that you send me pm's begging for info. And to the rest of you that are reviewing to let me know how much you do or don't like it, I really appreciate it, more than you will know. **

**I swear that I have some music to go with this story, I just have to get my act together and put in on here. I swear I will!**

**The blog has so much stuff on it...outfits, music, story rec's, Rob Porn, all kinds of stuff. So please go over and check it out for me. I do have stuff on the profile as well, so if you're lazy like I am then check it out on there. I won't be angry, I promise. **

**Now on with the show...

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Chapter 12-Finally an answer, but will I like it?**

**Bella  
**

I woke up with a smile, I talked to Edward three times yesterday, and who wouldn't smile over that. Then it hit me that today might be the day that we could be finding out about my mom, and that took the smile away. It was not a good day. I looked at the clock, it was 7:28, early enough that I could send a text and be okay. So I sent one to the group.

**A,J,Em,R,E**

**I'm so glad to talk to each of u last night.**

**Deep down inside I don't want today to be the day but then again I do. I can get thru it knowing u all r there 4 me!**

**I luv u all! Tlk 2 u all soon!**

**B**

My phone buzzed back right away, so I flipped it back open. It was Edward.

**B**

**Glad 2 tlk 2 u as well. I'll call when I can, hang in there, u'll do fine. Luv u back!**

**E**

Then Jasper.

**B**

**Ur so tuff! Dont 4get it! Luv u long time!**

**J**

Then Emmett and Rose.

**HellsBells**

**Ur a rock star, today will be good, call when u can, We luv u more!**

**Em & Rose**

And last but not least Alice.

**B**

**Ur da man! Things will work out 2day, trust me I know!**

**U know Im never wrong! Luv u more than my luggage!**

**A**

And that is why I loved them as much as I did.

I sent another to Edward by himself.

**E**

**Can u hold my hand and help me get thru one more day?**

**B**

I got one right back.

_Did he sit on that thing?_

**B**

**I already am love!**

**E**

_Oh boy, he was not going to make my job of deciding exactly how to make this work between us easy._

I would do what I could to make this look like I could handle it, but it was so far from easy. I needed him and I wanted to try to not call and say 'please come get me'. I wasn't sure that was fair to him. I opened the phone again and called Alice.

"Hello sunshine, did you get my text back?" Her sweet voice responded to me just like she already knew I was the one to call. I'll bet she didn't even look at her caller id.

"Yes and one from Jasper, Em and Rose and Edward, and then another from Edward. I'm trying to be strong and not call him. I know it's not fair to him to beg him to come and hold me in his arms all day long. I'm just not sure I can resist. My brain says that it is not right to ask him anything like that considering what I did to him, but, Alice, my heart says that I can't get through this without him by my side. Tell me what to do, I pleaded with her.

"Bella, Edward will do whatever you need him to do, if you need him to come to and hold you, he will. Just call him and tell him that." She sounded sure of this fact, as if she and Edward had already discussed his intentions.

"Alice I know he will, but do I have the right to call and ask? I mean what I did to him was awful. He wasn't even expecting me to break up with him. I totally blindsided him with it." I stood and began to pace the room. "I did the thing I promised I would never do to him. I deserve his hate and curses, not his love and support. I'm sick in the head, I'm sure of it." I began to run my hands through my hair, a gesture that I had picked up from Edward. "Surely there is a name for the illness I have. Come on, Carlisle is a doctor why don't you know what it's called?" I knew that this was not logical thinking on my part, but the larger part of my brain kept screaming _call him and ask him to come and help you_.

"Bella, you were confused and you panicked. He doesn't hate you because you had a perfectly normal reaction. He loves you deeper than I have seen in a long time." I snorted at her assurances that he still loved me. She continued but her voice sounded cautious like she was explaining to a two year old the meaning of life. "I have seen the two of you communicate in looks, and slight touches. He responds to you from across the room, and that is a love that doesn't go away. He'll help you no matter what you need."

I interrupted her thoughts, "Alice, I don't deserve his love or even his concern. _**I broke up with him!**_"

My crazy ramblings obviously didn't sway her opinions at all because she continued on in a calm manner. "You two were also best friends, not just boyfriend and girlfriend. He'll support you for that reason alone. Don't over think this and don't panic. Just allow your gut reaction to lead you, follow your heart and you'll be fine."

"That is the problem Alice, I don't know which one to follow, my heart or my gut? What if things have changed since we have been apart? What if I'm not the same person I was then, what if I've changed? Will he be okay with that?" The thought of telling him that I was pregnant with his child and hid that fact from him suddenly scared the hell out of me, I knew me hiding this from him would hurt him more than anything else. He would have wanted to be a part of watching his child grow, even if it was growing in my stomach still at this point. I knew that Alice couldn't say with certainty that he would be able to over look that point.

"Bella, Edward is not unreasonable, he can be flexible. Obviously something about the way you were needed changing. So if you went and changed then he will recognize it as something that was important to you and if it is important to you, then he'll accept the change. You're thinking again, instead of feeling." I think Alice missed her calling, I knew she loved fashion but I was certain that she would have made a hell of a psychiatrist.

"Alice what if this is a big change, a change that will affect the rest of my life?" I continued on, perhaps she could give me an indication about how Edward would accept this change. How she could do that when I refused to tell her what the change was, was beyond me.

"Bella, maybe you should talk this out with Edward. He still loves you and I know he would be open to at least talking about it. He's the only one that can answer the "is it too late" question."

_Oh if she had any idea of how too late it was. _

"Today might not be the best day, but soon you two need to talk about this. I don't want two of the people I love hurting, when they could be happy with just a little effort. I gotta run, I have class; I'll talk to you when I get out. Please text me with any updates that you get. I love you girl!"

"Bye Alice." I was still no closer to the assurances that Edward would not flip out at my news.

As I was closing my phone, Charlie knocked on the door and I called out to come in. He sat on the bed; this was not a good sign. He never stayed long in my room, I'm sure the idea of it was off putting to him. He never hovered.

"Bella, you okay kid? Are you sure you can handle the stress? I don't want to put you or the baby in any danger. You feel free to come up and rest or get away from the craziness at any time you need to. Promise me you'll do that?"

"I will, the baby is most important, I won't do anything that will risk his or her health. I promise." Charlie's smile was warm and genuine. I think he was coming around to the idea of a grandchild.

"Okay, Esme called she is picking up breakfast and coming over. I told her you were up, that I had heard you talking on the phone. You better go shower and get down there." Charlie stood to leave my room; he stopped in the doorway and turned to face me. "I'd suggest wearing the same hoodie you have on, that covers you enough that you don't notice my little grandchild poking its head out there in the middle of your belly." Charlie patted my belly and I could feel the baby move slightly. He smiled and then his face took on a serious look. "Bella, I know you better than you think, and I know the story you gave me is not the truth. I'll wait on you to give me the true story and to tell me what you have decided to do about this."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" I knew it was useless but I feigned shock.

"Bella I've been in law enforcement for over twenty years. I know crap when I hear it, and I know my girl. She's not the kind to go to a party and drink, much less hook up with a stranger. So you decide what you want to do and I'll stand by you. Just decide it quickly before he comes home and finds out for himself, okay?" I gave a slight nod to him. I was embarrassed that we had to even have this conversation, not that I regretted my pregnancy but I regretted the fact that it happened now.

With those parting words of wisdom, Charlie closed the door and left me alone with my thoughts. So much for fooling him, I should have known that I can't lie very well to anyone, especially my police chief father. I just need to stick to the truth.

Now do I tell Edward the truth, and if I do, what will it mean for us? Has Esme changed her mind about me and if not how will that affect us if we get back together?

Too many questions for me for right now, I needed to shower and get ready to deal with today. As I climbed off of bed, I grabbed my clothes to take with me into the bathroom. My mind was racing a million miles per minute as I closed the door. I undressed and turned on the shower; knowingly I stood back and waited for the hot water to kick in.

Catching my reflection in the mirror, I could see a nice little baby bump growing. I rubbed it softly and was greeted with a swift kick to my hand. Amazement crossed my brain at the feeling, so I patted it again, and felt one more strong kick. To say I loved this baby and I was wrapped around its finger already was truly an understatement.

I wasn't sure if Edward would feel like that, and it would crush me if he didn't. I tried very hard to make a logical list of pro's and con's about this situation. But it seemed like no matter how many pro's got added to the list, the same amount of con's were added on the other side. The elusive factor that would once and for all tip the scales, to allow me to decide either way was always out of reach for me. So it seems I was still stuck in the middle.

I stepped into the shower and started to wash my hair. Today's agenda was about a totally different topic anyway, so we would worry about this tomorrow. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for the answer, I wasn't sure which answer I was praying for. I just wanted one, I would be happy with one today. Tomorrow I would work on the next problem, if I lived through today.

After I finished my shower, I pulled my hair up into a bun, put on some loose clothes and headed downstairs. I heard the noise drifting up the stairs, when I hit the bottom step the noise reached its peak. It sounded like Grand Central Station in there.

Esme was in the kitchen giving instructions on the breakfast she had brought with her, and several people were already eating at the dining room table. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the breakfast. I was certainly thankful I didn't have to cook for all those people.

As I stepped into the kitchen all eyes turned to me and Esme stepped forward to give me a small kiss on the forehead. I smiled nervously at everyone, being the center of attention always made me uncomfortable.

Charlie cautiously stepped back into the kitchen from the back porch and gave me a hesitant smile.

"Bella, glad you're down here, get some breakfast before it is gone. I swear it's like we're feeding a pack of wolves around here. The food seemed to almost disappear as soon as Esme opened it." I appreciated his attempt at humor for me.

I could hear Jacob laughing in the background.

"Thanks Dad, I will, I'm starving. I think I skipped dinner last night. I forgot with all of the phone calls and such." I turned to Esme to acknowledge her wonderful presence. "Esme I'm so thankful for you, I don't want to have to try to cook for all these people here. You're my hero. This smells great." I attempted a smile; it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But then again, we still didn't have the final bit of news yet so I will reserve the judgment till I find out all of the answers.

Once my plate was loaded with breakfast, I sat at the kitchen table. It held only Esme, Charlie and I. It was nice to not be bombarded with questions about how I'm doing, and prying eyes trying to see if I'm about to go postal on them. I preferred a small group to a big crowd in all scenarios. No such luck today, but I knew most of the people were here to help in some way, so how could I say no.

"Esme where's Carlisle? Didn't he come with you today?" I said around mouthfuls of my delicious breakfast.

"No, he had to go in for a double shift at the hospital. He'll stop by if he doesn't get off too late, but that almost never happens. Forks General is small but busy, all of the time." She lifted a dainty bite of French toast into her mouth. No matter what Esme Cullen is doing she does it with style and grace. I felt sloppy in my hoodie, jeans and messy hair next to her. "Have you spoken with any of my bunch today? Several of them have called me this morning, but they didn't mention if you had talked yet." She gave me a smile that told me she was up to something, but I wasn't sure what yet.

"Actually I sent them all a text, and they each sent one back. I have decided to take it one hour at a time for now. If an hour doesn't work then we will work on minute by minute. Did Edward call you? I was afraid it was too early to call him, so I didn't." I felt like a schoolgirl asking her friends, if the guy they like spoke to them before class. I'm sure I had a stupid grin on my face, but I couldn't help it. Edward caused me to do strange things.

"Yes, he did. He wanted to make sure that I was with you today. He feels bad that he can't be here. He said to tell you to remember he's holding your hand. I guess you know what that means." I nodded at her, certain that my already large smile just got bigger. "I want you to know I want to be here, not just because of all of the kids, but because I love you Bella. You are as special to me as they are, so I'm here for you. You let me know whatever you need, and I'll make it happen." This confused the hell out of me, how could Esme seem this genuine in her assurances that I mattered to not only her family but to her and still have said the same words that I overheard about me? I simply nodded again.

Charlie got up and took his plate to the sink, and Esme stood as well. When Charlie sat back down at the table beside me, he heaved a big sigh. I knew this meant he was ready to talk about his updates and how things were going.

"Bella, I spoke with Dave. He said that they have a report of some wreckage of a small plane. He feels like this may be the one. They'll call when they have info. He said it may not be quick. Dave said to be prepared that this part takes just as long as finding the plane. It may not be until late tonight or even tomorrow morning. He also said to not panic, that doesn't mean bad things because it takes so long. I'm sorry Bella I wish I had a quick answer but I know they are telling the truth, I've been in situations that are similar to this one and it is very slow. So if you can think of anything that will keep you occupied now might be a good time to start it, and fill some of this time we have. Do you have any questions?" I could see the calm in Charlie slipping away, the strain of personal feelings pulling him out of his usual Police demeanor.

"No, No questions. I think I'll go up and start some of the reading that I need to finish for my remaining assignments for school." My hands suddenly needed to be occupied. "I also need to call Angela and let her know what's going on. So I'll be up in my room, if either of you need me."

"Go on up Bella, Esme and I will take care of things down here. I won't let anyone up the stairs to disturb you."

I went up and pulled out my books. I chose the one that would keep me the most occupied, and started there. It was easier than I thought to get engrossed in the assignment. I had chosen great classes this semester, and I enjoyed all of them.

Before I knew it my bladder was screaming at me and I was hungry again. So I headed downstairs.

The house was still full, but everyone seemed to be doing something. I guess Esme turned into General Cullen and handed out orders. I walked into the kitchen as Jacob and a few of his friends came in with some groceries. He looked up and smiled a smile full of regret for me.

"Hey Bells, we didn't get a chance to talk last night." He bumped my shoulder with his. "I ditched school for you. I figured one day wouldn't hurt right?" His eyebrow rose as if to ask my permission for his truancy.

I feigned shock, and with a hand pressed to my chest I asked, "Jacob Black, you little juvenile delinquent, your Dad will skin you alive if it happens again, I'm sure of it, what were you thinking?" Within seconds of the words leaving my mouth, his smile gave the tell tale sign that he liked the humor. "Do you need help with those?" I offered.

"No I'm fine; it is just a few groceries. I also have some food in the car from the reservation. I know Charlie isn't the Chief of Police down there, but we're all still real attached to him." He sat his bag on the counter and Esme took it immediately to the refrigerator to unload the perishables. Jacob turned back towards the living room, so I followed him. "Several of the women came over to our house this morning and brought food for me to bring up here to you. Your Dad has sort of been their charity case, since you've been at school. They send food all of the time, they always mumble something about men not being able to cook. I don't know what they worry about, Charlie and my Dad both can fry fish, so they'll at least survive, right?" Jacob chuckled, and I found myself laughing with him. Jacob was always able to pull me out of the funk I was in, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at all.

"Well they're right, he can't cook and fish doesn't cut it for dinner every night. So you tell them thanks for me. I appreciate someone looking out for him. He sure needs it." We settled on the couch, Jacob sat much closer than I would have liked for him to. It seemed that he just wasn't the male that I wanted close to me. And as much as his gentle nature and fun loving spirit calmed me, it never equaled the peace that settled over me when I just spoke to Edward. I allowed the closeness to remain, perhaps it was my over active imagination. "I worry about you and Billy as well, one man is bad enough, but two in the house together. I'm sure the house will go up in flames soon. That should be a crime, two men in a house alone!" Jacob's loud laugh could he heard all over the house as he laughed at my attempt at humor. It felt good to have a laugh, a little release.

I looked up at the clock and realized it was almost two pm. I left the living room and ran up to grab my phone. I wanted to call Edward before he went back into class. I wanted him to know what was going on. I hit the speed dial #1, funny I never realized I had not changed him from the number one position in my life.

"Hello, Bella?" His voice sounded rushed, yet smooth as silk.

"Edward, yeah it's me. How are you?" The tears ever so close just from the sound of his voice.

"I'm fine, what do you know?"

"Nothing yet, I just wanted to talk to you before you went back into class. I know I cut it kind of close, but I was reading my assignments so I would be able to finish the papers. It was supposed to help occupy my time, until we heard some news. It worked well; I only stopped when my stomach growled." I took a deep breath in and held it, when my body revolted at the lack of oxygen I allowed it to escape my mouth. I continued quietly. "They found a possible crash site. We're waiting on word. Charlie gave me this long speech about how this always takes time, he tried to assure me to not worry when the call doesn't come in right away. I don't think it worked so well." I needed Edward almost as much as I needed oxygen. My heart ached to have his strong arms around me, to comfort me and help me make it through this.

"Your Dad only wants to spare you any worry he can, so don't be angry at the speeches. Okay, Angel? He's a cop and he's seen what grief and emotions can do to people over and over again. He's coping the only way he knows how to, by being who he is at work. That keeps the emotions down when he uses that personality. Are you worried that no call has come in?"

The tears began in earnest, "No, I think my head already knows the news isn't going to be good. I'm just not sure how my heart will take it. That's the one I worry about, that one is the one that needs help, my heart needs you." I could hear his sharp intake of breath. I didn't know if I had pushed him too far or not quite enough. I was afraid to push too far so I backed down.

"I know Bella; once again I'm sorry I can't be there for you. Isn't my Mom with you?"

"Yeah, she arrived this morning with a buffet full of food, she fed everyone and now she's cleaning the house." I couldn't believe the absurdity of my brain as it imagined all of the boys marching around like little toy soldiers at Esme's beck and call. "She has everyone marching like soldiers. She sent Jacob and his friends to the grocery store. Can you imagine that pack of boys getting items that she put on the list? I'm sure that was funny to stand back and watch."

"Jacob is there, isn't he uh…supposed to be in school?" I could hear the displeasure in his voice. It's funny how things don't really change after all.

"Oh come on Edward, surely you two aren't going to start that again are you? He's just a friend, nothing more; he won't ever be anything more, okay?" I try to reassure him again about this particular topic.

"I know Bella, I'm sorry. There's just something about him that pushes my buttons. Damn it, I gotta run I need to get into class. I'll call you the minute I step out again. I promise." The rushed hurried tone of his voice morphed into a softer, sweeter lilt, "Take care love."

"I will Edward, thanks."

He was gone again, and after only a few seconds, I missed his voice. I knew enough to know that these short phone calls were not going to get me by for long. I felt the tears starting so I went back down into the kitchen to eat.

As I entered the kitchen the phone rang. Charlie stepped around me and answered it. He went into cop mode and used his official voice. He nodded a few times, and gave a few hmms, and uhuhs. I wasn't sure what was being said, maybe that was on purpose. Then I heard the name I knew and that one word let me know the questions were about to be answered. I sank into a chair and Esme came to stand beside me. She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me, trying to offer me hope.

"Ok, thanks for the call. Yeah, let us know, I appreciate it." Charlie's back slumped as he hung up the phone letting me know without words his news would not be good.

He took a deep breath, and he turned to look at me. Everyone else seemed to fade away, maybe they left the room, I don't know. All I know was I could feel Esme and I could see Charlie. He walked towards me and the three steps seemed to be in slow motion. He squatted down to be face to face with me in the chair. I took his hand in mine and reached up to grab Esme's with my other hand.

"Bella that was Dave. He has received word back from the Search Team. Bella they confirmed that they found the plane. I'm sorry but your Mom and Phil are gone."

Gone.

Finality, no coming back.

I felt my heart lurch and my breathing stop. I wanted to shout and scream, but I knew that wouldn't do any good. Esme squeezed my shoulder. I let go of her hand and Charlie took both of my hands in his. When I met his eyes, I saw the beginning of tears. That's when mine came, full force. I heard a loud shuddering sound, and felt my body start to shake with my sobs. Esme pulled me into her arms and guided me into the living room to sit on the couch. I could hear her talking on the phone, and she placed it up to my ear. Alice began talking to me. I wasn't sure what she was saying, I couldn't hear her over my own tears and sobs. I love Alice but she wasn't who I needed to hear from.

"Ali, call him, please, get him for me, I need him, please." It came out strangled and in between sobs, so I wasn't sure if she understood me.

"Hold on Bella, he'll call you in just a minute, I love you!" And she hung up.

I sat beside Esme, clutching the cell phone. I could hear Charlie talking on the home phone, and other people moving around the house. I felt a body sit down next to me, and looked up to see Sue Clearwater's dark eyes looking back at me. She put her arms around me and held me from the other side. I was wrapped up between Esme and Sue. It felt warm, but nothing would be right until I heard his voice. I heard the first note of a ring and hit the button to answer it. All I could do was sob his name.

"Edward."

"Bella, honey I'm so sorry, I love you, please don't cry. It hurts me when you do. I know it hurts, please baby, let me come home to you. You just say the word and I'll be on the first flight there. Let me come home to you, to hold you and make you better. It will be better when I get there Bella. I told you, you have to ask for me. I can't assume."

"Edward, please come home, I need you." It was punctuated by hiccups and sobs but he understood.

The shaky unsure tone of his voice was replaced by the determined Edward that I knew. "Bella give the phone to my Mom for me. I'll be home as soon as I can get there, okay? Hang on until then, I love you, hang on for me okay?"

"I will."

I held up the phone and Esme took it. I heard her exchange words with Edward; I don't know what was said. I couldn't hear them over my brain chanting "_Hang on for Edward, Hang on for Edward, Hang on for Edward, Hang on for Edward, Hang on for Edward"_. I allowed the chant to lull me to sleep.

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**So...what do you think? Are you happy now? A little? Let me know :)**


	13. Chapter 13 Trip to the ER

**A/N: Okay my dears, I hope you all like this chapter...some face time finally! Are you all as happy as I am? Good!**

**Thanks to all my girls~Jen you are the best beta! Love you so much;Carla thanks for thinking of me when you have so much else on your mind, I hope I gave you some distractions from it all; Mary you were my first Peaches and I still love ya just as much; Pervy Twin you make me laugh so hard and share lots of pervy things with me, love ya for that; Erin I swear I will finish TPWC and never get behind on your new story, I really do love your writing I swear; Laurel for always sending me the good stories and for keeping Mary happy;Ness I can't wait till you are back online for good and we can chat and share more music and last but not least to Beck...damn girl your Bamaward has me all tied in knots, I love doing the plyhooring for ya so keep the chapters coming :)**

**Many thanks to my readers and reviewers...I have a challenge for you at the end of this chapter so read along and I will see you at the end.

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**Chapter 13-Trip to the ER**

**Bella  
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Sometime later I woke up in my bed; a sandwich was placed on the nightstand along with a bottle of water. I sat up and opened it. The bottle of water was easy to drink but I had to force myself to eat the sandwich. I knew I needed it as much as the baby. I reached into the nightstand drawer and took a pill; I figured that as long as I take them as directed and only as I need them, I would be okay. I lay back down and waited for sleep to come back to me. Hopefully, when I woke up Edward would be here for me. I drifted off waiting for him. I just needed to hold it together until I could see Edward.

I woke up somewhere around three in the morning. The house was silent and I couldn't stand it. The silence seemed to echo the finality of my loss, it left too much room in my head for my thoughts, and the last thing I wanted right now was my thoughts. The emotions were creeping up in my mind and trying to take hold there. I left my room and went down into the kitchen, needing a distraction from my own thoughts. I made myself another sandwich, ate it in about four bites, and washed it down with another bottle of water.

I wondered where Edward was, and if he had arrived in Forks yet. I slept all day so I didn't know when he left or if he was even able to leave yet. I paced back and forth for a few minutes. I ran back up to my room and grabbed my phone. I heard Charlie snoring as I came back down the stairs, he was probably exhausted.

I decided on a text in case he was trying to sleep.

_**E**_

_**I slept all day, sorry, I don't know where u r! When will u be in Forks?**_

_**B**_

I waited but no text or call came back. I was still left wondering. I couldn't just stand, sit or lay in this house any longer. I needed some air, and to stretch my legs.

I saw Charlie's keys for his little blue pickup truck. I decided to take a drive. I would drive out to the Cullen's house see if Edward was home yet and then drive back, that was a forty minute round trip. That would be enough time to calm my nerves. I grabbed the keys and left Charlie a note so if he woke up he wouldn't worry.

The night air felt good on my skin. I rolled the window down and then opened my hoodie. Letting the air wash over as much of my body as it could. My heart's steady rhythm slowly picked up the closer I got to the turn off to go to the Cullen's house. One more mile and I would be there.

_Maybe Edward had got in on the red eye and went home to sleep first. Maybe he would be there, and I could see him in a few minutes. _

My heart began racing.

I could see the other car's headlight, but they were on their side of the road, so I didn't pay them any attention. That is until they swerved into my lane. I tried to swerve to get out of their way, but I didn't have enough time. Our cars collided; theirs hit my driver's side right at the back wheel. I knew I was fine, but I did feel a slight pain in my neck, shoulders and back of my head.

Charlie was going to be so mad at me.

I heard someone approach the open driver's window and ask a few questions. I had to close my eyes just to focus on them enough to hear what they asked.

"Yeah, I uh… I think I'm okay. Are you?" I responded with a shaky voice that belied my answer.

"I'm going to call 911 for you, your head is bleeding. Just sit still, don't move okay?"

"Okay." That was all I could get out, before the room started to spin. I wasn't sure if it was the mention of blood or some other problem. I have been known to swoon at the mention of blood, but the headache caused me to lean towards some other problem this time. I laid my head back on the headrest. I closed my eyes and thought about Edward again.

I felt someone press something against my left temple. I guess that's where the blood originated; I sat quietly and waited to hear the sirens.

My eyes remained closed until I heard the paramedics arrive. They quickly put me on a stretcher and into the ambulance. I managed to call for them to get my purse, and cell phone. I needed the cell phone in case Edward called, or Charlie.

I heard one of the EMT's shout out something about Charlie's truck. He turned to me and stated talking.

"Can you repeat that slowly, I'm having a hard time concentrating?" I asked and my voice sounded strange.

He asked one more time slowly, "Are you Chief Swan's daughter?"

"Yes." I punctuated this answer with a quick head nod that caused my headache to begin pounding again.

"Okay, hold on and we'll have you in the ER in no time. Do we need to call the Chief for you?"

"Yes, call him at home please, he was sleeping when I left, he doesn't know I'm gone." The simple task of answering the questions was zapping my strength right out of me.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Slightly, only in the back of my head, down my neck and left shoulder. What about the other driver, are they okay?"

"They're fine, they had side air bags. We're almost there."

I heard one of the EMT's call out 'we're here', and they slide me out of the ambulance. I looked up and saw Carlisle's face.

"Why did you drive me to the Cullen's house?" I asked very confused.

Carlisle snickered, "Bella, you're at the ER, I'm on duty here. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I was driving to your house, and I saw a car it was fine until the last minute. Then they swerved and hit Charlie's truck on the driver's side. I think I blacked out, the next thing I knew they were at the window asking if I was okay. I don't know how long I was out." I shook my head, I was feeling dazed and afraid of what the accident could expose.

"Okay, they said you were in some pain, can you tell me where you're having the pain." Carlisle's soothing voice taking over and calming my nerves.

"Yeah, my head hurts, my neck and left shoulder hurts also. Do my words sound slurred to you?" I blinked several times to try to bring Carlisle's face back into focus.

"Yes they do, I think you may have a mild concussion. I'll send you up to x-ray and we'll see if everything is in place in that head of yours, okay?"

"No, you can't do that!" Alarm took over my brain. I knew this was the moment where things went to hell in a hand basket.

"Bella, you need an x-ray. I have to make sure you don't have any serious injuries that will require immediate attention. It'll be fine, don't worry, it won't hurt. You've had plenty of x-rays remember?" Carlisle coaxed.

"Yes, I remember, but you can't x-ray me now, I can't have it done now, don't ask me why, I just can't." I stammered, hoping he would let it go and not ask why.

"Bella, please calm down. You're acting a little irrational. Do you understanding what I'm telling you?" He flashed his little pen light across my eyes again and began to feel around on the back of my head. I winced when he rubbed his fingers across a large knot on the back of my head.

"Yes, Carlisle, I understand. Are you my Doctor?" Confusion took over his face when I asked him the last question.

"Yes Bella, I'm your Doctor. Why?" He removed his hands from the back of my head and paused with them resting on my shoulders.

"Well, if you're my Doctor and you find out something about me, as my Doctor you wouldn't be able to tell any members of your family would you?"

His back straightened slightly at this unusual question. His face was no longer unreadable, now it was full of questions.

"No Bella, I wouldn't. Of course, that's beside the point, I wouldn't tell them anything that you didn't want me to anyway, even without the oath. I wouldn't do that to you." His hand drifted to rest over mine; trying to offer his support for whatever would cause me to launch this line of questions.

"Carlisle I'm pregnant and I can't be x-rayed." I quickly averted my eyes, I was afraid to see the pain or disappointment on his face.

"Bella, how far along are you?" His face revealed his shock, but only for a second before he pulled his usual calm demeanor back in place.

"I'm due on February 18th, I'm about 23 weeks." I bit down on my bottom lip, afraid that he would be able to do the math and draw the obvious conclusion. "Okay, when was your last OB visit?" Relief flooded through me when he skipped the question that I expected from him.

"I saw the OB a couple of weeks before I got here in Forks; I called them when I found out about Renee and Phil. They gave me the sedative to fly. He gave me 30 of them, to get me through the whole thing. I haven't taken one since about ten tonight, or I guess last night." I glanced at the clock over Carlisle's shoulder realizing that it was now after five in the morning. "I promise, I didn't do this, they hit me."

"Bella, I know they said they swerved to miss a deer and hit you. I'm only concerned about any injuries to the baby. Did your OB say everything was okay with the baby on your last visit?"

"Yes, they said the baby was normal weight and height, and I had gained about 8 pounds. They've done so many tests that I've lost count, and they are all normal, so I guess everything is fine. Can I have something for a headache?" I raised my hands to block the extremely bright fluorescent light from my eyes.

"No, not until we decided what's causing the headache. I'm sorry. Bella your secret is safe with me, I only have one question. Is it Edward's baby?"

_Fuck there's the question. The one I'm not prepared to answer. _

I bit my lip; I didn't know what to say. I didn't want Edward back because of sympathy, and I didn't want to give Esme any more reason to hate me for ruining Edward's life. Not only by getting back together but now by bringing a baby into the situation. I saw how well lying went over with Charlie, so I decided to tell the truth this time, well my truth as I knew it right now.

"Yes. But please understand that I need more time. I just can't handle dealing with this right now. There is too much on my plate right now. Seriously it is all I can do to make it through the day in one piece and try my best not to stress too much for fear of what it is doing to the baby. I promise I will tell him. I just can't yet. Give me time to make all this right in my head and decide what I want to do before I go to Edward. Please."

My heart ached knowing Carlisle would have to hold in this secret just like I was but it was the only way. I could not deal with one more thing right now and it was unfair to just lay this all in Edward's lap when I was emotionally unable to talk this out and make a decision with him on what to do. I hope Carlisle understood that deep down inside I wanted to shout to the world that I was pregnant with Edward's baby. Call him and let him come and take care of us both. That's what my heart wanted, but it was the one thing my head knew that I couldn't have. He would come and help me through Renee and Phil's deaths, and after that we would deal with our issues. I would take whatever anger and hurt that Edward would feel at that time, but not before then. I was just too afraid that I was emotionally not ready yet for the fall out.

"Not from me Bella, like you said I couldn't tell him, confidentiality reasons. Now, let me get you into a collar and some tests done so we'll know what's wrong with you. Has anyone called Charlie yet?" Concern laced Carlisle's voice as he asked me about my father.

"I don't know, one of the EMTs recognized his truck and asked me if I was his daughter, but I don't know if they called." I was having a hard time making out all of the things that happened, everything seemed to be very hazy after the accident.

"I'll get you into Radiology and give him a call, okay?" His gentle nature and compassionate care was making it harder and harder to go through with asking him to keep something of this magnitude to himself. So I simply nodded at him.

He quietly left my room. A few minutes later, a fresh faced, too fresh for almost five in the morning, nurse came and told me we were heading up to Radiology.

"You must be important, Dr. Cullen said to get you there fast and make sure you get finished up fast. He usually isn't demanding like that." She smiled and nodded at me.

"I'm a friend of the family, I guess that's why." I fingered the warm fuzzy blanket in between my fingers as I explained to the nurse. It was a habit that I developed as a small child when I slept with my soft fuzzy blankets each night.

"Well, whatever it is, he's making sure you get the star treatment." She patted my shoulder as she kicked the brakes off on the bed and began to roll me down the hall towards Radiology.

"Thanks," I murmured.

She made sure I got my tests quickly and was back in my room, just as quick. I only felt like lying there on the bed with my eyes closed. I couldn't sleep because the headache was too much, so I just laid still, that seemed to help. I heard the door open and felt someone come into the room. I didn't move, I just assumed it was one of the many nurses Carlisle had sent in to check on me. If they needed something from me they would ask, until then I would lie still. I felt someone take my hand. I slowly turned my head towards that side, and winced when the pain stabbed up and down my spine. I opened my eyes and I was looking right into Edward's beautiful green eyes. He smiled and I tried to return it.

"Bella, did you really need more drama today?" He teased. I felt overwhelmed with him so near. My heart hurt for him. I wanted to take him in my arms and come clean about everything, I wanted him to know about the baby and know that no matter what I wanted him with me. I only let him go so that he could achieve all of his dreams. I did it for him, no matter how much pain it cost me.

I tried for light and funny, I don't know if I succeeded.

"You know me, it has been what, over 6 months since I was in the ER; they were probably going bankrupt without my support. This time however, I must say it was someone else's fault." I tried again to smile at him, it didn't feel like I was getting it right, so I quit.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead, and sighed.

"Bella, do you know how scared I was for you? I almost killed Esme and Alice getting here. I'm sure I drove about twice the legal speed limit, what were you doing out at this time of night?" His skin was pale and he had large purple bruises under each of his beautiful eyes. He was taking this harder than he let on over the phone.

"I slept most of the day and when I woke up I couldn't sleep anymore. It was three in the morning, I couldn't sit in that house at three in the morning with no one to talk to, I would have gone crazy. I tried texting you and you didn't answer, so I decided to drive out to your house and back. I was almost at your turn when the other car swerved to miss a deer and hit Charlie's truck. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone; I just wanted something to do." I rushed through my explanation as the tears were falling from my eyes, running down my face, and dripping onto my hospital gown. The pain in my head mixed with the emotions of the last few days, and they both pushed me past the point of caring if now was the right time to cry. Edward was here now and I knew he would allow me the time to cry this emotion out.

He lowered himself close to me when he saw the tears and murmured to me, "Bella, don't apologize, I was just worried about you. You scared the hell out of me that is for sure. But I'm glad to be here with you. I couldn't take being so far away from you. Thank you for asking me to come here for you." He kissed my temple before he continued his explanation to me, "I didn't want to come on my own and scare you, but I was so close to getting on a plane all by myself." He held me close and allowed me to calm down. "How are you, are you feeling okay, about your Mom, I mean?"

"Yeah, I think, it comes and goes, almost like shock. I can forget and push it back for a little while, and then it floods my brain again. I'm sure that will come when this ER "high" wears off." I sniffed his familiar scent in through my nose and held in inside of me. I felt like I was holding him closer when a small part of him was consuming me in that way.

"Can I do anything for you?" He pulled away and tried to look down at me. I snuggled back into his chest again as I asked for his help.

"Will you just stay with me?" I asked selfishly. I saw his smile out of the corner of my eye as he leaned down again and kissed the top of my head.

"Whatever you want angel."

After a few minutes of silence, I asked about his flight.

"It was good, Alice is here with me, she couldn't stand it anymore either, so we flew in together. The hospital would only allow one of us back here at a time. I'm sure she is beside herself; I should go and get her so she can come back and see you. Is that okay?" I nodded at him. "I'll be back shortly, I promise." He leaned down and kissed my head, and left the room.

Alice came skipping into the room, and sat on the edge of the bed with me. She kissed my forehead, and began crying. I pulled her down into the bed beside me and we wrapped both of our arms around each other and just cried together. I let the tears pull the anger and hurt out of my body. I allowed them to wash away the sadness, the hopelessness, the fear. I cried for my mom, and Phil. I cried for how things turned out between Edward and myself. I cried at my stupidity and the crazy situation that we were in.

I wanted to be anywhere else but here right now, but I had to deal with the fact that my Mother was dead, she was gone. I would never have her with me, and she will never get to see her first grandchild, or hold it. She will not be able to sit up at night while I feed it and talk with me, no motherly advice. All three of us were robbed and I was angry about it.

Carlisle came back into my room with Esme, Edward and Charlie. He opened my chart, and I became nervous. I know he said he couldn't say anything legally, but what was to stop him. This did affect his son, so it was easy to see that his family loyalty might win over his oath to his patient?

"Bella how's your head feeling, any better?" He asked.

"Yes, it's a little better." I murmured, afraid of what this visit would mean to me.

I meet Charlie's eyes and watched as they shifted nervously from Carlisle to Edward and back.

Carlisle oblivious to Charlie's discomfort began speaking, "Okay, time for an exam, everyone out so I can do my job." He turned and motioned to all four of them to leave. "We see headaches a lot from accident victims, your brain is traveling along at 55 mph, and then it stops suddenly. That causes the headache, once the brain sort of reboots itself the headache goes away. Glad to hear yours is clearing up." Carlisle began to write in my chart as he spoke.

Edward squeezed my hand and then turned to leave the room, followed by the rest, as I called Charlie back in.

"You can stay Dad that is if Carlisle isn't going to do any examining of parts you can't see." Charlie turned back to me and walked over to the bed side.

"No, it was just an excuse." Carlisle smiled sheepishly.

"Bella, your tests are all clear, no signs of any injuries, let's listen to your stomach to make sure everything is okay there?" Carlisle turned to lay the chart on the bedside table and turned back to me. He pulled a small device out of his coat pocket.

"Carlisle, Dad knows."

"Oh, okay, well in that case, I would like to listen to the baby's heartbeat, and do a quick ultrasound, just to be safe. I don't suspect anything is wrong, but since I have you here, it doesn't hurt to check. First let's do the heartbeat, Bella pull your blanket down all the way to your pelvic bone, and then pull the gown up just exposing your stomach. That's perfect; now let's see what we can hear."

He put the little device to my stomach, and then we could hear the woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh of my little angel's heartbeat. It was one of the most perfect sounds I have ever heard. It killed me to hear this and know Edward was only about twenty feet from this door and not be able to call him in to share this with me.

Carlisle cleared his throat, and then he said "That sounds wonderful, nice and strong, Bella. Do you know what you're having?"

"No, I've decided not to find out, I didn't care either way, I love it no matter what sex it is." I smiled a sheepish grin, I realized this sounds like a thing only a new mom would say, but it was true.

"Okay, let's do an ultrasound. Have you had an ultrasound before?" Carlisle asked as he made some notations in my chart.

"No, I saw the OB a few weeks ago and I was scheduled to have one in a few days but had to cancel so I could come home."

"Well that's good, it sounds like you will have yours a couple of days early then. It has been a long time since I have done one of these, so the OB will be in a few minutes to look in on us and double check." Carlisle turned to Charlie. "Charlie would you stick your head out in the hall and tell the others to wait in my office, so they won't see Dr. Adams come in, Edward and Alice both have met her. They'll know something is up if they see her. If you want to stay you can, if not you're more than welcome to join them in my office, it's your choice."

Charlie looked at me, and I shrugged my shoulders.

Charlie asked Carlisle "Are you really just being cautious?"

"Of course, if I suspected anything I would tell you both. I don't operate that way, I believe in honesty. I would certainly be honest with you and Bella. I promise, just a precaution." Carlisle turned back towards the ultrasound machine and began to type some info into it, leaving Charlie and I to decide what we wanted to do.

"In that case I'll go with the others. I don't want things to look suspicious because in a normal case; I wouldn't stay with Bella while she is being examined, so to keep up appearances, I'll go. I have my cell if something is wrong call me, and I'll be right back down." Charlie said the last part to me, and I nodded. My mouth was suddenly dry at the thought of something else going wrong today. I knew that I could not handle any more excitement; it would put me over the edge for sure.

"Sounds good, I'll be done in a few minutes, as long as this checks out okay, Bella can get dressed and get ready to go home. I'll come and get all of you in my office when I'm finished."

Charlie nodded and walked out of the room, leaving Carlisle and I in silence.

Carlisle and Dr. Adams both completed the ultrasound, and everything was perfect. Nothing out of the ordinary was seen by either. They printed me a few pictures and left for me to get dressed.

I turned my body and slipped off of the bed. I dressed quickly, I was ready to get home and spend time with Edward.

Edward came in as I was pulling his hoodie on and zipping it up.

He raised his eyebrow at me, and I just shrugged.

"I guess it is sort of like a security blanket. Hey you, how long are you here for?" I walked over and hugged him as I was finishing my sentence.

He wrapped his arms around me; I turned sideways in his arms, so he wouldn't feel my stomach sticking out. I couldn't feel his arms on my stomach, so I assumed he couldn't feel my stomach either.

"I explained what was going on, and my Professors agreed to let me come home two weeks early, so I'm here until January 3rd. I have class starting on January 4th and I'll need to be back by then. Is your headache any better?"

"Yes, much better, when Carlisle found out there was no injuries he allowed me to have some Tylenol, so that has helped so much. I would however, kill for some food I slept through dinner. You know any place open at this time of the morning?"

"Let's see who else wants something to eat and we can head to Port Angels there's a place there that's open 24 hours a day."

"Deal." I sat abruptly in the chair as I thought of the time that Renee and I went on a cross country trip over the summer. When we stopped to eat Renee would only let us pick the old diners. She said they would have the best food. I began to cry, just thinking of her sweet face as she sat in the booth laughing at all of the locals. Before I knew it loud sobs and wails were escaping from me. Edward charged back over to my side and held me as I cried.

It took a while but I eventually settled down and my crying stopped. When I had everything under control we made our way down to Carlisle's office and found all the rest of the family talking.

"Is anyone else hungry? Bella here slept through dinner and now she is starving. We're going to head into Port Angeles to eat at that 24 hour diner, who else wants to come with us?" Edward scanned the group as he extended the invitation.

''I have to stop by the Station, so I'll go but I'll take the cruiser so I can make a pit stop later." Charlie offered.

"I'm officially off duty, Bella was my last patient, so a little greasy diner food sounds good, what about you two girls, you up for diner food?" Carlisle asked Alice and Esme. I chuckled at the thought of Esme eating a big greasy cheeseburger and fries.

"Do they have salad on menu with the greasy food at this diner?" Esme asked.

"A salad for breakfast?" I knew deep down she wanted to eat the fattening, greasy food, just like the rest of us.

"Oh yeah, I can order breakfast, well sure we're game." Esme threw her arm around Alice's shoulders and they both nodded.

We all headed off to the diner, Charlie in the cruiser; Esme, Carlisle, and Alice in Carlisle's Mercedes; Edward and I in his Volvo. Alice gave the excuse that she wanted to discuss an assignment with Esme, get her opinion on her color and pattern combinations, but I knew better, she wanted Edward and I to have some alone time.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, Edward looked over at me, and smiled a big goofy grin that took up his whole face. I couldn't resist, I had to ask.

"What's that smile for?"

"I just can't believe we're here together, going to get breakfast at the diner. This is so far from where I thought I would be if you had asked me a week ago. I just find it funny, the complete about face we've made."

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**When I sent this chapter off to Carla my pre-reader she said it would be awesome to have an Edward point of view for this, how scared what he and so on. I agreed but I need to make you all work for it so here is my challenge...I usually get about 10 or so reviews per chapter. I love all of you for doing but...if I could say get 20 from this chapter then I might be persuaded to post an outtake of Edward while all this ER business is going on with Bella. His side of things if you will, how he feels when he sees her for the first time again and so on. So, if any of you are interested them by all means...review away and I will post it for you sometime within the next week, before the new chapter posts! How does that sound? Get to reviewing!**


	14. Chapter 14 The Walls All Come Tumbling

**A/N: Well Ladies, I sat last night in bed and read and edited and did all kinds of shit but did not submit my teaser, even though I thought about it several times. So I am sorry! I just decided since I didn't need to wait on the teasers to come out to go ahead and post this chapter for ya right now. I hope that's okay. **

**Thanks to every one of you who review, some of you review every chapter. I love you for that so much! BUT...I didn't get enough reviews to post the Edward's pov of the last chapter, wa wa waaaaaaa! I do love my reviewers enough to send it to each person that reviews for me. SO if you want it you now have to review and ask for it, how does that sound? I do have to ask for a little more time with it tho please, I have a very naughty one shot that I am trying to finish for my Pervy Twin for her birthday and then I can write it out but I promise it will gt done for you all! So review and ask for it and I will send it on:)**

**Big fat late happy birthday to my Pervy Twin, you know I love you and I promise that naughty little one shot is almost done for you. I can't wait for you to read it! Jen, Carla, Mary, Erin, Ness and Laurel- thanks again for being my crazy friends for one more week and putting up with me stressing out about how this story should be. And for always being right with your opinions, you guys are awesome! Love you all!**

**On with the show now...

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**Chapter 14- The Walls All Come Tumbling Down**

**Bella  
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Time passed quickly and I was able to make it through Renee and Phil's memorial service with Edward's help. We decided to have the service in Jacksonville, so all of Phil's teammates and his fans could come. It was a much larger service than I would like to have had, but it was nice. And thanks to the owner of Phil's baseball team, all of us were able to fly down to Jacksonville together; he sent his personal jet to take us.

Because I needed to deal with the legalities of Renee and Phil's estate Edward and I stayed two extra days. The will named me their executer and stated that Phil and Renee wanted me to have almost everything; knowing that the only family Phil had was an elderly Aunt that lived in a nursing home here in Florida I wasn't completely caught off guard that they would have chosen me for the responsibility of taking care of things.

I however never expected to get anything from either of them, and if it would change what happened I would have gladly give it all back. Renee didn't have a lot of money when she married Phil, but Phil being a Major League ball player seemed to not only make a lot of money but also it seems he saved and invested very well.

The way the will was worded it would provided enough money each month for his Aunt to live in the nursing home until she passed away. I was thankful that the lawyers would take care of ensuring that those bills got paid. I would never have been able to take the money knowing that she would do without, but this way we both were taken care of. I actually would have enough money to help support me for the rest of my life, because I was not an extravagant person. I liked to live simply, and I would never be happy sitting at home. I would work, so the money could be invested and I could use it when I needed.

It was nice to have the extra cushion, especially now, knowing I had another person to support. It really did help take a very large weight off of my shoulders.

Edward and I went to Renee and Phil's house. We went room by room and packed up anything I wanted. The rest we donated to a local Women's Shelter, they promised that women who were leaving the shelter to live on their own would be given the stuff to help them get started on their new life. I felt like this was what Phil and Renee would want. Once we took care of shipping the boxes of stuff that I wanted home, we went straight to the airport. I couldn't handle being in their house knowing that they would never be again. I broke down several times throughout the day and couldn't wait to get home to get some rest. The lawyer that was handling the will was also going to handle getting the house on the market and would handle the sale completely.

It was hard to be with Edward 24 hours a day, and hide my pregnancy. I almost broke down and told him too many times to count. I wanted him and my new life more than anything, but I was too afraid to grab it. That was my greatest source of panic, how to keep Edward and the baby as well. I was afraid he would be angry no matter what at this point.

I was sitting contemplating this very subject when Edward called, he wanted to do a little Christmas shopping before the malls got too busy, so I told him to come on over and we could head on out. As he was coming in the door I was heading up the stairs to go and change my shirt. I called to him over my shoulder, "Edward, I will be right back down, I'm just going to run up to my room to change my shirt."

I ran up to my room and grabbed the shirt I needed, and decided to run to the bathroom before we left. My pregnant bladder was not going to hold out until Port Angeles. I pulled my shirt over my head, and threw it in the hamper. I stood up to wash my hands and put on some deodorant. I stood at the sink arms raised in the air, my girly smelling deodorant poised at my right arm pit when Edward opened the bathroom door. I froze; I only had on my pants and a bra. My pregnant belly exposed for him to see. I felt his gaze move across my skin as his eyes traced the curves of my breasts, down to my stomach and stopped there. His eyes became as large as saucers, and his mouth fell open. Edward grabbed me by my arm and turned me to face him. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, I tried to take in his expressions but they changed too quickly to register them. I was certain that I saw shock, anger and for a brief second a flicker of love.

He reached up and touched my stomach, he ran his hand over the middle, and he was greeted by a full kick from my little angel. My stomach dropped into my shoes as his face suddenly showed a look of horror.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me about this? Is this what I think it is? What I felt it is? When did this happen and who's is it?" His voice stuttered through his questions.

I grabbed my shirt to put it on, and he ripped it out of my hands. He just stood there staring at my stomach. I tried to cross my arms over my stomach, and he pulled them away as well.

"Edward, I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want anything to change between us. With everything else going on, I couldn't handle one more thing to deal with. I know I was wrong, but I was so scared. Please don't be angry at me. Please tell me what you're thinking?"

"Bella, when did you get pregnant, is that my baby you're carrying?" His voice was a cauldron of mixed emotions all rolled into one and trying to hold on the small amount of control he seemed to have on himself.

I couldn't meet his eyes, I turned my head away. I knew that the lies didn't go over so well with Charlie and Edward certainly knew me better than Charlie. So, I was stuck. I didn't want to lie, I really wanted Edward to know about the baby. But another part of me wanted him to have the best life possible for him, and it didn't include a knocked up girlfriend when he had a long road of college and medical school ahead of him.

When I didn't answer him, he walked over and lifted my chin so I would have to meet his eyes.

"Bella, you went off to college and had sex with some other guy, got pregnant, and thought you could run home and good old Edward would take care of you and the baby? Bella, do you take me for a fool? All this time I thought you were interested in me again, now I find out you only need a father for your child. Give me a break Bella, to think I never stopped loving you for one minute. I can't believe you." His rant scared me, I had finally pushed him too far. He assumed the worst about me and now I had to fix it as quickly as possible.

"Edward, wait, let me explain." I begged him, as I grabbed his hand to pull him closer to me. I needed to touch him, to feel his skin, so that I could be calmed by his skin and therefore I could calm him. Because as much as I wanted Edward to live his life and fulfill his dreams, I didn't want him to spend the rest of his life hating me. He needed to know about his baby, he needed to know right now.

"Explain, explain Bella! What could you possible say that will make this okay?" He yanked his hand out of my grip and pulled away. "I need to go, I need to get out of here." He turned and began to jog down the stairs. I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head so I could follow.

"Edward, wait, don't leave, please, I can explain." I called out as I tried to maneuver the stairs as quickly as I could, being me and pregnant.

When I reached the front door, it stood wide open and Edward was racing to his car parked at the curb. "I don't want to hear it Bella, I don't want to hear anything you have to say." He yelled out at me, without so much as a turn of his head. He kept rushing towards his car and before I could even make it to the front yard he had it started and was half way down the street.

I grabbed the keys to Billy Black's old Toyota; he lent it to Charlie until his truck was repaired. I headed to Edward's house, hoping that is where he was going. I called Alice, I was hoping she would understand and help me explain to Edward. He always listened to her. She answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" Her voice sounded strange, not her usual bubbly self.

"Alice, I need help." I cried.

"Bella, I have Edward on the other line, I'm not sure I can help you." I gasped; all at once I had lost the only support system that I had. I never expected Alice to not be there for me. She was always there, no matter what. I realized she was still speaking to me. "I don't think I understand and I'm not sure how you can do what you did and still say you have any feelings for my brother. I need to go Bella, Edward needs me." The line disconnected and I sat looking at the silent phone in my hand.

Edward's POV

"Carlisle, Carlisle, where are you?" I yelled at him, I knew he didn't like for us to raise our voices, but someone had to help me figure this out. I was totally lost and once again Bella had completely blindsided me. Why was I so stupid when it came to her?

"Edward, I'm up here what is wrong, why are you yelling?" Carlisle asked as I heard his feet shuffle across the floor upstairs.

"Carlisle please come down here, I have something to ask you." I paid no attention to his gently admonishment of my raised voice.

"Be right down." He sighed.

Alice walked in the back door, and I called her into the dining room as well. I decided this was the best place to call them to, since the dining room is where we had all of our family conferences, and this definitely required a family conference.

"Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Esme, would all of you please come into the dining room, now!"

As they all arrived in the dining room looking shocked I began with what I needed.

"I need to speak to all of you; did any of you know Bella is pregnant?" I figured that there was no time to waste with preliminaries that none of us cared about.

I could hear the gasps of almost everyone in the room, Alice knew because I called her on the way home, so she found out from me. But Carlisle didn't have any reaction at all, so I focused on him.

"When, when did you find out?" I hated sounding so demanding, but I was hurt and furious, and I needed to know how long this deception had been going on.

"Edward, I found out the night Bella had the accident. I was going to x-ray her neck for injuries, she wouldn't let me, she told me about the pregnancy then." I recoiled in anger and frustration. I felt just as betrayed by Carlisle as I did Bella. He obviously saw my reaction because he continued with his explanation. "But because I was her treating physician I couldn't share any of that, you know that there are privacy laws that they take very seriously and Bella made it perfectly clear that she wanted to invoke them, in fact I really shouldn't even be talking to you about this at all." He held his hand out and began to move in my direction. I stepped behind the dining room chair that was pulled out. "I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you and I almost did so many times. I was hoping that Bella would do the right thing." He stepped closer to me again and this time I stayed in place. Carlisle continued talking. "This by no means explains her actions, but she has been through quite a lot. Her mind might be a little off, so to speak. Pregnancy has been known to do things to the chemical balances in women, and with the stress of losing her Mom; well she has been through a lot. That's all I'm going to say." He held his hands up and moved further away from me and closer to Esme. I could see the hurt in his eyes, and hopefully he understood how betrayed I felt by the fact that he withheld something like this from me.

"Did she tell you whose baby it is?" I needed to know how much Bella had told Carlisle. Embarrassment and shame flooded through my body just knowing that the family would know our darkest secrets now.

"I asked her if it was your baby, she said it was. She asked me to give her some time to figure out what to do about it." I jammed a hand through my hair. I just couldn't believe that Bella, my Bella, would keep something this big from me. "That is why I agreed to give her some time, this was the night that she found out about her mom and Phil. I decided to give her a break. She really did have a lot on her plate at that moment." His explanation made sense. "I'm sorry, son, I had no idea she would wait so long. I really am sorry."

Esme stood and walked towards me with a gentle smile on her face. "Edward, may I interject? I know you are furious but Bella has a lot going on right now. I know from experience that being pregnant does crazy things to your mind. It makes you forgetful, and very emotional. So emotional, in fact, that it makes things seem too hard to accomplish." She patted me on the back and rubbed her hand across in a soothing motion. It certainly helped me but then Bella's image flashed across my mind again and the anger came back full force. . "She loves you, Edward, you can tell it by the way she calmed when you called. I watched her and she was visibly calmer, just from talking to you. I think you need to take some time, cool down and go back and talk to her. I know it will be hard, but you need to find out what she has to say. Hear her out and then make a decision on what to do. " I hated it when my mom was right, and she usually was. Her ideas made perfect sense, there has to be more.

"Carlisle, did Bella tell you when her due date is?" I asked as a thought took form in my mind.

"Yes, she said it was February 18th." Understanding passing across his face.

"So then we can count backwards and get a better idea of when she got pregnant, right?" I expounded on the thought I could see already forming in his head.

"Oh, Edward you're a genius." Emmett shouted, because he couldn't stand it if he wasn't part of every discussion in some form, even if he didn't really help at all.

I could see Rose doing the calculations in her head as she began saying "Edward, do you realize that February 18th is only three and a half months away? If we do the math we can estimate that Bella got pregnant in the end of May. There is no way that baby belongs to anyone other than you! That has to be your baby Edward." Rosalie exclaimed. I knew that Rosalie had always wanted kids herself so I didn't know if her own feelings were clouding her judgment about this situation, but her math was correct. That fact we couldn't deny. Bella was pregnant with my child and she hid it from me.

As Rose's words hit me full force and I staggered back into the chair, I was going to be a father, in a little over three months. Bella and I were going to be parents; I was stunned at all of the details I missed, all the doctor visits, listening to the heartbeats, seeing the ultrasounds. I was so angry at her, and suddenly I thought of her at college over three thousand miles from home, alone and pregnant. I couldn't imagine how hard that had been on her, and then to face this, all the while dealing with pregnancy and hiding it from everyone. Why was she hiding it? Was it to protect me, and if so why?

I needed to have some time to think, so I got in my Volvo and drove. I realized a few miles outside of Seattle that I still couldn't make any sense of what has happened in the last few months. Bella was still the same, yet somehow different; something I couldn't put my finger on had changed, something that in her mind was big, more than big, super massive. Otherwise she wouldn't have changed her whole life. She didn't like change, so something else must be driving this change in her, but what the fuck was it? And if I didn't know what this "something" was, how was I going to figure out how to fight against it?

I rubbed my eyes and realized that it was almost two am. I pulled over at the next exit; there was a diner on the left side of the road and a motel on the right side. I sat trying to decide if I wanted sleep or coffee more, sleep won.

I checked into the motel and went straight into the room. I didn't take my clothes off; I just fell down on the bed.

I wanted to spend more time thinking and trying to figure out what to do, my mind was boggled with the fact that in a few months I would be a father. I wondered if it would look like Bella or me. I wanted it to look like Bella, but wait what if it was a boy? Would I want my boy to look like Bella? The answer was yes, no matter what I wanted all of my children to look like her.

I'm certain I was asleep and dreaming because I could see Bella sitting in a rocking chair and breastfeeding a small baby. She looked so beautiful, the baby was hard to focus on, but it made my heart burst open with love. I sat up in a cold sweat, I knew no matter what we would be okay, but I had to find a way for Bella to open up to me and tell me what was causing this change. I would drive home tomorrow and try to talk to her. I still wanted and loved her, no matter what her change had been I needed her to know that one simple fact, this baby changed nothing between us. I still love her, I have always loved her. With that thought on my mind I fell asleep again.

I awoke the next morning early, which was a surprise since I didn't get to bed until after three am. I guess it was the new attitude I had towards Bella and our baby. I couldn't wait to get home to talk to her. I realized that I needed her just as much as I always did. But right now I certainly needed coffee too.

I checked out and went across the street for the diner. I called Esme on the way across, and she answered right away. I felt bad for making her worry; I should have called last night no matter how late it was.

"Hello, Edward is that you? Are you okay?" Her voice sounded tired and weary. My guilt tripled when I heard her concern.

"Mom I'm fine, I'm sorry for not calling last night, I just wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't mean for you to worry, please forgive me?" I needed to calm her down as quickly as possible. I didn't want her to worry for a second longer.

"Edward, of course I forgive you, where are you?" Her tone softened with each word and she was back to normal by the end of the sentence.

I chuckled; I knew she couldn't be mad at any of us for any amount of time. "I'm at a little diner, I stopped at a motel at almost three this morning. I was too tired to drive anymore, so I stayed here." I looked around trying to get an idea of where in the hell I was exactly. "I'm not sure exactly where I am, but I'm coming home. I need to talk to Bella again." Esme's small gasp could be heard loud and clear through the phone. I could almost imagine her smiling face when she realized that I wanted to give Bella the chance to explain. "She needs to understand that none of this changes how I feel about her. I love her and I love our baby, you should have seen her Mom. She had her arms raised and she was beautiful, our baby making her stomach stick out. Every time I close my eyes I see her and want our life together even more. I'll leave here in a few minutes and I'll call you when I get closer. Do you think Alice is too angry to check on Bella?" My excitement grew with each word I said to her. I meant every single syllable.

"I think Alice was worried about you and took her anger out on Bella. They are almost as close as you and Bella, but they'll be okay. I'll talk to her and see if she'll go and talk with Bella. Don't worry we'll take care of her until you get here. Be careful and I love you!"

I drove for what seemed like hours, and I still had over an hour to go. I had not heard from Alice, so I wasn't sure how Bella was doing. I needed to talk to her and soon. I was afraid that the cruel words I said to her were too much on her. How could I be so stupid to say those things? She had already had enough emotional stuff to deal with, and on top of it I put more on her. I didn't deserve her at all, I hope she would allow me to make it up to her. My phone began to ring with Alice's ringtone, I grabbed it up.

"Hello Alice, are you with Bella?"

"Edward, no. Bella's not home, I'm not sure where she is." The frustration in Alice's voice clearly showed. I knew she was kicking herself for not taking the time to listen to Bella's explanation. I knew this in part was my fault; Alice has always been like a twin to me. We matched each other's personalities and complimented them as well. She allowed my anger to fuel hers and she reacted with hate towards Bella. I felt like I owed her an apology for pushing her to that point. "I'll wait here for her, I have a few things I need to straighten out with her also. I feel awful for tearing into her like that, I was so hurt to know she would keep something like this from you. I need to fix this, I missed her so bad last night, and I'm sure she is not ready to have any more upheaval in her life. So drive careful and I'll wait for her. " Alice sounded more like herself as she spoke about asking for Bella's forgiveness.

"Just don't leave her until I get there, I don't want anything to happen to her or our baby." I gushed over those words…our baby.

"Aww, so cute, be careful."

I flipped the phone closed and stepped on the gas a little more. I knew I was speeding and hoped I didn't get stopped, but I needed to get to Bella, and fast.

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**E/N: so is that all you thought it was going to be? Did you want it to be differently? Let me know & don't forget to ask for you outtake as well. I'm going to see Sam tonight in Atlanta so I won't be home to get your reviews tonight but I will get to you all tomorrow as soon as I can, if you're real nice I will tell ya how my night went, LOL! **


	15. Chapter 15 Who Knew The Safeway Was So

**A/N: So...once again dumb ass me forgot to submit the teaser on The Fictionator's web site, so here ya go! What can I say? Your good fortune, I guess. **

**Hello and love to all the usual suspects! Thanks for the reviews and alerts and all, they make my day. **

**I forgot to mention that there is polyvore stuff for each chapter, the link is on the profile. **

**Also posted a smoking hot one shot for my Pervy Twin's birthday, Menage A Trois, if you are interested. It is not suitable for work or with children present, just so you are warned. Go read and let me know what you think!**

**This is the chapter that I know that lots and lots of you are waiting on, some real answers here! Where has Bella been? What the hell is up with Esme? Go on and go read! I hope you all like it!**

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**Chapter 15-Who knew Safeway was so informative?**

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't stay in this house any longer, I had to get out and get some air. I could go and get some groceries, Charlie was terrible at shopping for anything and groceries were no different. He brought the same five items every time he went shopping beer, bread, ham, cereal and milk. I swear he was no better than the frat boys at college, good thing we had the Quileute women to help feed him. I scanned the cabinets and refrigerator, and mentally made a list of things to get. I grabbed my wallet and keys. I rushed out the door to Charlie's truck and as I was sliding in I quickly thought about going back in and changing. The sweats and t shirt showed my belly and there was no doubt that I was definitely going to have a baby. I decided that I didn't care if anyone else knew, the only person that mattered knew and he didn't care, so to hell with everyone else.

I always enjoyed grocery shopping; something about it was very relaxing. I was so relaxed that I didn't realize as I was heading for the checkout Jessica Stanley and her latest group of skanks were already there browsing the magazines. I was in no mood to talk to them, so I got in the line farthest away from them and waited. She looked up and our eyes met, her eyes widened and she immediately lowered them to the magazine again. I could hear her and her friends whispering. I know I heard one of them say "Who knew Bella was so ready to give it up?" I cringed as I heard Lauren Mallory put her two cents in as well, "And to end up knocked up, I knew she was a whore from the start, she just liked to tease them first. I wonder if Edward knows how she really is."

I looked up into the pretty eyes of the cashier and she just gave me a pity smile as I paid for the groceries quickly. I wanted to run as I left the store, but knew better. I was glad I parked around the side of the store so they wouldn't see me if they came out into the parking lot. I loaded the groceries and climbed into the cab.

I couldn't help but drop my head down onto the steering wheel and began to cry. I couldn't believe that I was the subject of ridicule by those skanks. I could name half of the high school they slept with and they were making fun of me because I slept with the one and only man I loved. I wasn't sorry to be pregnant but I did wish I could do it somewhere other than Forks. Maybe it was time to head back to school and get that new apartment. That way I could get settled before the baby comes and get away from Forks all at the same time. I would talk to Charlie about going back soon and see what he had to say.

I was wiping my eyes when I heard a knock on the window. Quickly I changed my face into an angry hateful glare, so that they wouldn't know that they had in fact hurt me and looked up. Shock was the only word to describe me when I noticed that it was Esme standing there. This was as close to Edward as I had a chance to get so I quickly rolled my window down to apologize.

"Esme, hey what's going on with you? I was just leaving; sorry about the angry face I thought you were someone else."

"I had hoped so; whoever made you that mad is crazy, I'm sure that is a "if looks could kill" look." I glanced down nervously, I didn't know how much she knew and I was too embarrassed to tell her anything. She reached out and laid her hand on my arm. "Hey, are you okay, you look like you were crying?" I wanted to spill my guts to her; she always knew the right words to draw me in.

I laughed nervously. _Here goes nothing_, "Oh, that you know pregnant women, we cry over everything. I'm fine."

"Bella, can we go somewhere and talk? I have a few things I need to say to you, and I think you have a few things to get off of your chest." I must have looked hesitant, because she opened the truck door and said, "Come on I'll drive."

"Okay." I stumbled out. "Let me lock the truck."

We got into Esme's Mercedes and she drove us out of the parking lot. She took a right and headed into town; eventually she turned into the ice cream shop and parked.

We both went in and Esme walked up to the counter, she ordered a vanilla cone with sprinkles. I ordered a brownie sundae. We both sat down with our ice cream as she took a deep breath.

"Bella, is there anything you'd like to talk about, you know, get off of your chest?" She licked the side of her cone like it was any normal day and we were not just about to have a talk where I spilled my guts to her about being pregnant by her son.

"Why don't you go first, you called this little meeting." I knew stalling wouldn't get me by for long, but I hoped I could at least see how she feels before I spill my guts.

"Bella, I know you've been through a lot, but I won't pretend that I know why you broke up with Edward. That broke his heart; he was not prepared at all." I felt so terrible. "Am I wrong but didn't you two talk about the future and make plans?"

"Yes, we did and I love him. I was only trying to make an adult decision for us, I figured we would both end up drifting apart at college and then hurt each other trying to work it out. I thought it would be easier if we went our separate ways and at least made the hurt easier."

"Why are you so sure that you both were going to drift apart? Edward loves you, and not in a superficial way, a deep true love. Why didn't you love Edward enough to fight for him, why would you just throw him away? He treated you like you were a queen, and you destroy him like this. I'm trying not to be angry Bella, but it's hard. Nothing makes sense and now you won't tell me anything. Let's start with why did you keep his baby a secret?"

I opened my mouth to deny that I kept it from him but I knew better. She was right; I did keep his baby a secret from him and everyone in his family. I was terrible to him. The guilt came crashing down on me. I lowered my head and cried

"Bella we all know that the baby is Edwards, your due date gave away your secret. So please don't deny it, just tell me why you kept it from him."

"It is his baby, I never denied it. He just didn't give me a chance to explain why I hid it from him. I just didn't want him to come back to me just because of the baby, I know it sounds crazy, but I wanted, oh I don't know what I wanted. I was starting to figure this out when the whole plane crash happened. And then when I started talking to Edward and he came back to Forks. I was just afraid that he would think that I had tricked him into coming back. I was scared, I was just scared. I didn't want him to hate the baby or look at us like we ruined his life. You know most guys are not ready to handle a child in their first year of college. He has so long until he is done with college and medical school. I didn't want to ruin his life. I love him more than I can say and I only wanted what was best for him. And we both know he can do so much better than me, he deserves so much better than me." Esme blanched at my comment, but I hurried through. I wanted her to know that I knew how she truly felt about me. "Don't look shocked I know how you really feel about me. Why don't you just admit it and let me go home. I don't need anyone else telling me how unworthy I am, I let Edward go because I knew he deserved more. Now are you happy? You know all about Bella, can I just go?" I begged, I just needed to get to Charlie's house, pack my stuff and get the hell out of Forks.

I was glad no one else was in the ice cream shop right now, they would all know how crazy Bella Swan really is, I raised my voice and yelled out all of my secret fears. They were all out in the open now, for everyone to know them all. And to Esme of all people, she was the whole cause of this and now I told her how much I loved Edward. I revealed my heart and just waited for her to move in for the kill.

"Bella, is that what this is about? You think I don't like you and Edward together? I think you're exactly what Edward needs and always will be. I say that because I love you and our family loves you, you're perfect for him. Now what gave you the idea you aren't good enough for Edward, are you listening to these little small town girls around here?" My mouth hung open, I was completely in shock, she was denying that she did not say the things I heard her say. "You know they are so jealous of you and him, they'll say anything to get at you. I thought you were tougher than that?"

"Yes, that's what this is about and no it isn't the small town girls, I can take them. It's others closer to us that hurt, the ones I thought cared and then find out they don't. That's the ones."

"Bella spit it out, who are "the ones"." Esme asked.

"Esme, you! You are, I came to tell Edward the day I got my acceptance letter to Dartmouth and he wasn't at home, so I came upstairs to tell you. I waited because you were on the phone and then I heard what you said. You were telling someone how I wasn't good enough to be with Edward and that I would drag him down. He had so many options and opportunities, and that I would hold him back. I heard it all Esme, I decided that I would let him go and give the chance to have it all. I left him for him, don't you see? That's why I couldn't call or email, I was afraid I would give in and ask him to come back. That's why I didn't call about the baby, I was afraid he would turn me down and break my heart or worse come back out of obligation and then I would ruin his life. I wanted it all and I couldn't have any of it, yes I loved him enough. Enough to let him go, and not hold him back, so don't ask me if I love him enough. I was going to raise his baby because it was his, I love it because it was a part of him, so don't ask me if I love him enough. "

I was sobbing by the end of my speech, my chest heaving. I had laid my soul bare and what was it going to get me, more heartbreak.

"Bella, I never said those things about you, I have liked you from day one, and I have always wanted Edward to end up with you. You know when to push and when to let him alone. You're a perfect match, and I'm sorry if you overheard anything. I swear I never said those things…oh Bella, I know what you heard. I was talking to my sister about my nephew. He has a terrible girlfriend who rules his life and I said he was better off without her." Terror and pain flashed across her face when she realized that she prompted all of the misery in Edward's life. "Oh Bella, all of this was my fault? I put you through so much, I'm so sorry, how can I make it better?" She pulled me into a warm hug and crushed me to her body, holding me tightly as she wept over the misunderstanding.

"What, what did you say?" I said as she held my face crushed to her chest.

She suddenly released me and grabbed my hand, pulling for forward with her. "Bella, we have to call Edward, he wants to talk to you. We have to make him understand that all of this was a mistake, and my fault."

I dug my heels in as we hit the parking lot, I needed her to clarify that she had in fact said what I thought she said. "You mean it, you didn't mean those things about me? "

"Bella I have always loved you as a daughter, I would never say anything like that about you. Besides if I didn't like you I would tell you face to face, and not hide. Nothing is more important than my kids and you are my kid, besides you're carrying my grandchild, so let's call Edward." The excitement was plain to see when she said the word grandchild.

"First can I talk to Charlie? He needs to know the truth, I gave him a story about a guy at college and he in so many words told me he didn't believe it, but he said he would wait for me to tell him when I was ready. I want for once to do it right and tell him before he hears some gossip. Then I'll talk to Edward, and make things right. I promise."

"Okay, Edward is on his way back, I'll go and wait for him at the house. He'll need a shower and some food, come to the house when you're done and we'll all talk." She rubbed my hair and I wanted to call into her lap, she always made me feel so comfortable. Even during the times that I thought she wasn't happy about Edward and me being together, she still made me feel comfortable.

"Yes Esme, that's fine. I won't be long, I promise."

And with that she hugged me and smiled a deep genuine smile for me. I could almost believe that Edward and Esme were related when I saw her smile; it was so similar to Edward's. I smiled just remembering his smile.

She drove me back to the grocery store and I got into Charlie's truck. I sped home as fast as I dared, it was raining again, and I didn't want a trip to the ER to waste any of my time until I could make everything right with Edward.

When I got home Charlie's cruiser was in the yard. I went in to the kitchen and he came in from the living room.

"Hey you think you can help me get the groceries in, and we can talk a little while I put them away?" I shouted into the other room at him.

"Sure let me get my shoes on, is this the talk I've been waiting for?" Charlie poked his head around the doorway to ask me.

"Yeah, how did you know?" I bit my lip nervously. Charlie and I hardly ever spoke about anything more than the weather so this was a big turn of events for us, first all of the talks before I left for school and now this. Bit turn of events.

"When I got home Alice was camped out on our front porch, I asked her why she didn't use the key to come in, and she said you both were in a fight. She had come to apologize, and that Edward was racing back to Forks to basically do the same thing. So I told her to go on home and I would send you out there. I promised her you would come." His sigh held lots of thoughts behind it all seemed to think that I should make amends with Alice; at least that is what I thought the sigh meant. "You have been best friends with her for too long to let a little misunderstanding get in the way, you know?" He stepped fully into the kitchen as he said, "So what do you want to tell me?"

First I jumped into his arms and hugged him for all it was worth; he was the greatest father I could ever have asked for. I quickly stepped back and started my speech.

"I know some parts you're going to be angry about, so let me finish before you jump in to ask questions, okay?"

"Okay."He didn't sound exactly sure of himself but he looked willing to try for me. That was all I had asked for.

"First this is Edward's baby, and I think he now knows it's his. I love him and have never stopped loving him. I broke up with him when I overheard a conversation of Esme's and she was saying that I wasn't good enough for him. That he had potential and that he was wasting it with me, well it turns out she was talking about her nephew who was dating a drug addict. So the whole story wasn't about me like I thought it was at all. I broke up with Edward to keep him from wasting his potential when it turns out he never was. And somehow he still loves me, so I'm going to make this right. I don't know how long I'll be, but if it gets too late I'll stay at the Cullen's, with a phone call to let you know, of course. So let's get these groceries put away so I can get going." His smile showed his understanding. I was pretty proud of him, he never once interrupted me and parts of it were extremely hard to listen to without interruption.

"Bella why don't you just go and I'll put away the groceries; you deserve a break, go take care of your love life!"

As soon as the words were out of Charlie's mouth I was out the door and down the sidewalk to Charlie's truck. I sped along to Edward's house, as fast as I could with the rain and dark roads. I sent a text to Esme and let her know I was on the way, she sent one right back and said Edward was in the shower to take my time. I couldn't believe that I was finally going to get to tell Edward about the baby, and share some of the pictures. Maybe he would be able to feel it move. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.

I pulled into the drive and saw the door fling open. Esme was standing on the porch; I jumped from the truck as soon as it was in park and ran as fast as I could to the door. I stopped and hugged her, we both let out giggles. Alice was standing right behind Esme and she ran towards me as soon as I let Esme go. She grabbed me into a full body hug and squeezed. I could hardly breathe.

"Bella, please forgive me, I was so hurt for Edward. I should have known after all this time you would never do anything like that to him. Don't be mad?" Tears were pooled up in Alice's eyes but I didn't need any outward signs to know she meant every word she spoke.

"Alice how could I blame you, I had done some pretty terrible things to your brother and you were as patient with me as you could be, so no I'm not angry with you. I love you too much to stay angry with you." We pulled each other into a hug and hung on for dear life. I couldn't believe my luck. I got my best friend and my boyfriend back in one day. I just hoped that things with Edward went this smoothly as well. "I need to see Edward, is he out of the shower?"

"Yes, he's up in his room. I don't know if he knows you're coming, we tried to keep it a secret, but who knows if Emmett spilled the details yet or not. Go on up, and Bella, good luck." She said this as she was rubbing my large stomach, and I swear as I took off for the stairs that she mumbled something about being an Aunt.

I reached the third floor and was suddenly so nervous. I took a quick calming breath and knocked on the door. I could hear Edward walk out of the bathroom as he yelled, "I said I'll be right out Emmett, this new game you have is not that important."

As he opened the door, he quickly adjusted his line of vision down to meet my eyes, and his mouth fell open. His eyes became wide with shock, and he started stuttering "Bella, wha…I don't…Mom said you were…what are you doing here?"

"Edward, can we talk? For once I think I owe you the truth."

"Yeah come on in and we can talk. Does everyone else know you're here?"

"Yes, I saw Alice and Esme at the front door. I talked with Alice for a minute, she asked me to forgive her and I told her there is nothing to forgive. She was taking up for you and I deserved it, I was terrible to you. So we're good, best friends again." He moved to grab some clothes and clutch them to his waist to hide the towel that stood between the two of us. I hoped that he was able to forgive me but it certainly was hard to concentrate on anything other than that towel right now with him this close to me. He cleared his throat and I realized that he was watching me stare at him, or rather his towel. I rushed to continue the conversation that I started. "Esme and I saw each other at the grocery store and we also had a heart to heart talk. She helped me clarify a few things. First you need to know that I love you and I always have. At no point have I stopped loving you, I promise. This baby I carry is yours." He dropped the clothes he held as I placed his hands on my stomach, when I pulled away he left his hands there. He looked down and a soft smile took over his face, he looked back into my face and grabbed me up into a large hug. He buried his face into my neck and just held me. I started trying to explain to him why I did what I did so he would understand. "Edward the day I got my acceptance to Dartmouth, I came over to tell you, well you were out with Alice. I decided that telling Esme would be okay until I could share it with you. When I came upstairs to tell her she was on the phone, so I sat and waited in the hall. I overheard her talking about how I was no good for you and I would ruin your chances of a good life. You had too much potential and I wasn't right for you. So I let my imagination take over and decided that I would let you go for your own good. So that's why I broke up with you, because I thought I was helping you, but I see now that I wasn't. And I now know it was wrong to make a decision like that about us without allowing you to have a say in what's going on, so I'm sorry. I found out that I was pregnant at college and I was afraid that if I called you, you would do one of two things. First, you would have moved on and not wanted me back or want the baby either, and that would have killed me. Second, you would come back and we would make a life together, and I would always wonder if you were there because you loved me or because of obligation. So, I was too scared to make any move either way. Then the whole plane crash happened, and I was in too much emotional upheaval to do anything. I was too afraid to change anything, afraid that I would lose you. I know it was wrong to not tell you about the baby and keep that from you, I was just scared Edward, scared. I'm really sorry, and I really love you!" I was crying, again, by the end of my explanations. Edward sat and listened to them without interruption and his face showed every emotion under the sun at my words but the moment I began to cry all that left and sympathy took it's place. He pulled me into his arms and held me while I cried. I cried for all the time we lost, the time that I foolishly let slip away. Time I would never get back. Time I could not give him back. I felt so guilty for that. Edward simply soothed me; he rubbed circles along my back and shushed me as I cried.

"Bella, I love you more than you will ever know and I want our baby. Nothing will make me happier than having this baby with you. I'm here because I love you and for no other reason, I promise."

He kissed me, a deep, sweet, passionate kiss. One that conveyed all of his emotions to me, and then he pulled away. He looked me in the eyes and then down at my stomach. He dropped to his knees and then lifted my shirt to expose my belly. He placed his hands on each side and he gave it several small kisses. He whispered to my stomach. "Hello my beautiful baby, this is your daddy, I want you to get to know my voice. I will talk to you from now on, as often as I can. I'm so happy you're going to be here soon. I can't wait to meet you. Your mommy and I are so glad we have you. I love you."

Somewhere in the middle of his little talk I began to cry, again! How could I have doubted his wanting to be a father, he already knew what to do. As he stood up I pulled him to me and he took me in his arms. He let me cry and when the tears stopped I leaned back and gave him a large smile. I wanted him to see how happy he had made me.

"Bella, can we go down stairs and let the others know we're okay and about the baby? I can't wait for Carlisle and Esme to finally hear that they're going to be grandparents." I nodded. He grabbed his clothes off of the floor where they fell when I took his hands and he slipped into the bathroom to put them on.

When he emerged he took my hand and walked towards the door of his room. "Bella we are by no means done talking this through but I understand all of it. I don't like that you made a decision about us without me but I can see why you made it. We need to work on making sure that we talk about things with each other. We will never make this work if we don't." I nodded at him as I bit my lip while he admonished me.

"Now, let's let them know that they are grandparents!" He pulled me out the door and to the top of the stairs.

"I think they already know Edward."

"Of course they know, but it would be nice to hear it officially. Up until now, everyone has speculated, now I want to tell them for sure."

"Sure, I have all night, I told Charlie I would stay if it got too late, so let's go."

He put his arm around my waist and led me down the stairs. We were met at the bottom by the entire gang. They all looked from Edward to me and when they saw his arm around my waist they all relaxed visibly.

"Well we have some big news…Bella's pregnant…with my child!"

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**E/N: So...let me know if you liked it or hated it!**


	16. Outtake Edward's pov of Chapter 13

**A/N: To all my dears that are reading this story, thank you so much! This is the anticipated Edward's pov for Bella's ER visit. I tried to be all covert with it and post it only on my blog and send out a link to the sweet little reviewers. BUT...ffn is being a pain in my ass and it left my link out for those that I sent the pm to, so the rest of you get to benefit from ffn dumbassedness! (Feel free to use my new word, LOL)**

**On with the show, let me know what you think of it!**

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Edward  
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I hung up with Bella, tormented by the pain she was going through. It was so surreal that her pain would cause the memory of my own pain from the same event many years before to flood back into my body so fast. I had to shake this off and get to calling for a flight so that I could get back to Bella. I needed to be with her, I understood her pain more than anyone else and I needed to make sure that she was okay.

I grabbed my laptop at the same time that I reached for my phone. I called Alice while I opened up the browser to search for a flight.

"Alice, have you talked with Bella?" Alice was so overwhelmed and affected by what Bella was going through. I could tell it in her tone of voice, and in her breathing pattern even. She obviously had been crying and probably felt as useless as I did at this moment.

"Yeah, I just wish I was there with her. She is all alone and I need to be with her." Alice pleaded.

"I know Alice, I know. I am actually checking flights now. She finally asked me to come home." The relief flooded out of me and in that second with those words I began to cry.

I cried for all the love that I felt for Bella, I cried for all the time that we had missed with each other. I cried for all the things she had experienced for the first time without me to share them with her. I cried for the pure and simple fact that Bella was my soul mate and I lost her. And I cried for the fact that she was hurting and I couldn't take the pain away for her, I couldn't make her better. All I could do was hold her hand, listen to her talk it out and hope that it was enough.

"When is your flight?" Alice brought me back to this reality.

"Don't know, I'm looking them up right now." I searched and of course none were leaving and flying in to Seattle as quickly as I wanted them to be. There was that would put me into Seattle at a little after midnight but I didn't care. I wanted to be home with Bella as soon as possible.

"I got one that will put me into Seattle at 12:25, I hope someone doesn't mind coming to get me then." I made a mental note of all the details I needed to take care of before I left here.

"I found a flight that will connect me with yours and we can fly on to Seattle together, do you mind if I come too?" Alice asked, she sounded just as desperate to get back to Forks as I did, so how could I tell her no?

"Sure, what's the flight number?"

"Mine is Delta flight 245, I will already be on the flight when it stops to pick you up, so we can fly the rest of the way together, sound good?" Alice was moving just as fast as I was to throw things into the bag and be on her way, I could hear her moving around the apartment as we spoke.

"I'll call Mom and Dad and tell them that we both will be there at 12:25, so to come and pick us up. Call me before you take off, okay?" I made all the arrangements with my flight and typed out a quick email to my professors as I talked with Alice. I would handle the consequences later, right now my only goal was to get home to Bella.

"Okay, love you Edward."

I told Alice that I loved her as well and ended the call. I finished packing, only taking a small carry on since I had clothes still in Forks and made my way out of the apartment. Once I was in the cab I called my dad.

"Hey, I got a flight to Seattle, Alice does as well. We both need to be picked up at 12:25 tonight. Can you do that?" It suddenly got quiet as we spoke; I assumed that he stepped outside the house to talk with me. I knew for certain that they were still at Bella's house and half of me wanted to ask to speak to her again but I had to deal with the details first so I could get on my way to see her.

"Yeah, that's fine. I expected to get this call from one or all of you so I will be there to get you. Son, please be safe, okay?" Seriousness tinted his voice and masked his emotions a little.

"I will, Dad, I will. I'll see you then." I wanted to hang up quickly because I couldn't allow his concern to sway or scare me into not getting on that airplane. "Hey, is she okay?" I needed to know how she was from a different perspective, and I knew that my dad wouldn't lie to me.

"She's not great but she is doing okay." He answered, his words sounded like he might be holding back a little but I couldn't blame him. Who wants to know that his soul mate is not doing well with a plane ride ahead of him before he can get to her and comfort her? No one, and I was man enough to know that I wanted him to lie to me for now.

"Okay." That was my simple response. "Love you Dad, see you soon."

"Bye Edward, love you too."

I hung up and paid for my cab ride. I rushed into the terminal and sat to wait for the ride that would take me back to her.

After torturous amounts of time I was finally in my seat and ready for take off, and the good news was that it looked like we would be on time. Alice had come by my seat and once everyone was on the plane we would try to move to sit beside each other. I looked down at my watch for the gazillion time. Each time I was closer to seeing her, seeing Bella. Not much closer but still closer.

The plane took off and when the seatbelt sign went off I went in search of Alice. I found her huddled up and looking so scared. I knew that Bella was her best friend but it still scared me how scared she looked. I sat beside her and flipped up the arm rest and pulled her into my arms. She was a small substitute for Bella but it still felt good to hold her against me and know that somehow, I was comforting someone. For the moment Alice would fill my need to help.

We both dozed off and came to when the stewardess made her rounds to remind us to put our seatbelts back on. Alice slide back into her seat and I straightened in mine. The armrest was dropped back into place and we each snapped our seatbelts back on. Once all the necessary activity was done Alice grabbed my hand and held on again. I looked over and noticed that she was again crying.

"You okay, Al?"

"I just don't know how to help her, Edward, what do I say to her?" The tremors in her voice showed the depth of emotion that she felt for Bella's loss.

"You just tell her that you are there and will always be there for her. She will know and understand that, okay?" I smoothed Alice's crazy hair down a little. If we were not in such deep anguish knowing what we were heading into, it would have been comical the strange ways that her hair stuck up and out.

"Will that be enough?" Her small voice asked me, still worried that she couldn't help her best friend.

"Sure it will. Honestly, Alice, nothing anyone says or does right now will make a difference anyway. She'll be in such a daze right now and will be for awhile. Trust me, I remember the fog that surrounds that week and perhaps month even. I don't remember shit from that time. Just tell her that you will be there and don't try any of that I understand bullshit; that always made me angry. The people who said it was so far from understanding that it was almost funny. So don't do that, don't say stuff just to say it, say what you really mean to her. Tell her how much you love her, tell her how sorry you are and that you will be there for her. But don't say the stupid shit and belittle her with it, okay?" I guess I still had some anger and hostility towards those that tried to help me in the days after my parents died. I guess in situations like this those things always resurface.

Alice never answered me, she just snuggled up as close as she could with her seatbelt on to my arm. I held her and counted down the minutes till I could see and possibly hold Bella.

Then the thought occurred to me, could I hold Bella? What would be the nature of our relationship? Would she want me in any way that she had before or did she just need me to talk her through things since I had lived it before her? How the fuck was I supposed to go back to being her friend when I had held her in my arms? When I had kissed her and made love to her? I wasn't sure if this time with her would make or break me. I just knew that I had to be there for her, I had to no matter the consequences to me.

Soon we had landed, gathered our luggage and met Esme. After a few embraces she moved us off towards the Mercedes. She made short work of delays and I appreciated it. I certainly would lose my mind if I was in the same state and couldn't get to her, quickly.

Alice and Esme sat up front chatting about all sorts of things, I couldn't tune into their conversation. I was too busy turning things over in my own brain, trying to decide how I would play out things between Bella and I. I needed a game plan otherwise I would be caught off guard and get hurt again. I hoped that the game plan would keep me from getting hurt again, I hoped.

Esme's phone began to ring when we were about an hour from Port Angeles. Esme answered it and her voice quickly changed. Her words didn't alert me to a problem, her tone did. I sat up immediately, dread filled me.

"Esme, what's going on?" I snapped at her. Esme's eyes met Alice's and they both seemed filled with fear.

"ESME!" I shouted, "What is going on? Is Bella okay?" That was the one question I needed to know, everything else I could handle but just not that. She had to be okay.

Esme pulled over and turned to face me, each action scared me a little more.

"We don't know. She's had an accident, the EMT's recognized Charlie's truck and called ahead to warn Carlisle. He doesn't know more than that, they are still a few minutes away from the hospital now. He said that the EMT's didn't give him much info." Esme's eye showed her motherly love and concern. And for the life of my I didn't know why that hurt me even more. Perhaps she was sparing me, saving me from the bad news, I had no idea. I just knew that I had to get to Bella right away.

"Esme, can I drive?" I asked. Both sets of eyes from the front seat showed their concern at this question. I had better do some more explaining, so as I unbuckled my seatbelt I continued, "I need something to occupy my mind, seriously, I will go fucking insane if I have to just sit here and wonder if I have lost her again. I can't just sit here." Each word gradually increased in volume until I was at a full on yell in the back seat.

Esme weighed my words and quickly slipped out of the driver's seat and changed places with me. I buckled my seat belt again and dropped the car into drive. I flew away from our make shift parking spot and towards Forks, towards my Bella. In whatever condition she was in.

Alice had pulled her phone out and started making calls, she called Em and Rose. Then she called Jasper and told him. The pain and concern in her voice was rushing around my head but I shut it out. I couldn't break down until I got to her. That was my only goal right now, get to Bella's side.

When Alice finally hung up with Jasper and Esme had tried unsuccessfully to call Carlisle again, I turned up the volume on his state of the art stereo in the Mercedes. I allowed the music to soothe me and force me to concentrate on other memories of us. The good ones, all the firsts we had achieved with each other. All the fun we had with each other, the ones that allowed me a clear head to make it to her safely.

The Mercedes was barely in park when I threw open the door and flew into the hospital. The nurses that I knew showed shock at seeing me here at this time of night but answered with appropriate directions to her room when I shouted Bella's name. I knew this hospital like the back of my hand and it was a good thing, I was able to go right to her.

I met Carlisle in the hallway outside her room and he grabbed me by my arm when I charged right past him.

"Hey, you need to slow down a minute. She's fine Edward, a minor accident that's all." I searched his eyes for truth and realized that he was being honest with me. I relaxed and felt the tension drain right there in the hallway. Relief flooded through me and with it brought the tears.

"Fuck!" I fisted my hair and leaned down to catch my breath.

Carlisle pulled me up straight and I followed his arms as he hugged me. "Sorry Edward, I knew this would scare you but I didn't want you to get to Forks and not know. Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I am now. Can I…can I see her?" I just needed to lay my eyes on her, to assure my mind that she was indeed fine.

"Yeah, she's sleeping off and on. She has a headache but I haven't given her anything for it yet, I can't until I know exactly what's going on with her, so be mindful of this. She needs to rest and be as still as possible until I get those results. Okay?" I nodded with my hand already on the door knob. Carlisle's snicker settled my nerves slightly.

I pushed the door open and stared at her lying in that big hospital bed. She looked so small, so helpless. My heart ached for her, for all that she had been through today. I knew Bella and knew that she was so overwhelmed. She adored Renee and had always been so close to her, so this loss would certainly be hard to get over for her. She would be losing her mother and one of her best friends all in one tragic event.

She was so still and quiet. If not for the beeping of the machines that showed me her heart rate and respirations, I would be tempted to wake her up and check her myself. Instead I sat and just held her hand. There was so much that I wanted to say, I wanted to confess my undying love, to tell her that I didn't need anyone or anything more than her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her until all her pain was gone but right now I just settled for holding her hand. I brushed her hair off of her forehead and just looked at her.

She slowly turned her head towards me; her eyes still closed, and winced in pain at her movement. My hand flinched slightly in hers and I waited for her to open her eyes. When she did I looked directly into her soul. I could see the helplessness in them and it made my determination even stronger to help her get through this. I smiled and she tried to return it.

I teased her and asked her about her drama level today, surely she didn't need more but that was Bella. She does everything to the fullest! Her eyes were 'off' slightly, but heaven's knows she had enough reasons for them to be that way. I tried to allow myself to settle and let her skin contact soothe me. Her simple hand holding wasn't enough; I leaned over and kissed her forehead. I hoped that I didn't scare her by pushing too far too fast.

I began talking, I figured that if I moved my mouth then it wouldn't want to attach itself to her in other ways. I talked about how fast I drove, how I scared Alice and Esme. I asked her what in the world she was doing out this time of the night alone. She explained why she was out and wonder of all wonders she was just as anxious to see me as I was to see her. Her anxiety caused her to venture out, just to be a little closer to me. My heart soared at this prospect that she might still, even if in a small way, love me.

Her tears began as she explained; I lowered my body to be closer to her. The contact was heavenly; she fit against me like she always had, no changes. I whispered to her and tried to soothe her. I knew she probably just needed to cry, so I held her close and let her do what felt right to her.

One more small kiss, I promised myself as I place a kiss on her temple. I swear she leaned into it slightly. I prayed that she did, prayed that I still had a chance. We talked for a little bit about how she was and her mom. I tried to pull away, against my better judgment, but she snuggled closer and asked me to stay with her. So, stay I did.

I knew that if I didn't give myself some distance I would fool myself into thinking that this was my new normal so I pulled away and gave Bella the excuse of allowing Alice to come in. Her eyes lit up at the prospect of seeing Alice so I left to retrieve her.

I stayed out in the hall while Alice went in. I felt the force, gravity, kismet, what the hell ever it was pulling me back through that door and to her. But I couldn't be that guy, I couldn't smother her. I had to play this by her rules, to let her lead me on this. So I stayed outside the door with my hand poised and ready to charge in if she seemed to need me.

Carlisle eventually showed up and hugged Esme. Our eyes met over her shoulder and he lifted his eyebrows in silent question to me. I shrugged at him because honestly I didn't really know how the hell I was so there was no point in even trying to explain it to him. He had Bella's chart so we went back in with him as he explained to her what was going on.

I was busy staring at Bella so I had no idea what question he asked her but when she answered her eyes shifted from Carlisle, to me to Charlie's. I had no idea that Charlie had even arrived. Carlisle sent us all out so he could examine Bella so I grabbed her hand and tried to show her that I was still with her. She squeezed mine and I reluctantly let it go as I left the room with the others.

We shuffled around the hallway till Charlie came back out and said for us to wait for Carlisle in his office. I tried not to let this scare me but I decided that this was a battle that I was just going to lose. At this point Bella breathing would scare me that I was losing her in any way for a while.

I paced and listened to Alice and Esme drone on about who knows what. Charlie and I met each other in our different patterns of pacing off and on. Each time he met my eyes I saw something in there that I couldn't define. It looked more like pity or perhaps hesitation. I saw hesitation, like he had something to say but just couldn't decide if it needed to be said now. I tried to convey that he could trust me, that I would take care of Bella right now and figure it all out after that. He just smiled at me, clapped me on the back and kept pacing.

Carlisle walked back into his office; his face read his clear relief. Before he could even say a word I was out the door and back to Bella's room. I knocked just in case and when she murmured to me I let myself in.

She was pulling on my hoodie that she stole from me a few years ago. It made my heart swell to know that she kept a part of me around. Stupid, I know but still felt it anyway.

She made a joke about it but I saw it for what it was, she needed me even if in a small way.

She asked me about how long I was here; finally we could talk about what was going to happen.

I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around her; she turned slightly but just a small amount. I hoped that I hadn't hurt her.

I dismissed it and told her about how long I would be there with her, we talked about food and I tried to just be normal with her. I prayed that I made it look normal; I was so scared that she would see right through me and send me away again. I just needed to be with her right now, close to her and keep her safe from anything else. Just long enough to let her heal then we can talk about the serious stuff and sort us out. Right now my job was to protect her and let her heal.

I held her when she cried again, at what I assume was a memory of Renee. God, she felt so good against me.

We made our way back to everyone else and they agreed to eat with us. Alice worked it out so that Bella and I could drive to the diner by ourselves. Have I mentioned how much I love Alice? Seriously, loved her to pieces, she always knew how to give Bella and I our space. She just knew that I couldn't share Bella right now and I would always be thankful to her.

A large smile settled over my face and Bella asked me about it.

"What's that smile for?" A small smile was creeping across her face as well.

"I just can't believe we're here together, going to get breakfast at the diner. This is so far from where I thought I would be if you had asked me a week ago. I just find it funny, the complete about face we've made."

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**I hope it was worth the wait! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families! See ya all next week...**


	17. Chapter 16 Let's Tell Them The Good New

**A/N: Well here we are again meeting up here, just so you can read! JSYK, I think the drama is over for these two. With that said there will be lots of talking and working things out but shouldn't be any more drama. Unless Edward and Bella just decide that they want some more, you know how they get at times. **

**A big old fat thanks and much love to all those that read, fav and put me on alert. I really do a happy dance when I get those emails, seriously I do! Love and thanks to all my girls-Jen, Carla, Mary, Amanda, Erin, Ness and Laurel! You all are the best ever!**

**As always let me know what you think...**

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**Chapter 16- Let's tell them the good news**

**Bella**

The entire room erupted into shouts and applause. And then they all started asking questions at the same time.

"When are you due?"

"What's it going to be?"

"Where are you going to live when the baby comes, and will you go back to college in two different states?"

So Edward held up his hand and turned to walk into the dining room, he pulled me along with him. All the others followed and sat down in their seats. Edward decided to start this "Family meeting" with his instructions.

"Bella and I have had a rocky few months, so not a lot has been talked about and decided. We'll need time to take care of some things and figure out the best way to make our lives as easy as possible. Some questions we will not know the answers to yet, so you'll have to take a "we don't know" and not push the issue." He made a point to look at Alice, who simply stuck her tongue out at him. "When we know we'll let you know, just give us time, so with that said Carlisle I think you and Esme have the right to ask first."

Carlisle looked at Esme and nodded. She licked her lips and turned towards me.

"Can I be in the delivery room; after all it is my first grandchild?" She looked sheepish at the sudden burst of question but she was radiant with her smile. It told us how truly happy she was about the baby.

And again the room erupted into laughter. I reached over and squeezed her hand.

"Of course Esme after all you are my only Mother now, and I'll need my Mom with me."

Esme stood up and came around the two chairs that separated us to hug me. When she pulled away I could see that she had small tears in her eyes, but her smile was just as radiant as before.

Alice went next, "When can we go shopping and what do you already have Bella?"

Edward took over answering this question and I was so thankful. "Alice, I think that'll be one of those "we don't know" answers. We'll need to figure out where we'll be and how much space we'll have so we'll shop later. I don't know how much later, just later. Sorry." Alice didn't look happy about that answer but she took it like a pro, she didn't pout, whine, cry or even stomp her foot not once.

Jasper cleared his throat and said, "Do you know what it is, the sex I mean?"

Edward turned to me and I shook my head no. "I wanted to wait until it was born, I know it sounds crazy but I figured that if Edward has to wait to find out that I was even pregnant then I could wait to find out what I was having." Edward seemed pleased with this answer but Alice was once again bouncing in her seat to respond.

"Bella, how are we gonna know what to shop for if you don't know what you are having?" Alice whined.

Rose saved me; she had a great suggestion, "Why don't we just buy for a boy and a girl, that way we're covered?" My head was swimming at the costs of such an idea, even if it did save me from Alice and her persistent questions.

Alice clapped her hands and she went to the kitchen. She came back with her laptop and a pad.

"I'm going to the baby sites to see what essentials we need and start our list. I'm sure we'll need a lot of stuff, have you ever seen those Mom's in the mall, they're loaded down with stuff. I'll let you know when the list is ready, and we can begin shopping. By the way when is the baby due again?" Her eyes never left her laptop as she rambled off all of her info to me. She was serious when she was on a mission and this was certainly a big mission.

"February 18th" I responded.

With that Edward's eyes got big and he took a deep breath. I turned to him to ask if he was okay, but he just smiled. He began speaking, "That isn't that far off that's all. We really do need to get started, for once I think Alice is going to come in handy, after all she is the one that can help us pull this off in that amount of time. I think Bella and I need to talk major details while Alice and Rosalie plan, so if you'll excuse us we'll be upstairs deciding some things. Besides Bella looks dead on her feet, she needs to rest. She told Charlie she would stay here if it got too late, so I think I'm going to have her call him and let him know." Edward was so sexy when he took charge like that.

Carlisle and Esme both stood when we stood up, and approached me. I hugged them both, and Carlisle whispered into my ear. "I knew you would do the right thing, thank you for bringing our family back together and giving this to Edward. He wants this so much; he'll be a great father and husband you know."

I smiled at them both and nodded my affirmation to his statement as we left the room.

Once we were back in Edward's room he pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a plain white t shirt. He handed them both to me and motioned towards the bathroom. I went in and changed into them, brushed my hair, and washed my face. When I came back out he was sitting on the bottom of the bed, and I became nervous. I knew this was silly, we were going to have a baby together but we had never been in the situation of getting into bed together to sleep. It was kind of scary, but Edward looked very relaxed. He smiled and patted the bed next to him. I climbed into it and snuggled close to him, it was a small bed so there wasn't much room, especially when one of us was very pregnant. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Bella, Alice does have a point. We do need to decide where we're going to live and a lot of other details once the baby comes. So I guess we need to talk about it and try to make a few decisions. We don't have to make them all tonight let's start with a few and each day we'll decide a few more until they're all made. How does that sound?"

I nodded and asked him, "Okay, first we need to start with where we'll be when the baby is born and where we'll live after the baby is born. Why don't you tell me your ideas on those two questions?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and drew in a deep breath, "I would like to be here in Forks when the baby is born and maybe stay for a few months. I think if I take a semester off then we'll both have plenty of time to have the baby, spend some time here and then get back to college and get settled before we start the next semester, what do you think of that?"

"Edward that's what I wanted, I know Charlie and Carlisle will want to see the baby and they can't take off and fly out like Esme can, so I was hoping we could stay here for the birth." He smiled and nodded at me as I spoke. "Now, on to where we'll go when we go back to college, how are we going to manage that with you and me in different states?"

"Well, I was thinking since you are on a full scholarship, it would be easier if I transferred to Dartmouth, then we could get a house and settle in there, before we both start the next semester. One of us could go to evening classes, if we wanted, or if you like the daycare we could leave the baby in the daycare, whatever you want." He seemed so unsure of himself and I felt terrible for putting him in that position.

"Edward won't the transfer mess up your plan, I don't want that."

"Bella do you want us to live together or apart?"

"Together." I sighed in defeat; I really didn't want to be apart from him ever again.

"Okay then, you let me work out the details and I'll promise you that I won't do anything that messes up my dreams, how is that for a compromise?"

"Much better, now I know we'll be here in Forks, but where will we live, I don't want to be apart, but Charlie's place doesn't have room for all three of us, so what do you suggest?" I waved my hand in front of my stomach to include our child in the three that I spoke of.

He walked over and placed his hand along my face, "Silly Bella, we'll never live apart again if I can help it. I think tomorrow we should go and talk to Charlie. We need to ask him if it's ok for you to move in here until the baby comes. We have plenty of room here and that way you wouldn't need to be alone when he has to work at the station. Besides you'll have plenty of help after the baby is born." He shrugged as if it didn't matter to him but his smile told me the truth of his feelings. "Who knows all the rest of them might take a semester off, when they see how much fun we're having with our new baby. We might start a Cullen family trend! How would that be, three little ones running around?"

A large smile crept over my face, as I pictured Esme sitting on the couch with three little kids around her, she would be in complete heaven.

Heaven…

Just the word alone was able to remind me that my mother was in fact in heaven, she wouldn't ever sit on the couch playing with my child, any of my children. I sat abruptly on the bed as the tears washed over me. Edward sat beside me and held me in his arms as I cried. He didn't say anything to me at all. He just let me purge my emotions. This was the hard part, the silly little reminders that bring it all back without any warning. It did feel so good to have Edward with me to help assure me that I would be fine, with time.

The tears finally stopped but after awhile I yawned very loudly. Edward moved away from my body and pulled the covers back for me to climb inside of them. I felt so cold without his warmth beside me. I was amazed at how quickly we had moved back to the normal us before I left for Dartmouth. I knew that life with Edward would be an easy one, our relationship had always been effortless. Our love for each other was undeniable. It made me feel so comfortable to know that Edward had never stopped loving me while we were apart. I know that I never stopped loving him either. It only grew in strength in fact.

I climbed under the covers and he tucked them tightly around me. I pouted at the fact that he did not appear to be getting into bed with me.

"Aren't you coming to bed too?" My question came across as petulant and whiney.

"Bella, I'm going to run downstairs and check with Esme and Carlisle about us staying here and using the room down the hall for the baby. That way it'll be up here, close to us and not disturbing anyone else in the house. Also I need to let Alice know she can start ordering furniture, for us as well as the baby." He smoothed the hair off of the side of my face as he spoke. I loved the way he always needed to be touching me.

I adjusted to lay more towards my side so I could look up at him as I was saying, "Furniture for us, what do we need?"

"We need a larger bed that's what we need; besides we can take it with us when we go back to our house at Dartmouth," Edward replied.

I liked the way that sounded "our house", it had a nice sound, and I couldn't wait.

"Okay, then let's order some furniture."

After my response he kissed me, a deep passionate kiss that conveyed all of his love and need at the same time. I knew I had missed this part of Edward. I let the past few months of needing him flow into my kiss back to him. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and I willingly followed along. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth and sucking on it. I loved it when he did this and he knew it. I felt his smile pull at the corners of his mouth, when a small moan escaped my throat.

He ran his hands down my ribs and stopped at my hips. I was afraid he would notice that they were larger now, but he didn't stay long enough, he pulled each hand back in to caress my stomach. It felt so nice to have his warm hands rub my stomach; it was surprising how much a small gently gesture turned me on beyond belief. Another moan crept out and Edward leaned back in and kissed me again. This time it was filled with need, and desire.

I ran my hands up into his hairline at the back of his neck; I knew he liked it when I did this. It also helped me pull him deeper into me. It was hard to fit against him as well as I used to with my larger stomach, but I could still feel every inch of him.

He ran his hands up under my t shirt and up to my breasts. I never knew how much more sensitive they had become with the pregnancy, his touch almost made jump. He pulled his hands down to my hips and said, "Sorry, I guess I should have asked."

"Edward, don't apologize, that felt like heaven. It's just that no one has touched them since I got pregnant and I didn't know how sensitive they were." His hands crept back up as I spoke. When they arrive at their original destination, I moaned, "I think I like being pregnant. I can't wait to feel them against your chest and your mouth."

I guess my words encouraged him because he raised my arms up and pulled the t shirt off. He slipped my bra straps down off my shoulders, and kissed down my neck, across my collarbone and down the center of my chest. Far enough away from both breast to drive me crazy, and when he reached the center of my chest he slowly trailed open mouthed kisses towards the right breast. He teased along the fullness and then gently took my nipple into his mouth. A loud moan escaped my lips and I arched my chest towards him encouraging him. It felt so much better than I imagined, and I would spend the rest of my life pregnant if it brought me this much pleasure. Edward moved back towards the other breast with his mouth. Once he had reached his desired location he took the nipple into his mouth and began his sweet torture again. I could only hold onto his neck and enjoy the sensations his mouth was creating. I could feel the warm heat spreading from my chest out into my body and causing a reaction down in my core. Edward slowly moved back up my neck to my mouth, and gave me another searing kiss. I sighed into his mouth, taking his top lip into my mouth. I knew he preferred my bottom lip so I left it open for him, and he didn't disappoint me. It was promptly sucked into his mouth and Edward gently nibbled on it. Then he leaned back and looked deep into my eyes.

"Bella, is this alright? I don't think I can stop if we go much further, so we need to stop now, if you want." I shook my head no, I wanted this more than he knew. I wanted him. "I've waited so long to have you back in my arms, and now to have you in my bed as well, it's too much. I have so many things I want to do to you, but first I want to make slow sweet love to you. We have the rest of our life to do all of the other stuff, right now I want to show you how much I love you. Can I?"

How could I turn down those perfect words when paired with his amazing face? Besides I think I wanted it as much as he did, so I nodded my affirmation to him. I pulled at the bottom of his t shirt and pulled it off and threw it over with mine. I ran my hands over his chest and stomach, and down to the top of his jeans. I shivered in anticipation, and licked my lips. He must have understood my signal because he kissed my lips as he slid his hands down to my sweats. He slid his hand in the waistband at my hip. He slowly caressed it in small circles until I thought I would lose my mind, the sensations were too much. To be here with Edward, and with him touching me, it left me totally intoxicated. As he moved his hand towards my stomach he was causing my sweats to slowly fall lower and lower. I was unable to stop anything at this point; I needed Edward to finish what he had started. I tangled my hands into his hair and followed his sweet mouth over my body. All I could do was make sure he didn't break contact with my skin. I slowly stepped back to be able to remove the disheveled clothing that remained on our bodies. I pulled my sweats down and stepped out of them, and then I unhooked my bra and discarded it. I could hear Edward removing his clothes as well, the sound alone was enough to make my hands move faster I closed my eyes and just listened to Edward's movements, it was almost as erotic as his touch. I felt his breath on my shoulder and I turned to face him. I was shy and scared of the changes in my body. Standing there in front of Edward, I was scared that he would find them undesirable, so I covered my chest, but he pulled my arms away from my chest and pulled me towards the bed.

"Bella don't cover yourself, I want to see you and your beautiful body. You're amazing, I love how pregnancy has changed you. Your body, it curves in all the right places. Beautiful. The glow on your skin is indescribable."

"Edward, pregnancy has made me fat, that's all it has made me."

"Bella, your hips are begging for me to hold them, they fit my hands perfectly." He placed his hands on my hips to emphasize his words. "Your breasts are sheer perfection, so full and soft. I love the feel of them when I hold you against my chest. You're definitely not fat, you're perfect. I'm so turned on just looking at your body and our baby in your stomach, now come here and let me make love to you."

Our conversation was officially over. I knew he meant every word he said, and I could tell he enjoyed my "fuller" body. I did have to admit that my hips were better looking during pregnancy.

He pulled me into his arms and backed up towards the couch. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap, he leaned in to whisper something into my ear. I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying, I was completely naked sitting on his hard cock, and he was whispering in my ear. I just sat and enjoyed the sensations that were taking over my body.

"Bella, I've waited for so long to feel you like this, you're so beautiful."

He leaned down and started to kiss his way down my neck, his progress so slow that he was driving me insane. He pulled me closer to his body and slightly lifted my body and slide into me, all I could do was close my eyes and throw my head back at the overwhelming sensations he was causing. Edward sat very still and allowed me to just feel him, and when I opened my eyes to encourage him to continue on, his eyes were alive with the fire that threatened to consume of both. I knew his body was engulfed in the same sensations I felt, I allowed myself to imagine we were the only two people on the planet, and this was all we needed to do. Just be with each other, and enjoy each other.

As Edward slowly began his rhythm I held onto his neck and met each of his thrusts, trying to show him I wanted this as much as he did, and I was enjoying it as much as he was. I felt the moan as it slipped from my mouth, I threw my head back and arched my back to change the angle in which Edward entered me.

"Fuck Bella, how do you do that? I could stay here all night and just feel you. I'm not going to last long with you moaning and thrashing into me."

I tensed at his words and thought I was doing it wrong. I slowed my motions and tried to slow my brain down to stay in charge of my body. He felt the change in my body and immediately rushed to make sure I correctly understood his ramblings.

"No Bella, don't stop, you're perfect. I want to see you enjoying what I'm doing. But all of your beautiful noises are doing me in." I nodded at him, speech was not an option at that moment. "Just don't blame me if we finish quickly." His hands ran up my sides again and his fingers spread out and held me along my ribs. "Your body feels so perfect, I love you."

"Edward."

I wanted it to sound sexy and adult, but I'm sure that it sounded like I was choking. I was overwhelmed by his words and the increase in his rhythm. I could feel the warm buzzing start in my stomach and spread to all of my limbs. I was on the edge of my orgasm and I could tell by the strength of the sensation it was going to be intense. Edward shifted his body slightly and he entered me deeper than before. I gasped at the sensation and fell right over the edge, enjoying the sensation that our bodies were creating. I felt Edward's body tighten and with a last deep thrust he achieved his release.

I laid my head on his shoulder and placed light kisses there, I had the sudden urge to laugh out loud. I wasn't sure where the urge came from, but I'm sure it was hysteria due to my euphoric state. Edward gave a small chuckle that caused his chest to slightly rub against my tender breasts. I leaned back and looked deep into his eyes.

"I love you Edward, I'm sorry I didn't do the right thing from the start."

"Bella, I love you too, don't ruin what we have by apologizing. We're where we are because of our mistakes; I don't regret any of them. Now, you need sleep."

He stood, placed my feet on the floor, and helped me redress. I got back into bed and he tucked the blanket around me.

"Bella, I'll be right back in a few minutes, I want to talk to Esme and Carlisle. Then I'll come back to bed with you, okay?"

"Okay." One word was all I could manage, I was too happy and tired to complete a sentence.

Edward shut off the lights and closed the door.

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What an ending huh? 'Bout time these two got in some lemony goodness for us to enjoy (and I'm positive that Edward didn't mind it at all either, LOL) Let me know what you think of it! Till next week...


	18. Chapter 17 Plans, Plans, and More Plans

**A/N: I don't have alot to say today, just hello and thanks to all of you for sticking with me. Big thanks to Jen and Carla for making this look good. Thanks to Becky, Mary, Amanda, Erin, Ness and Laurel for always having my back and talking me down off of the ledge. I love you all!**

**Thanks for the continued reviews, to those of you that review each and every chapter-I really appreciate you more than words. To the rest of you-I love you too :)**

**On with the show...

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**Chapter 17-Plans, plans and more plans**

**Edward**

I closed my bedroom door, no wait, our bedroom door. I wanted to jump, shout and squeal like a girl. Bella was back and we had just made love. I staggered back to lean against the wall, Bella was home. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I turned to see Esme walking up the stairs.

"Edward are you okay?" Her eyes jumped with emotion.

"I'm fine, I think. I just don't know how to process it all. I just feel so inadequate; can I do this right this time?" I searched her face; I knew her words could lie, but never her eyes. Esme truly had eyes that show her soul, and I knew if I could find the answer in there it was as good as true.

She smiled and pulled me into a hug.

"Edward, you love Bella with all of your soul, no matter what that is enough. You'll both make mistakes, but your love is strong enough to pull you both through anything. Just look at all you have been through already and yet here you are together. And, might I add you are looking pretty sexed up. So things can't be that bad." She lightly slapped my arm, and I'm sure she had a smile on her face, but I was too embarrassed to look at her face. I was embarrassed that Esme knew we had just had sex, and embarrassed that I was in an almost full-fledged panic attack at what I was feeling for Bella and our baby. I allowed her comfort to seep into me and warm me with all the possibilities of what we could be. How great it would be when we got to where ever 'there' was.

Alice came bouncing up the stairs and interrupted our moment, but that was okay. After all I was a man and we didn't need more than a few minutes of feminine bonding. Besides if Alice joined in she would want to start braiding each other's hair and painting someone's toenails. I needed to focus and start the plans for our baby's room.

"Alice I'm glad you're here I need to talk to both of you, come with me." I stated as I pulled away from Esme and lead them both towards the guest room down the hall. "What if we clean this room out and decorate it for the nursery?" I said as I flipped the light on. "Bella and I decided that we would stay here in Forks for the birth and then for a few months afterward. Bella wants to be with Charlie and I agree. Besides I figured that you all would not like us taking the baby and moving across country without you, so we need some baby space." Before I could even finish Esme and Alice both squealed and started bouncing around. "Ssshh, Bella is sleeping, and I'm sure she has had nowhere near enough for ages. Keep it down." I admonished.

"Oh, sorry, we couldn't help it." Alice murmured with a dreamy look in her eyes. She followed Esme into the center of the room and they both started talking about what color to paint and furniture placement, so I drifted out of the room and back downstairs. I needed at least one more man in the room with me; I could feel the estrogen leaking into my skin. I ran downstairs, and into the family room.

I was rewarded with Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle all three in the throes of a Guitar Hero battle. Carlisle was currently playing "You Give Love a Bad Name" and might I say kicking ass.

"Come on Eddiekins, so far Carlisle is wiping up the floor with us, we need your musical skills to tip the scales in our favor." Emmett couldn't stand to lose at anything, so I knew he was desperate to have help.

"I'll be right back, I need to speak to Rosalie for a minute and then I can."

"She is in the kitchen, hurry, like I said kicking our ass. Hurry!" Emmett yelled as I headed off to the kitchen.

Rosalie was leaned over in the refrigerator and didn't hear me come in. I cleared my throat and she looked over at me. "Rosalie, can I ask you for some help?" I hesitantly asked.

"Of course Edward, what do you need?" She responded.

"Bella and I have decided to stay here and have the baby, so we'll be turning the upstairs guest room into the nursery. We need some help ordering some furniture for the baby and Bella and I need a new bed. Mine isn't big enough, so do you mind helping me take care of some of that? I want to try to do this for Bella, and let her relax. I know she has been through a lot and I want to make the last few months of her pregnancy as easy as possible." I smiled at her, embarrassed at how girlie I sounded.

"Edward, that is so sweet. I would love to help you, but don't you think that you should be asking Alice or Esme, they are the more experienced shoppers?"

"Well, they are going to help as well, but I know I don't know what I'm doing. I'll need as much help as I can get, besides they both scare the hell out of me and I need someone on my team. You know, to help out vote them when they get a little too crazy."

She snorted and I realized she was just as scared of them as I was, but she responded to me, "Okay, team mate."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Can we start tomorrow morning, I need to order a new bed as soon as possible, or else I think I'm going to end up on the couch in my room. Who knew I would end up hating the bed I have loved for so long?" I let out a small laugh.

"Okay, we can start right after breakfast. I'll let Esme and Alice concentrate on the baby furniture and I'll help with your room. If you don't mind the suggestion, we need to order a whole new bedroom suite, yours is a little manly. I think that will save time in the long run, if you both have something you like you can keep it longer. Sound good?"

"Do you think that Bella will like that?" I asked, thankful for Rosalie's help.

"Oh yeah, leave that to me. Emmett has never been unhappy that I love our bedroom, and trust me I'll help you plan a room that Bella will love." She smiled a seductive smile, and winked at me. I gave her a quick hug and headed back to the family room.

"Edward, what the hell, you're too late!" Emmett bellowed, as Jasper laughed at him.

"Well we'll have to start all over, because the real Guitar Hero is here!" I danced around the room ala Rocky, with my fists in the air.

We played several more rounds and I was clearly in the lead when I saw Bella coming down the stairs, wiping her eyes. I jumped up and quickly made my way over to her.

"Bella, are you okay? Why are you up?" I questioned her.

"I needed to get something to drink and a little to eat. I skipped dinner in all of the excitement, and now we are starved." She said as she rubbed her stomach.

Esme came into the family room and dragged Bella off to the kitchen to feed her. Later I heard them at the computer oogling over baby furniture. I walked over to see what they were making a fuss over, and to see if Bella had anything she liked.

"What's all the fuss about?" I asked as I came up.

"Oh Edward, come look, this set is so pretty. I love the neutral colors." The excitement in Bella's voice was noticeable.

"Do you like the darker color furniture? Would you like the cherry or the set in black?" I questioned knowing that Alice was taking very close notes on what Bella liked.

"Well,l I think that the black set goes better with the bedding, what do you think?" She asked hesitantly as she bit on her lip.

"I love the black set, but is that okay for a girl? I don't know these kinds of things."

Esme jumped in to answer, and Bella and I both turned to her to hear her answer. "Black is very appropriate for girls, and I agree with Bella it goes so well with the bedding. I like it very much Bella." Esme smiled a very satisfied smile. I could only imagine the satisfaction she was getting from decorating the baby's room. I was glad we could give her that.

"Well, that's settled then." I nodded at Alice who was sitting in front of the computer.

"Okay, you ready for bed now?" I asked as she yawned.

She nodded and we said goodnight to everyone.

"Edward why don't you both sleep in the guest room for tonight, it has a bigger bed. I know Bella is not going to be comfortable with you in that small bed of yours." Esme called to us as we were heading up the stairs.

"Thanks," I offered back to her, as Bella blushed when she realized that all eyes were on the two of us. I chuckled and lead her upstairs. I stopped in my room; grabbed some pajama pants and we went into the guest bedroom. Bella sat down on the bed and called Charlie as I went in to the bathroom to change.

"Hey Dad, how are you?" I heard Bella ask. She waited for his response. Then she continued "I wanted to let you know that I'm staying here tonight. I fell asleep and just woke up to eat. I forgot all about dinner in all of the confusion. So sorry that it's so late, I just didn't want you to worry." She smiled at Charlie's response, and chuckled quietly. "I know, we worked everything out and we have a lot more to talk about tomorrow. We need to work through a lot of things but we have a great start. I think we will be fine." I sat beside her on the bed and heard Charlie saying he had to go in at two in the afternoon. "Well we'll come over and I'll make lunch for you before you go in, and we can talk for a while before you go to work, is that okay?" I heard Charlie agree, and then ask Bella if she was happy. "Everything is not completely ironed out but we are about half way there and yes I'm happy. I'm sorry for dumping all this on you and for making you worry." She added. I felt bad for not being there for her from the start. I was angry at myself for letting her go without a fight, for allowing my foolish pride for getting in the way. I should have listened to Emmett and Jasper. Wow, I never thought that I would voluntarily say those words, 'I should have listened to Emmett'. I shook my head and returned to the conversation between Bella and Charlie. She was saying goodnight and I asked for the phone.

"Dad hold on Edward wants to talk to you." And then she held out the phone for me.

"Chief, I wanted to say thanks. Bella told me that you encouraged her to come by so we could talk. I promise that if I had known she needed me I would have never left her alone for one minute. I'm sorry for letting her and you down. I'll take care of her and our baby, I promise. I just wanted you to know that, sir." For some reason it was important for him to know how much she meant to me and how much I wanted our baby. I had no plans to leave her ever, and I was damned sure never going to let her leave me ever again.

"Edward, I never doubted that you would love her and take care of her, or I would have never sent her to you, but thanks for the reassurances. I'll see you both tomorrow afternoon." And he hung up. Bella had a huge smile across her face, and I hugged her to me.

"I mean that Bella, you are my life now. You and our baby are all that matters to me. I'll take care of you both, and love you every day of my life." I kissed her and we both slid up to the head of the bed and climbed under the covers. She snuggled up against my chest and giggled.

"Bella, what are you laughing at?"

"I guess you were right Edward, we do need to get a larger bed. This one is so more comfortable, and we fit so much better." She giggled.

I laid awake listening to Bella sleep and rubbing her beautiful stomach. I have felt three kicks so far, and with each one my heart leapt higher into the air. I am sure that I have never felt anything so amazing in my life as my child kicking me before it's even born. I silently kick myself for not being with Bella the whole pregnancy. I can only imagine all the emotions that were going through her head when she found out she was pregnant. I'll ask her tomorrow about that day, I want to know everything about those months.

I slipped out of bed after hours of laying awake listening to Bella sleep. A melody had been playing in my head and I figured I would be able to sleep if I wrote it all down and got it out of my head. I quietly tip toed down to the piano. I hadn't sat on the bench and played for a while now. I can't really remember what drove me away from it but it felt like too long without it.

I began to play the notes as if they had always been there and I knew them well, when the words hit me to go along with the music.

_To really love a woman, to understand, you gotta know her deep inside._

_Hear every thought, see every dream and give her wings when she wants to fly._

_Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms, you know you really love a woman._

_When you love a woman, you tell her that she's really wanted_

_When you love a woman, you tell her that she's the one_

_Cause she needs somebody to tell her that it's gonna last forever_

_So tell me have you ever really, really, really ever loved a woman?_

_To really love a woman, let her hold you til ya know how she needs to be touched_

_You've gotta breathe her, really taste her, till you can feel her in your blood_

_And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes, you know you really love a woman._

_When you love a woman, you tell her that she's really wanted_

_When you love a woman, you tell her that she's the one_

_Cause she needs somebody to tell her that you'll always be together_

_So tel me have you ever really, really, really ever loved a woman?_

_You got to give her some faith, hold her tight_

_A little tenderness, gotta treat her right_

_She will be there for you, takin' good care of you, you really gotta love your woman_

_And when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms_

_You know you really love a woman_

_When you love a woman, you tell her that she's really wanted_

_When you love a woman, you tell her that she's the one_

_Cause she needs somebody to tell her that it's gonna last forever_

_So tell me have you ever really, really, really loved a woman?_

_So tell me have you ever really, really, really loved a woman?_

_Just tell me have you ever really, really, really loved a woman?_

Carlisle began to quietly clap his hands as I finished the song. I turned to see him approaching me. I moved over to allow him space on the bench beside me.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, it just wouldn't leave my head." I shrugged.

"It's fine, the hospital called me actually so I only heard you after they called. I came down to make sure you were alright." He patted my back.

"Bella's home so I'm fine."

"Are you okay with all of this? Really? I mean this is a lot to take in within the time span of a few days. For both of you." His eyes voiced his concern.

"Yeah, you know I really think I am. It certainly hasn't been exactly to my plan but it is all part of my plan. I just need to spend some time talking with Bella, repairing our mistakes and trying to figure out how to make the future work. But other than that it's all a piece of cake." I smirked.

"Yeah, piece of cake. Okay, well just know that I am here if you need me. I'm gonna head off to bed since I now have to go into the hospital in a few hours. Good night son."

"Goodnight."

I spent a few minutes writing the song down in my journal before I lost it and then headed up to bed with Bella again.

I felt at home again when I slid into the bed and wrapped my arms around her. I can say with certainty that I really love a woman.

The morning passed quickly, the girls were off picking out things on the computer but when I noticed the time I knew we needed to get a move on. I knew that Bella would be anxious to get to Charlie's and was probably ready to leave. I found them still huddled over the computer, picking out furniture for the baby's room. Somehow Alice had convinced Bella to change the furniture from dark cherry wood to crisp white, and change the bedding from a neutral animal theme to pink girlie bedding set. I raised my eyebrow at Alice and she just giggled.

"Alice, do you know something I don't?" I questioned her, while glancing at Bella. Bella's face gave nothing away.

"No silly, well not officially anyway, but I just know that Bella here is carrying my little niece, so I decided that we needed to go with pink. You know I'm never wrong." She smiled and turned back to the computer. Bella just shrugged and stood up and hugged me.

"Where have you been all morning? I missed you." She pouted at me.

"Just writing a few things. Sorry time got away from me. I guess we had better get going or we're going to be late to Charlie's."

She grabbed her purse and we headed out the door. I helped her into the Volvo.

We drove in silence through town. Bella faced the passenger window and watched the rain drizzle down outside. I spent the time watching her as much as the rainy conditions allowed. Her silence didn't seem to be bothering her but I could tell something was on her mind.

"Mrs. Cope's house is up for sale. I guess she moved back to Seattle to be closer to her daughter finally. She has been threatening for a few years now. That's good, although I always did love that house. That's a shame to see it sold, I hope someone worthy buys it." Bella said with a touch of whistfullness in her voice.

"It was a nice house. I remember that time she invited us in after we did the caroling junior year. It had nice woodwork. Shame." I responded. It was nice to know that Mrs. Cope had finally gotten her wish to be closer to her daughter but Bella seemed sad for the empty house.

"Hey, beautiful, it's just a house, right?" I touched her hair and tried to cheer her up.

"Yeah, but it is a good house. A house that deserves a family, not some place that people throw down their things, use it for a little while and then move on when the need suits them. It should be loved and cared for." Her sadness mystified me but I do know that when the hormones take over to allow her to vent and help her feel better. Carlisle gave me that piece of advice during our Guitar Hero match.

"I'm sure someone who loves the house will buy it and make themselves and the house very happy. They will stay there for years. Cheer up angel." Her small watery smile did little to assure me she was in fact cheerful now. But I let it go.

I watched Bella as she cooked a grilled ham and cheese for Charlie. Charlie was watching the TV trying to catch the scores before he headed off to the station and spent the evening talking about who had the best chance for taking the World Series. He was always pulling for the Mariners, but I wasn't sure that this was their year; Charlie's faith in them never wavered. I just chuckled; I guess that's where Bella gets her unending faith from.

"Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute?" I walked towards the front door.

"Sure Edward is everything okay?" He stood and followed me to the door and we both stepped out onto the front porch.

"Charlie, you know that Bella and I came to talk to you and I'm sure she'll be angry with me for doing this without her, but I can't help myself. I feel like I need to talk to you and explain some things, you know clear the air so to speak. First I never knew that Bella was pregnant, if I had she would never have been left alone. I would have been there to take care of her. I love Bella and I'm sorry that she had to go through this by herself, but I would not change the fact that she is pregnant for anything in the world. I love our baby. I know I want to marry her, I have for a long time and I'm pretty sure that she wants to marry me. I think we have some more things to handle before that happens. I love her sir, with everything I have. I'll always take care of her, she will never want for anything. Like I said, I don't think we are ready for marriage yet, however I don't want to be away from her for a single second. I can't be anymore. I know that you don't have room for the three of us here but Carlisle and Esme do. We would like to stay there, together. I hope that we can be married before the baby gets here but I won't rush Bella. We can take our time with things and see how things progress. Are you okay with this?"

I knew Charlie was angry that Bella was pregnant and that we have obviously had sex. I also knew that he is still slightly angry at me for allowing Bella to walk away without a fight from me. If I had fought for her she would not have had to go through any of this by herself, and to tell the truth, I was still angry at myself as well. I would spend every day of my life making that up to Bella. And I would never allow her to make decisions for us again without being part of the decision.

He sighed and looked up at me. I met his eyes and prayed for the right outcome.

"Edward, Bella has told me the story and I'm sorry that she had to go through this as well. I have no doubts what so ever that you two are in love. Even though I would have liked for the two of you to be older when this situation presented itself, I'm also not in doubt of the fact that you two can handle it and will be fine. I give my blessing; in fact nothing would make me happier than to see you two together. Keep her safe and always make her happy."

"I will sir, I will. I can't wait to make this official, and I promise that I will make this official."

He nodded at me, "I know you will, you better."

We both laughed and left the front porch.

We spent awhile longer talking with Charlie and when he left for work we began to clean the kitchen. A silence settled over us as we clean, each of us involved in our own thoughts. Mine of how I could make Bella and our baby happy. I had no idea what her thoughts were about, something similar to mine if I knew Bella.

We drove home after the kitchen was cleaned and again Bella cried when we passed Mrs. Cope's house. The hormones were obviously working her into a weeping mess. I just held her hand and hoped that I would be able to help her feel better.

"I'm beat, I think I'll take a nap when we get home if that is alright with you." She quietly said as we pulled up to the drive to our house. My heart skipped a beat to realize that this was our house together.

"Sure, angel, whatever you want." I tightened my grip on her hand.

Once we entered the house it appeared that Bella would get anything but a quick nap. Emmett and Jasper were involved in a marshmallow fight, complete with guns that have rapid fire marshmallow bullets. Alice, Rosalie and Esme are marching back and forth from our room to the baby's room to discuss their plans.

"Hey guys, Bella needs to take a nap could you work on the baby's room now so she can get some sleep?" I asked them.

"Sure, just give us a minute." Esme absently minded answered.

Bella and I both drifted towards the bathroom to give them time. Bella splashed her face with water and brushed her teeth. I sat and watched her. We stalled as long as we could in the bathroom but we could still hear them chatting away in our room.

I pulled Bella's hand and led her into the room and towards the bed. "All right all of you out, she needs sleep." I left Bella sitting and pushed them out of the room and closed the door.

Bella smiled as I clicked off the light and lay down beside her. I lay on top of the covers, knowing we would not be sleeping if I lay under them with her. She was so perfect and I wanted to be touching her every minute of every day now that I had her back with me.

A few soft snores escaped her lips as she slept beside me. Once again a song was playing through my head, I closed my eyes and allowed it to fill my head. I just laid and listened to my heart's melody. Bella was obviously my muse. I sat up and grabbed for the journal to write it down.

_Every time I see your face, my heart takes off on a high speed chase_

_Now don't be scared, it's only love, Baby, that we're falling in_

_I can't wait to tomorrow, this feeling has swallowed me whole_

_And know that I've lost control, this heart that I've followed_

_Has left me so hollow, that was then, this is now, yeah you have changed everything_

_Every time I see your face, my heart takes off on a high speed chase_

_Now don't be scared, it's only love that we're falling in_

_I would never do you wrong or let you down or lead you on_

_Don't look down, it's only love, Baby, that we're falling in_

_I'm standing in your driveway, it's midnight and I'm sideways_

_To find out if you feel the same, won't be easy, have my doubts too_

_But it's over, without you I'm just lost, incomplete_

_Yeah you feel like home, home to me_

_Every time I see your face, my heart takes off on a high speed chase_

_Now don't be scared, it's only love that we're falling in_

_I would never do you wrong or let you down or lead you on_

_Don't look down, it's only love, Baby, that we're falling in_

_All those nights I stayed away, thinking of all the ways to make you mine_

_All of those smiles will never fade, never run out of ways to blow my mind_

_Every time I see your face, my heart takes off on a high speed chase_

_Now don't be scared, it's only love that we're falling in_

_I would never do you wrong or let you down or lead you on_

_Don't look down, it's only love, Baby, that we're falling in_

_Don't be scared, it's only love, Baby, that we're falling in_

Just as I finished the last word Emmett and Jasper crashed into my bedroom door, waking Bella. She sat up quickly holding her stomach. Her eyes were a mixture of fear and tears. I jumped up and opened the door.

"What the hell? Bella was sleeping, you both scared the hell out of her. Get downstairs and let her sleep, she is pregnant for crying out loud." I rushed back over to her and tried to soothe the worried look on her face.

Emmett and Jasper both took a moment to stop at the still open doorway and apologize for their actions. Bella soon settled back against my side and I held her as she went back to sleep.

An idea popped into my mind, so once again I slipped out of Bella's grip and marched downstairs in search of Esme. I found her in the kitchen and we made our way to my Volvo. I needed her help with this outing.

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**E/N: The songs use were Have you ever really loved a woman by Bryan Adams, and Falling In by Lifehouse. **

**So...what did you think? What do you think Edward's idea is going to be? Let me know, hit that little button below...**

**Till next week...  
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	19. Chapter 18 Moving Out and Moving In

**A/N: I just am constantly blown away by all of you! The love you show me is so good for my ego, LOL! Thanks :)**

**To my girls- You mean so much to me, you talk me down, you encourage me, you laugh with me and listen when I bitch about my real life! You mean the world to me, I love all of you!**

**Now a little business...I will be posting next week on time, that is the 20th then I will not post again until January 10th, that is a two week break. I will be out of town in two different places for the holidays so I just don't want to promise anything I can't deliver. **

**With the bad news all said out loud, now on to the chapter...

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**Chapter 18-Moving out and Moving in**

**Bella**

We were finished with lunch and Charlie had left for work. We had been able to talk more while we all ate in the kitchen. Edward and I explained all of our decision that we made last night together. Surprisingly, Charlie was in agreement with all of them. He was ecstatic that we were staying for a few months after the baby was born. Well, he was on the inside, on the outside he only nodded and murmured "Good decision", so I was happy to have agreed to stay. I also let him know that I was going to move into the Cullen's house. Edward explained that we were both eager for him to understand that this was a decision that we have talked out and not a spur of the moment thing.

"Chief, I'll be honest I want this for several reasons. First Bella is prone to accidents. And my dad says that women become even more accident prone during pregnancy with the extra weight and change in their center of gravity. So part of this is a safety thing, I don't want Bella alone while you're at work.  
The other thing is that we have more space for the three of us at my house. I have a larger room so we can combine our stuff and a spare room right down the hall to use as the baby's room while we're here. And I won't lie this is also a very selfish decision; I don't want to be away from her for even one second of the day. I guess I'm still afraid that if I let her out of my sight she'll be gone again." Edward looked over at me with pain clearly etched in his eyes. I felt terrible for being the root of that fear.

"Edward, I won't leave you again, I told you that." I rushed to try to explain again. He just held his hand up to stop me.

"Bella, my head knows that, but it'll take some time for it to sink into my heart. I knew that would hurt you, but I need for your Dad to hear it. Sorry." He murmured again, and I grabbed his hand to hold it and show him I was here and I understood.

Charlie took a minute before he started talking. "Well, I see that you both have thought this through. I guess I see the validity to each of your points, so okay. Are you taking your stuff with you now?"

"I wanted to, but if you want me to wait I can." I bit my lip, nervously, hoping that he would say I could go now. I was sure that after spending the night with Edward that I would not want to sleep alone in my little bed ever again.

"No, don't be silly Bella. Edward can help you gather up your stuff and take it back with you now. He's right I'll be gone a lot so it makes sense for you to be there, besides with Alice and Rosalie home for the holidays you'll be able to see them more. Do your girl thing and shop." He stood and patted his stomach. "Bella that was great lunch, I hate to eat and run but duty calls. Don't forget that I'm here, make sure you come and see me okay?"

"Of course I'll come by here; I couldn't stand for this house to get back into the shape it was in when I came home. Besides, I'll need to cook for you; you'll go broke if you try to eat at the diner every night." He smiled sheepishly, so I pressed on teasing him. "But, I do think that cute little waitress will like it better if you had to come by every night though." I winked at him.

"Thanks Bells, see you both later." He walked out the door.

I turned and started to clean up the kitchen. Edward helped me wash the dishes and then we went up stairs to gather all my clothes and stuff I would need.

Either I lived simply or pathetically, I wasn't sure which it was, but it only took about 20 minutes to gather all of my important stuff to take back to the Edward's house. As Edward carried my stuff down to the car, I locked the door. I mentally planned to be back tomorrow to grocery shop and cook several meals for Charlie. I also knew that he needed laundry done, so I could do that while I was here. I made a list of items I would need from the grocery store on the way home and tucked it into the glove box for tomorrow. I wanted Charlie to know that he had not been replaced in my life. I needed his guidance as much as ever.

When we got back to the house Edward carried my stuff upstairs and I followed. I could hear some movement going on downstairs but I wasn't ready to face all of them with our news yet. I headed up to our room to take a nap that I desperately seemed to need. When we got to the third floor Alice, Esme and Rosalie were up there planning away. Esme and Alice both had a pad in their hands while Rosalie waved wildly as she talked. Edward quickly took charge and asked them to leave so I could take a nap. I loved forceful Edward and thought about ravaging him here and now in the bedroom but decided that was a task to leave for after my nap. We talked softly for a few minutes until Edward forced them out of the room, shut the door, shut off the light and lay down beside me. I was out like a light, no worries about me being too worked up to sleep.

I heard a noise that scared the shit out of me, it was a loud slam. For a moment my brain prepared for hard slam, it immediately went to a plane crash in my half sleeping state. I clutched my hand over my heart and tried to slow the beating as I blinked awake. Edward was chasing Emmett and Jasper away from the top of the stairs. They had obviously crashed against the door and woke me up. Each of them stopped to apologize before they took off down the stairs again.

Edward came over to lay with me; he wrapped me in his arms. For a brief moment I tried to decide why in the world he wasn't with me when I was woken up but decided that it was too much to worry about now and I was soon asleep again.

When I woke up he was gone, and he had been for a while, his side of the bed was cold. I did notice that my stuff was already in the room taking its rightful place, intermingled together with his. I stretched and stood up. I really felt sluggish with the extra weight, but much more alert after the great nap.

I headed downstairs and found everyone in the family room watching a movie. Alice and Jasper were cuddled together on the love seat on the left side of the room, and Emmett and Rose were sitting together on the other love seat directly opposite of them. Esme and Edward sat on the sofa facing the TV. Carlisle must have been at the hospital because he was missing from the room. Edward stood up as I came into the room. I walked towards him to sit with him on the couch. We sat down together, he sat facing the TV and I sat sideways beside him with my legs draped over his.

"You feel better after your nap?" He asked quietly.

"Much better, I'm so tired all of the time. I'm sorry; I know it must suck for you with me sleeping all of the time." I yawned in the middle of that statement, as if I hadn't slept enough. He slid his hand up to cup my neck and pulled me close so he could kiss my forehead. I placed my hand over his and held him close to me.

"Esme, how long is Carlisle's shift today at the hospital; I want to take Bella to see him today." Edward asked.

I turned to him and frowned.

"He has a short one today; he'll be home at seven tonight." Esme responded.

"Edward, why do you want to go to see Carlisle at the hospital?" I asked, nervous about his answer. He hadn't mentioned any such plans for today.

"Well, I want to talk to him about an OB/GYN doctor for you. You haven't been seen by a doctor except for the accident since you've been back in Forks, so I think if we are having the baby here we need a doctor here. Don't you?"

"Good point, maybe he can convince Dr. Jones to see me again. I liked her." I suggested.

"I'll call him and see what time is good for us to come by, and maybe he can call Dr. Jones and work out something for us with her." He stood and left the room.

Esme decided to ride with us to the hospital and then so we could eat dinner together in Port Angeles. Carlisle was waiting for us at the nursing station just like he promised. We all walked to his office, so we could wait for Dr. Jones to meet with us. Esme and I were engrossed in baby details when we heard a soft knock at the door. Carlisle called out for Dr. Jones to come in as we all stood to greet her.

"Dr. Jones you know my wife, Esme. This is my son Edward, he is at Harvard Medical, he and Bella have both decided to take a semester off to have the baby and get settled. In the mean time he has to decide what to do about school, stay at Harvard or transfer closer to Bella at Dartmouth. And finally you remember Bella, the reason I called you. She has decided to have the baby here, which we are happy about, but her OB is in New Hampshire, so she will need someone here to take care of her. She felt comfortable with you after her last visit to the ER and wanted to know if you would be able to continue her care here?"

"Bella, I'm so glad everything has worked out for you. I knew you would make the right decision, why don't you come by tomorrow at ten and I'll see you. My office is closed now, so I'll tell them when I get in tomorrow. I'll have them call and get your records from your OB and that way I can see all of the details at once. Don't look concerned it's a matter of formality; I just want the whole picture laid out in front of me. I also want to do another ultrasound. Besides, I'm sure that daddy here will want to see one for himself, right?"

"I would love that." Edward replied.

"Okay, we're all set. I'll see you both tomorrow. I'm glad you decided to stay here, I know that will make all the grandparents happy." She hugged me and shook Edward's hand.

She nodded to Carlisle, shook Esme's hand, "Esme good to see you again," she murmured and stepped out of Carlisle's office.

My stomach growled and we all laughed.

"I guess that means we're ready for dinner?" Carlisle asked, and I nodded vigorously. I was afraid to see how much weight I had gained in the few weeks since my appointment, because I felt like I ate all of the time.

Edward explained that we would drive separately because he had a detour he wanted to take on the way to dinner. Esme just winked and said okay, I heard her explain to Carlisle that she would tell him in the car when he questioned why.

Edward drove off and I sat in silence waiting for my answer. I knew that trying to beg for it before he was ready to spill it would not get me anywhere.

Soon he pulled into the drive way of Mrs. Cope's house. My eyes filled with tears at the thought of a house with so much potential just sitting empty without a family to love it at all.

I turned to Edward, "Why are we here, do you like seeing the pregnant girl cry?" I asked.

He just shook his head no. I was still in shock when he came around and opened the door for me to get out.

"Edward, really what the hell are we doing here…" He placed his finger over my lips to halt the speech.

"Just trust me, okay?" I nodded and he removed his finger. He turned back and opened the front door with a key.

"How did you get a key?" I stuttered.

"I called Mrs. Cope after Esme and I looked at it yesterday. I told her what was going on with us and asked if we could buy the house. If you like it that is." His cheesy grin said that he knew without a doubt that I would like it. "She said we could move in right away and rent it from her, she was thrilled." Edward finished.

"Really? Edward…really…you mean this?" He nodded again at me. I turned and ran into the house, I ran through each room and reacquainted myself with each and every room in that house. It was still as perfect as I thought it was. I couldn't believe that Edward had rented us a house here in Forks. Our house.

The rest of the night was a blur, the only thing I could remember was the look of pure joy as Edward and I walked back through the house after our dinner with Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle decided that he wanted to see it as well so the first two times we walked through he accompanied us, then he left with Esme to leave us alone to talk about things.

"Edward are you sure we can do this?" I asked when we settled down on the living room floor to talk.

"Bella, I have explained several times. I have enough in my trust fund to rent this and not even notice it gone. My Dad was really good with investments. I promise it will be fine." He chuckled at me. Because he had in fact told me this several times tonight. I turned my head to look up into his eyes.

"Not, this…us." I waved my hand between us.

His sigh indicated that he understood what I meant. "Bella, I think that will be fine also. We always have been. One slight bump in the road will not make me believe that we should go our separate ways at all. Am I happy that you made a decision that involved me without talking to me first? Hell no, but does that change the way I love you? Hell no. I just need to know that you love me and will never make a decision like that without my help again."

I searched his eyes and saw that what he said was the truth. My heart swelled, how in the world could I have gotten so lucky, not once but twice?

"I swear, Edward, that I will never do that to us again. I learned my lesson the first time. I promise from now on we will talk about everything together." He kissed my lips sweetly.

"Then yes, we will be fine." We sat quiet for a few minutes.

"Can you tell me about when I left you?" I knew I was stupid for asking but I had to know if he ever quit loving me.

He just shook his head.

"Please, I need to know. I need to know if you ever changed your mind about me, I have to know that you never hated me." I began.

"Bella, never. I never hated you, part of me wanted to but I couldn't. I loved you then and I have loved you every minute in between now and then. Nothing other than the amount of miles that separated us changed. You just don't understand do you? I can't ever not love you, even if I tried. You are my other half. I never changed my mind. I never hated you, I swear." I kissed his face as the words washed over me; he never changed his mind about me. Through all the shit we always still loved each other.

Edward walked me up the stairs and followed me into our bedroom, and closed the door.

"Do you want help in the shower?" He purred, his voice pure silk that melted any willpower that I had.

"Well, that depends, are you qualified to help me?"

"Well, I did make an 'A' in anatomy, so I'm familiar with the human body, especially yours. I'm sure that is enough to qualify me for this exam."

Oooh, he was going to play along, I felt a shiver run down my back, this was going to be good.

"Well, I don't know my boyfriend is fairly protective, and I'm not sure that he'll be okay with this exam. What should I say to him?"

"Well, it seems to me that he can't be too protective, he isn't even here when you need help. I wouldn't worry about him, I'm fairly sure what he doesn't know won't hurt him." The last part was whispered against my neck as he placed small kisses there.

"Okay." Was all I could manage to respond, lost in the sensation Edward was causing against my neck. I held on to him and prayed that he wasn't in a teasing mood tonight, I wasn't sure I could take any more teasing. I just needed him.

He began walking backwards towards the bathroom, pulling me with him. He released my hand and turned towards the shower to turn it on. After he adjusted the temperature, and turned back to me. I stepped back into his arms and he kissed me. Desire flooded my body and set me on fire. I was sure that this was something I was never going to get used to, but I was just as sure that it would be something I craved for the rest of my life. My little addiction, I knew that Edward wouldn't mind this addiction.

He pulled my shirt over my head and removed my bra. His hands trailed down my body and halted at the buttons that held my pants up. He quickly opened the two buttons and pushed my pants down my legs. He followed those with my underwear, the whole time his eyes never left my body. I could feel his eyes roaming my body, causing the same electric sensations that his hands did when they touched me. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back enjoying the sensations that were over taking me. I stepped closer hoping that he would touch me again. He only stepped back and removed his clothes, he opened the door to the shower and guided me under the warm water. Edward stepped in with me and closed the door. I felt his hand touch my back, following the water down my spine. He pulled me against his chest and kissed my shoulders, trailing his hands around to my breasts. I leaned forward and braced my hands on the cool tile walls, which caused my back to arch and press further into him. He ran his splayed hands down my back and grabbed my hips.

"Bella, you are so beautiful. I don't think I have ever seen you more beautiful than you are now."

He bent his knees slightly and I felt his hard cock pressing against my thigh. I spread my legs to allow him room, and with one push he slid right in. I gasped at the sensation, I felt alive, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time, and I felt loved. I had to touch him, somehow, in any way. I pushed off of the wall with my hands and straightened up my body. I gasped again, this new position cause my body to tighten around Edward's cock. He wrapped his arms around my chest and held me against him as he moved in and out of me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the ever growing circle of desire that was settled in my stomach. I reached back over my head with my hands and placed them on Edward's neck, using them to pull him closer to me. I couldn't get him close enough; I wanted to find a place where he and I could just simply exist in the same space. No space between us, no air between us, nothing… just him and I.

He moved his hands up to cup each of my breast, and pressed his forearms down each side of my body. I could feel his arms from beginning to end holding my body, it was like he knew how bad I needed him close to me and was fulfilling my wish.

The slow, torturous rhythm that Edward was using was causing chaos in my body. Physically my body demanded more, faster, harder, deeper. But my heart and soul was begging him to keep his exact pace, no changes. I needed the slow rhythm to feel his body and emotions pouring into me so I could understand his side of our story. I was in heaven, and I never wanted to leave. I closed my eyes and concentrated on us, tears pouring from my eyes, the emotions too large to be contained within me.

Edward was whispering to me, holding me, kissing me, and taking me higher than I have ever been with him. I saw the possibilities of what our life could really be and I knew we would never be apart again. Neither of us were strong enough to handle another separation, our life was laid out before us and right here we were pledging to be together for every step of it.

"Bella, it's you and me, baby. This is us, we have everything we need right now." I nodded at him in agreement with his words. The tears poured down my face and I didn't want him to hear them in my voice. I didn't want him to misunderstand the meaning; they were tears of joy, extreme joy. "I love you Bella, you and you alone. You are my life."

His quite whispers pushed me into the eye of the storm; I felt my body tighten with the familiar sensations of my orgasm.

"Yes, Edward, us this is us. I love you."

He placed a small kiss right below my ear and with that small gesture I plunged right over the edge, my body burst into flames and I simply let go. I could only hang on to Edward and allow my body to react in any way it saw fit; I was no longer in control.

Edward moved his hands and wrapped his arms around my body again, holding me against him. Providing the support that I couldn't, he was still whispering to me in between his kisses to my neck.

As I was gently floating back down to earth I felt his rhythm increase and his whispers became incoherent, I recognized his signs. I decided it was my turn to help, support, push, whatever it is he needed.

I dropped my hands down to grab his thighs and squeeze them. I threw my head back to rest on his shoulder, I wasn't exactly at his ear, but I knew he would hear me when I began talking to him.

"Edward, this is perfect, we are perfect. You make me so happy, you make me feel sexy. With you I can do anything. You do that to me." His grunts increased as did his grip on my hips. I continued, "You're the only man I have ever had, the only man I ever have loved. You cause all of the reactions in my body."

"Yes Bella, me, just me."

"You baby, it has always been you. I love you. Come for me Edward; show me you feel it as well. Show me, what I do to you. Show me our love."

"Bella." He whispered and I felt his body tense with the building sensations. The words I had repeated to him echoed in my head and I felt my own body respond to them.

"This, Edward, is what you do to me, do feel it? Come with me Edward, together."

"Together." He whispered and we both gave in to the release we craved, him for the first time, me for the second. Our bodies responded to our release in different ways, mine went soft and limp. Edward's was tense and tight, supporting me.

I felt Edward's body relax and he stepped back to sit on the bench in the corner, dragging me down with him. I placed my weight on my feet, and I turned to face him. This allowed me to sit back down facing him as he cradled me against his chest. I tucked my head against his neck as he kissed the top of my head.

We stayed in this position until the water turned cold, and I began shivering. Edward stood us both up and turned the water off. He opened the shower door and grabbed a towel. He dried my body off and wrapped it around me. He then grabbed one for himself and repeated the action. He led us back into the spare room and we dressed for bed quietly. We climbed under the covers and I was asleep as soon as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, whispering his words of love.

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Leave me some love, please!

Till next week...


	20. Chapter 19 Change of Plans

**A/N: Dear duckies...I am so sorry! I kept checking yesterday to make sure the teasers had been released and didn't see them. Then I had to go to a party last night and was too tired to even check when I got home. Today I FINALLY found the teasers and realized that they had posted sometime yesterday. So how I screwed that up who knows but here it is anyway. **

**To all my new ducks-welcome, I'm glad to have you here! To my girls-love ya lots and I hope you all get everything you wish for this year, you deserve it!**

**More at the bottom so go read and we will meet back when you get there...**

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**Chapter 19-Change of plans**

**Bella**

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone. Edward had left a note to tell me he was cooking breakfast and to come join him when I felt ready to get up. I stretched and waddled into the bathroom. I spent time washing my face, and brushing my teeth and hair. I waddled my way back into the bedroom and got dressed.

I was ready for this busy day to start. I wanted Edward to enjoy his first doctor's visit with me and then shopping with Alice and Esme sounded like fun. I definitely needed a few more things to wear; I was quickly growing out of everything I had. I made a mental list of what I wanted to buy today.

I found Edward in the kitchen making French toast, my favorite. He came over kissed my forehead and handed me a plate full of French toast and bacon. I sat beside Emmett at the table and poured my syrup. I got up and poured a glass of orange juice, I could see out of the corner of my eye that Emmett had swiped a piece of French toast from my plate. As I walked back to the table, I elbowed him and began eating. Edward brought me another piece when he came to sit beside me so he could eat his breakfast as well. There beside his plate was his ever present journal. He seemed to never be without it now days. I guess the baby has stimulated his creativity.

"Bella I was thinking that I would have Esme and Alice meet us at the doctor's office so I can come home after our appointment, and you can go shopping with them. Is that okay?" Edward offered.

I nodded. "What are you going to be doing while I'm out shopping?" I asked not sure if he would tell me.

He shrugged and glanced over at Emmett. "Just a few things to take care of." Emmett smirked. "Edward what are you up to?" I narrowed my eyes and dropped my hand onto my hip. The international sign of 'spill it or you will be in big trouble mister'.

"Bella, please just give me a little time and I can show and tell you everything, I promise love." He slid is arms around me and held me against his chest. His hand immediately dropped to my stomach. How could I say no to him when he treated me so well.

"Okay, mister, I'll go, and have fun. But this is definitely going to cost you some big money. You will regret that you asked me to go shopping by myself." I smiled smugly, thinking I had hit him where it hurt.

"Glad you mentioned that, I have this for you." He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. He opened it and removed a credit card and handed it to me.

I pushed it back at him. "Edward I have my own money, I don't need this. I was just joking."

"Bella, I know you have your own money. I just want to buy things for our baby. I'm still new to this and I want to spoil her rotten. I mean it, buy whatever you want. I have told Esme and Alice the same thing, so they are going to make sure you get whatever you and the baby need."

I stood stunned, mouth open, eyes wide. He just called our baby 'her', I couldn't believe it.

"Edward, why did you just call our baby 'her'?"

"Well, I figured that if you trusted Alice's prediction enough to buy pink for the nursery, we could trust it enough to start calling our baby 'her' instead of 'it'. I never liked 'it'. Have you thought of a name for her?"

"Yes, I have. What about you?" I wanted to hear what his thoughts were.

"Well, I like Elizabeth, that was my mom's name. Or Makenna was my grandmother's name; I actually like that one the best. But I'm open to whatever you have." He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, a gesture he did when he felt like he was saying something I didn't like, it was like he was trying to soothe the bad words.

"Edward, I love Makenna. Would you be okay with not naming her after your mom though? You told me once that you wanted to name your daughter after her." I wanted him to pick which one he wanted, I wanted him to be happy with his choice.

"Bella, we'll just have to have another girl to name Elizabeth, don't worry. Now what about her middle name? Do you want to name her after your mom?"

I shook my head; I had a better name in mind.

"Edward, I don't want her named for Renee. But I do want to use Renee's favorite name. She used to tell me when I was little that she wanted another daughter and if she had another one she would have named her Grace. I want to use Grace for her middle name." I look at him pleading him with my eyes.

"Bella, I love it! Makenna Grace, it is perfect for our daughter." He picked me up and swung me around in a circle.

Esme, Alice and Rosalie all three entered the kitchen together.

"Get a room, please, we don't want a single spot in this kitchen sexed up at all!" Rosalie shouted at us. Alice made a gagging sound. Esme just looked at us with sappy, love filled eyes.

"We have just named our daughter, and Alice you had better not be wrong. We decided that we will name her Makenna Grace Cullen." I clapped my hands and did a small happy dance in the kitchen.

"Uh, actually Bella, my name is officially Masen-Cullen. So she will be Makenna Grace Masen-Cullen. And you will be Masen-Cullen as well, that is when we get married."

"Edward, I never knew that. Why didn't you ever tell me?" I walked back to his side and looked up at him.

"Well, I wanted to change my name when Esme and Carlisle adopted me, but I couldn't turn my back on my real parents and completely forget that I belonged to them. Carlisle suggested the hyphenated name. I only went by Cullen at school to keep down the questions. I really had to answer enough about my situation without going into every detail for all those kids who really didn't give a damn about what any of us Cullens had been through. So, I guess it never came up, sorry. I didn't mean to hide it from you." He just shrugged like he really had no idea about why.

I smiled at him. "Edward, I'm not angry. I'm touched that you would make such a sweet gesture towards both sets of your parents. I would love to be Bella Masen-Cullen. So, now let's get this show on the road so we're not late." I patted his butt and pushed him towards the stairs. He needed to get dressed so we could go.

"Hey Esme and Alice could you meet us at the doctor's office so you can pick up Bella and take her shopping from there?" Edward asked them.

"Sure, what time?" Alice asked.

"Can we call you? We aren't sure how long this will take."

"Sure Esme and I will be around the corner from there anyway so we can be there fairly quick. " Alice inserted.

Edward kissed my forehead, "Do you need anything from upstairs while I'm up there?"

"Yes, please bring my purse back down, and I'll clean up while you're getting dressed." I kissed him on his cheek, I couldn't reach his forehead. He smiled.

"Rosalie, why aren't you going with us shopping?" I questioned, hoping it sounded casual and not like I was fishing for answers, which I was.

"Well Bella, someone has to stay and make sure that the two stooges left here don't get into any trouble. Don't you think that is a smart thing to do?" Rosalie was tough on the outside, but a soft as marshmallow on the inside. I knew that she was in on whatever plot Edward had going, and that she was enjoying her role in this deception. I guess I had no choice but to go along with it and enjoy my role as well. It was easy to do when I knew the fun and happiness it gave all members of this family.

Edward and I arrived at Dr. Jones's office with plenty of time to spare. He was definitely not going to be allowed to drive like a maniac when Makenna was born.

I filled out all of the paperwork, answered all of the nurses questions, peed in a cup and had my finger pricked. Finally Dr. Jones came in to the room, she hugged Edward and I. She opened my chart and scanned through a few pages.

"Bella looks like everything was good according to your medical records. Let's hear the heartbeat and measure you okay?"

Edward's eyes lit up, I loved seeing his excitement.

Dr. Jones felt around on my stomach and then placed the small device down at the bottom. After a small adjustment, we could hear our daughter's heartbeat, loud, strong and fast.

"Edward, do you hear your baby?" Dr. Jones asked him, her smile showed her joy at being able to share this with him for the first time.

"Wow, she sounds amazing. I have felt her kick so often; she seems to be active when Bella is getting ready for bed. I talk to her when we lay down at night. She is already a daddy's girl, she kicks when she hears my voice." The awe in his voice audible, he was dumbstruck by our daughter. Dr. Jones obviously could read him as well, she smiled at me.

"Let's get a measurement and then we can call for an ultrasound tech to come in." She took her tape measure out and placed it at the top of my stomach and stretched it down to the bottom. She looked at the end, frowned, and walked over to the chart. "Bella, when is your due date?"

" February 18th, is everything okay?" I asked grabbing Edward's hand and squeezing it; he glanced down at me and tried to smile at me. I could read the panic in his eyes.

"Everything is fine, but you are measuring differently. Either you are going to have a large baby or your due date is off. Did you previous OB give you your due date by your last period or by the baby's measurements?" She asked in a soothing voice as she wrote in my chart.

"By my last period, is that way okay?" I was still scared; her voice helped but not enough. I glanced again at Edward and his eyes had returned to normal.

"We'll do some measurements during the ultrasound, and see if your due date still matches, that's all. I promise, everything is good; I would tell you if I felt like there was a problem. I believe in honesty with my patients. Just be prepared for a due date that is sooner than February 18th, okay. Do you both have any questions?"

I looked at Edward, he shook his head no, and I followed his lead.

She walked to the door and said, "I will pop in during your ultrasound and see what we find, we'll talk about next visit then. I'll see you both in a few minutes." And she left.

I pulled out my phone and called Carlisle.

My hand started to shake while I was waiting for Carlisle to answer.

"Dr. Cullen speaking."

"Carlisle it's Bella. I have a question…" I broke into tears, and Edward took the phone. He sat down beside me on the bed and put his arm around me.

"Carlisle, they are saying that Bella is measuring differently than her due date. They want to do some measurements during the ultrasound; Dr. Jones has assured us that things are fine. This could just mean that Bella is farther along than we thought, but it is a big shock and Bella is worried. I think she needs to hear from you what's going on. Okay?"

Edward handed me the phone.

"Hello." My voice sounded far away and hoarse.

"Bella, Edward told me what's going on, I'm sure everything is fine. The worst that could happen is we find out you are due much sooner than we thought. It'll be fine. I'm walking over to Dr. Jones' office now, Esme is with me, we were eating some lunch. We'll both be there in about three minutes, okay?"

"Thanks, I'm sorry, it was so unexpected, you know pregnancy hormones. One minute you're fine and the next you're crying." I chocked back a small laugh.

"Bella, it's okay to be scared. You've had a rocky year, but everything is fine. If it was not Dr. Jones would have called me and asked me to be there when she delivered the bad news. And she hasn't called me so just hang on and we'll be right there."

"Okay."

Carlisle walked into the room a few seconds after he hung up with me. Edward was in the corner on the left side of the bed holding my left hand and rubbing my hair back off of my face. Carlisle walked in; he immediately came over to hold my right hand. Esme moved right in beside Carlisle and laid her hand on my leg. She patted and rubbed it soothingly just like Renee used to do for me. I was so thankful for both of them being there with us. We couldn't do this alone, their support was unwavering for us. I would always be grateful for them in my life.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

I nodded, I was afraid to say anything. I was afraid that would cause my tears to start again.

The ultrasound tech knocked on the door and walked in pulling his equipment.

"Are you Bella Swan?" He asked as he was looking at the chart.

"Yes." I replied.

"I'm George, your ultrasound tech, are you ready to get started?" When I nodded at him, he began to turn on his equipment. "Let's see us a baby then, have you had an ultrasound before?"

"Yes, I have a few weeks ago when I had a car accident."

"Okay so you know what to expect?" He turned back to the machine as I nodded at him. After he entered a little info he asked again, "Who exactly are the members of your fan club?"

I smiled, that is exactly what they were for me. "This is Edward Cullen, my boyfriend, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme, Edward's parents" I smiled at Esme and she squeezed my leg again.

"Dr. Cullen of course, I was pulling some night shifts at the hospital until they found more radiology help, we have worked together before. It's good to see you."

"Thank you George, same to you." Carlisle responded to him, shaking his hand.

Esme and Carlisle both moved to the left side of the bed to make room for the George and his equipment. Carlisle was at the head of the bed and Esme was closer to the foot. Edward squeezed my hand and I glanced up at him. Esme slid a stool over to him and he sat down on it. This made us at the same height and we could get closer together.

George slid my shirt up over my stomach, and pulled the sheet to the correct position and tucked it into the waist of my pants. "We don't want to get you all gummy from the gel, now this is the cold part so brace yourself. " And he squirted a large amount of gel onto my stomach, he hit a few buttons and the screen came on. He typed in my name and hit another button and there she was… our daughter, center of the screen.

"There's your beautiful baby, can you all see it?" George asked

We all nodded no one able to speak.

"And here is the heart beating; can you see the chambers moving?" George looked at us; we were all staring at the screen.

"Let's do some measurements here on our little sweet pea, we measure the head." He clicked a few buttons.

"We need to measure the leg and torso as well." He paused a few times on different spots and clicked some buttons.

"Oh look there is sweet pea's face, can you see it? It looks like it's trying to smile at us, oh look it's a thumb sucker, how cute. I think it looks like you Bella." He teased.

"I sucked my thumb when I went to sleep for a few years." Edward murmured into my ear.

I turned to face him and touched his face. He had small tears in his eyes, I forgot this was the first time he was seeing it.

"Can we tell what the sex is, I didn't want to know last time, but now we have decided that we do." I looked at Edward to make sure he was in agreement with me, and he nodded at me.

"Well I can try, let's hope the baby is not stubborn. Let's see, well look at that, not stubborn at all. Quite the opposite, she's a little floozy, look at her legs draped open. Shame on her." George chided her.

Edward's tears began to fall when he heard that it was a girl. Esme placed her hand on my leg and squeezed. Carlisle clapped Edward on the back and turned to hug him. When Carlisle let him go, he sat back down beside me and kissed my temple. He whispered into my ear so only I would hear him.

"Thank you Bella for giving me my daughter, I love her and I love you."

Now I was crying.

Dr. Jones stepped into the room at that moment and walked over to the ultrasound machine. George clicked a few buttons and all of the images he took popped up on the screen. She looked at each image a few seconds and began writing in my chart. She turned to us and smiled. She froze when she saw my face with tears streaming down.

"Bella, are you okay. I told you everything is fine, I just need to confirm the dates and size of the baby that's all. Don't get yourself worked up, I promise it's fine." She patted my leg.

"I know, I'm crying because we just found out that it's a girl, like we thought. Edward and I found out together, that's all." I smiled sheepishly at her.

"Oh, well congratulations. Edward, is that what you were hoping for?" She asked him.

He looked at me and back up at her, "I wanted whatever we were having. But a girl that looks like Bella suits me just fine." His face lit up with his joy.

"Makenna Grace Masen-Cullen is her name." He whispered, but Dr. Jones heard and turned to look at us.

"I love that, it's beautiful. Well, Bella, my dear your pretty baby girl is normal size and she should be fine for vaginal delivery. I was a little worried when I saw how small your frame was, but you should be fine since she is not overly large. However… you are a little further along that we thought. I estimate your due date based on Makenna's size to be somewhere around February 5th So you will need to start seeing me weekly soon."

"Wow, that bumps up our timeline, Alice better be ready by then." I turned to look at Esme and she just nodded. She grabbed her blackberry and started tapping away on it, I'm sure she was letting Alice know to start changing order dates and whatever else she needed to change to make it happen.

"Oh my gosh Edward, that is soon, too soon. Nothing will be ready in time." I could feel my heart start to race and panic set in.

"Of course it will Bella, you're shopping today just make sure you buy everything you need this trip so we have it all if we have an early appearance. No need to worry, we'll be fine." He rubbed small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb, and I felt the worry melt away.

"Okay, we're all finished, go shop and get all your stuff. But please make sure to drink plenty of water and rest often. I'll see you in one week, nice to see you all again." She turned and left the room. We all let out a large breath and looked from person to person each of us planning what things we now needed to do sooner than we had planned. We stopped at the desk and made another appointment in one week. George had left us about 10 ultrasound pictures and Edward grabbed them up to stare at them. His face turned up into a large grin.

Edward walked me to Esme's car and kissed me goodbye.

"Bella get everything you need today, please. I want you to be able to rest for the rest of this pregnancy and not have to be shopping every other day. Promise me?" He pleaded.

"I will, I'm scared she is going to get here and I'll have nothing for her, so believe me I'll get tons of stuff today. That way I know I'll have what I need. Does Alice know exactly what I need and what I don't need?" I raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed, knowing I knew he was up to something.

"Yes, Alice will be able to keep you from buying something you already have. Beside you are in Esme's Mercedes you can't get many big items. Buy whatever you want, if we have it or don't need it we'll ship it back. Have fun, and don't forget, drink plenty of water." He said as he opened the back door for me. I climbed in and buckled my seat belt. He leaned in, kissed me once again and closed the door. When Alice arrived, he stopped her outside the car to talk with her in hushed whispers. I couldn't hear anything.

We stopped for lunch at a small Italian place that Esme loves. They recognized her and rushed her to a wonderful booth; we could see the cooks in the kitchen over the raised counter that separated it from the dining area. They moved with such grace and elegance. I propped my feet up and drank from a large glass of water with lemon. When our lunch came I devoured all of my lasagna and part of Esme's mushroom ravioli. Both were amazing, the chef came out and spoke with Esme. His Italian accent was dreamy, and Esme responded without hesitancy. They conversed for a few minutes and then Esme introduced Alice and I. He rubbed my stomach and informed me I was having a girl and we all giggled. Esme told him we had just found that out for certain today. He packed us three deserts and told us to enjoy them after our shopping; and with that we got back in the car to head off to the baby stores to get all of Makenna's stuff.

We made our way into the large baby superstore first. We started at one corner and worked our way around all of the aisles, filling up several shopping carts by the time we were done. Alice informed me that I didn't need any furniture for the room, but she did help me pick out a car seat, high chair, swing, pack n' play, bouncy seat, sheets, blankets, waterproof pads, snugglies, bath tub, and too many toys and clothes to mention. We then went in search of lotions, soaps, diapers, wipes and all the baby care items that Alice had checked off of her list that we needed. Esme went in search of several picture frames for Edward's ultrasound pictures from today. We checked out and I paid with Edward's credit card.

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen, I hope you enjoy all of your baby stuff." The sales clerk responded as she handed me back my credit card and receipt.

I giggled and blushed at her 'Mrs. Cullen' reference.

Esme put her arm around me as we walked back to the car. "Sounded good didn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah, better than I thought it would sound."

Alice was off to the far side of the car talking on her cell phone, she flipped it closed and made a grand announcement. "Okay girls, time to get our pedicures now, and then we can eat our dessert, sound good?"

I nodded, anything that allowed me to sit down and prop my feet up was okay in my book.

Esme drove us over to the spa and we all were escorted back to the pedicure chairs. When my feet were in the warm soapy water, I pulled out my phone and called Edward.

"Hey baby, you must be reading my mind. What are you doing?" Edward purred into the phone at me.

"You little sneak, like you don't know what I'm up to. Alice doesn't let twenty minutes go by without calling you. But, I will humor you, we are getting a pedicure. I'm so thankful to be sitting down that I'll do whatever they want to do to me. Then we're going to stop for coffee for our dessert, and then I guess we're on our way home."

"Sounds like fun, did you get lots of stuff?"

"I bought so much that we had to have them ship home several of the larger items, there was too much to pack into Esme's Mercedes. They will be delivered in about three days. The rest we have in the trunk, Alice and I went by the check list of what every new mother needs from the magazine. We bought several shopping carts full of stuff, so if we need anything else we're going to have to wing it without it." He chuckled. "What did you do today?"

"Bella, I thought I told you this is all covert secret operations for the CIA I am involved with today, I can't tell you anything. Besides Rose has sworn to kill any of us that spill the secret to you. And I think she means it." He giggled, Rosalie had turned him into a twelve-year-old girl, what on earth were they up to today?

"Oooh, that sounds sexy do you have a secret agent name, every good agent has a great name, and a great car also. So, do tell, Mr. Secret Agent what kind of car do you drive?" I figured I could have a little fun at his expense for once.

"Aston Martin Vanquish, black with all of the spy gadgets and if you're nice I'll let you ride in it." He was pure sex on fire. I loved all of the sides of Edward, all different and all really, really sexy.

"Well if that is the case, then call me a model girlfriend. Black? Why not a flashy color?"

"Well black allows for sneaking in without being noticed." He deadpanned. "Are you with Alice? Ask her how long before you're home." He said changing the subject.

"Alice, Edward wants to know how long before we get home." I asked her as she snickered.

"You tell Edward this is my time with you and we'll be home when we get home." She turned back to her magazine and began sipping on her drink again.

Esme turned towards me "Don't pay her any attention; we'll be home in about an hour. We're almost done here, and then we can head home. We'll skip the coffee; you can't drink it anyway. We can have dessert later tonight. Tell him to stop fretting and just be patient; he can do his big reveal as soon as we get there."

"Edward, did you hear Esme?" I asked unsure if he could hear over all the noise of the spa.

"Yes, I did and tell her it is not the big reveal I'm impatient over. I can't wait to get my hands on you, I miss you, and you have been gone from my sight for too long. I love you Bella, and tell Makenna I love her also."

"Edward, you know my emotions are all over the map, don't say things like that to me, you'll make me cry." I sniffed, and tried to blink away the tears.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry, did you call Charlie yet and tell him the big news?" He asked, Lord he was like an ADD child without the medication sometimes. Usually when he was excited, so that made me a little nervous to see what this big reveal was about. I had a feeling that it was more than Makenna's room. I would have to wait and see because he was right I hadn't called Charlie yet.

"No, I guess I had better call him now before he has a chance to start any of his games, or I won't have his full attention. Can I call you back later when we're on the way home? Or will you miss me too much until then?" I giggled at his expense.

"Fine, Isabella, you want to play it that way, well you will pay for that remark." He snarled and hung up.

I worried that perhaps I had played a little too much and made Edward angry when a text came in from him.

**B~**

**Fine, I admit it I will miss you too much till then, hurry home! I love you and Makenna!**

**E**

He had no idea that I would miss him just as much!

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**E/N: Okay so first this will be my last post till Monday January 3rd! I will miss you all but the next two weeks will be really hectic and I don't want to make promises I can keep. With that said I wish you all a Merry Christmas, happy holidays, Happy Kwanzaa or whatever you celebrate. My wish for us is peace on earth this season. It may be a little too much to ask for but you can't blame a girl for trying. Till next year... **


	21. Chapter 20 Our New Home

**A/N: Well hello there! So glad to see you all again :) **

**I have used three songs in this chapter, let's just all pretend that they are written by Bella and Edward, okay? Okay! They are What if I fall by Jason Castro, Be Mine by David Grey and By Your Side by Lifehouse. **

**Thanks and lots of love to all my girls, you know who you are!**

**A few fic rec's at the bottom so let's meet back up there, okay?**

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**Chapter 20- Our New Home**

**Edward**

I sat nervously and waited for Alice, Esme and Bella to get home. I finalized things with Mrs. Cope yesterday and we were all set to move in. The purchase would still take about a month to finalize but for now we were the proud new renters of Bella's dream house. I had never felt so proud, knowing that I was providing for Bella and our daughter. I hoped Bella knew that I wanted to give her every single desire she would have for the rest of her life. That was my only goal.

As I sat there thinking of Bella and our future the words came to mind to match the melody I had been humming for the last few days. I was grateful that the new house would also be large enough to house a piano as I sat down and began to play out the song and write it down when I found the parts that I liked.

_**All I want now is to be with you, 'cause you know I have been everywhere else**_

_**Looking back at what you got me through, you know me better than I knew myself**_

_**When I feel lost and I can't find my way, when words are at a loss**_

_**I can hear you say**_

_**I… will be by your side, when all hope has died**_

_**I will still be around and I am still on your side**_

_**When everything's wrong, I will still be around, by your side**_

_**Fighting my way back to where you are, the only place I ever felt at home**_

_**Stumbling backwards… through the dark, I know how it feels… to be alone**_

_**And where we go is where I wanna be, and in the silence I hear you say to me**_

_**I… will be by your side, when all hope has died**_

_**I will still be around and oh I am still on your side**_

_**When everything's wrong, I will still be around **_

_**I can't wait another day to show my space between**_

_**Your heart and mine, and you're all that I need **_

_**You say I…will be by your side, when all hope as died**_

_**I will still be around, oh and I, I'm still on your side**_

_**When everything's wrong, I will still be around**_

_**By your side, by your side, by your side, by your side, by your side**_

I was just finishing up the song and thinking about all that Bella and I had been through when my phone rang.

"Hey baby, you must be reading my mind. What are you doing?" I wanted her home so badly.

I closed my eyes and remembered her excitement when I showed her the house.

_I had a house full of furniture delivered today and we spent the latter part of the day getting things ready for us. Bella still had lots to buy and decorate but for the most part it was ready for us to move in. _

_Makenna's room was finished and waiting, Emmett and Jasper spent last night painting it according to Alice's directions. The furniture was put together and all the stuffed animals were placed. Everything was there except for our beautiful daughter. I couldn't wait to meet her. She couldn't get here soon enough. _

_Bella had told me earlier in the day about the stuff that she bought for Makenna. She would be able to put her touch on the room as well so it would be as she wanted it. _

_I couldn't wait to show Bella all the new stuff in our house. _

_I met Charlie there when I left Bella after her doctor's appointment. I showed him the house that we would be living in. I wanted to prove to him that I could and would take care of her and our child. He seemed happy about the house and the fact that she would be in Forks for a few months after Makenna was born. In true Charlie fashion, after a quick tour of the house he was back off to work to keep Forks safe. It was fine with me, he cared enough to come by and see it and that was all I cared about anyway. _

_I paced the floor until I thought the carpets were going to wear out. I had finally heard Esme's car drive up the driveway and quickly grabbed my coat. Emmett was going to drive everyone over after giving me some time to show Bella what we had done by myself._

_As she stepped out of the car I grabbed her and kissed her sweet face. The day apart was too much for me, it amazed me how quickly I had grown dependant on her again. _

"_Well now don't you look beautiful!" When she leaned in to give me another kiss I obliged her with the full weight of my emotions. As my tongue slid into her mouth she moaned and I realized that we were in the driveway in front of my family. I pulled back and kissed her as gently as I could without inflaming either of our passions again. I'm certain Emmett could have lit something fire right there in the front yard at that moment and Bella and I wouldn't have noticed. We were too focused on one another, _

"_Come on, I have something to show you, please." I pulled her hand and she followed me to the Volvo. The activity around us continued but we were still oblivious to it all._

_I opened the door and sat her down. She looked exhausted after all the activity today. "Do you trust me?" _

"_With my life." Her sweet voice responded to me. I pulled the blindfold out and slid it over her eyes. _

_I jogged around and hopped into my seat, turned the key and took off for our final destination…our house. _

_Bella was silent the entire ride over and remained that way when I stopped the car and carefully helped up from her seat._

_I had left the lights on in the living room so as I took the blindfold off of Bella she was able to see all of the work that we had done today. Of course Bella's reaction didn't disappoint at all. She stood for several moments just staring at the living room, looking back and forth between all of the furniture and new paint and then back to me. I began to worry that the shock was too much for her when she turned and placed her hands on my forearms as a few small tears escaped her eyes. I wiped them away with my thumbs as I placed my hands gently along her jaw. _

"_Edward, are you, is this, are you saying that we can move in, that the house is ready?" she asked as her eyes danced with surprise._

"_Yes Bella, that is exactly what I am saying." I replied as she tugged me towards the next room._

_She danced from room to room all giddy like and happy about the furniture that had been picked out. I made her wait to see Makenna's room as well as ours. Rose, Jasper and Emmett had helped so much on those two, that I wanted them to be there when she saw them. _

_We had just walked back through the entire bottom floor again when everyone else pulled up in the driveway. It was a good thing too since I didn't think that I could have held Bella back from darting up the stairs for a second more. _

_I motioned for all of them to go on upstairs first. _

_We stopped at the top of the stairs just outside of our bedroom door, Bella's face showed confusion as I slipped my hands over her eyes and nodded to Rosalie to open the door so I could show her all of our hard work. I stepped forward about eight steps, and dropped my hands. Her mouth flew open and she stumbled backwards into me in shock. _

_Somehow Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper had managed to redecorate our bedroom into a beautiful romantic dream come true. The walls were painted a medium green with a faux finish that made them look like they were covered in raw silk. None of my old furniture was present; it was replaced with an ornate carved wood bedroom set. The bedroom set was painted black and complimented the green walls perfectly; it was exactly what I would have picked out for us. It was perfect. _

_Our bed was placed to the right of the door, and directly across from our bed was a large entertainment center. It was large enough for all of my music and would still leave room for Bella's books. It would blend all of our stuff while providing enough room for us to add more. I walked over to the king size bed and sat down. Bella looked at the faces of the people standing in the room with me and they were all staring at her, I guess they were waiting on a word, or sign from her that would give them an idea of what Bella's reaction would be. She gasped and her hand flew up to her mouth to try to hold it in, I knew she was going to spill some more tears. This room was perfect and she was obviously overcome with emotions, just knowing that our family would give us this kind of a gift caused me to break down a little bit too. I pulled her over to the bed and knelt beside her. _

"_Bella, what do you think, if it is not what you like we can change as much as you like. I just wanted to have something that would allow us to merge all our things and not feel cramped." I'm certain that my face showed my anxiety; I hope I hadn't misread her reaction, but in a small part of my brain I was sure that she didn't like it. When her eyes met mine I could see that she loved it, and I loved my family for doing this for us. She threw her hands around my neck and just started sobbing. _

"_Bella, don't feel bad, if you don't like it we can change it, all of it if we need to. We'll find something that you like, no big deal." I began rubbing circles on her back as I consoled her, thinking that she might need some soothing. _

"_Edward, don't you dare change a thing in this room, it is perfect. I couldn't have done better if I had handpicked all of this for myself. I love it more than I can describe. Thank you for this, it is so special; I have never had anything like this before." She was sobbing again by the time she was finished. _

"_Bella, Rosalie did this for you. I helped on a few things, but most of it was done by her, Jasper and Emmett. Jasper and Emmett painted and moved furniture, Rosalie shopped and arranged." She gasped as turned towards the three of them. The boys were standing in the doorway looking sheepish, and Rosalie stood just inside the door with a look of satisfaction on her face. _

"_I, I don't know what to say!" She rushed forward to hug them. I hope that they understood the depth of emotions that we felt for them and this gift. _

"_I know that you and Edward will enjoy a quiet, romantic bedroom. Your life is about to become really hectic but this will help. This will give you a restful, sexy place to enjoy being Bella and Edward, and not Mom and Dad." Rosalie smirked at us._

"_Thank you isn't enough, but thank you anyway." She smiled back at me and I read the joy in her eyes. She enjoyed the giving as much as we enjoyed the gift._

_Alice was jumping up and down and clapping her hands. "Come on we need to see the next surprise, also, hurry!" She squealed._

_Alice took Bella's hand and led us down the hall to Makenna's room, and threw open the door. She pulled us inside. It was so beautiful, and everything I wanted for our baby girl. I walked over to the white crib that was covered by brown, white and several shades of pink striped comforter set, and ran my hands along the rails, thinking of the day when I would lay my beautiful baby girl in there to sleep. Bella went over to the plush rocking chair to sit down and I imagined her holding Makenna and rocking her to sleep. The more time I spent in this room, the more anxious I become for her to just get here. I especially loved the gigantic built in castle; it took up one whole wall. It had a twin size bed built in the middle, two bookcases on either side of the bed on the front. On each side was a staircase that took you up to the level above the bed that was the play area. Each bookcase had a turret built on top to make it look like a real castle. It wasn't anything that Makenna would use anytime soon, but so worth the wait for her to grow into it. It was definitely an Alice touch, and so beautiful. Bella turned to look at them standing in the door, and waved me over. I walked up and wrapped my arm around her waist. _

"_What do you think, you have been real quiet?" I asked._

"_Edward, I don't have words. This is so overwhelming all of this in one day, is too much to take in. Again it's perfect, more than I could ever hope for. At the rate I was screwing things up before, I thought that Makenna was going to sleep in the bottom drawer of my dresser in a dorm room." I laughed at the crazy turns life has thrown me. I squeezed Bella against my side, and we turned to face our family. One by one they rushed into the room to congratulate us. _

"_Bella I'm so glad these rooms are finished, I was worried that the baby shower was going to be held in the garage. Man we pull things off at the buzzer don't we?" Alice laughed as she turned to us. _

"_Wait, when is the baby shower?" I asked alarmed._

"_This coming weekend silly, we wanted to take advantage of all of our friends being home to come and celebrate with us. Is that ok with you?" She asked sweetly. _

"_Yeah by the time this break is over they will be so sick of the Cullen's, they'll gladly drive back to school to get away from us. I think we planned this well, payback for all those bitches treating Bella like shit in high school." Rosalie laughed, I turned to face Bella. My face was several shades of red I was certain. _

"_Bella, what did they do to you, why didn't I ever hear about this?" I asked; I was ashamed now that I had never paid enough attention to know this. I just didn't want her to think that I thought she couldn't take care of herself so I stayed out of anything that she seemed capable of taking care of. _

"_Edward, it was no big deal. They were just very happy to show their displeasure that you chose me and not one of them, and then they were so sure that we would break up so quickly. When we didn't, well they sort of spread rumors as to why you liked me and kept me around. It was just high school stuff, no big deal." Bella shrugged trying to show indifference, I turned towards Alice and Rosalie to confirm the statements. They both betrayed Bella's story; they were both shaking their heads in a negative fashion. _

"_Rosalie, why didn't you ever say anything to me about this, I would have handled it right away." I was furious by now. _

"_Because Edward we aren't your little puppets, we handled it the way we knew best. Girl fashion, we didn't need you, Emmett, or Jasper to sweep in and clean up our mess. We were perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves. And that we did." She raised both her hands up for a high five from Alice and Bella. The girls chuckled in such a sinister way that I had to hear what the exact revenge was that was carried out. _

"_Okay Rosalie, spill, we want the details." Jasper drawled. _

"_Well it was simple really, we just put blue hair dye in the girls locker room showers. Specifically the last three stalls that I knew for a fact that Lauren, Jessica and their skanky gang always showered in." The smile let us know exactly how well the plan worked. I did vaguely remember about three days that none of Jessica, Lauren or several of their girls were at school. I assumed that was around the date of the hair dye incident. _

"_I was glad to have these two on my side when it came down to a girl fight. I didn't have much trouble out of the 'Bitch Patrol' after that." Bella remarked. _

"_Edward, I would leave that alone if I were you, I have heard rumors of what our women did and I don't ever want to cross them if even half of the rumors are true. They are fairly vicious, but in this case justified." Jasper walked over to stand between Rosalie and Bella, and draped one arm on each of them. He leaned in and placed a kiss on Bella's cheek and then one on Rosalie's cheek._

"_Chickens!" Emmett bellowed at him from the doorway._

"_Damn right I am, these girls are too tough for me." He answered. _

Later that night after Bella had slipped into bed in our new home and I knew that she was asleep; I left and went back downstairs. I needed to get my thoughts in order because I knew we needed to have a talk and soon. I needed to find out where Bella's head was at, where she was emotionally with us. Her last few months have been so hard and I needed to know if we are okay. Where we go from here and how we make sure that Bella is ready for a serious relationship that she won't dart off at the first sign of any drama. I mean we have a child to think of now, we can just throw up our hands and run when the going gets tough.

I picked up the phone and called Carlisle, I knew he would hear my thoughts and help me sort through them.

"Hey Edward, everything okay?" I'm certain he was confused as to why I was calling this late at night.

"Yeah, I just need to talk for a few. You got time?" Why was the emotional stuff so hard to get through without feeling like a pansy?

"Sure, let me take this in my office so I don't wake up Esme. Hold on." I heard the line click and felt the silence settle in over me. I was so confused; I had no idea where to start with all of this.

"Okay, so shoot, what's on your mind?" Carlisle's gentle voice made me feel even more unsure of myself.

"I don't even know where to start…" I stuttered.

"It's a lot Edward, you both, have been through a lot this past few months." A large sigh escaped from him as I sat trying to decide where to start.

"Let me ask you this." Carlisle started.

"Sure."

"Are you happy with Bella now?" Fuck, he started with the million dollar question right off the bat.

"I don't know. I mean I know, I am happy but the fear that she will take off again is so damn hard to carry. I am scared to death of everything that I do and say. I feel ready to break down into tears at every word or gesture. How do I carry that?" Call me whatever name you want to call me, hell I didn't care, I just needed to get this off my chest and solve this before I cracked under the pressure.

"Have you told Bella this?" His simple statement caught me off guard. I was too damn scared to tell her and scare her even more so.

"I'm too scared to." Honesty seemed like the best answer to me.

"I'm sure you are but you can't carry this forever, eventually you two need to talk this out. If not for you then for your baby."

"What if she says she doesn't want to stay together with me, what if she just needs help with Makenna? I can't take it if she leaves me again and this time she will take our baby with her. I…" I didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"Edward you don't even know if that is a possibility or not. You are asking for worry and trouble before you even know if it is knocking on your door. You need to talk to her." Why did his answers sound so reasonable when he said them but so insane when I thought them?

"I know, I just don't know how." Fear tinged my voice.

"That sounds normal to me, what are your fears? Maybe if we can talk about your fears you can organize them and know exactly what you want to talk to Bella about. How does that sound?"

"Sure."

"Okay so then tell me your biggest concern or fear or whatever." Carlisle started.

"I'm just so afraid that she is going to run at the first sign of trouble, I need to know that she cares enough about all of us, all of this to stay and fight for it next time. Cause there will be a next time, I will fuck up and there is nothing I can do about that." I ranted, apparently I had more hostility than I realized.

"I agree that you need to talk this point out for sure, but you might want to take the anger down a notch, it doesn't help her feel comfortable to know that you are angry about it all."

"I'm not angry, at least not totally angry. More scared then angry, but I will try to work on that." I conceded to him.

"Explain it to her, explain that you are scared, that you love her. That to you this is forever and you want to know how she feels about your relationship. Then give her a chance to explain. When she is done then ask her why she ran the first time, why she didn't trust you enough to talk to you about it. Tell her how you feel or felt when it happened, don't accuse or belittle her. Allow her to get her feelings out as well, but the most important thing is to be totally honest. No matter how much that leaves your heart exposed to her, you have to be honest or it won't work." Carlisle's words echoed exactly what my heart feared, total honest without protection for the tender organ. "Unless it's not worth it to you to make this work, then by all means walk away and just take care of your child." The total and utter ridiculousness of Carlisle's words made my heart stutter again.

"There is no way I can walk away from her or Makenna now. I am all in, I mean it." My voice was firm with my resolve.

"Good." I could hear the smile as Carlisle spoke. "That is exactly what I wanted to hear from you. Now tell Bella that." I guess I feel right into his trap.

"Okay, thanks for the help. I will talk to Bella tomorrow after we have both had a chance to get some rest."

"Sure, Edward, anytime. Night."

"Night Carlisle."

I hung up and sat in the silence. Just like always when the silence settled in on me my mind found a melody hidden deep inside and began to work on it.

It amazed me how easily I could pour my heart out in words and melodies but not with Bella. I guess this song would have to speak for me.

**From the very first moment I saw you**

**That's when I knew**

**All the dreams I held in my heart**

**Had suddenly come true**

**Knock me over stone cold sober**

**Not a thing I could say or do**

**Cause baby when I'm walking with you now **

**My eyes are so wide**

**Like you reached right into my head**

**And turned on the light inside**

**Turned on the light **

**Inside my mind hey**

**Come on baby it's all right**

**Sunday, Monday, day or night**

**Written blue on white it's plain to see**

**Be mine, be mine**

**That rainy shiny night or day**

**What's the difference anyway**

**Baby till your heart belongs to me**

**If I had some influence girl**

**With the powers that be**

**I'd have them fire that arrow at you**

**Like they fired it right at me**

**And maybe when your heart and soul are burning**

**You might see**

**That every time I'm talking with you**

**It's always too soon**

**That everyday feels so incomplete**

**Till you walk into the room**

**Say the word now girl**

**I'll jump that moon hey**

**Come on baby it's ok**

**Rainy shiny night or day**

**There's nothing in the way now**

**Don't you see**

**Be mine, be mine**

**Winter summer day or night**

**Centigrade or Fahrenheit**

**Baby till your heart belongs to me**

**Be mine, be mine**

**Thursday Friday short or long**

**When you got a love so strong**

**How can it be wrong now mercy me**

**Be mine, be mine**

**Jumpin' Jesus holy cow**

**What's the difference anyhow**

**Baby till your heart belongs to me**

Once I was satisfied with the song I laid the book down and walked out the back door. Too keyed up to sleep, I just needed some fresh air.

I walked around the backyard for a while and imagined all of the fun times I would have with Makenna and Bella out here.

When I walked back inside Bella was sitting at my piano and was thumbing through my book of songs.

"Hey, baby, are you okay?" I walked over and kissed her on her forehead as I slid my hand around to the back of her neck under her silky hair.

"Yeah, just couldn't sleep, I couldn't get comfortable." She chuckled as she waved her hand over her large stomach. "Are these uh…yours? I mean did you write these?" She said as she flipped through the book.

"Yeah." I ran my hand through my hair, not exactly sure what she saw. Some of those, especially the ones from when she first left were not that nice… or good for that matter. "I uh…yeah…I wrote those. Some are not that good, I don't really think any of them are that good actually." I pulled it away from her and tried to roll it up.

"Edward, no." She stood and pulled the book out of my hands and opened it to a song. "This, this one right here is beautiful. I love this one." She touched a page and then flipped to another one. "This one made me cry when I read it." She ran her fingers over the words I had just written merely minutes ago. "These are good, really good." I ducked my head, I was not used to someone else looking at my songs, reading my words, seeing my soul spilled out on paper. But if I wanted to share them with anyone, it would certainly be with Bella.

"Some of these are kinda sad. I guess I know what or rather who inspired those." She looked down and away from me.

"Bella, you inspired all of these. Not just the sad ones, you have always been my inspiration." I tilted her face up so that she was looking at me. "Always. Nothing ever changed for me, at any time." Small tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

"I'm so sssssorry Edward. I only did what I thought was right for you. I swear, I never wanted to hurt you," she cried. This is so not how I imagined this talk happening. But I guess we would hash this out now since it obviously was on her mind as well.

"I know you didn't mean to but you hurt me, Bella. You never gave me a chance to decide my own fate. You decided for me and that is what hurt. You left me without reason or any real explanation. I don't hold any grudges but it scares the hell out of me, I don't know what is stopping you from doing it again. I now have two people to lose Bella, and I can't lose either of you. I just can't. I have to know that you really want to be here with me, Bella. For us, and not just because of the baby." Tears filled my eyes as I spoke the words. I knew that the pain in my heart would surely kill me if she left again. I would never survive it. Losing her was hard enough the first time, I couldn't bare to let her go now.

Her hand reached up and wiped the tears off of my face. "I would say I'm sorry for the rest of my life if it would take it away, I swear I would. I was always so sure that you belonged with someone better, someone who deserved you. I always felt like I didn't deserve you, so it made sense when I over heard Esme say those things. I decided that I would make it easier on everyone and just go. I swear I had no idea that I was pregnant; I would never have kept that from you. Ever."

"I know that you wouldn't but…you did. Bella you could have called me and told me about our baby when you found out but you didn't. You made all the decisions, you left me in the dark, you took all of those firsts away from me. I need to know that you are in this with me till the end or you need to walk away right now. I can't put my heart through that again." I walked away from her because if I stayed I would say things that would be hurtful and I didn't want to hurt her, I never wanted to hurt her.

I heard Bella walk away. I was afraid that I had pushed too far and that she was leaving again when I heard her footsteps coming back to me.

"Here, read this. I wrote this for you." Her tears flowed in streams down her face. I searched her eyes and found her just as broken as I felt. I pulled her pink girlie journal from her hands and read the words on the page.

_**I've always tried to walk this out with my head held high**_

_**But lately I've been filled with doubt and I don't know why**_

_**I'm so afraid to let you see my scars**_

_**I find myself forgetting who you are**_

_**When I see my face in the mirror**_

_**I see a woman who tries so hard to but needs your grace**_

_**What if I fall and let you down?**_

_**What if I break?**_

_**Will you stay around and pick up the pieces of this heart?**_

_**And hold me in your arms?**_

_**I'm so frail and I'm so weak**_

_**And I need to know **_

_**What if I fall?**_

_**What if I let you down?**_

_**Will you come and breathe life into me?**_

_**Oh God, please hear me now**_

_**In this gravity, it tries to pull me down**_

_**Help me believe, I need to know that your love is wide enough**_

_**To feel your grace and know that your arms are strong enough**_

_**What if I fall and let you down?**_

_**What if I break?**_

_**Will you stay around and pick up the pieces of this heart?**_

_**And hold me in your arms?**_

_**I'm so frail and I'm so weak**_

_**And I need to know now **_

_**What if I fall?**_

_**What if I let you down?**_

_**Oh, I can feel you reach to me as you cover over everything**_

_**Oh breathe of life, my soul to sing, forever, forever**_

_**I can hear you call my name as forgiveness falls over my shame**_

_**Oh breathe of life my soul to sing forever, forever**_

_**What if I fall and let you down?**_

_**What if I break?**_

_**Will you stay around and pick up the pieces of this heart and hold me in your arms?**_

_**Cause I'm so frail and I'm so weak**_

_**But I still believe that when I fall and when I let you down**_

_**I know you'll come and breathe life into me, I know you'll come and breathe life into me**_

"Bella this is beautiful. You wrote this for me?" I was blown away at her honest emotion.

"Yeah, I knew that what I did was wrong and I didn't know how to fix it or make it better at all. I never wanted to be away from you, but I didn't want to hold you back either. I know that taking that decision away from you was wrong. I do. I would take it all back if I could. Believe me when I say that I needed you there every single second that you were gone." She looked wound up and I worried that this couldn't be good for the baby but I let her finish. "I was so scared without you and it killed me every time I would need you or want you and you weren't there. I'm so sorry that I didn't talk to you about this. I will never make that mistake again. Never!" Her chest was heaving with the energy she had expended with her rant.

"Bella, I know. You need to calm down for me now okay?" I lead her over to the chair in the living room and pushed her down into it as I lifted her feet up into my lap on the ottoman. I gently massaged the soles of her bare feet hoping that would calm her down.

"I don't want to be without you and I don't want you because of the baby. I love you Edward, in fact I love you so much that I was willing to give you up to make you happy. I promise I will never do it again though; I'll never make a decision without your input. Trust me I have learned my lesson, please say you still love me and that we can make this better?" Her sobs caused her to stutter and stumble through most of her speech but I never doubted the truth behind her words. She looked broken and I knew that she would never do this again.

I couldn't help but lean over and kiss her sweet mouth. I needed her to see that I did forgive her, and wanted her with me.

"So, we talk about everything and are totally honest with each other from now on?" I asked as my lips grazed against hers with my movements.

"I promise." Her soft lips said still pressed against mine as well.

"Okay, then I'm good with that. Let's get my baby momma in bed."

"I am so not a baby momma, Edward!" She growled as I pulled her out of the chair and up against me.

We both sobered as our eyes met and held each other's gaze. "I love you so much, thank you for coming back to me." I whispered to her.

"Oh, Edward, I love you too. Thank you for taking me back."

We walked back upstairs to our bedroom and climbed in bed…together.

* * *

**E/N: Wow that was a long chapter for you all! Did you like it? Press that little button down there...(That wasn't pervy at all was it? LOL!)**

**Okay the fic rec's~Little Plastic Castle by Yogagal- she seriously doesn't need me reccing her but I do so love her so I am going to anyway. Now this fic is serious heartfail and will make you cry your eyes out so be fair warned. It is so seriously good that you can't stop even as your poor broken heart is begging you to! I will be doing a guest review for this one on The Fictionators site on January 21st, so go and check it out then. Give her lots and lots of love cause she deserves it!**

**The Gerneime Vernietiging by amouredjenaue-Who needs an excuse to read an FBIward? Yeah me neither, this one is all kinds of yummy. And she responds to you reveiws, who doesn't love that? **

**Till next week...  
**


	22. Chapter 21 We Are Truly Thankful

**A/N: We now here we are again, all of us together in the same place...I love it! Thanks again to all of you who fav me, alert me, and review me! You all keep me writing :) Thanks to my girls~ I love you all!**

**Not much to say this week but since I haven't done this in awhile I will say...The characters and songs are not mine, I am just playing with them and pretending! **

**Okay...on with the show**

* * *

**Chapter 21- We Are Truly Thankful**

**Bella**

It's been three weeks that we have been in our house and finding our new normal with each other. I have to say that I love it. Edward and I spend the days organizing our house and getting things ready for Makenna. Other than that we just lived life and enjoyed our new happiness. I could definitely say that this Thanksgiving I had many reasons to be thankful.

Edward was in the living room playing his piano. I loved to cook, clean or do whatever with him playing in the background. Music really had become an outlet for him. He seemed to always be working on a song. I found myself humming most of them off and on after listening to him play them over and over trying to get them just right. I knew he would miss his piano when we went back to school and left it here. Maybe in a year or so we can buy a house there and he can bring his piano then.

"Hey, I'm hungry. Do you want to grab a bite to eat while we are out shopping or eat here before we go?" Edward was reaching up and scratching his neck, which made the small sexy sliver of skin on his stomach peek out from under the bottom of his raised shirt. I was so focused on this particular section of his body that I had no idea what he had said to me at all.

"Wha?" I so eloquently responded.

"Hey, up here." He motioned his hands up to his eyes as I laughed at being caught oogling him. "Food, now or later?"

"Oh, uh yeah. Sorry. Esme called and we are going to shop for the groceries together since she is making part of dinner. So, you don't have to go if you don't want to." Edward had drifted over and placed his hands on my stomach to feel Makenna moving. She loved to hear her daddy talking, it always put her little legs into action.

"Well what if we grab some lunch and then you and Esme go off to shop?" A smile developed on his face when his words caused a few swift kicks to his hand.

"Sure, let me call Esme and see if she wants to go with us." He nodded his head at me. I stepped away to go and get the phone, he left his hands in place for as long as they would reach me. I was so grateful that he loved his daughter so much already. It just confirmed my suspicions that he would be a great father.

I left the room before my pregnancy hormones caused me to break down in tears again and make Edward worry that something was wrong. I called Esme and she told me that her and Carlisle would join us for lunch since he was off today, we agreed on where to meet and I hung up.

"Hey, there you are." I found Edward in Makenna's room. "Carlisle and Esme both are going to meet us for lunch. What are you doing in here?" I questioned. I knew that I sat in here for hours sometimes just looking around and absorbing the changes to our lives but it seemed strange that he would do the same. I assumed that I did it because of hormones and nesting urges but that didn't explain him doing it.

"I just come in and get inspired sometimes. I think of her and all we will get to do and enjoy about her and it makes me happy." He shrugged one of his shoulders at me to finish the explanation.

I walked over to him and ran my hand along his face. "I love that you come in here and think of our daughter." A few tears fell at my declaration to him. Our smiles matched, mine watery and content while his was just content.

"Let's go, Sappy McTears, or we'll both end up crying and watching Hallmark movies in bed all day." He patted my leg before he stood up and led me from the room.

Lunch ended up including Alice and Rosalie who agreed to go grocery shopping with us when we were done. Carlisle and Edward drifted off and left us girls to shop on our own.

About halfway through shopping Rosalie asked, "So things look cozy with you and Ed-man. Are you two doing okay now?" Esme and Alice both halted at her words, I know they would never come out and ask but both certainly wanted to know.

"He hasn't told you about our talk?" I asked Esme as she shook her head in a negative fashion at me.

"Wow, that is a surprise. Well, we talked the first night we spent in the house. I don't think he had it planned that way. I woke up and he wasn't in bed with me, so I went downstairs. He had walked outside and I found his book of songs. He has written so many that I thumbed through them and read a few. He came in and found me. The songs prompted the talk, some were so sad. He shared with me that loved me but was so scared to open up and love him fully. He was afraid that I would take off again at the first sign of trouble and I can't blame him. I treated him like shit and he was scared. I wish you could have seen his eyes, terrified was probably a better description. I showed him a poem that I wrote and we talked about my mistakes. How much it hurt me to leave him and how I knew that I could never do it again. Never." I paused to take a few deep breathes, even talking about it made my heart hurt again. "I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him." I smiled up at the girls that had at some point in my talking gathered in a tight circle around me.

"Oh, Bella, I can't imagine how hard that talk was for both of you. For you because you had to own up to the mistakes that you made, and to him because he had to admit his biggest fears to you. I'm so glad that you two were honest with each other about it all. Do you feel like you have things settled?" Esme rubbed small circles against my back as she spoke, she would so make a great labor coach. I made a mental note of that fact in case Edward cheesed out on me.

"We seem to be. We talk all the time now and have explained so many things to each other over the last few weeks. After dinner we go out on the deck and sit and talk, until I get cold." I laughed.

"So when is he going to pop the question then?" In true Rosalie fashion she simply dove right into the question without any sugar coating around it.

"I uh..I have no idea about that fact. You need to ask him that." I was not sure that we were even to that point. I know that I wanted to marry him and make all of this legal but I didn't know if he felt that way again yet.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen! You stay out of that and don't you dare mention that to Edward. You let things happen when he his ready and not because you go and put ideas into his head. Edward is a good man and he will make things right when he is ready to." Esme scolded, her loving caring demeanor gave way to the mother bear nature for a few seconds and as soon as her speech was done her gentle nature returned as her face resumed her soft sweet smile.

"Well then I guess we will leave that topic until it is brought up by one certain someone." Rosalie commented as we all continued on with our shopping.

When the grocery shopping was done we unloaded all our food at my house and left to go and buy some decorations and such for the event. With Esme Cullen in attendance there was no way the dinner would be anything other than perfectly appointed, it just went against her nature.

I was finally able to pull her away from the home decor shops when my feet were so sore and swollen and I was again starving. The guys agreed to meet us for dinner and help us unload our stuff afterwards.

I know that Rosalie was just asking an off handed question earlier when she asked about marriage and meant no harm but now that the words had been spoken I could not get it off of my mind. Seriously it was all I thought about for the rest of the day. To be Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, I can't even describe the squee of happiness that I felt at just thinking the words, let alone hearing them from Edward.

Dinner was the same lively event that it usually was when we all ate together. Emmett provided the comical relief and kept us all laughing the entire time. Several times during dinner I caught Edward's eye and his sweet devilish smile eased all of my fears. He would ask when the time was right and I was okay with waiting until he is ready.

After dinner Edward drove me home and ran a bath for me, my poor feet were so swollen from all the walking and shopping. I sank down into the warm water and closed my eyes. I could feel it the minute that Edward stepped foot back into the bathroom with me, electrical current seemed to jump from his body to mine.

"Hey baby, can I join you?" He asked as he sunk down onto the floor beside the bathtub. That certainly wasn't my idea of joining me but I wouldn't push it. Besides I wasn't certain that he would fit in this tub with me, my tummy seemed to need it's own zip code as of lately.

"Sure, you are always welcome."

We talked for awhile while I sat and soaked. When the water was starting to cool, I asked Edward to help me out. He grabbed a towel, wrapped it around me and carried me into our bedroom.

"Edward stop, put me down you're going to hurt your back. I'm huge!" I squealed at him.

He slid me to my feet at the foot of the bed, making sure that I pressed against his body the entire time I slid down.

"You're not huge, you're perfect. I certainly loved you before but I love you so much now, all the extra curves make me want you so much more. I have to make myself not touch you 'cause I know you're tired and need your sleep." He leaned his face to mine and kissed me to prove his point.

Immediately I needed his warm skin against my skin, to feel cherished by him. I slipped my hand up his shirt and pulled him closer to me.

Thanksgiving day arrived bright and early. Edward was up again before I was, softly playing his piano downstairs. I dressed, slid my feet into a pair of slippers and made my way downstairs to eat breakfast with him.

I slipped into the music room, as we had taken to calling it, and just sat and watched him. He sat at the piano facing away from me but I was certain I knew the look on his face. It was utter peace and calm. It seemed more often than not now days that is the look that was on Edward's face. His music really had taken on a bigger role in his life. He was constantly pouring his heart into words or melodies. I knew he would regret it when it was time to return to the real world of college. He would not have as much time to spend with his passion, much less with the fact that we would both be away from Makenna for hours at the time. Now, I know this is hard to say for certain since she hasn't even joined our family but I knew as much time as we spent talking to her, reading to her and just feeling her move-well we were going to dote on her without question when she finally did arrive here.

Edward suddenly stopped playing when he noticed that I was in the room with him. "Sorry, did I interrupt?" My hand was still rubbing my swollen stomach.

He shook his head and motioned for me to come closer to him.

I sat beside him as he played several songs for me. Makenna always enjoyed when Edward played, if her kicks were any indication anyway.

As we worked side by side in our kitchen, it amazed me the turns that my life has taken. Each on their own was difficult to overcome but somehow when you line them all up they seem to make sense and lead me towards a specific purpose in my life. I was overcome with sadness at the prospect that this would be the first event that my mom would be around for. And as hard as I tried I couldn't keep the tears at bay.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and took me over to the chaise lounge in the music room. He sat with me until the tears stopped and after I dozed off to sleep he covered me up with a throw from the back of the couch.

He must have kept working in the kitchen because when I woke up he was moving around and taking things out of the oven. He looks so sexy moving around the kitchen. I lay still for quite a while just watching him. When the phone rang he snatched it up and answered it before the first ring even ended.

"Hello?" He almost whispered and after pausing for only a few seconds he continued, "No, Emmett, your childish ass can wait. She had a full melt down and the only thing she kept saying was Renee. So, no I don't really care if you're hungry, you'll wait on us and when Bella is good and ready we'll be over to eat." He was pacing around the kitchen, trying to keep his voice down all the while running his hands through his already messy hair. He obviously was a mess, probably worried about me and my emotions. "Soon is the best answer I can give you, snack some more and we will be there when we get there." Edward continued. "Okay, see you then." I sat up as he hung up the phone, his face looked plenty distraught at my open eyes. I tried to smile so he would know that I was over my emotional outburst and was feeling fine now.

I did miss Renee and always would but this thanksgiving I had so much to be thankful for that I refused to let me hormones ruin the day for us. I stood and stretched. Edward's hand touched my bare belly where my shirt rode up as I stretched.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked as he kissed my temple.

"Nah, I woke up just before the phone rang. Thanks for letting me sleep, I'll be so glad when I'm no longer tired all the time. Who knew?" I laughed, again trying to show him that I was fine and ready to eat. He chuckled as I sucked in large amounts of air, whatever he had cooked smelled so delicious. My stomach immediately started to growl and protest it's emptiness. "What is smelling so good in here? Do we have to share that with Emmett?" I pouted.

"Speaking of Emmett that was him on the phone, surprise, surprise, he's hungry and wants to eat. You ready to head on over?" Edward's hand dropped to my hips while his knees dipped slightly so that we were able to look into each other's eyes. I nodded my acceptance. I really was ready for the distraction of the busy Cullen household to take my mind off of all the things that I had lost this year. "Why don't you go on up and change while I load the food up into the car, okay?"

"Sure." I was reluctant to pull away from him. Each day I could see the little ways in which he showed me he loved me and Makenna.

When I made my way down to the bottom of the steps, Edward was standing there holding my coat out for me to slip it on. His eyes looked full of mischief and secrets. I was about to wonder aloud as to the cause of positively devilish look when he whipped open the front door and I noticed that it was snowing.

"Oh, Edward. It snowed!" He knew how happy that made me, I always loved the snow. I mean what was the point of the cold weather if we didn't have snow? I couldn't find a single thing to like about the cold if there was no snow!

"I ordered it just for you. But you be very careful, I don't want any more trips to the ER for you, at least not till it's time to meet the little princess here." He patted my stomach again, and I couldn't help but chuckle that his first thought would be about me falling down in this weather. I guess he did know me better than anyone else, I guess except his father. After all Carlisle has treated me for most of my falls, scrapes, bruises, injuries and other various reasons to visit the ER over the years. "Let me help you around to your side of the car, just hold my arm." As he gently led me around, the term precious cargo entered my mind.

We drove in silence, me enjoying the beautiful site of the snow falling and him concentrating on getting us there safely. Charlie called as we pulled up in front of the Cullen's house.

"Hello."

"Hey Bells, please let Carlisle and Esme know that I am going to be late. There was an accident out on the highway and they need my help to get it cleared up quickly. But I will be over as soon as I'm done with that, okay?" He voice full of tension, I knew how seriously Charlie took his job so I didn't even begin to worry about him. There was no use in me saying anything, it wouldn't make a difference in his attitude about things. So, I just let it go and wished him well and told him to hurry.

We were whisked into the dining room and our food was situated around the table with the other food already there. The entire family settled into their seats as Edward told them about Charlie's tie up and when to expect him.

The table fell silent as we all held out our hands to hold while Carlisle said a prayer of thanks. After our prayer we went around the table and did the traditional sharing of what we were thankful for this year. Esme was thankful for children to care for and a husband to love. Emmett was thankful that he aced all of his classes this year. Rosalie was thankful that Emmett didn't snore in bed. Jasper was thankful that his history professor was from the south as well. Alice was thankful for the internship that she had received word that she would start after the first of the year with an up and coming designer in New York. Carlisle was thankful that most of the people that had walked through the doors of the ER had walked back out this year. Edward was thankful for second chances and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. We all laughed at that one. And I was thankful for families that take me in no matter how badly I mess up and still love me anyway. Edward took my hand and squeezed it so hard. I felt a few tears slide down my face but I think they were more tears of joy than those of sorrow. Carlisle cleared his throat and asked for the potatoes to be passed, effectively beginning the grub fest.

"Bella these potatoes are heavenly." Esme commented.

I blushed and immediately handed off the credit for the food we brought to its rightful owner. "Well, actually, I didn't make a thing. I had a small melt down about Renee not being here and fell asleep in the family room. Edward made everything and had it all ready when I woke up." Emmett and Jasper snickered while Esme and Carlisle looked approvingly at Edward.

Before anyone could comment the door bell rang, it had to be Charlie. I was thankful that he was finally out of the snow and with us to enjoy the wonderful meal we had. Edward stood to go and let him in. We could hear their greetings as they made their way into the dining room.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Hey Bells, how are you feeling?" I stood as Charlie came over and hugged me. One good thing about the accident, Charlie is more open with me. He makes sure to tell me how he's feeling and lets me know how much he loves me. It doesn't replace Renee but it sure helps to keep us closer.

"I'm good, had a little cry this afternoon but I'm good now." Charlie turned to look at Edward over my shoulder. I couldn't see Edward's response but these two were definitely in cahoots about me and my hormonal outbursts.

"I cried all the time when I was pregnant, it's healthy. It lets out all of those feelings you don't know what to do with and you feel better after it's over. Most of the time anyway." Esme added, effectively shutting off any further conversation about crying. No one dared to challenge her and her motherly wisdom.

"Well, I will tell you all this. It is a mess out there on the roads. Carlisle do you have to work today?" Charlie asked.

"Nope, I'm off for three days. I just come off of two 18 hour shifts so I am off for three days then I will go back in on Sunday morning at six am." Carlisle said around bites of food, seems like everyone was busy shoving one or another bite into their mouths.

"Good thing, Edward are you all planning on staying here tonight?" Charlie asked. Edward sat up a little straighter; it was obviously pretty bad outside for Charlie to be asking about us staying.

"I hadn't planned on it but we can if we need to."

"That would be great, I just don't want to take any chances with Bella right now." Charlie appeared visible relaxed when Edward spoke. "Not that I think you would take a chance with her but you never know about the roads or other drivers. It's better to be safe than sorry."

"The ER is full of people that didn't think they were in any danger when their plans began but things could go wrong in a minute." Carlisle added. Everyone seemed to be on edge waiting for Edward to answer. Several forks were paused mid flight towards their destinations.

"Sure, we can stay. That is if it's alright with you?" He turned to gaze at me, I couldn't help but nod my approval as he gently pushed my hair back behind my ear. The tenderness in his eyes were enough to do me in, much less the slight kicks I was getting from inside my body. It was as if Makenna was making her choice known as well.

I dropped my hand down to rub the spot that Makenna was giving special attention to as I spoke. "Of course, I wouldn't want to take a chance at all. We should be fine here." Edward's eyes shone from the inside out, his relief clear that we would not be on the roads. His love and devotion already so apparent for Makenna, I could certainly see what a great father he already was.

At that moment Alice let out an ear piercing squeal and began to bounce and clap in her seat.

"Alice, what the hell is all that noise for?" Edward asked.

"Well if you two are staying here then that means Bella can go shopping with us for Black Friday deals!" Alice clapped her hands and bounced up and down in her seat.

"Alice, now wait just a minute. First of all Bella does not like to shop. Secondly, the roads are not going to be any better at that time of the morning. So I don't think it is a good idea for her to get out and go with you." I just sat back and waited for Edward and Alice to solve this particular argument. He had made excellent points and I really didn't want to go shopping. Pregnant me out in the craziness with all those other people. No Way! I would stay home snug and warm in my bed.

"Edward, please?" Alice asked.

"Alice, as much as it sounds like a good idea I really think it would be better for Bella to stay in tomorrow morning." Charlie stepped in to help solve this. Alice looked forlorn, she knew she couldn't really argue with him and that ended the discussion.

Her eyes sparkled with a new thought. "What if Edward drives her out and joins us for lunch only?" I looked between Charlie and Edward to see how open they would be to that idea because it really did sound like fun to join them for lunch. And I did need to get a few gifts but I did not want a marathon shopping trip like Alice would want.

Charlie spoke up first, "The roads should be cleared by lunchtime."

Edward added in his thoughts as well, "I think that sounds do-able." My brain gave a silent squeal at that thought. "Does lunch sound good to you?" He asked me.

"I'm pregnant, food always sounds good to me!" I answered honestly. I really did feel like I ate all the time, and in large quantities. This answer brought on a round of laughs and everyone settled in to finish the discussion as we ate.

There was mass chaos around the table. Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Charlie and Carlisle were all discussing their different predictions for the football games scheduled for later that afternoon. And of course each one had different opinions. The girls were discussing the particular deals each one was looking forward to with tomorrow morning's shopping trip. I just sat back and took it all in. The smile that played at the edges of my mouth was just a small indicator of the joy that was in my heart. It amazed me how far I had come in the last few months. I know that if you asked a hundred different people they would give you a hundred different answers as to what happiness is. Well this right here is my definition of happiness. The only thing that would make this better would be here in a few months and I could wait on her.

Edward must have been able to pick up on my change in emotions because he reached over and took my hand in his. His eyes never left the huddle of discussion about sports but his thumb gently brushed across my knuckles as he spoke. He soothed me in so many ways he never even knew. My heart swelled even bigger thinking of his love for me and Makenna.

I heard Alice tap lightly on the door when she was ready to leave. Edward slipped from the bed and opened it to her. They talked in hushed whispers. I just rolled over and snuggled into the warm place that Edward left behind. When Alice said her goodbyes, Edward returned to the bed and immediately pulled me close to him again. His even breathing lulled me back to the peaceful slumber that Alice took away from me.

After my shower and a light breakfast, Edward and I took off for Port Angeles. I did want to do some shopping, I needed to get Edward his gift for Christmas.

We discussed each family member and what we wanted to get for them. Edward had some great ideas for most of the family, including Charlie. I asked him to see to getting their gifts while I took care of his, Carlisle and Esme. I had the perfect scarf in mind for Carlisle and a beautiful purple sweater for Esme.

We ate lunch, in the same crazy chaotic fashion as the dinner the day before. It was loud, full of conversation and fun. It made me miss my mom for a few seconds. This was the kind of scene that she was so at home with. She would have fit right in. Again, just as my emotions threatened to run away with me, Edward looked over and pulled me to him for a kiss. He had a way of distracting me and keeping my mind off of the sadder things. And he had perfect timing.

When lunch was over we separated into two groups. The guys and the girls. We were shopping for the guys today. We had no idea what they planned on doing while we were busy shopping. We didn't care as long as they didn't follow us around and try to peek at what we got them.

I followed Alice and Rosalie around as they bought gift after gift for Emmett and Jasper. I was still not sure what to get Edward. He didn't need clothes and we didn't need anything for the house. I wandered by the music store and decided to go in. Edward has spent so much time with his music lately. Maybe I would find something in here for him. I bought him a new strap for his guitar. I just didn't know what else to get him.

I was looking over all of the equipment, Edward seemed to have all of these things. Besides I didn't know what half of this stuff was.

"Can I help you find anything?" One of the employees asked me.

"Well, I think you can. I have no idea what I am looking for. My boyfriend is into music but I don't know what half of this stuff is and I have no idea what he needs. I guess I'm not much help at all am I?" I bit my lip and tried to remember if Edward ever mentioned anything he needed.

"Okay, does he play any instruments?" He is starting at the most basic questions, great now he thinks I'm mental.

"Yeah, he plays guitar and piano. He writes songs too. He has a journal full of stuff he has written." I had better fill in some blanks so we could get down to the suggestions.

"Well is he interested in recording anything for himself? I got some seriously cool recording stuff right over here." He led me over and began to speak greek to me about all the different aspects of the equipment. I didn't understand any of it.

"I uh…I don't know if he is ready for all of this." I waved my hands over the sound board and all that he showed me. "I mean he plays really well and he writes but he hasn't said anything about this, I just know that I love his voice and I would love it if he would record some stuff for me. So, maybe something a little smaller to start with? That way if he doesn't like the recording bit then he won't feel like it is a waste of money and all." I offered. I really didn't know if Edward would like to record but he was never very far from his music and it seemed to be more than a passing fancy for him now.

"Well I do have this set up that will install on a laptop, would you like to see that?" He asked as he headed towards a full display that showed me the entire setup. He showed me all of the features and how to record the music, then how to burn it to a CD. I was impressed with the vast amount of things you could do with the system. So I bought it. I just prayed that Edward would like it. Alice and Rosalie both tried to assure me how much he would not just like it but love it.

We met up with everyone again and all headed home after our day of shopping. All the way home we spoke of the great deals we got and how excited each person would be to get the gift they were to receive.

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E/N: Be sure to check out The Fictionators site on Jan 21st, I will be guest reviewing Little Plastic Castle by Yogagal. I love this story almost as much as I love Yogagal, so be sure to check it out!


	23. Chapter 22 A Visit From Angela

**A/N: Sorry for the late posting this week, real life got in the way and all. I actually think that I may have to move the posts to Tuesday, won't know for sure for about a week or so. Thanks again to all the same people, for all the same love that you all show me week after week. I can't thank you enough, for those that just read~I love ya too!**

**I don't have much to say this week so on with the show...**

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**Chapter 22- A Visit From Angela**

**Bella**

Exhausted did not even begin to cover how tired I was when we were finished shopping. Alice, God bless her, she did try to keep it to a bare minimum. But no matter how hard she tried she would get over excited about a deal she saw and she was off again. Esme took pity on me and was able to find me a place to sit down and rest while Alice and Rosalie shopped away twice.

I did get all of my shopping done though, so I guess I can't complain. I won't have to go out again with Alice, at least for the sake of Christmas shopping.

Edward unloaded all of the bags and brought them into the house while I changed into something more comfortable. I had just settled on the couch when Edward joined me. We both stretched out, his warm body against mine felt like heaven. He was watching a movie while I dozed off and on.

I startled awake when the house phone rang. Edward turned and looked towards it but made no move to get up to answer it. I glanced up to see if he was sleeping as well. When his eyes met mine he gave a sheepish smile. "It felt too good right here to get up and answer the phone." I simply hugged him tighter to me, I agreed whole heartedly with that statement. I was just about to answer when I felt Edward's phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled away slightly and pulled it from his pocket. He frowned slightly at the screen before he answered it.

"Hello?" His voice was calm and sleepy sounding.

"Oh, hey, yeah sure she's here. Hold on." He handed the phone to me mouthing Angela as he did.

"Ang, what's up?" I answered. I couldn't wait for the chance to catch up with her. I felt so bad that we started this adventure together but I came back and left her halfway through it.

"Bella, what's up girl?" She sounded carefree, perhaps even slightly tipsy.

A small chuckle escaped before I answered her. "Not much Angela, how are you?"

"Well I saw Alice as I was leaving the mall in Port Angeles and she caught me up with everything that has been going on. She also gave me all your numbers. I tried to reach you on your cell, sorry for calling you at home. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay." She sounded sad and scared for me.

"Yeah things are really going well. They weren't for a while but we are past that now." I chanced a glance up at Edward. He ran his up and down my back, almost as if he wanted to soothe away those painful memories. I wasn't glad that we were ever apart, but it did bring us to this point in time so I guess you have no choice but to take the bad with the good.

"Good I'm glad. I was really worried about you girl. You and Edward both deserve so much happiness and I was so scared that you would not find it with each other." Angela sounded so relieved and I felt so guilty for allowing my life at the moment to consume me and for not making the time to catch up with her better. To make sure she knew how much I appreciated her and to make sure she was doing okay herself. Before I even realized the words were out of my mouth.

"Angela, what are you doing now? Why don't you come over and we can catch up?" I glanced up at Edward and he was nodding at me. He made to move off of the couch but I stopped him. His body relaxed right back against mine again.

"Sure, Ben and I were just going to hang out at my mom and dad's house. I'll call Ben and tell him the change of plans." Angela was answering when I cut her off.

"Bring Ben with you, he and Edward can catch up as well." The thought of the four of us hanging out at the house made me feel so happy and content. Neither Edward nor I were ever 'go out every night' kind of people. This right here, what we had was enough for me; it would always be enough for me.

"Sure that sounds great, I'll call him. See you then." The smile could be heard in her voice. She sounded happier after our phone call.

"Okay, bye."

I handed Edward's phone back to him and we snuggled for a few more minutes before Angela and Ben came over.

The closer it got to Angela and Ben arriving the more nervous I became. It suddenly felt like I was 'playing house' with Edward and none of this was real. I felt like at any moment someone is going to call me out for pretending to be a grown up. I stood frozen in the middle of the family room trying to decide what to do about this feeling when Edward came around the corner from the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks and then seemed to fly at super speeds over to me. His hand came to rest alongside of mine on my stomach. "Baby, what's wrong? Is something wrong with Makenna?" Panic clearly creeping along his face.

I tried to smile but felt the tears and knew that I couldn't pull it off. So I opted to be honest with him. "I'm so scared Edward. What if I'm not good enough? What if this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up tomorrow alone?" With the words spoken out loud I began to panic even more. My breathing became shallow and shaky. I was losing my grip on reality.

Edward wrapped his hands along the sides of my face and neck and pulled me very close to his face. He searched my eyes and smiled. "It's okay baby, you're okay. This is a lot to take in and deal with so close together. But we are fine, Makenna is fine and that is all that matters." The serene smile showed the truth in his words and I didn't doubt him for a minute. I had no idea in fact, how I ever made it through those few months without him. He always knew when and what to say to me to bring me back to reality. He began to breathe in a slow and regular pattern so I followed suit. Soon, my panic was completely gone and I felt so much better. After a few minutes I was back to me again and the panic was completely gone. I tried for a weak smile again and I must have pulled it off because Edward kissed my forehead and murmured to me, "There's my girl again."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I voiced as he pressed me against his chest.

"Don't you dare apologize. That was a moment of panic that is all. It just bothers me that you might have been in pain or suffering some fear that is all. I'm fine, just worried about you."

"It's not all of the time, just a few times since my mom died. I guess I just think about things too much and worry about what may happen. I need to stop I guess."

Edward tightened his arms around me as he spoke. "I had them after my parents died too. If Carlisle and Esme went out together it just about broke me down. I was so afraid that they would die together and leave me alone again. It was something that got better with time but please don't ever be afraid to say that you are having trouble. I want to know and help you out, I promise I will always be here for you."

We both turned and looked towards the front of the house when we heard a knock. "That must be them, we can do this another night if you want." Edward offered.

"No, I'm fine now. I want to catch up with Angela before things get too crazy around Christmas and she has to go back to school." I stood up and smoothed my clothes out. Edward gave me a once over and must have been satisfied with me because he turned to move towards the front door.

Angela and Ben came in carrying some Chinese food take out. "Sorry, we didn't know if you all have eaten but we haven't so we brought enough for both of you too." Edward and I both chuckled. He knew as well as I did that no matter how much they brought it would probably not be enough for me at this stage in my pregnancy.

"What?" Ben asked as he looked from me to Edward and back to me again. When neither of us offered an answer he turned to Angela. She simply shrugged at him and moved over to hug me. Panic no longer anywhere in my mind, I just wanted to sit down and share all the details that I knew Angela would want to know.

We all moved to the kitchen and opened the food. Once we had fixed a plate and settled around the table to eat, we began to talk. Ben told us how his school was going and then he shared his big news. He had asked Angela to move off campus into an apartment with him. Turns out that our dorm only got worse after I came back to Forks and Ben's wasn't much better. His roommates always had people over and he was never able to study. So since they both were miserable with their current living conditions he decided that it might be time to take the plunge and ask her. I almost chocked on my food.

"How did your dad take it Angela?" I asked when I was able to clear my mouth of food.

"Well he wasn't really happy about it but he said he trusted me to make these types of decisions for myself. I think it helped that Ben and I have been dating since we were in junior high, so he knew it wasn't a spur of the moment decision with a guy I barely knew."

"Wow." It was all I could think to say. The two strictest parents I knew were allowing their daughter's to move in with guys and not flipping out about it. Perhaps they now saw us as adults that were capable of making decisions about our life for ourselves now.

"Yeah, I was a little blown away as well. I expected to be banned for life from the Weber house or have to hide the fact that we were living together for years till we graduated and I asked her to marry me. Imagine my surprise." The shock still showed on Ben's face.

"How did that conversation go with Mr. Weber?" Edward asked. His face full of mischief but Ben answered honestly.

"Well I got the whole speech about making an honest woman of his daughter and how he has always liked me so don't do anything that would change that now. I promised him that I wouldn't do anything intentionally to mess things up and would try my best to stay on his good side!" Ben laughed along with Edward. "But you dude, you must be bulletproof! Telling Chief Swan that you knocked up his girl and now want to live with her, man my hat is off to you!" Ben held up his arm for a fist bump from Edward.

"Yeah well don't think that I didn't get the speech as well. And he wore a gun when he gave me mine, so don't tell me nothing about fear when you got yours from a peace loving man of God. I got mine from the Chief of Police while he was wearing a gun!" They both laughed louder at that part. Angela and I just watched as our two men laughing at their own misfortune.

When we finished dinner we all cleaned up and the guys went in search of a video game to play. So Angela and I drifted off to the living room so we could talk without screaming over the fake bullets flying in the background.

Once we settled down on the couch I asked, "So, living together huh?" She smirked. Angela had always been the one to have her ideas set on how her life would play out. She rarely changed them, and this time she had changed them in a really big way.

"Well, I just knew it was the right decision. We have been together for years now. We know each other and we were both miserable in our own places. I knew that he would never do anything to hurt me and the look on his face when he asked me, I just knew I should say yes." Her smile became all soft and full of love.

I patted her hand; my heart was rejoicing that all of my friends were well taken care of and happy in love.

"Besides after watching you and Edward, I knew that I didn't want to be separated from Ben for one minute." Angela glanced up at me from the corner of her eye, like she was afraid that I wouldn't like to hear what she had to say.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even so she would know that I was curious and not angry in any way. I wanted to know how our pain had helped someone else.

"Well, when I saw how miserable you were without him and how you cried to sleep each night without him. I realized that at our age we could be in love, real love with someone. I always worried that this love was different than the love that our parents felt for each other. I was sure that this was less important in some way. That we didn't deserve the right to feel the real love yet, that would come when we were adults. So that is why I never looked for more with Ben until now. Now after seeing you and Edward fight to be together and knowing how hard both of you hurt while you were apart, I now see that this is a real love. That we can be capable of feeling this love and deserve to have this love. So, I knew that it was right to move in with him." She shrugged like this was the easiest concept to grasp and no big deal really. "And did you really think that I didn't know about the nightly crying?" She asked.

It was my turn to shrug. "You never mentioned it so I assumed you were a sound sleeper."

"Well, I was just waiting for you to come to me about it. You had so much going on that I was waiting on you to figure things out for yourself. I didn't want to push my ideas off on you." She picked at a thread on the bottom of her jeans.

"If I had come to you and asked what would you have told me?" I asked, wanting to know what she would have said. In some small way I wanted to assure myself that I would have ended up with Edward no matter what had happened to my mom and Phil.

"Get your ass in your car and go to him. Tell him everything and make him understand that you still love him." She smiled so big I thought she would split her lip open. Her confidence was comforting.

"How did you know that would work for us?"

"Because I talked to Alice almost daily and she told me how miserable he was. There was no reason for him to be that miserable unless he still loved you as much as you still loved him. So I knew that he would take you back, it wouldn't be an easy ride but you both would be so happy to be on the other side. And look at you I was right, you both look so much better. The happiness is written all over both of you. So tell me all of the details. I have missed our talks and missed you." She patted my leg; it reminded me of my mother and for the first time it didn't hurt to think of her.

I told Angela all about the first few days of being back in Forks without Edward and how much better things got when he showed up. He knew the right thing to say and do every time. I relayed how hard it was to keep the pregnancy a secret and how many time I almost told him. "But after I saw him again I knew I could not be without him. I was so scared that if I told him then he wouldn't want me anymore, and I guess a small part of me was scared that he had moved on and was just doing this as a friend. So, I kept it from him. It was wrong but I was just too emotional to take anything else and trust me when I say losing him again would be the biggest anything else I could face."

"I'm sure it was hard to keep it from him." She murmured.

"But the other half of me wanted to stand on the town square and scream it out. To tell him and maybe that would make him take me back, as sick as that sounds. It was a constant fight to know that he might come back for the wrong reasons and then the other side screamed who cares why he comes back, just that he does. I felt strung out all the time. I'm so glad that it came out but if I could change it all I would just call him and tell him the moment I suspected something and just be honest with him all along."

"That's a healthy step to realize your mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them later in life." The future psychologist in Angela was showing up and giving her opinion.

"Yeah trust me, I will never run away from anything ever again. I see now how differently things could have went if I had just been completely honest at any point in time. I thought at first because I wasn't out right lying that I was okay but now I see that omitting things is the same as lying. I'm just glad that Edward forgave me and still loves us both." I ran my hands over my ever growing stomach and felt a swift kick to my insides. "Even she realizes my mistakes." I laughed and Angela placed her hand beside mine to feel Makenna move along with me.

"Wow that is a strong girl you have." Angela giggled as we stayed huddled up feeling the small and sometimes big movements of the life growing inside of me.

After a few minutes of no movement I looked back up at Angela. "Can I ask you something?" I bit my lip in nervousness. I knew that Angela wouldn't judge me at all and would give me an honest opinion but I was still scared to have her know my inner fears and secrets.

"Sure, you know you can." She sat back and gave me a little space to gather my thoughts before I spoke.

"I had a panic attack today, it was a little one but I had one."

"What was the cause of it?" Her calm voice pulling the answers out of me before I even knew what I was saying.

"I was afraid that I was playing house with Edward and one day I would wake up and all of this would be gone, that he would be gone. I guess that the sudden way my mom died and then with all the drama with Edward, I am just so afraid that we aren't really real. I know that sounds stupid but it's what I feel."

"That makes perfect sense, it's not stupid at all. Have you talked with Edward about this?"

"Yeah, he says that he is never leaving me. And my head knows that he suffered just as much as I did when we were apart but my heart is still afraid that we won't make it. And Makenna and I will be alone. After being alone I know that I don't like that feeling at all." I gave an attempt at humor but it fell flat.

"Still normal thoughts and fears. It will have to be something that you talk over with Edward and decide what your signal is with each other to show that you are here together now. A simple gesture that only the two of you know that shows him that you are scared and he shows you that he is scared. We don't know what the future holds but we can't waste right now worrying about it, because the worst may never happen and then we have ruined our life concentrating on something that never came. Live in the moment, you and Edward are fine and Makenna will be fine when she gets here." Angela patted my stomach again.

"Again my head knows you're right but my heart wants something more to prove to itself that this is correct. I guess I will get better with time, right?" When she nodded her head at me I continued. "Then I guess that's what I need is time."

"I kinda don't get it. I mean you are the one that left him and hid your pregnancy from him, so… why all of the sudden are you so worried about him leaving you? It should be the other way around, don't you think?" Angela asked me, serious doubt filling her eyes. Exactly the cause of her doubt was unknown to me.

"He could get sick of me at any moment. He could see how much I've changed and how big I am and just want to walk away. He could realize that he loves Makenna but not me. Not enough to spend the rest of his life with me. Then what do I do because he is everything to me?" I asked as sobs took over my body and tears poured out of me.

"Oh, Bella." Angela pulled me close to her and hugged me tightly. She pulled back slightly so that we could look each other in the eyes. "Honey this is the hormones talking. Edward loves you so much; it is easy to see in everything he does. Everything is about you as far as he's concerned. Even when he was not with you, he was still asking Alice to ask me if you were eating and sleeping enough. Seriously that boy is all in for you. Never doubt that." She wiped the tears away and smiled for me.

"You are so right once again. Oh my gosh I hate this part of being pregnant, these hormones are killing me." I sobbed again. I could see the logic in Angela's words but I still needed to convince myself a little more. I guess it was time to have the 'what do we do next' talk with Edward. "I guess I need to talk to Edward and try to iron out some of our plans. Perhaps if I could see how he imagined our future then I could convince myself that we will be fine." Angela nodded at me as I wiped my eyes, if Edward found me like this I knew it would make him concerned.

"So tell me about this moving in thing! How could you make such a big step without me?" I faked shock and surprise.

"Well we were at his apartment with all of his roommates home and each one has several guests. So needless to say that studying there was out. We walked over to our dorm room since we thought that we would get a little more peace and quiet there, since my roommate high tailed it off to her home town again." She giggled and pinched me on my leg. We both laughed as I slapped her hand off of me and stuck my tongue out at her. "Well, we were wrong. They were having some sort of bonding exercise with the girls from two floors up and there were people everywhere. So we took off and ended up in the library and it even got rowdy there also. Ben was a wreck because he needed to pass this exam and he wanted to keep his intern job so he needed to place in the top five of his class to do so and here he can't even study. He looked straight at me and said that his parents offered to pay for an apartment for him. And he thought he was going to take them up on that offer. He would be getting a one bedroom and definitely would not have a roommate." Her face was so sad with those words. I could see how what Ben said could hurt her. "He was quiet for a few minutes and I just thought he was studying. All of the sudden he looks up at me and says 'How pissed would your dad be if we called to tell him that you were moving in with me?' well I almost pissed my pants. I couldn't believe that he was saying this. But after his other comment I was too afraid to get all excited. So I said to him 'I thought you said you weren't going to have a roommate?' And he just looks me in the eye and says 'you are my girlfriend not just some silly roommate.' Well I almost died, I started crying and he was so confused. I finally explained that I wanted to be both and he said well that is what I have been asking for the last twenty minutes but I guess I wasn't saying it the right way because you never answered me.' So I shouted yes and kissed him, then the librarian threw us out for yelling and public displays. But all in all it was the best trip to the library I have ever made." She was beaming, the love oozing out of her. Me, of course being the hormonal pregnant girl that I am, cried all the way through it.

"So when do you two move in together?" I asked through my tears.

"Well, see that is the thing. We already have." Obviously she could see the panic on my face because she threw her hands up and halted my words before they could even come out of my mouth. "Wait, wait, wait! We moved the first of this month, but we took a really small one bedroom to keep me from having to work. So we moved some of my stuff and some of Ben's stuff into the apartment and rented a small storage room to hold what couldn't fit." She looked satisfied with herself but that still did not give me a clue as to where my stuff was at the moment.

"And so you left my stuff in the dorm all unattended? I know none of it was really expensive but it was mine and I don't want it all stolen!" I shouted and began to pace around. Ben and Edward both stuck their heads in the door, Edward looked distressed and Ben looked smug.

"Bella Swan, I would never do that to you, calm down and I will tell you where your stuff is." I huffed at her and crossed my arms over my chest. I would listen but I wouldn't like it.

"Fine." I said as I plopped down on the couch again.

"I packed it all up and put it in storage with mine and Ben's stuff that didn't fit in the apartment. Except your microwave, we're using that." I raised my eyebrow at her. "What? Neither of us had one so shut up, besides you weren't using it anyways. Are you mad at me?"

I sat and pouted for a few seconds longer, just long enough to see Angela glance over at Ben with a distressed look on her face. Then I stood up and cracked the biggest smile and began to jump around in happiness. Well the amount of jumping that a large pregnant woman can do. "You silly girl you, of course I'm not mad at you. I love you so much for thinking of me when you didn't have to, at all." I hugged her to me and congratulated her on her big step with Ben.

We hugged and bounced in a little circle, forgetting that the boys were there at all. Until Edward cleared his throat, obviously disturbed by seeing us act like schoolgirls on the playground, and suggested, "How about we have some of that chocolate cake that is left?" I immediately stopped and stared at him. How dare he give away my chocolate cake! But I stopped when I saw the glee in Ben's eyes.

"Fine, if you both are good boys I'll even share some of my ice cream with you!" Both boys took off towards the kitchen, Angela and I following after them shaking our head.

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E/N: So? What did ya think? Push that little button right down there and let me know, I promise I'll be nice to ya :)


	24. Chapter 23 Christmas Shopping

**A/N: This is a pretty big chapter for you all, I hope you like it! Several of you have guessed about it and only one has been right! It makes my little bitty heart swell with joy to see you all guessing about my little old story! My kids have laughed at me for doing my happy dance but I don't care :) **

**Lots of love to all my girls, I really do think you all are the best ever!**

**Thanks to all my new friends for joining me here, I'm happy to have you!**

**On with the show...

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****Chapter 23- Christmas Shopping**

**Edward**

"Emmett, what are you and Jasper doing while the girls are shopping?" I asked hoping that they were free and could help me out.

"As far as I know just watching our girls spend mass amounts of money, why what do you have in mind?" Emmett asked as he ate a banana in two bites, his mouth stuffed full like a squirrel.

"I need to run across the street to the jeweler and get Bella an engagement ring. I was hoping that you and Jasper would want to come with me." I didn't want to look up at him, I was afraid that he would take the opportunity to rib me about this situation, and I couldn't handle that now. All of the feelings were too new and real, I was afraid that I would lash out at his teasing. He was silent for so long that I thought that he walked away, so I glanced up and he was staring at me, opened mouth staring.

"Dude, for real? You want me to go with you?" He asked his mouth now empty.

I just nodded, afraid that this was the beginning of the teasing.

"Cool, I'll get Jasper, and be right back." And he practically sprinted away from the table where we were seated. I headed up to tell Alice where I was going so she could keep Bella occupied until I got back. I, of course, censored that shit and just told her that we were going off to buy gifts for the girls. She didn't need to know everything.

The girls thought that we were pulling their legs and just wanted to try to follow them and peek at what they were getting for us. She had no idea that we had our own plan. Well…I had my own plan and Jasper and Emmett were going along with me because they had nothing else to do.

Jasper and Emmett came jogging down the stairs as we descended away from the food court and towards the parking lot. Emmett wanted to drive his jeep so we left with his music blaring and gravel flying. He was so excited, I wasn't sure why.

"Em, what is up with you, why are you so excited about this trip?" I was probably going to regret the answer he gave, but I needed to know.

"Edward, you're my brother. I have waited for the day when you needed my help with anything. You have had your shit together for so long that you have never really needed me for much, and now you finally need me. So yeah, I'm super excited. I want to do this for you and Bella; we have wanted this for you, it makes our family complete." He knuckle bumped Jasper in the back seat and grinned so hard I was afraid he was stoned. I shook my head and just chuckled. Every so often you could count on Emmett to do or say the right thing, and this was one of those times.

The rest of our short ride we spent in quiet, sure that each of them is contemplating what this ring will mean for each of them. I was trying to decide what type of ring Bella would like and what would look good on her. I knew she wouldn't want me to spend any money on her, but I didn't care what she wanted for this. I was going to get the ring that I liked and she couldn't do a thing about it.

We had agreed to meet back at the food court in three hours. That was all Bella could handle was three hours. So I set the time limit. I hoped that it was enough time for me to find what I was looking for. Because, I had to leave the mall, go across the street and pick out the ring and get back, I prayed that they had what I was looking for.

Jasper, Emmett and I all rushed to the car and high tailed it across the street. When I walked through the door I had no idea what I wanted. I did have a few ideas of what I did not want, I knew that Bella wouldn't want something big and gaudy, she was a classic kind of girl and would appreciate a classic type ring. I searched, and searched, and searched. I was getting nervous, we had been in the store for almost two hours and I had not found anything that I liked at all. Emmett and Jasper had moved on and each of them were looking for a little trinket for Alice and Rosalie. The sales lady went back into her vault one more time and came back with 6 more rings. I looked at the first two and immediately set them aside, and then I saw it. I grabbed it up and looked it over. It was perfect for Bella. She would probably say it was too big, but I thought it was just right for her. I called Emmett and Jasper over; they each looked at it and nodded their approval. It was a two carat cushion cut center stone that was surrounded by round stones, and two rows of smaller round stones cascading down the band. If you held the ring up to look at the side of the band it was adorned with three small round stones down each side and a small heart shaped stone in the center. The matching wedding band had round stones. It was very antique in design, and I knew Bella would love it.

The sales lady said that Bella was to wear the side with the heart shaped stone towards her so she could see the heart and be reminded that I gave her my heart with this ring. How true were those words, I was giving my whole heart to her, and I wanted her to have this ring to show her. I paid and left with the ring and another small token for Bella in my pocket. I couldn't wait to get back to her.

I took the boxes back out to the car and hid them in the back of Emmett's jeep. I could get them out later when we met up to go home.

We rushed back and met the girls in plenty of time. Bella trudged over; she carried so many bags that she must have got a gift for half of Forks. Her face showed the level of exhaustion that she was feeling. I needed to get her something to drink and get her home to rest; both in quick order.

Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper agreed to follow us back to our place because they had some of Bella's stuff mixed in with their bags. I agreed quickly because that would give me a chance to get Bella's gifts out of the Emmett's jeep at the same time.

When we arrived at the house I sent Bella and the girls inside with the bags they carried, while I got the gifts for Bella out of the jeep. When I got back in the house the girls had already straightened out what they need to and Alice and Rose were heading back outside towards the Jeep. I gave them each a hug and sent them on their way.

Bella had changed and descended the stairs, as she headed towards the family room, I yelled out for her to go and get a drink first. I knew she didn't drink enough while we were in the mall so I figured that we could kill two birds with one stone; she would get hydrated and I would get time to put my gifts away.

I took the boxes up to our room and hid the long slender box that held Bella's bracelet, in my closet and placed the ring box in my pocket. I wanted to give the bracelet to Bella on our wedding day as my gift to her.

I went back downstairs to find her. For some reason I had a sudden strong urge to be with her, near her and only her. I slipped into the family room and found her getting ready to sit on the couch. I slid down with her and pulled her close. I turned on a movie but for the life of me I can't remember what was playing. I could only think of Bella, Makenna and our future. I saw so many different scenarios playing out and I liked each and every one.

I heard the home phone ring but I saw no need to get up and answer it. Everyone who is anyone has my cell as well as Bella's so they can call me there. I would answer that one because I wouldn't have to get up to answer. Bella stirred against my side. When she looked at me I just told her that it felt too good to get up and answer it. She smiled and jumped again when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I reached down and answered.

It was Angela. I was so glad to hear from her because I knew that Bella had been missing her. I handed the phone off to Bella and watched as she spoke to Angela. When she spoke about things being rough between us, I couldn't help but want to comfort her. I ran my hand up and down her back and thanked my lucky stars that whatever forces brought us back together. I realized that I couldn't live without her at all, ever again.

I half listened as she asked Angela to come over so they could catch up with each other. I guess this would give me time to call Charlie and talk to him about the ring I carried in my pocket. She asked Angela to bring Ben with her. I snuggled and held her a little longer before the others came over and I had to spend time away from her. She pulled away eventually and began to move from room to room to clean up, it must have been her nerves getting the best of her, because the house was already clean.

I left the room and went upstairs to call Charlie so she could work off of her nervousness.

"Charlie, how are things?" I asked when he answered.

"Edward, things are good. What about for you, is Bella okay?" His voice sounded a little higher than normal, he must be a little anxious.

"Of course, Charlie she's fine. I just need to talk to you for a few minutes. I uh…I guess I should have done this face to face. Shit!"

"Watch your language boy!" I cringed

"Sorry, I guess I'm just nervous." I ran my hand through my hair. I don't even know why I am bothering to do this. It's not like he doesn't know we are going to get married. I mean she is having my baby. Okay, well here goes nothing. "I called you today to tell you that I bought Bella a ring for Christmas. I want to give it to her." I stammered.

"Okay…what kind of ring? Like an everyday fancy ring for her to wear or does this ring mean something more to you and her?" Charlie prompted me; I guess I was just not going to get this right. I took a deep breath and allowed it to clear my head. I didn't want Charlie to misunderstand me. He needed to know that I had thought this over and there was no way I was unclear about this decision. Hell this decision was made a long time ago and nothing that had happened in the last few months changed that at all, in fact it has made it all the more clear that this is what I am supposed to do.

"Yes, this ring means a whole lot more to me. And I hope it does to Bella as well." My voice sounded cleared and more sure of itself. It boosted my confidence so I continued before Charlie could interrupt me. "I want to give Bella this ring and ask her to marry me. I know we have done a few things backwards and out of order but that changes nothing. I knew several years ago that I wanted to marry Bella. And us being apart has only strengthened that decision. I need her in my life. She helps everything else make more sense to me. Next to Bella, Makenna means more to me than anything else in this world. I want her to be born to two, happily married parents. I want to give her every chance to start off in this world the right way." Charlie was very quiet and I didn't know if that was a good sign or a really, really bad one. "Chief, I love your daughter with all of my heart and I love our baby just as much. I'm not foolish enough to think that this road we took will be an easy one but so help me I can't think of another soul I would like to try it with. So, please may I have your blessing to marry your daughter?" I flopped down on the bed and just waited. Okay, so I prayed and waited.

"Edward, you're right you both did things backwards. Are you sure that those mistakes will be forgiven and not held against either one of you? Are you sure that you can move on without the baggage holding you back?" Charlie was really serious about this and I guess I could see why. His relationship with Renee started the same way as ours did. Hot and heavy and ended with the two of them wishing they had slowed down and taken more time. Would that have made a difference? Who knows, would that have changed the fact that Renee got pregnant with Bella? I have no idea. But I do understand why he is questioning me and he deserves to know my answers.

"I can, sir, without a doubt. See those few months without Bella, when I thought I had lost her. They were torture. I worried about her and agonized over her every minute. But I don't know if I would change our time apart. I mean if I hadn't had that time I would not know with it was like to live without her and that makes her all the more special to me. I know I need her in my life. I can't live without her, so that makes it real easy to forgive what she did. To be completely honest I do understand why she did it, would I want her to do it that way again, hell no. But I understand and truth be told if the situations were reversed, I may have done the same thing, I know I would sacrafice my happiness if it meant that Bella would be better off without me." I shut my mouth hoping that I had said enough to him to make him understand how much I needed Bella and our baby in my life.

Charlie blew out a big breath and then just sat silent. I didn't push him or try to talk. I'm certain that he needed time to get his thoughts in order, just like I did. "Edward, I have always liked you. You were a good kid. And I'm proud of the man you have become. At times I swear you must be at least a hundred years old for the wisdom and patience you have. I agree that it is going to be a long hard road for the three of you but if Bella has a fighting chance with anyone, it is certainly you. So by all means, you are more than welcome to ask Bella to marry you with my fullest blessing."

I could hear Bella moving around downstairs so if I let the yell that was bubbling around the back of my throat out she would more than hear it. So with great difficulty I held it in. "Thank you, sir. You have no idea how happy you have made me, now as long as she says yes we are in business. I am so much more than you could ever understand."

I could hear the smile in Charlie's voice when he spoke again. "Sure Edward. Anything else I can do for you, you just let me know!"

"I will, sir, thank you again. Good night." I had no idea how in the hell I was going to contain this until Christmas. It would be very difficult.

"Good night, Edward. See you guys soon." Charlie said and disconnected the line.

I knew Ben and Angela would be here soon so I made my way back to Bella. She stood with her back to me, with her arms wrapped around her mid section in a very protective fashion around Makenna. Her face looked pained. She was miserable that much was very clear, but I didn't know why or how.

"Baby, what's wrong? Is something wrong with Makenna?" I asked, unsure of exactly how I got to her so fast.

She looked up at me and tried to smile but it was just for my sake. Her smile was not genuine, in fact she showed me with that smile how unhappy she was. Panic set in around my heart and began to squeeze in on it. What if she didn't want to marry me? What if she didn't want to be with me at all? Before anymore thoughts escaped my sick mind Bella spoke and eased all of my fears.

"I'm so scared Edward. What if I'm not good enough? What if all this is a dream and I wake up tomorrow alone?" She was going into a panic attack; I know this because I've had them. She was so worked up that she was panicking about it all. I needed to calm her down and fast. This type of breathing is not going to get enough oxygen to her or the baby. Besides I didn't want to have to call Carlisle and ask him for something to ease her nerves with her pregnant, I did the only thing I could think of to do. I wrapped my hands around her face and pulled her right up to me. Our foreheads touched and I spoke to her. Just her and me. I told her that we were going to be fine, and how much I loved her and our baby. I took in deep regular breaths and she began to follow suit. Before too long her panic seemed gone and she was back to Bella again. The fear was still there in her eyes but somehow we got through this one more thing together. The smile she gave me was closer to her normal smile and I was proud of the effort she put in. I kissed her forehead and said to her, "There's my girl again." Her strength astounded me.

She tried to apologize to me; I dismissed her need to worry about her actions. This was us and we were supposed to go to each other for this kind of help. I told her this and made her promise that she wouldn't hide these types of things from me. With her snuggled into my chest I told her how I had panic attacks after my parents died. How if Esme and Carlisle left the house together I would worry that they too were going to be killed together in an accident. My breathing wouldn't normalize until they stepped foot back into the house together and I could see for myself that they were fine. I promised her that I would always be there for her just as we heard a knock on the door. Ben and Angela had arrived.

When I voiced my concern for her and their visit she pushed it away. I think she wanted the chance to catch up and she did look fine now so I went and opened the door and welcomed them in.

Ben came in carrying Chinese food. Bella loved Chinese food! . "Sorry, we didn't know if you guys had eaten but we haven't so we brought enough for both of you too." Bella and I both laughed at that comment. Ben had no idea that Bella could eat what he had brought for all four of us, alone. She had such a large appetite now. I had no idea where it went because she was all baby. There wasn't an extra ounce on her so I just kept my fingers crossed that we didn't have a big baby that made it hard for Bella to deliver her.

We all began to talk as we ate. Funny thing is that we ended up talking about Ben and Angela moving in together. Then Ben went and brought up marriage with Angela. He spoke about it in the general sense and it was certain that he meant down the road. But all hell if I had any idea how we got around to this topic. I felt like Lord of the Rings when the ring gets hot and glows in the pocket. I could feel Bella's ring in my pocket and I'm certain if I pulled it out right now that I would be glowing. "How did that conversation go with Mr. Webber?" I asked Ben. Curious how he took it. Little did I know that he would turn the tables around on me and bring up the conversation about Bella being pregnant. The good thing is he knew before I did so that conversation didn't have to happen. I guess Ben forgot about that when he brought it up. And now that Ben mentioned it I was glad that I called Chief on the phone to ask about marrying Bella. I didn't think of the gun issue, I could not have done that face to face with him wearing a gun on his hip.

After dinner Ben and I went off to play video games and let the girls catch up. We played mostly in silence, which I love Emmett always wants to chatter on and on, until I needed to get a drink of water. We paused and I took off towards the kitchen. I didn't mean to pause by the doorway and listen but I couldn't help but stop when I heard Bella talking to Angela.

"_**I was afraid that I was playing house with Edward and one day I would wake up and all of this would be gone, that he would be gone. I guess that the sudden way my mom died and then with all the drama with Edward, I am just so afraid that we aren't really real. I know that sounds stupid but it's what I feel." **_

I knew that she still felt some anxiety about this. I paused to hear what Angela said to her. She could make me or break me with her next sentence.

"_**That makes perfect sense, it's not stupid at all. Have you talked with Edward about this?" **_

Angela was officially my new best friend. I love that girl.

"_**Yeah, he says that he is never leaving me. And my head knows that he suffered just as much as I did when we were apart but my heart is still afraid that we won't make it. And Makenna and I will be alone. After being alone I know that I don't like that feeling at all."**_

I knew that I should walk away but I just couldn't. I had to hear what all she felt, what all she was saying. I needed to make sure that I knew so I could alleviate her fears for her somehow. It was my job now to make her happy and chase away her fears.

"_**Still normal thoughts and fears. It will have to be something that you talk over with Edward and decide what your signal is with each other to show that you are here together now. A simple gesture that only the two of you know that shows him that you are scared and he shows you that he is scared. We don't know what the future holds but we can't waste right now worrying about it, because the worst may never happen and then we have ruined our life concentrating on something that never came. Live in the moment, you and Edward are fine and Makenna will be fine when she gets here."**_

Angela's voice was very calm and even when she spoke to Bella. Her soothing nature I'm sure was helping to calm Bella down.

"_**Again my head knows you're right but my heart wants something more to prove to itself that this is correct. I guess I will get better with time, right? Then I guess that's what I need is time." **_

Bella was trying to find a way to make some sense out of this. That was a good sign that she would be able to figure it out if given enough time and space. But I didn't want her to worry that long, I wanted to calm her fears right now.

"_**I kinda don't get it. I mean you are the one that left him and hid your pregnancy from him, so… why all the sudden are you so worried about him leaving you? It should be the other way around, don't you think?"**_

Angela asked the point that I wanted to know, why did she not trust me when she was the one that ran?

"_**He could get sick of me at any moment. He could see how much I've changed and how big I am and just want to walk away. He could realize that he loves Makenna but not me. Not enough to spend the rest of his life with me. Then what do I do because he is everything to me?"**_

Bella was crying, I wanted to run into the room and hold her next to me. To pull out the ring and tell her how much I wanted to make her mine for the rest of her life. Certainly for Makenna's sake but that was not the only reason. In fact that wasn't even the biggest reason, people have children together all the time and never get married. I wanted to marry Bella because I love her with all of my heart and I couldn't be without her!

"_**Oh, Bella. Honey this is the hormones talking. Edward loves you so much, it is easy to see in everything he does. Everything is about you as far as he's concerned. Even when he was not with you, he was still asking Alice to ask me if you were eating and sleeping enough. Seriously that boy is all in for you. Never doubt that." **_

I could hear Ben approaching me so I turned and pushed him back into the family room. I clamped my hand down over his mouth when he opened it to protest. "Shhhhh, the girls are talking and I don't want Bella to know that I overheard them. She will freak out if she knew." He just nodded his head under my hand, so I removed it from his mouth. When we were back in the family room I sat down stunned.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Ben asked. I could see him looking at me from out of the corner of mine. I simply pulled the ring out of my pocket and showed it to him. His eyes were large, really large at the sight of the ring. "So this is the talk they were having?"

"Yeah, at least in a way. Bella was saying that she was afraid that I would get sick of her and leave her and Makenna alone." I ran my hands through my hair and tried to think of a way to ease her fears which would ease my fears.

"But you obviously didn't make this ring appear out of thin air when you heard the girls talking, so this is something you have already decided. Why don't you tell her that?" Ben suggested.

"I bought it this afternoon when we all went shopping and I called Charlie today to ask his permission." Ben almost spit out the drink he was taking when I said this.

"No wonder you were all freaked out by our conversation earlier. Dude, I am so sorry. I would never have said that if I had known." Ben looked equal parts ready to laugh and very sorry for his actions.

"No big deal, you didn't do it on purpose. I mean you didn't even know." I said.

We both sat quiet until I heard a small shriek from the other room, it was a shriek if happiness so the heavy conversation must be over now. I couldn't stand to be away from Bella for one second longer so we both stood and moved back towards our women.

As we walked into the room Angela and Bella were hugging and jumping around in a small circle. I'm certain it was hard to do with an extra bowling ball hanging off of your stomach but Bella was managing to look quite appealing doing it. It made her bounce in all the right places and I needed to distract myself or we would be running Ben and Angela off right now.

I cleared my throat and suggested some of the chocolate cake that is left in the kitchen. It was a low blow but I know but I chose the one thing that Bella could not turn down right now…food.

I expected Bella to be pissed to know that her chocolate cake would now be gone but instead she suggested ice cream with it, so Ben and I being the boys that we are took off running towards the kitchen to get the cake and ice cream.

After Ben and Angela were gone for the night and the house was all locked up. I went up and found Bella lying in bed reading her baby book. I decided that we need to talk about school if nothing else. I would start with that and see how that part goes. Maybe this would alleviate some of her fears.

I approached Bella and suggested we talk. She was immediately wary, so I adopted a large smile trying to show her that this was not a 'serious' kinda talk. Well, not the kind that would bring her tears anyway.

When we both were comfortable on the chaise lounge in the music room I pulled Bella close to me. "Bella, let's talk about when we go back to college. Have you thought about that?" She settled with her back against my chest. I was fine with this for two reasons, first I could hold her close to me and second because she always seemed to be more forthcoming when she was somewhat anonymous as this position allowed.

"Well, not really. I mean we have had so much else going on that it hasn't moved to the top of my list yet. Why, have you?" I could tell from her nervous voice that she was biting her lip. She always did this when she was nervous.

"Yeah, I have." I waited to see if she would respond and when she didn't I finished my thought. "I can't be away from you or Makenna. So I decided that I would transfer to Dartmouth." Suddenly I was the one that was nervous.

"But, Edward, we have talked about this, you wanted to go to Harvard and follow in Carlisle's footsteps why would you want to change this now, it has been a dream of the two of yours for so long?"

"Bella, we will get back to that in a minute. Can you honestly say that you could live without me? That you could raise Makenna, go to school, and take care of the house?" I knew that was too much for Bella to take on just so she could preserve a dream that really wasn't mine to begin with.

I turned her so that I could see her face and began my confession. "Baby, you are giving up so much and making your life so much harder than it has to be. I wouldn't ever be able to be away from you or Makenna for that long. Never! You can't do this by yourself and you need to understand that we are a team. Always a team, never again is it just you or just me. We make all decisions together, all of them. Understand?" She nodded but I still saw a small amount of her stubbornness lingering in those beautiful eyes of hers, so I continued. "Do you know why I decided to become a doctor, why I wanted to go to Harvard?" I went for a different approach. "I was so impressed by Carlisle and how he was able to make people lives better, instantly sometime even. I was so thankful that he was able to help "save" when he took me in." I made the air quotes as I spoke. "I wanted to know that I was able to make a difference in people lives in that way as well. It was an honorable profession and I wanted to make Carlisle proud. But the older I got the more I realized that there were things that I wanted more. Ways in which I knew would change people lives just as much but it spoke to my soul in a bigger way." Her eyes showed her confusion so I rushed forward to further explain. "My music has always been an important aspect of my life. It was important to my mom and it has never waned for me. It only becomes more and more important the older I get." I tilted her face up to mine so that I could look her in the eyes. "It is the only thing that helped me hold on to my sanity after you left. It was the only place I could turn."

She glanced over towards my journal that I always wrote in. She had no idea that I had used four of those while we were apart. Most of those songs were angry and pretty blunt but still an important part of my healing. I realized that Bella was nodding her head at me. When I glanced down at her again she had her lips clamped down in between her teeth again and her eyes displayed her hurt. "I found your journal and read through a few of your songs. I saw the pain you were going through, the songs made a clear picture of that." I could only imagine what she found, like I said most of them were angry and hurtful.

"I'm so sorry that you saw those. They were the emotions of an angry person that was mad at the world. If you will notice that quickly those angry songs turned to why did I let her go songs and then longing for you songs. And deep down inside I was never really mad at you, I was mad at myself for allowing you to walk away and not fighting for you, for not doing something to stop you. I just let you walk away without a fight from me. Those songs expressed the anger, they helped me purge that feeling and realized that it wasn't really directed at you at all, the anger was for me." Her eyes showed her understanding at this statement. "This was my form of therapy, this helped me get through that anger and realize that I needed to be a man you could be proud of. If I ever stood a chance to get you back I needed to be strong enough to show you how much I loved you. That sounds strange to me now that I am saying it out loud but I swear it made sense when I thought it up." I tried to chuckle.

"So this is really that important to you?" She asked in a voice so quite that I wasn't even really sure that she actually said the words.

I nodded at her. "Bella, you have no idea. Other than you and Makenna, this means the most to me. I have spent so much time writing and playing, especially since I have been back here in Forks. I promise this is very important to me…that is why I want to transfer to Dartmouth and enroll I their music program." When she looked like she would interrupt me, I rushed ahead and finished my thought. "That way I will be with you, Makenna and still have my music. I swear we can make this work please tell me you understand and support me on this decision." I was close to begging but I had to have her with me or else it wasn't worth pursuing my music because it would be empty and meaningless.

I sat back and waited for her answer to come. It was pure torture to be patient for her to get her thoughts in order so that she could voice them out loud. "I know that we can't make decision for each other and I respect you for coming to me and allowing me to make this decision with you." She took a deep breath and I fortified myself for the bad news. "And I have noticed that you have played and written something each and every day that we have been here in Forks. I can't deny that, so if music is your dream who am I to say no to you?" Bella kept speaking but I didn't hear it or understand it at all because I crushed her up in my arms and swung us around in a circle. This was so much simpler than I ever thought. I pulled away from Bella to kiss her and realized that she was still talking. "Edward I know that I hurt you. I can't begin to tell you how sorry that I am for that. I let my insecurities hurt us both and keep you from knowing about Makenna sooner. I will never make decisions for you again, you were right that we are a team. I know that now and if moving to Dartmouth with me and studying music will make you happy then who am I to say no to you?" I wanted to engulf her, to take her into my soul and just keep her safe in there.

I said the only thing that came to my mind, "I love you so much!" I kissed her with all of the emotion that was held up in me.

She pulled away and giggled at me. "I love you too."

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**Well so? Go ahead and leave me your thoughts, just press that little button down there...I'll wait for ya!**


	25. Chapter 24 Revelations

**A/N: Sorry dearies that this is later than usual posting for me :( I have had a busy weekend, I am a big old daddy's girl and my daddy was in the hospital this weekend. So of course I rushed to him and forgot all about other things. Good news is that he is fine and should be going home tomorrow! **

**Thanks to all the usual suspects, your friendship once again carried me through a tough time and I love you all for it! To all my review girls-I love to read each week what you all think of the chapters. Each and every one gets a happy dance from me and a reply. So for those of you not reviewing, don't be shy send me some love and I will send some back to you! See we all win then :) **

**I got a few more things to tell ya about but they can wait till you all get done reading, see ya at the bottom...  
**

**p.s. almost forgot the song used today is Believe by Skillet( I personally like the iTunes Sessions version)**

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**Chapter 24-Revelations**

**Bella**

Thinking about the conversation I just had with Edward I truly saw how much I messed up by leaving and with that how much I left behind. Hearing Edward promise to go back to Dartmouth with me brought out more joy than I thought possible to feel right now. I was astounded to hear that he wanted to change majors; I knew that music was important but I had no idea just how important it really was to him. Needless to say, I was thrilled by the change. I mean I wanted Edward to have his dreams but the dream of being a doctor was going to take lots of hard work and many, many hours away from home. I was sure he could do it but at what cost?

Edward slowly shifted against me and pulled me closer to his sleeping form. Every single time his hand touched me, desire instantly flooded through my body. It turned me on to know that he loved me in spite of all I had put him through. Of course the extra hormones can't be helping that little situation either. I mean at some point I had to call a stop to the physical side of our relationship, I did need my rest. You would think after three rounds last night I would be sound asleep but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his beautiful face.

As I lay looking at him I marveled at the fact that our bodies seemed to be in harmony with each other, every breath he took, I took one to match it. I only hoped and prayed that our little girl will find someone to love her the way her daddy loves me.

I closed my eyes and tried to drift off into peaceful, blissful slumber.

When I woke up I was alone. Edward had a note taped to the bathroom mirror for me.

**Gone to work out with Jas and Em.**

**Esme wants you to go to lunch with her, call her.**

**Love you both, E**

I smiled all the way through my shower, getting dressed and the few chores I needed to do around the house. Edward's love was the catalyst for the smile. Every single time I begin to doubt his love or the strength of it he proves to it to me, again and again. The words sound so giggly and girlie when I say them out loud to the empty house. _**He loves me**_!

I know that we will have problems and obstacles to work through but I will not leave him ever again. I learned my lesson on that one and it nearly broke us both. As I vacuumed words began to swirl around in my head.

**I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong  
I can't fill the emptiness inside since you've been gone  
So is it you or is it me?  
I know I said things that I didn't mean  
But you should've known me by now  
You should've known me  
**

When I said them out loud, the words sounded like they were aimed at Edward and perhaps that they were blaming him for part of this fiasco. That was not how I knew them in my heart it was a plea for him to believe me from now on. To not let the past determine how we built the future.

**If you believed  
When I said  
I'd be better off without you  
Then you never really knew me at all  
If you believed  
When I said  
That I wouldn't be thinking about you  
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong  
You're all that I need  
Just tell me that you still believe  
**

Perhaps Edward was right when he said the music was a release for him, to let out pent up emotions and help him sort through them. I couldn't believe how much better I felt after letting the words swirl around in my head. I rushed for my long ago abandoned journal to write them down.

**I can't undo the things that led us to this place  
But I know there's something more to us than our mistakes  
So, is it you or is it me?  
I know I'm so blind when we don't agree  
But you should've known me by now  
You should've known me**

The peace flowed in as the words flowed out. My pen was scribbling and scratching across the paper in a hurry to keep up with the rate that my mind was singing the words to me.

**If you believed  
When I said  
I'd be better off without you  
Then you never really knew me at all  
If you believed  
When I said  
That I wouldn't be thinking about you  
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong  
You're all that I need  
Just tell me that you still believe**

My anguish, my pain, all my fear were leaving as I wrote my feelings down. I knew without a doubt that Edward was making the right decision by switching to music. I knew we were making the right decision about staying together and raising our daughter together. I knew that nothing would stand in the way of our love. This right here was the real thing; we were supposed to be together. I knew it without a doubt.

**Is it you, or is it me?  
I know I said things that I didn't mean  
You should've known me by now  
You should've known me  
**

The final words were the ones straight from my heart. I prayed that when I showed these to Edward he would know and understand what I was trying to say to him. That my heart was pleading for forgiveness and trying to show him how much I learned from my past mistakes, to make him understand that I would never repeat those mistakes.

'**Cause you're all that I want  
Don't you even know me at all  
You're all that I need  
Just tell me that you still believe**

Just as I wrote the last word, the phone rang. I drug myself up off of the couch and waddled towards the phone in the kitchen."Hello." I answered trying not to sound all out of breath.

"Bella, is everything okay? Why are you out of breath?" Esme asked alarm tingeing her voice.

Okay, so I only tried but not succeeded in not sounding winded. "I just fought the couch and the couch won. I'm good I promise."

"Oh, well okay then. I don't know if Edward told you before he left but I want to go to lunch, can I come pick you up so you can go with me?" The hint of excitement was lacing every word. I could see her making a list of all the things she wanted to get, and mentally calculated the amount of time I would have to spend perusing the mall with Esme before I could kick my shoes off and relax again.

Call me a glutton for punishment, maybe it was the left over happiness that purging my feelings in words brought to me, because I agreed. "Okay, sure. When were you thinking of heading out?"

"I was just about to leave but I had two stops to make before I get to you. I should be there in thirty minutes or so, if that's okay with you?" Esme was certainly a lot easier to shop with than Alice anyway.

I glanced down at what I was wearing and decided that I was essentially ready to go. "Yeah, sure that's fine. I'll be ready then. We are doing lunch first, right?" I made that mistake with Alice one time and we shopped for about four hours before she stopped to eat. I always ask now, especially with the little one on board, when we'll eat so I'm never caught off guard anymore.

After hanging up with Esme, I drift back to my journal. I glance over the words again and still feel the light heart in my chest beating after getting all of that pent up emotion out. Edward drifts across my mind and I wonder what he'll think of it. Will he like it? I close the journal up and lay it on the piano. If I spend too much time thinking about it, I'll rip the page out and throw it away. I don't want to do that, I want it to stay there in black and white. I want physical proof that my dumb ass has at least learned something from all of this.

Esme knocks on the door quickly as she opens it. Her clear sweet voice calls out to me from the foyer. I return the call to her from the top of the stairs. "Wait for me up there, I want to see Makenna's room." She calls back as I hear her heels click across the hardwoods.

When she comes into the room she stops and just stands. It looks like a big old bottle of Pepto Bismol has been opened up and sprayed all over the room. Anything that can be is pink and definitely all fluffy and girlie. Alice has had a playhouse/bed built along one whole wall of the room. It looks like a big castle and each side has a set of stairs that leads up to the playhouse up top, while the bed is nestled down underneath it. There is a pink chandelier hanging in the middle of the room and a big comfy rocker off in one corner. That is the part that I can't wait to try out, the big comfy rocker.

There are stuffed animals everywhere; there is one for each member of our family in her crib. All lined up and ready to 'play' with her late at night when she wakes up. I don't think I have ever seen anyone more excited to present their gifts than Emmett and Jasper when they brought over their animals to place in her room. Emmett brought a bear, no brainer there, because he is exactly like a bear. He can seem big and imposing but deep down inside he is a big old soft heart without any real danger to him at all. Jasper brought an armadillo. He said it was the state animal of Texas and his little 'button' needed to know about the greatest state in the union! Rosalie brought a cat, which mirrors her personality as well. She needs to approach you and become your friend first, very cat like. Alice brought a big pink bunny that was wearing ballet slippers and a tutu. Carlisle brought a furry puppy and Esme brought a big old Mother Goose. Charlie even got in on the stuffed animal event; he brought over the biggest pink elephant he could find. So my baby girl will have her whole family with her there in the crib.

Esme walked around and touched everything, the tenderness in her eyes brought tears to mine. I knew she was more than thrilled to be getting her grandchild and to be keeping it close to her for a few months afterwards. She turned to me as a tear slipped down her face. I rushed forward, not sure exactly what caused the tear.

"Oh, Bella. You two have had to fight against so much, I don't know how you find each other again and make it right. I'm so sorry that I played any part in this whole mess, I really am. I would never hurt you or Edward in any way, you know that right?" She pulled me into a massive hug and held on to me like her life depended on it.

"Esme, what's done is done. Don't ever let that worry you anymore. We both know that we made mistakes. I should have talked to Edward about what I overheard, or even you perhaps. But you are right we always come back to each other. Because of all those mistakes we now know where we belong, without any doubts on either of our part. So, in a way you helped us more than hurt us." I pulled away and look straight in her eyes so she could see that I felt every one of those words I was saying and not just giving her lip service.

She smiled as she pushed my hair behind my ear for me. "Come on let's go to lunch before the old lady really starts her waterworks, okay?" We both laughed at her comment, her to relive the tension of her tears, me at the fact that she called herself an old lady. Esme Cullen was far from an old lady.

After we were seated and our lunches brought out to us be ate in relative silence. Esme looked like she wanted to say something several times but brought her fork up and filled her mouth instead. So I finally just broke the ice and brought it up. "Esme, you look like you have something you want to say."

"Well…yeah…I uh." Tears swam through her eyes again and it scared me. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about that would cause such an instant reaction for her like this.

"Esme, is everything okay?" I laid my hand across hers as she tried to give me a watery smile.

"I'm such an emotional wreck these days? Can I claim sympathy hormones?" She laughed at she dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. "Bella, I just wanted to talk with you about Renee. If that's okay?" I put my fork down on my plate and sat back. This was not where I expected the conversation to go at all. "I just know that you haven't mentioned her or Phil in awhile and I wanted to see how you were feeling about things. I know with everything that has happened in the last few months it is easy to get overwhelmed by it all. And things can get lost in the day to day living of life. I hope I haven't upset you." She squeezed my hand tighter and I realized I had no idea when she actually grabbed my hand.

"There are times when I think about Renee." I admitted. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I expected it to when I said her name. Not as much as it used to hurt. So I tried for more, to test it out. "I miss her when I go into Makenna's room each night. I sit in the rocking chair and I just think, mostly of Makenna but sometimes it about Renee and Phil." Their names brought a smile to my face; I knew that they both would be so happy to see where we were at in our lives. "I miss her so much at times but then others the happiness that I feel replaces that pain and I can go on." Esme tightens her grip on my hand again.

"It was a big loss for you. It will take lots and lots of time to get over. You will find yourself years and years from now still feeling the pain of her loss. But I do agree with you that she would be happy about where you are with Edward and Makenna." Esme sat back and took a sip of her iced tea. "Did you know the two of us talked on the phone several times?" I shook my head, I had no idea the two of them ever spoke to each other. Esme at the same time was nodding her head at me. "She looked up my number one day and called me. She said that she could tell that you and Edward seemed so close and she couldn't get much info from Charlie. Him being a guy and all, he didn't know all the ins and outs of the relationship that we women want to know. So…she called me. We talked about you, about you and Edward, well about lots of stuff actually." I guess I didn't know Renee or Esme as well as I thought I did. I can see this 'mother' thing wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.

"I had no idea you two talked." I answered in stunned surprise.

Esme smiled and nodded. "We figured it was better to know what was going on in our children's lives. So we talked every so often and caught each other up on stuff. We became good friends actually, even without ever meeting face to face. It started as a way to find out things but ended up being a friendship."

We both sat in silence, each of us taking in what we have just said. Both relishing in the fact that relationships have been formed by ones we love.

"Bella, would you be open to going to grief counseling?" Esme asked after a few minutes.

"Grief counseling?"

"Yeah, I went. A long time ago." I sat back again, more answers from Esme. I knew this was her story and waited for her to tell it. "Did you know I was married before Carlisle?" Once again I was stunned. "I was, for a short time. It was someone that my family knew, he was a few years older than I was but he seemed to be a hard working guy. I wasn't in love but it seemed like I could definitely do worse, so I married him. I was young, only seventeen at the time we married. I was pregnant within three months of our wedding. He immediately began to beat me, the night we got married I got slapped. The beating continued until I eventually left him. I had the baby a couple of towns away and tried to hide. The baby was three months old when he found us. Well let's just say that he was not happy about me leaving him. I woke up in the hospital alone, he was in jail for murdering our child. Carlisle treated me for my injuries, and the rest is history." She sat for a few minutes and I left her to deal with her past. "Well as you can see, I obviously needed grief counseling after all of that. But I do think it will help you deal with your loss, especially at the time in which it happened. You deserve the best start you can give yourself, Edward and Makenna, without your past hanging around your neck. Just consider it and if you decide to go I have a name for you. It's a lady that I have worked with in the past while I was doing some volunteer work at the hospital. She is a wonderful woman and I think she can help you more than you know." She patted my hand again and sat back in her seat.

"Wow, I had no idea. Does Edward, Alice and Emmett know this about you?" She nodded a slight nod and looked down at the table again.

"Yeah they know, we don't really ever talk about it around the house though. First of all it makes Carlisle mad and secondly, I have made myself a different life. That isn't me anymore so I don't dwell on it. I don't want people to look at me and pity me; I want them to be proud of what I have made with my family. Just like you, I want people to know that you took what life gave you and made the best with it. Don't let those petty, shallow, selfish girls put you down. You deserve everything you have and more, YOU make Edward happy. He loves YOU! Never forget that. You belong with each other." The truth of her words could be seen in her eyes. It amazed me that somehow all these people around me seemed to know what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it.

Several hours later, after finishing lunch, shopping and a hair cut later, I returned home. Edward was sitting at his piano, he had my journal opened to the lyrics I wrote this morning and had his guitar laying across his lap. He had made notations and notes across the top of what I had written. His face was lit from inside and the pure and simple joy of music was freeing him. I stood and marveled at how beautiful that he seemed to be in this unguarded moment. I shifted my weight and he noticed me standing in the doorway. He turned to the open journal and back to me.

"I uh, found this. I didn't mean to read it but Bella this is beautiful. Did you write this?" I can't even describe the look in his eyes, it seemed to be too many emotions to even name there all swirled together.

"Yeah, this morning. I was vacuuming and it just came to me. I guess you're rubbing off on me." I admitted sheepishly.

He laid the guitar down and rushed to me. "Baby, this is so good. I'm jealous." He looked away, hiding what he felt from me. I reached up and turned his face back to me. No more hiding between us, never again.

"Tell me, Edward, tell me what you feel. Please, don't hide from me." I begged.

"Is that what you feel? Those words, do you feel that now?" I almost cried at the pleading in his voice.

"All of that and more. All for you, Edward. I can't tell you enough. I love you." I punctuated the last sentence with a kiss between each word. The look on his face when I pulled away from him caused tears for the exact opposite reason. The pure joy that now resided on his face was indescribable.

"I love you too, Bella. More than I can say. Thank you." He pulled me close and held me against him, our sweet daughter kicking away at both of us as we stood together. "Can I show you what I did to your song?" He murmured against my temple.

"I would love for you to play it for me."

He sat me down on the end of the piano bench and took his play across from me on the opposite end. He angled the guitar so that he had room to play and began the song. The music was simplistic yet held the complexity that I was feeling at the time that I wrote it. I listened as his clear sweet voice sang the inflections of the song with perfection; he closed his eyes as he reached the parts the seemed to touch him down in his soul. Those words or phrases that touched mine as well. We matched our thoughts and feelings with such simple perfection. He just got me, he understood and all my fears were quickly draining away with each word, each note that he played and sang.

When his song was done all I could do was lean forward and pull him to me. I kissed him with a kiss of gratitude that we were able to leave all the shit behind and move on together, the way we were meant to be.

In a haze of kisses and sweet touches, we ended up in our room naked and desperate for a connection with each other. Edward pulled me onto his lap as he leaned back against the headboard of our bed. His arms wrapped around me as he slowly slid into me. I could only throw my head back and enjoy the incredible fullness that seemed to engulf me. Desire was coursing through me and seemed to be so far out of control with his one simple thrust. His mouth kissed me, his hands touched me and each and every second drove me further towards the bliss that I wanted so desperately at that moment.

Edward buried so deep inside of me, he body simply content with just merely rocking against me. A gentle movement that ignited the flame to a full blown bon fire within me. I leaned back even further against his drawn up knees, the angle changing how he pushed against me inside. "Oh God, yes."

I opened my eyes to see Edward gazing at me, his eyes roaming up and down my body. I could feel the heat of his gaze as it moved over me, stopping at my full breast then moving on down to watch the place where we joined. His hands stopping to hold me against him by my hips, then moved back up to hold my swollen stomach. "God, baby, you are so damn beautiful. I love you."

His knees parted slightly and I slid down onto the bed between them. My back arched in pleasure and my body still joined with Edwards. His large hands holding my breasts and his body still rocking into mine. I could only grunt and moan with pleasure, the feelings too good and too large to waste any energy expressing. "Come on baby, let go. I feel you so close. Show me what I do to you, show me how much you like it." Each sentence was marked with a bigger thrust as I fell apart around him. The white hot intensity was so welcomed.

Edward flipped me over and pulled almost all the way out before he pushed back into me. Deep and sweet. The pleasure on his face let me know that he must have been close to his climax as well. The evil side of me came out to play. Knowing full well how much I enjoyed it when he talked dirty to me, I decided to try my hand at it as well. "Your turn baby, you show me now." I trailed a finger up his chest until it reached his lips, he planted a kiss against it and I pulled away. "Show me how good my pussy feels, see how tight it is around you?" Edward roared his response to me in an undeniable way. He threw his head back and pushed in as far as he could when I felt him come. He shuttered and shook for a few seconds before he fell over beside me and pulled me close to him.

"Woman, are you trying to kill me? You saying the word pussy when I am inside of you is just too much. To feel and hear it at the same time, wow." He laughed.

"I just wanted you to feel what I feel every time you talk like that to me. Does me in without delay."

He ran his hand down my side, causing a chill to run down my back. "That is good to know!" He said as he ran kisses along my naked shoulder.

"Bella, are you ready? We're gonna be late and it's your baby shower!" Edward called from the front door. He had no idea how nerve racking it was to be knocked up and all fat in front of all the girls we went to school with! All the girls that want to make fun of me, the girls that want to steal Edward from me. And he wants me to hurry up and not worry about all these things. Easy for him to say. I trotted down the stairs to meet him. Nervous as hell, worried that I was stepping into the lion's den.

Edward talked to me the whole way to Carlisle and Esme's house. I really wanted him with me for this shower, to enjoy it with me. I had no doubt that he would but we stuck to tradition and the guys would leave and have their own fun. I realized that Edward was still talking to me so I just nodded and answered as needed. I couldn't bring myself to settle my nerves. I felt like this was not going to go well at all.

Poised and waiting as I walked in the door was the Bitch Patrol, each of them rushing up to me to congratulate me on our new addition. I took each of the congratulations and murmured my thanks to them. I knew as sure as I stood here that none of them really felt any of the words that they were saying but still said them to be polite to the Cullen's.

I mingled as best as I could. I was too tired and really not in the mood for the fake crap that they all wanted to spout. They only wanted one thing and they couldn't have it. Edward was mine and he would be for the rest of his life so they could all back the fuck off. I was his woman, I was having his baby, and I was in his bed every night. He wanted me. My self esteem still wasn't at top level but I didn't doubt him anymore.

I sat and opened all the gifts and thanked each person. We got some really sweet gifts for Makenna. Alice, Esme and Rosalie all set the gifts aside so that when Edward returned he could load the gifts into the Volvo. Everyone seemed to want to hang out and just catch up. Seems they all had plenty of stories about their first glance of freedom at college. For the most part it seemed to be a great party. I sat back and watched as everyone became a little more gregarious as the time flew by. Lauren, Jessica and their little group stopped to sit and catch up with me. Like this is my idea of a good evening. Angela sat beside me and protected me as best as she could but the smart comments and nasty insults still stung. I soon used my poor excuse for a bladder to break free.

I sat in the bathroom trying to remind myself that Edward wanted me, not them. Alice and Rosalie both were soon knocking on the door trying to get in to reassure me that those girls were nowhere near as good as I was. Their words not mine. I tried to stop the tears but the hormones combined with my emotions were just too much to stop. I cried for a few minutes and then had Alice and Rose fix my make up and went back out to the party. I knew I was gone for longer that I should have been but I needed time to collect myself. When I stepped back into the living room, Esme had sidled up to the girls and was chatting with them. Surely, they had not fooled her. She was a great judge of character. I couldn't help myself; I just had to get closer to see what everyone was talking about.

Esme noticed that I had joined the group, she pulled me protectively into her side with her arm around me. I noticed the devious glint in her eyes as she opened her beautiful mouth to speak. "Oh Lauren I ran into your mother at the store the other day in town. She seemed frantic. Did she ever find the right cream to help you clear up that rash that you got? She told me that you got it from Jessica. That is such a shame." Lauren and Jessica's mouths dropped open and shock registered on the face of everyone else. Who knew that Esme Cullen would pull out the big guns and just absolutely embarrass the shit out of the Bitch Patrol in her own house. But it seemed she was not done yet, no she must have decided that crow was best served cold because she continued to talk. "You know if you didn't get it cleared up, I'm sure Carlisle would be willing to write both of you a prescription." She reached over and patted their arms as they sat side by side on the love seat. I was sure that 'bless your hearts' would slip out next. Her voice was mimicking the sweet genteel ladies of the south as she spoke. "Those vaginal rashes are a pain to get rid of, Carlisle sees them all the time at the free clinic in Port Angeles when he volunteers there. It's a shame some of the things those poor people do to their bodies." Three things happened all at once, Rosalie spit out the mouthful of drink she had just took in, Jessica stood up and grabbed her purse while dragging Lauren up off of the love seat and the boys yelled out, "We're home" from the foyer.

We all followed the girls as they rushed as quickly as they could from the house, passing the boys in the foyer. It was almost a Three Stooges bit to watch the faces as they looked from person to person that rushed out of the house. Wonder and amazement registered in their eyes as they quickly realized that something was up, and it must have been oh so good to make the girls run the way they had.

"What the hell was that all about?" Emmett asked as Carlisle nodded his request to know as well.

"Later dear, let's clear the house so we can enjoy our time together with our kids first." Esme patted his chest and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

We all walked back into the family room to see everyone laughing and enjoying the free show at the expense of Lauren, Jessica and their friends. I was certain that everyone in this room at one point in time had suffered at their hands. So we weren't the only ones that enjoyed their misery. I mean someone was actually rolling on the floor laughing. Esme had the graces to rush everyone out without being rude about it. When the room cleared there stood Edward, Jasper and Emmett looking really happy about everything.

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**So what did you think? Let me know...**

**Now for the other announcments, I'm participating in the Fandom Fights the Flood. I will have an one shot there, along with too many wonderful authors to name. Please try to donate to help this wonderful cause and get some great fics to read as well. The link is on my profile, go and check it out!**

**Secondly, my dear sweet Peaches (Eternally Addicted) is participating in a Countdown to Valentine's day. Each day, starting tomorrow, there will be two one shots posted and end on Valentine's Day with a collaboration written by all the authors. She has worked so hard and I'm sure the other have as well, this link will also be on my profile. So stop by and show them some love and be sure to tell my Peaches I sent ya to her ;) **


	26. Chapter 25 Talks with Everyone

**A/N: Not much to say really, thanks and lots of love to all of you reading this, helping to make it better or those of you behind and will catch up later! No songs in this chapter, just a few things I think you all have been waiting for, YAY!**

**These chapters just keep getting bigger and bigger for you! I hope you enjoy it...**

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**Chapter 25-Talks with Everyone!**

**Edward**

The past few days had been like I was on a rollercoaster, first Bella was fine and then she just wasn't. I had no idea how to pull her out of her funk. I really hoped she wasn't going down the 'I'm not good enough' road again, I didn't know how to pull her away from those thoughts. She needed to learn to trust me and my love for her.

As we made our way into Bella's baby shower, we were immediately assaulted by the worst possible people in town, the girls responsible for her doubts in regards to her worthiness. I didn't understand why my sister decided to invite them, I really just wanted to punch them all right in their faces but my manners won out and I bypassed them. I was so sorry to leave Bella alone but I had to get away from them before I inflicted bodily harm to any of them. I did send Angela to her rescue though.

I sought out Emmett and Jasper, they were hanging out with Carlisle, and Ben Cheney. We all decided to go and grab some wings and play some pool while the girls did their shower. Truth be known I wanted to stay with Bella but I knew I needed to give her some space to enjoy herself. We were both mature enough to know that we needed to do things without each other once in a while. I think that was part of the problem before, we made our entire existence about us as a couple and nothing else.

It did feel good to hang out with the boys and enjoy their fun, because one thing was guaranteed with Emmett and Jasper around was that we were going to have fun. I was amazed that we could have fun and not be juvenile. I after all didn't feel like I deserved to be juvenile anymore, I was going to be a father. A fact that I loved and no amount of sacrifice was going to make me sad about that.

Several hours later we were all heading back to the house to be with our women. Alice had already texted Jasper that the party was winding down so we were safe to head home. As much as none of us wanted to admit it we were all pretty much pussy whipped by our women. We wanted to be with them as much as we could.

When we arrived home Emmett yelled out, "We're home!" His call was met with a parade of obviously angry women marching out of the house; we watched them leave one by one. We all looked at each other and shrugged as we went to look for our girls back in the house. Everyone that was left in the family room was laughing at what seemed to be some sort of joke. It obviously was a scene that we did not want to miss, but unfortunately did. Esme looking like the cat that ate the canary quickly told us how she watched Jessica and Lauren torture Bella most of the afternoon. No matter how many times they were sent away by other members of the family or by Angela they just kept going back time and time again. So, she decided to end it once and for all. When there was a lag in the conversation she approached Jessica and Lauren. She asked about the rash and cream. I mean really how can you recover from that? When Esme Cullen, upstanding citizen, lady of society asks you to your face about a vaginal rash that you got from another girl! I mean really what do you say to that, except to beat a hasty retreat. I was certainly proud of her and hopeful that Jessica and Lauren now realized that Bella was part of our family and no one…I mean no one messed with our family. I was proud to know that my family really thought of Bella as one of their own.

After our laughs at their expense we settled down and were able to actually visit with everyone. Ben told us about a place in Port Angeles that had open mic nights and we all agreed that we certainly needed to go and catch the local talent that would play there. My heart sped up and beat an unsteady rhythm at the thought of actually getting to play some music for someone other than my family. I mean I knew that they loved my songs but they were my family, they had unconditional love and all. I wasn't certain that their opinion was a trustworthy source. Bella gave me an encouraging smile; she must have realized my thoughts.

Soon we packed up the gifts and headed home.

The month passed us by really quickly. We spent so much time together, decorating for Christmas, shopping, and just hanging out in the family room while I wrote and played. We seemed to settle into a nice routine that gave us both space and togetherness.

Bella had taken Esme's suggestion and started seeing Dr. Zafrina Brady. She specialized in grief counseling. While she never talked much about her sessions, I could see the progress that she was making almost immediately. She seemed to be more open to talking and sharing what she was feeling. She also seemed to let go of her fear that she wasn't good enough for me. Both made me feel so much better. Zafrina, as Bella called her, advised her to write in a journal. It helped her to get her feelings in order so that she could talk about them clearly. Bella had given up writing songs and she mostly wrote poems now. Most of them were amazing. I couldn't wait for her to start back to school. Then perhaps she will believe someone who gets paid to tell her how her writings are that she will understand she has a gift.

Charlie came over on Christmas Eve and we celebrated with him. He made plans for the next day to go out to Billy Black's house and spend the day, so I saw this as my chance to talk to him about asking Bella to marry me. I had the ring in my pocket and wanted a few minutes alone with him. I was struggling with how to get him alone without raising Bella's suspicions when he called out to me. "Edward, let's me and you take a walk around the property, what do you say?" Good thing I was facing away from him when he called out to me. I didn't want him or Bella to see the scared as shit look that I was sure that now evident on my face. I mean I did want to talk to him but it was not the same thing as him calling me out. My mind wandered around the possible subjects that he could want to discuss with me. And most importantly, did he carry a gun in the cruiser. I knew when he came into the house that he did not have a gun on him but could he still have access to one.

"Sure, let me get this fire going and I will be ready." I looked over my shoulder at him. His face clearly relaxed. That in and of itself made my heart slow a fraction. I caught Bella's eye and she smiled at me, obviously trying to help me calm down as well.

I slid my jacket up over my arms and zipped it up as the Chief and I made our way out the back door. I began to show him to each corner of the property and give a description. I knew this was not what he wanted but it made me feel better to be talking about something, instead of the deafening silence that followed us when we made our way down off of the deck. Finally when we were in the corner furthest away from the house, completely obscured by trees, Charlie stopped me from talking. "Edward, what are your plans for my girl and Makenna when it's time to go back to school?" I stopped short. Charlie Swan must be a mind reader.

"Well, Sir, I was trying to find a way to get some time to talk to you about that as well." I scratched the back of my neck, a little nervous habit I had seen him do many times. I almost laughed at the situation but decided that it would not go over well so I held it in. I pulled the ring out of my pocket and handed the box to Charlie. "I have had this for almost a month now." Even though I was speaking to him, his eyes stayed glued to the ring he held in his hands, so I just continued to explain. "Bella and Makenna mean the world to me. I don't think I could continue to live in this world if I didn't have the two of them. I want to ask Bella to marry me. Hell, I wanted to ask her the moment I saw her in the ER when I first got back. I have always loved her Chief." He finally looked up at me. His eyes seemed a little misty but he remained silent. I kept explaining. "I know that we went through a rough patch but honestly she made the choice to break up with me, and I have more than forgiven her knowing that she thought she was doing what was best for me. I have never wanted her to distance herself, I know that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me , and now that she is having my baby, well…" I trailed off, I just didn't know how to explain to her father how I felt about his daughter without getting into details that Charlie did not want to know about us. "She's my home, my safe place, my everything. I know we're young and I know it won't be easy but sir, I think we can do this. I love her enough to give it everything I have to make her happy for the rest of her life." The words just vomited themselves out of my mouth, seems like once I started them I couldn't stop. "So I'm begging for your permission to ask her to marry me. I will take care of her, I promise." I stepped back and dropped my hands to my side. I said all I could say and now it was up to him. I knew that realistically his blessing wouldn't stop us from getting married; we weren't in the dark ages for crying out loud. But it would certainly mean more to me to know that he felt like this was right as well. He felt like I was the right one to take care of her and love her for the rest of her life.

"Edward." He simply said. My heart slammed to a stop. I didn't know the meaning of that one simple word. "Bella is all I have left, after her mother left that is. She became my whole world. I love her more than words can say, I know that I don't always tell her in all the right ways, but I do." Still clueless as to how this was going to end. So I waited for him to gather his thoughts and continue. "And I know I am not the man to tell you about getting married young. Hell, Renee and I were barely eighteen when we ran off and got married. So I won't go down that road." He rubbed his neck and it gave me a small amount of satisfaction to know that he was just as nervous as I was. I held in the smile though, I didn't want to ruin the talk between us. "I know you love her and I know she loves you. You have a good start there but love ain't all it takes. Trust me I know that first hand. Just be good to her and do everything you can to make her happy. Talk to her, a lot. Ask her how she is doing and how she feels, those are the things that Renee said I didn't do. So, take the advice from a man who has screwed up and don't repeat my mistakes. Please, just make it work for her so she doesn't have to go through what her mother did, please." His words had me stunned silent. I couldn't in a million years expect to see this kind of vulnerability from a man that was usually so stoic. His pleas and advice meant so much more to me because I did know that it was from a man who had made mistakes and really wanted better for us than he had. My first instinct was to pull him in for a hug and tell him how grateful I was for his knowledge. I took a step back and ran my hand through my hair, my own nervous tick, and nodded my head at him. Words wouldn't work right then, the emotion was too close to worry with words.

I reached my hand out and Charlie took mine hand and shook it. Then he placed the ring back in my outstretched hand. I placed it back in my pocket and turned back towards the house. Charlie clapped me on the back and pulled me closer as he said, "Oh and just know that if you screw this up, kid, I will hunt you down and put all those years of firearms training to use. You got me?" Again, I chose to simple nod my understanding instead of answering him. I really had no idea how weak my voice would come out. See the thing is that I really had no idea if this was a joke or a real threat. I just kept walking back to the safety of my home and Bella. Surely he wouldn't shoot me in front of his daughter, surely. He just laughed as we stepped up on the porch. Bella opened the door, smiling. She seemed happy that we spent time together, she had no idea how damn scared I was.

Thankfully dinner passed quietly and we ended up enjoying the evening together. Charlie held it together in front of Bella and never mentioned making her a widow again. Bella's smile was massive, she enjoyed herself and that made me happy. As she walked him out the phone rang. I stayed back to answer it.

"Hello."

"Edward, Esme wanted me to call to tell you that we changed the time and we would like you and Bella over at about ten, if that is okay with you." Carlisle always seemed to be the messenger, this time probably because Alice and Esme were still neck deep in decorations and gifts. They never did anything halfway.

"Nah, ten is fine. I'm hoping Bella sleeps in a little, she was up so early this morning and she gets so tired lately." I commented.

"Well don't you worry, we won't let her do a thing tomorrow. She'll sit around with her feet up, her gift tomorrow will be lots of rest." I chuckled at Carlisle; he was more than a little excited that his first grandchild was on the way that was for sure. "I know I joke about it now but really how is she doing? This has to be hard to go through a holiday so close to her mom passing away." I knew that this one concern was on the minds of all of us that loved Bella.

"She's actually doing great, I do know that she talked about this with Zafrina. That seems to help her a lot. And all the changes and excitement seem to help as well. I mean it feels like we haven't gotten a moments rest since we found out that she was pregnant. Talk about time flying by." I could hear Carlisle's chuckle now.

"Yeah, tell me about it. It doesn't help when you start out with half grown kids either, that makes it worse."

"I'm sure. Hey…I uh…wellIthinkI." I rushed out. I knew that Carlisle supported this decision but it still made me nervous all over again to mention them out loud.

"Say that again?" He half asked, half said.

"I'm going to ask Bella to marry me tonight." I said slower this time.

"Edward, I'm so proud of you and of her. I know this is the right step for you both." I could hear the pride in his voice. I know that we didn't share DNA with Carlisle Cullen but we were his children in every sense of the word. "I don't know how many eighteen year old I would be saying that to, but for some reason I just don't doubt the relationship at all." It was good to read him voice the same thoughts I had been thinking all along.

"I'm so glad to hear that, wait, she's coming back in. I have to go, we'll see you tomorrow at ten." I rushed him off the phone; I didn't want Bella accidentally hearing my plan.

"Good luck son, see you both tomorrow."

Bella had begun to close up the house for the night, so I helped her and then followed her up the stairs to head to bed. Her ring felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in my pocket suddenly. I couldn't wait to show her and ask her those important words.

I waited until she went in to get a shower and began to light the candles around the bedroom. Just as I pulled the t-shirt down over me I heard the shower turn off. A few minutes later Bella emerged from the bathroom in her nightgown with her hair all pulled up into a bun, the light from the bathroom silhouetting her. She never looked more beautiful.

She stopped and asked, "What is this?"

"I just wanted to create a nice relaxing night for you. You have worked so hard today and I know you must be so tired." I stood and met her halfway to the bed and guided her the rest of the way.

She looked so skeptical. "Okay." The word drug out to punctuate her point.

"What? Don't look at me like that. You do, you work so hard already." I began worry that I couldn't pull this off. "Look how well you take care of me and our house already. I don't do shit around here, really." She giggled at me; at least she was willing to admit my faults. "I know you're gonna be the most amazing mother in the world. You already are." I pulled her up into my arms and kissed her temple. The weight of the emotions welling up in me was almost overwhelming. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to make her understand how much I loved her and our daughter. The tears started to form and I blinked them away. "Bella," I reached over and pulled out the ring from my nightstand drawer. "I promise to love you every single day of the rest of my life. Please do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" I held the ring out for her to see. It wasn't exactly the way I wanted to ask her but not so bad either. The words were sincere and deeply felt so I guess I could have done worse.

"Oh, Edward." She threw herself into my arms without a real answer. I was pretty sure based on the way she clung to me that I knew her answer but I really wanted to hear the words. I pulled back slightly and pulled the ring from the box.

"Bella?"

"Oh…oh, yes a million times yes." I slid the ring on her finger. Tears immediately began to fall from her eyes at the sight. I chose a square cushion cut diamond that was surrounded by smaller round diamonds. It was elegant, antique, and perfect for Bella. I couldn't wait to see it on her finger. Her hands shook as she held out her finger for me.

So many parts of me wanted to strip her down and make love to her…my fiancé. But the rational part of me knew that she was exhausted so I pulled her close and snuggled us down into the covers. I ran my hand up and down her back, before long Bella's sweet eyes drifted close. I had the rest of my life to make love to her, a large smile formed at just the thought of being with her that long. I was more than ready for this. I drifted off to sleep still smiling.

In fact when I awoke the next morning I was still smiling. Bella had began to move around a little next to me but I could tell she was still on the edge of wakefulness. I pulled her close again and began to kiss her face and hair. "Merry Christmas, baby." I whispered to her. She smiled and moved a little closer to me.

"Merry Christmas to you too, daddy." She smirked at me. She knew what it did to me for her to call me daddy. I had no idea how I would make it through a day with our child around and her calling me daddy all the time. There would certainly be plenty of kids in our house if she insisted on calling me that. I kissed down the side of her neck to the spot that always got her excited. "Is this my Christmas gift?" She murmured.

"I would give you the world if I could." I meant every syllable of those words. I would never be able to repay her gift to me. The gift of herself and our child.

"Oh, Edward. You have no idea how you make me feel. I am overwhelmed by all of this." Tears began to flow down her sweet face. I rushed my thumb up to wipe them away. "You have given me so much. Thank you for giving me the time to get my head on straight and allowing me to make plenty of mistakes without holding them against me. I love you so much, more than words." She kissed me, a deep passionate kiss. A kiss that punctuated every word she said. A kiss that I got lost in.

As quickly as I could I had her naked and was pressing into her. Making love to Bella was never dull or boring. In fact it was better and better every single time we were together, but there was something about this time. It out shone every single time before and after it. It always would.

We showered and dressed quickly, as we were going to be late to Carlisle and Esme's. I had all of the gifts already loaded in the car so we simply needed to walk out and get in.

Bella looked radiant in her black dress and boots. Her dress had an empire waist and showed off my beautiful baby girl. Her face was lit up from the inside out and I could certainly see how people said that pregnant women glowed, because Bella certainly glowed today. I held out her coat for her and ushered her into the car so we could be on our way.

When we reached Carlisle and Esme's house everyone came out to greet us and help carry in our gifts to be placed alongside the others. We had decided that we would open gifts then eat lunch. Emmett wouldn't have been happy if we had decided to do it any other way and we could not have taken him grumbling all the way through it. So in a way we all win.

Carlisle made a point to help Bella off with her coat. I guess he just wanted to prolong the inevitable of everyone else noticing the ring. Bella and I decided that we would wait to see who noticed and how long it took them.

We all settled down in the living room and began to exchange gifts with each other. I sat down on the couch with Bella on a fluffy pillow on the floor right in front of me. All at once the gift exchange went to hell in a hand basket. Alice screamed and fell to the floor right in front of Bella. Alice's legs were tangled with Jasper's so when she went down so did he. Bella grabbed her chest, I'm sure from the fright and I leaned forward to make sure that Bella was alright. Everyone else in the room seemed to jump at the sound of Alice's scream.

Emmett was the first to collect himself and make a remark. The rest of them stood around looking dumb founded. "Alice, I almost pissed my pants you scared the hell out of me, what are you yelling about?" Emmett bellowed, Jasper was still struggling to disentangle their limbs so he could stand up.

Bella and I looked at each other and then back at Alice.

Alice looked like a kid on Christmas. She just kept pointing and stuttering, "Wha…wha…what is that?"

"What? You mean this little old thing, why it's nothing." Bella feigned and attempted her best southern accent as she held out her left hand showing off the large ring I had placed there last night.

All at once Alice, Rosalie, and Esme converged on us. We were both jostled around with their excitement as they engulfed us all in a group hug and began squealing at deafening levels. They jumped in a circle around Bella, pushing me to the side, each asking about a dozen questions at the same time. I glanced over Alice's head and saw the other guys standing over to the side just staring at us. I mouthed the word "help" to Carlisle and he just shrugged his shoulders. I always knew that the men of this family were secretly afraid of the women, and he just confirmed that.

After a few minutes of the engagement ring dance, I finally got brave enough to break it up. Each of them backed off to allow a more civilized look at the ring and questions for us. Esme pulled rank and stepped up first. She grabbed me and Bella and pulled us both into a hug. She kissed the side of our heads and stepped back to see the ring.

"Oh, Edward, it's beautiful, tell me everything." Tears misting her eyes.

"Bella and I had the Chief over yesterday to celebrate with him. Well, he asked me to join him out back." Each of the guys immediately stood up straighter, knowing the talk he wanted to have with me and fighting their fear of ever being put in that position. "While we were out there I told him I love Bella and want to marry her, so I asked him for his blessing. He granted it, I asked she said yes and here we are." I explained.

"So, that explains our new trinkets from the jewelry store." Rose said as Alice was nodding and smiling.

Esme turned to Jasper and Emmett and narrowed her stare at them. They each started to fidget and look around the room.

"You both knew about this and didn't say a thing about it to us?" She questioned them.

"We didn't think it was our place to spill their exciting news, besides we didn't know when Edward was going to pop the question." Jasper explained, using his most soothing voice.

I just stood back and chuckled, "I thought for sure you all would know already. Emmett, no offense, but you can't keep a secret. So, I figured that he had spilled it by now."

Emmett had the right to look shocked and offended. "Dude, the one time you need my help and you think I'd let you down, no way. That is a sure fire way to ensure that you never come back to your big bro for anything. This one I was taking to my grave with me, but I'm glad that it is out so I don't have to worry about keeping it in." He broke out in a smile that lit up his whole face, his excitement was evident.

I was moved by his words and before I knew it I was moving towards him. I grabbed Emmett in a bear hug, for a split second. We realized that we were being watched and quickly stepped away from each other. With our manly show of emotions over, everyone wanted to see the ring again, which Bella proudly displayed.

"Soooo Bella, how quick is this wedding to take place?" Alice asked dragging out her syllables, she was about to jump out of her skin with excitement.

Esme took pity on us and called attention back to the gifts in front of us. We had forgotten then in the excitement of the ring and all.

We each took turns opening the gifts that we received. Once we were done there were several gifts left under the tree. "Well who are those for if we are finished." Bella asked. Everyone in the room looked an appropriate amount of guilty.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "Now, Bella and Edward, don't be angry at us but we couldn't help ourselves. We all got something for Makenna."

"Makenna? She isn't even here yet. She doesn't need gifts this year." Bella looked at me, I was stunned silent.

"Well we know that up here." Carlisle pointed to his head. "But in here she is already with us." He touched his heart and Bella burst into tears. I stood up and pulled her close. I had several months experience with this and knew to just rub her back and let her cry it out for a few minutes. She would recover soon.

"I don't think I have ever heard anything more beautiful than that." Bella hiccupped out as she tried to calm herself.

After a little more leftover dinner, some pie and a few games, we all sat around just talking. I noticed that Bella had slumped against me and realized that she had dozed off. Esme came to sit by me; I could tell she wanted to talk a little. I'm sure it bothered her that we lived separately from the rest of the family. It's not that she didn't want Bella and me to live together but that was just it, she loved when we were all together. The whole family together, she suffered just as bad when we all went off to college at the same time. Esme was a true mother in every sense of the word; she loved spending time with her family. "So, you finally did it?" She nodded toward Bella's left hand that held mine, her ring clearly visible.

"Yeah, I couldn't wait a second longer, I love her so much." I leaned down and kissed Bella's head. "She's given me everything I could ever ask for, I want to make sure she has all of those same gifts returned back to her."

"Your mom would love her so much." Esme sighed. Very seldom did either of us mention my birth parents. It's not that they were bad people; on the contrary they were perfect parents. It's just too hard to remember the hardship and pain that I felt after their deaths. I see now after listening to Bella talk about her sessions with Zafrina that perhaps it would have been better for me to talk about them. So I took the chance and opened up about them to Esme.

"I think you're right, she is so much like my mom it's not funny. Several times Bella has answered questions just like my mom did, and her eyes light up like my mom's did." I sighed, sad but in a good way that the memories didn't cause the pain they used to. I knew that helping Bella after Renee and Phil's passing, actually helped me as well. Another thing I could be thankful for, our ability to take a hard situation and use it as a learning opportunity.

"I know that they are looking down on you both and about to bust at the seams with pride over the two of you and that little one on the way." Esme's words touched me to know that as well as she knew them she was positive that they would be proud of me, of us. "So, how soon are you two looking to get married?" I knew that the change of subject was for both of our sakes.

"I don't know really, I would like to do it as soon as possible. Hell, I would like to start out the New Year with Bella as my wife. But I guess that is up to her, when she wakes up we will ask her. I don't know if she has even though about it at all." I sheepishly ducked my head, "I don't know if I caught her off guard or not, we really didn't talk about marriage much. I guess she thought I was happy just living with her."

"Edward Anthony, did I not raise you better than that? How could you leave her to think that you only wanted something like that from her? Shame on you!" I guess I had woke up the woman in Esme.

"I just didn't want to push her, she has been through so much this year." I half shrugged the side of my body that didn't hold Bella against me. "I wanted to know that this is what she wanted, that she took control. But then I realized that she would never take control on this situation, she would never think to ask me to marry her, so I just did it. I don't even know if that makes any sense." I searched Esme's eyes to see if she understood my reasoning.

"Of course it makes sense. You needed her to make you aware that she wanted the same things as you did. We all have insecurities, Edward, all of us. Don't be surprised that we all have felt the same things as you have, no matter what the others say. I have seen them all with the same scared nervous eyes as you have." She patted my leg and moved to stand up as Carlisle called to her from the kitchen.

Without moving Bella whispered to me, "You have nervous, scared eyes?" I tightened my arms around her, not really worried that she may have heard the full conversation between Esme and me.

"I used to but not anymore, I got everything I could ever ask for so no need to be nervous and scared anymore." I replied to the top of her head.

She snuggled in tighter and took in a deep breath. "You will never know how sorry I am that I hurt you."

I cut her off before she could even finish that sentence. "Bella, no regrets, we ended up here and that is good enough for me. I swear." She didn't answer, just nodded against my chest. "Come on, I wanna take you home, dear fiancée of mine." She snickered at me, I knew I was a cheese ball but I couldn't help it with her.

I sent Bella up to take a warm bath while I unloaded the car, and closed up the house for the night. The gifts for Makenna were all so beautiful; I couldn't help but spend some time in her room placing the things around where I wanted them. I knew that Bella, Alice, Rose or even Esme might move them later but for now there were where I wanted them in my little girl's room.

Bella was still in the bath so I went back down to the music room and played around with the new program for my laptop. I couldn't believe how well Bella knew me and how she knew to get this for me. It was the one thing that I wanted but didn't have. Several minutes later it was loaded and the mic was set up to record. I plugged into my guitar and began to strum a song for Bella. I wanted the first thing I ever recorded to be about her.

When the song was done Bella silently walked into the room and stopped by my side. "That was beautiful, honey. Do you like your gift?" She asked.

"Like it? Bella it is perfect, I was looking into getting something like this after we got done with Christmas and all." Her smile was genuine and the most beautiful one I had ever seen.

"There is a bigger better setup at the music store so if this one works out for you the guy said come back and he could help you upgrade, something about adding three more tracks or something. I didn't understand it all."

"I think this one will be fine for now, later maybe we can look at the bigger one then." I murmured against her side. I pressed my head closer to her and took in her scent. Somehow or another she turned me on at every single movement she made. I slid the sleep shirt she had on up and exposed the skin over her ribs. Bella's gasp accompanied my wet lips as I pressed them against her. "Can I take you upstairs?" I asked in between kisses.

"Yes." Her breathless whisper came back.

Without delay I picked her up and rushed her towards the stairs and our room. I slowly removed her clothes and made sure to kiss every single inch of skin that I exposed. I laid Bella out on the bed and climbed in with her. I knew that sex with Bella was getting harder and harder since her stomach was making it difficult for her to get comfortable. That when an idea struck me, I turned her on her side and raised one leg up so that I could slide into her. This left her open to me and allowed me a full view of where our bodies joined. I had no doubts that Bella enjoyed this position but I couldn't help but ask her anyway, sue me I love the dirty talk. "Do you like that baby?" She nodded her head. She apparently wasn't ready to play along yet. "Tell me how much you like it?" I asked again.

"Oh Edward, so much, you feel so deep this way." She was right I did feel like I slid in deeper as if I needed any help in rushing towards the finish line.

"I know baby, I can feel all of you. God you feel so good. Tell me it will always be this good for us." I begged. It seemed like watching, talking and feeling were too much of an assault on my body because I could feel my climax rushing towards me faster than I wanted it to be.

When I placed my fingers right on Bella's clit and began to rub she responded to my question. "Fuck yes it will, oh yes just like that."

I leaned forward stretching her open a little more and allowing me to get closer to her beautiful center. I kissed up and down her leg as I spoke more to her. Hoping it would push her along so that she could join me. "That's it baby, talk to me, and tell me how you feel. God, I love being inside you. Feeling you fall apart around me just does me in, come on Bella, come for me so I can feel it." Each sentence brought out more in Bella her thrusts increased back towards me and I felt her flutter inside. She reached up and grabbed her breasts and tweaked her nipples. She was close. "That's it baby hold them, show them love like I would." Her response was grunts and groans.

I pulled out of her and slid down on the bed, pressing my face directly against her clit. I sucked it into my mouth and flicked it with my tongue. My mouth was full but I could show her how much I loved this by humming around her clit. The sound brought out an immediate increase in Bella's sounds as well as her hands in my hair. I worked two fingers into her as I sucked harder and felt her pussy spasm around my fingers. I pumped harder and flicked her clit a few more times when her whole body began to shake. I licked her a few more times then pulled my fingers out of her. I replaced my mouth with two fingers on her clit and kept massaging as I rose back up to put my now aching cock back inside of her. I knew as soon as I got him in it would be all over with but from Bella's reaction to her orgasm she wasn't ready for an all night thing anyway.

Sure enough two pumps in and Bella began to shake again, while I felt the tale tell fire start to race through my body.

"Fuck, Edward, fuck!" Bella panted. She was shaking again under me which caused our bodies to move in different angles against each other. To see her beautiful face shudder in delight was enough to unleash the fire within me.

When we both had calmed our breathing and pulse rate I pulled her up towards the top of the bed and threw the blanket over us.

"I love you baby."

"I love you too Edward."

And we both fell asleep together, satisfied with everything in our lives.

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**E/N: So what did we all think of that? Be sure to let me know, I need the love...I have a killer headache ;)**

**Till next week...**


	27. Chapter 26 It's a Great Day For A White

**A/N: Dearies...I hope that you all are surrounded my love and happiness on this Valentine's day! Hello to all my girls and thanks for the love and support. If you have read, reviewed, fav'ed, alert'ed or any other such a thing...this means you. You all mean the world to me. Hope you like the chapter:)

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Chapter 26- It's a Great Day for a White Wedding**

**Bella**

I awoke the next morning to Edward's beautiful face looking at me with so much love. He was so close to me but not touching me in anyway. He was far too far away if you asked me. I leaned over the fraction of an inch and touched my lips sweetly to his. His face responded and pressed closer to me in return.

"So you are stalking me in my sleep now?" I asked a giggle barely below the surface of my words.

"Just for the past couple of months or so, it's kinda fascinating." His face took on the appropriate amounts of sheepishness and humor.

"I see. Well since I'm no longer asleep you have to stop now. I have things to do." I pressed my hand against his chest and pushed with all of my might. He laughed as he allowed me to push him away.

"Fine, I was going to offer to buy you French toast at that café you loved so much but that might be too close to stalking so never mind." He threw over his shoulder as she strutted totally naked to the shower.

"Wait, wait…did you say French toast?" I shouted as I chased after him, trying to wrap the sheet around my large body.

"Too late Ms. Swan, you should have thought of that before you were so mean to me." He shouted over the shower door as the bathroom filled up with his scent and steam. As I thought up a great response to that comment the phone rang. So I just left the bathroom to answer it.

"Hello." Still stuck on Edward's last comment and trying to come up with a response.

"Hey Bella, would you and Edward like to meet me for breakfast? I'm so bored here at the house with Carlisle working to cover Dr. Anderson while he's gone." Esme sounded excited at the prospect of getting out of the house.

"Sure, mean old Edward mentioned French toast then took it back so I would love to. It depends on how he behaves after his shower as to whether or not Edward will get to come." I guess he brought out the sass in me.

"Well, he deserves to be put in his place every so often. You come on and don't worry about him." She replied. I was so in awe of the fun loving relationship between Carlisle and Esme, it was a prime example of the things that I never saw from either of my parents. Neither really spent any real amount of time with a person after their divorce from each other, so I never got to see that this is a normal part of a healthy relationship. The last few years with Phil were the closest that my mom got to a normal relationship and I was gone for most of that.

"Sounds good to me, can we meet at Bistro on 5th Street? They have the best French toast ever." I begged like a little girl asking for one more piece of candy.

Esme's laugh filled me with such joy and sorrow at the same time. It sounded like my mom and made me realize how much I missed her. "Sure thing, let's meet in about a half an hour then?"

"Sure, half an hour then." I said trying to disguise my sorrow.

Edward came out half dressed as I hung up with Esme. "Who was that?" He asked as he dried his hair with a towel. "I expected you to come back and join me but you didn't." He pouted.

"Well seems I got a better offer, Esme and I are meeting at the Bistro on 5th street and I am getting the French toast, by myself." I smugly said, pushing him out of my way and marching to the closet. I secretly hoped that he would insist on joining me.

"Really." He said as he drew out the word. He pulled me back against his chest and began to tickle me right under my ribs that he knew I couldn't resist.

"Fine, fine, uncle. I give, you can come with us." I shouted, hoping that he would give in and stop the assault on my ribs.

"Thought so." He said smugly as he strutted away back to his closet to finish dressing.

When we entered the Bistro, Esme was joined by Alice and Rose. Edward and I sat down to join them. We placed our orders and waited for the food to come. Small talk was made by everyone but I could see in Alice's eyes how much she wanted to bring up the real subject, the only subject that she felt like we should be talking about.

As soon as I stabbed the first bite of my French toast, Alice sat back and opened her mouth. The look on her face told me that the time had come to make her really happy.

"So, Bella. How soon are you and Edward planning on getting married, because a wedding doesn't just plan itself you know? We need some time to throw together the perfect ceremony and reception." Her voice tried to show her aggravation but she wasn't fooling anyone at the table, she was in heaven with a wedding to plan.

I took the bite and shoved it into my mouth. Chewing it very slowly to prolong the agony she was in. When I swallowed the bite and washed it down with a large gulp of milk, I whipped my face and answered her. "Well, since the baby is due in 8 weeks and Edward wants to be married before then, I'm guessing that we need to get it done quickly." I stabbed another piece of French toast and began the process all over again.

Shock, fear and anxiety all registered on Alice's face. Maybe I had broken the pixie with that sudden timeline.

Edward chose that moment to speak up. "Actually, Alice, I mean I haven't talked this over but I was thinking that I would love to start out the New Year by getting married." He turned to me and I could see the love and sincerity in his eyes. I couldn't say no to him, when it seemed to be something he really wanted.

Alice spit her orange juice all over the table at Edward's words. "You mean you want to get married in six says? SIX DAYS?" Her voice rose in volume with each word.

Esme reached her hand over arm, "Let's see what they have in mind, it can be done if they aren't going to get elaborate and overdone." Esme looked back at Edward and me. "Tell us what you two had in mind." Her tone was calm and soothing.

I turned to look at Edward pleading for help with my eyes, but he just nodded towards Esme, so I took it that I was on my own. "Well, I was thinking a small ceremony in our back yard. Just a few friends and family there for that part, then later that evening we could have a reception any other people we wanted to invite. Nothing big, just family and friends, only." I leveled my glare at Alice that was meant to convey 'No more Bitch Patrol just because we wanted a gift from them'. Alice had the good sense to look the right amounts of sorry and ashamed.

"Well, if that's the case then we can do that in a week." Esme said taking the focus back to the important part, planning again. "The hardest part would be finding a dress and invitations at the last minute."

Alice began to bounce in her seat. "I have a dress at my apartment in New York that would be great. I could get someone to go by and overnight it to me. I would have to adjust the waistline for Bella but I think she would look great. I can show you the design and pictures when we get back to my laptop."

Rosalie finally added her voice to our conversation. "I know a guy that owes me a favor for fixing his Camero for him. He owns a print shop. If we went by there today and picked out a fairly simple design he could probably get it done and back to us tomorrow. I'll call him now and see." I started to get excited about the possibility of pulling this off.

While Alice was on her phone calling to have the dress sent to us, Rose was talking to the printer for us, Esme turned back to me. "What type of reception were you thinking of Bella?"

"Something real casual, if we put up a tent in the back yard we could heat it and not be freezing. Then we could have a buffet laid out along one wall, dancing in the middle and the DJ, and cake along the other wall." I turned to look at Edward, he was nodding at me, in agreement with what I had said.

"Great idea, if we do it outside then we won't have to do much decorating. It will make things so much easier for us and at midnight we could see the fireworks without leaving the yard. I love it. Is it okay if I handle the decorations and food for the reception, with full veto rights of course?"

"Sure, I would love that. Because I know no matter how small we keep this thing we are going to be so busy the next week." I said. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea to have it this close after all."

All three girls turned to me aghast. "Bella don't you ever say anything like that again, we will make this happen and you will get married, don't you worry."

After breakfast we all broke off and went in different directions. Esme went to secure the tent and meet with a caterer that she knew. Alice went off to secure the dress and such.

Rosalie came with Edward and me to meet with the printer. Shortly after sitting down to the massive books filled with invitations I found a design that I loved. It had an ivory cover with a moss green ribbon tying it closed, with a small ivory square on the front that had our names and the date. Inside was a simple font detailing the information for the reception. I fell in love with the invitation and the soft moss green color as well. I added an insert that invited the family and friends that we wanted to attend the ceremony. We ordered the invitations with a promise that they would be back tomorrow.

The three of us left and went to try to get Edward's tux for the ceremony. As we drove to the rental place I called Esme. I relayed the moss green color that I decided on and told her about the invitations. She was so excited about the progress we had made. She informed me that she would get matching linens, but we needed to choose some flowers. As we spoke Rosalie called and made an appointment for us with a florist for tomorrow. It seemed we were making good progress.

The next morning was even busier for Edward and me. We stopped by the florist and decided on some flowers for the gazebo where we would get married and then matching table arrangements for the tent where we would have the reception. Esme helped us choose and I was so happy with all the arrangements. The same flowers would be used in my bouquet, the boutonnieres, the Gazebo and in the tent. We used white roses with mini pale green hydrangeas mixed in. The flowers were simple, elegant and easy to get on short notice. The bouquets and table arrangements would be wrapped with a pale green ribbon to match everything else.

Once we were done with the florist, we headed off to pick out a cake at the bakery. We chose a simple three tiered square cake with white frosting. White piping would be added all over it in a swirl design with a green ribbon wrapped at the base of each layer. We chose our initials as the topper along with some flowers to match the rest of the reception. The cake was the one element that we weren't sure we could have done within a week's time. So we all breathed a large sigh of relief when we found out that the cake would be done and without too much added for the rush job.

Edward said goodbye once we were done at the bakery and left me in the hands of Rose, Alice and Esme to go and pick out Bridesmaids dresses. Alice, of course, fussed that she could have made the dresses for a fraction of what we would pay to buy them. Adding that she would make them look so much more fabulous than anyone else ever could on top of her other comments. I knew that she was truly aggravated that the short timing was keeping her from doing so many things that she wanted. I was glad for this; I only wanted the bare essentials for my wedding. To me the only things that were important were the groom, a cake and the rings, all the rest were just extras in my opinion.

After about two hours and several trips to the bathroom for me, I heard Rosalie squeal. Now, if it had been Alice I would not have paid attention but Rosalie was not easily excited like Alice. So this made my heart skip a beat and pray that we had finally found the perfect dress for them.

As soon as Rosalie stepped out of the dressing room all eyes went to her and her alone. Nothing else seemed to matter within the shop. It was the perfect shade of green and would look beautiful on both Rosalie and Alice, even though both girls had different body types. It was a strapless, A-line dress with a sweetheart neckline. A simple ribbon served as the belt and the bottom was gathered in several places to make it fuller. I loved it and by the look on everyone else's face they did as well.

When we got back to Carlisle and Esme's Alice pulled out her ever present checklist and began to mark things off: bridesmaid's dresses-check, tux's-check, flowers-check, cake-check, invitations-check, tent and tables for reception-check, now all that was left was my dress.

Alice went up to her room and got the dress all ready for me to try it on. I really didn't know what the big deal was, there was no way the dress would fit me at this stage in my pregnancy anyway. She was wasting her time and money on shipping it here. I called Edward to stall the humiliation for a little while longer. "Hey, baby, what's up?" He asked in his usual sexy voice.

"Got the bridesmaid's dresses, and they had the sizes we needed so we are all set there. What about you?" I knew that Edward was planning a special night for our wedding night since we were not going away for a honeymoon.

"Fishing, are you?"

"Well can you blame me? You aren't telling me anything at all Edward." I was desperate to know what he had in mind for us but he was too tight lipped about it for me to find out anything at all.

"Patience, my sweet, patience. Did you get to try on your dress yet? Does it work?" That was his polite way to say 'does it fit you, you whale?'. Edward was the one person that I had confided in that I was afraid to even try it; I would be hurt if it didn't fit.

"Going up to do that in a few minutes, just wanted to check in with you first." I replied trying to sound casual and normal about it.

"Bella, we talked about this. If it doesn't fit then you and the girls can drive into Seattle and buy something, I don't care how much it cost. Stop worrying about it. We'll get married in jeans if we have to, I just want to marry you, I don't care how we do it!" The sincerity in his voice overwhelmed me.

"I know." I whispered.

"Go and try it on baby. Worry about it not fitting when it doesn't fit. Okay?" His tone was soft and encouraging.

"I will." He was right, I should at least try it on before I worried about what to do when it didn't fit. "I love you." He needed to know that most of the time he was the only thing holding me together; I loved him for the love and devotion that he showed to me. I loved him for the patience he had when I wanted to immediately assume the worst and defeat myself before anyone else ever can.

"I love you too, now go and try it on. Call me back when you have it on, okay?"

"Edward, I can't do that at all, Alice will kill me." I gasped.

"Oh yes you can, tradition says I can't see it before the ceremony not that I can't talk to you while you're wearing it before the ceremony. I want to hear it in your voice when you see yourself in it, okay? That's all." I couldn't love him anymore if I tried. Every day he amazed me at the sweet, kind, loving things he said or did for me.

"Okay."

I marched up the stairs with a lighter heart and actually ready to try on the dress. Alice helped me strip down and step into the dress. I had to admit that I was praying with all of my might that this thing would fit me because it was amazingly beautiful. I closed my eyes as Alice pulled the dress into place and began to zip it up. After a few seconds and no more sound I opened my eyes. Alice stood back with tears in her eyes just staring at me. I got lost in the emotion flowing around her and down her face when I realized that I was standing there in my wedding dress and it was zipped all of the way up. Slowly, I turned my eyes towards the mirror to check out my reflection. The sight before me caused a gasp to escape before I could stop it. Esme and Rosalie must have been hovering at the door because they both rushed in to assess the meaning of my gasp.

"Oh my Bella, you're so beautiful." Esme cooed as tears came to her eyes as well. Rosalie's face told the exact same sentence without words. I turned back to Alice and then to the mirror when I noticed that I wore a smile that matched the other three in the room.

"I can't believe it fits me."

"Would I lie to you?" Alice asked as she threw a hand up on her hip.

"No, but it's hard to judge the size of a whale who is getting bigger by the day, Alice." I countered.

"You, Bella Swan, are not a whale, you are pregnant with my niece so lay off of it!"

Alice found a few places to actually take the dress in and while she pinned and marked the dress I called Edward.

"Hey baby, how is it?" He asked.

"Perfect, oh Edward you were so right about it. It's perfect, I think you're going to love it." I gushed.

"I'm so glad, Bella. Do you like it really?"

"I couldn't have designed better for myself, I swear. It's beautiful." Alice cleared her throat and shot me the eye that clearly was meant to relay that I had better not relay a word of description to him or else she would be responsible for my punishment herself.

"Oh no, I think I have to go. Alice is giving me the bitch brow." He chuckled. "Thanks for knowing what to say to me, I love you." I added.

"Anything, at anytime for you."

I glanced back at the dress one more time before Alice helped me carefully get out of it now that it had several pins in the sides. It was a beautiful shade of ivory with an empire waist and sheer ivory cap sleeves. It flowed generously and allowed plenty of room for my stomach in the front. Alice had some work to do on the back. We discussed adding a panel of moss green fabric right down the center of the gown. The ivory would fold over and create an overlay that the green would peek out of. This would also allow her to take it in and adjust it to fit me exactly. The ivory would also match the vest of Edward's tux. I couldn't be happier. I had purchased my shoes and veil at the bridal shop when we found the bridesmaid's dresses so I only had one more item to secure then we could get married.

The next day, Edward and I went to apply for our marriage license. Then we stopped by the jewelry store to buy rings. I chose a simple white gold band. Edward chose a band that was wider. It was etched with two small grooves around the smooth white gold surface. I can't describe how good it looked on his finger. Too good for words, that is for sure. The saleslady obviously thought it looked good as well the way she kept staring at it on him.

Other than small details for the wedding, we were done! I could relax now and enjoy the rest of the week. Four days of doing nothing, or so I thought.

How many small details were there really? We would have like maybe fifty people there, how much can fifty people eat, drink and dance to? We had to choose a DJ, napkins, food, drinks, favors, order of service, seating arrangements, linens, glassware, silverware, a photographer, lighting, and the list goes on and on. Who knew?

Esme, bless her, had hired the catering company to come over and cook breakfast and lunch for us while we got ready for the wedding. She also hired a maid to clean and make everything perfect so I wouldn't have to do that either. Have I mentioned that I love Esme?

Everyone agreed that in my current state of knocked-up-ness it would be better to have a Bachelorette party at my house instead of going out. We dined on pasta and drank virgin drinks while we watched every single chick flick about getting married there was. Alice hired a nail technician to come over and do mani-pedi's for all the girls. I was in heaven, carbs, movies and someone massaging my feet, what more could a girl ask for?

I finally fell into bed on Friday night at after midnight, which was hella late for a pregnant girl like me. Especially after all of the activity Edward and I had been through during the week. Edward agreed to the tradition of sleeping somewhere other than with me the night before we got married. I didn't want to but for some reason he did, so I went with it. Not a good idea when at THREE AM I was still awake. I have decided that in the months that we were back together that I had become used to sleeping next to Edward. His warm skin pressed against mine, his sweet breath rushing across my neck as he breathed me in while he slept. I needed Edward to sleep, so I did the next best thing. I called his cell phone.

"Hello." He sounded just as awake as I was.

"Please tell me you are still awake too?" I begged.

The sound that rumbled through the phone sounded like a cross between a groan and a whimper. "Yes, I am and I am so sorry that I ever agreed to stay away from you for the night. I have not slept AT ALL, not a wink." He moaned.

"How do you think I feel? I'm exhausted and pregnant! Please Edward, get in your car and come and see me, please. Just stay long enough for me to fall asleep and then you can leave. Alice will never know." I was not above begging him on my knees. "Besides she probably went home and sexed up Jasper, which means she is sound asleep right now." I hoped that the logic I used worked on him.

"You know what?" He continued before I could even answer him. "It's my house, and my bed and I will sleep in it if I want to. Move over, baby, I'm coming home." I could hear him getting dressed as he spoke. I bounced up and down on the bed and clapped my hands. I wanted him home with me more than anything in the world right now.

Soon enough I heard his car pull into the driveway. I moved over and made room for him. He must have undressed on his way up because by the time he reached the bedroom door he was only in his boxers. He dropped his clothes on the floor just inside the door, I heard his keys and cell bang against the hardwoods as he left them.

"I'm so glad you're here." I said as I took him in my arms and snuggled him against me.

"Me too, couldn't have the bride looking tired and run down just because of a silly little tradition, now could we?" I liked the teasing tone in his voice, maybe this would be a later night than we planned. Just then I yawned and he laughed at me. "Okay, princess, let's get you to sleep."

"Wait, did anyone hear you when you left to come over here?" I asked, wanting to know how much trouble we would be in come tomorrow morning.

"Yeah, Carlisle did. But I told him that you couldn't get to sleep and he agreed with me. He said you needed your sleep and it was more important than a silly tradition too." His smile mesmerized me as he spoke. I really was the luckiest girl in the world.

In the pale moonlight, he really did look otherworldly. His skin glowed and his eyes sparkled. Our eyes locked and the intense gaze made me shudder with delight, I could tell what he had on his mind. I knew without a doubt he loved me with his whole heart, the funny thing was I knew that I felt the same for him. No more doubts, no questions. I just knew. The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I love you." His face searched mine for a few seconds, when his smile graced my sight. He really was a beautiful man when he smiled. This wasn't a cocky half smirk like he could use to melt my panties; this was the full on smile of complete and utter peace and happiness.

"I love you too, beautiful. I can't wait to make you my wife." He gently kissed my lips but pursued no further action. We simply lay together staring into each other's eyes. In those moments the understanding passed between us and we both knew. We had done the right thing, taken the long path to get there but still did the right thing. "Sleep now, baby, tomorrow's a big day for us." He patted my stomach then began to gently rub it. I felt Makenna kick a few times as I finally drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up Edward was gone and Alice lay by my side. I don't know if that meant we were in trouble or not but I just couldn't care anyway, it was worth any trouble I would be in today for it.

I stood and made my way to the bathroom to help out my poor pregnant bladder. That thing must be the size of a walnut now because it held nothing for very long. When I came out Alice was sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes. "Hey you, how did you end up in my bed?" I asked.

"Edward came and got me, asked me to stay with you so you would stay asleep." Shock registered on my face that he would wake her up and risk her wrath just to allow me a little more sleep. "I was sleeping down the hall, did you think I didn't hear him 'sneak' in last night?" She used her long fingers to make air quotes as she spoke. I guess it was pretty stupid to not think that she would know anyway, somehow or another she always knew. "I think it's sweet that he came to sleep with you, so don't give me that look."

The morning passed quickly as Alice herded me from breakfast then off to get my hair washed, dried and put up in rollers. Someone rolled a large table into the music room, opening it up and preparing the table. Esme came in, still dressed in her robe. She had been in the kitchen directing the catering staff and the cleaning lady for the day. It was so nice to be able to sit back and just enjoy the day without worrying about all of the small details. "Carlisle and I thought you could use a good massage today, so this is our gift to you and Edward. He's getting one too over at our house. So, relax and enjoy it!"

After she left the room I climbed up on the table that had a place in the center to accommodate my stomach and relished the idea of being face down for awhile. I was a stomach sleeper so I missed this particular position after my stomach started to get in the way. The masseuse got to work quickly and after the long night, the extra baby weight and the wonderful massage, I promptly fell back to sleep.

Alice woke me up and helped me get off the table and back into my robe. After offering my thanks to the masseuse, I was ushered off to eat a light lunch. Alice, Rose and Esme joined me at the table. Over bites of pasta salad and fruit, I began to realize that the only thing that would make this day perfect would be to have my mom sitting at the table with us. Tears flooded my eyes and I dropped my fork. With that one action all eyes at the table were on me. Each face held a different expression from shock to worry to empathy. I tried to smile but it really didn't feel right on my face, so I let my face fall back to an expression that did seem to fit my mood. "I need to talk to Edward, please." I whispered; it seemed wrong to raise my voice higher than that.

Alice rushed out of the room and back within a few seconds. She held out her phone to me and I took it from her hoping that she had reached Edward that quickly. "Hello." I rasped.

"Bella, tell me what's wrong baby." His sweet voice was so full of concern.

"I'm so sorry, I just miss my mom so much today and it just hit me all at once. I couldn't help it, I felt so good after the massage, then I came in to eat and everyone was here but her. I miss her Edward. I miss her." I had begun to cry at this point. Esme wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held me as Edward's words soothed me.

"I know, Bella, at times it just creeps up out of the blue. No warning. I'm sorry I'm not there with you. But you need to focus on the good things today, you mom knew about Makenna, she was happy for you. She would be happy that we are getting married and providing a home for our baby. She would, you know that. Keep that in mind. Remember that time we saw the video of Phil at the baseball camp for kids and how much he looked like he was enjoying being around the kids? You know that he and your mom both would be so happy to have a sweet granddaughter to enjoy. She would be happy for you Bella, they both would. You have to focus on that part and let the pain go. Focus on what makes you happy; think of our start together, our baby. How happy we will be together, all of us." He talked and talked to me until I was breathing normal again and no longer upset. He reminded me of so many good memories that I shared with my mom and Phil. By the end I knew he was once again right, I had to focus on what I was happy about, because those things would make my mom happy as well.

"Thank you. Is there ever going to be a day that I don't have to rush to you and have you save me from something?" I joked with him but his answer took my breath away.

"Never, I want to be the only one you ever run to, every day of eternity." That is why I was marrying this man, not because I was having his baby and we were supposed to. Don't get me wrong I did want him to be a father to his child but more than that I had to have him in my life. He was my air, and I needed him. Weak or not, I didn't care. I needed him. "Why don't you sit for a minute and allow Alice to give you your gift from me and Charlie?" I nodded at him then realized that he couldn't see me through the phone.

"Okay." I handed the phone to Alice as Esme and Rose began to rub my back. I felt surrounded by love. When Alice returned I took the gift box in her hand and sat it in my lap. She pressed the button that activated the speaker phone.

"She's here Edward." Alice called out.

"Bella, Alice has two gifts for you, one from me and one from Charlie. Open Charlie's first, it's gonna cause a few more tears. I guarantee it." Alice handed me another box and I pulled the paper away to expose a small gold box. I opened it and saw the most beautiful pearl and diamond hair combs.

I gasped along with everyone else in the room. I heard a throat clear on the phone. "Bells?" Charlie's full voice sounded so broken and soft through the speaker.

"Yeah, dad, I'm here."

"Those hair comb were my mom's, she wore them on her wedding day and your mom wore them on ours. She gave them to me when she left; she wanted you to wear them as well. So, I know that she isn't with you but in a small way you can feel her there with you as you walk down the aisle." I nodded again at him; words were too difficult at this moment. The milky pearls were arranged in a flower shape while the diamonds made up small squares that seemed to bond them together. They were beautiful. I just ran my fingers over the smooth pearls and across the texture of the diamonds, taking it all in. "She was so proud of you, of everything you made of yourself, and I know that nothing would change her opinion of you, never doubt that. Not one thing." Charlie cleared his throat again and continued, "We are both proud of you and what you have made for yourself. I love you, Isabella Marie."

"Oh, daddy." I wished he was here with me now, but somehow I knew that the anonymity of the speakerphone allowed him to speak his mind and emotions better. "I love you too, I always will."

"I know, now here's Edward again." I heard the shuffle of passing the phone and bonding moment between Edward and my dad, and then Edward's voice came on again.

"Okay, you ready for my gift?" Edward asked.

"Is this one going to make me cry a well?" I asked through my tears.

Edward's laughed was music to my ears as he tried to form an answer. "I…I don't know, do you want to wait?"

"No, I want to do it while you're here with me."

"Okay then open it." He answered back.

Once again I gasped when I pulled the diamond bracelet from the box. It mirrored the square shapes that bonded the flower pearls together on the combs.

"It is new but it reminds me of a bracelet that my mom used to wear when she would get dressed up to go out with my father. I knew I wanted you to have it immediately when I saw it, and then to find out it matched the combs made it an even better choice for you. I hope you like it." His voice turned soft and emotional as well.

"I love it." I leaned towards the phone and whispered, it seemed to make it that much more heartfelt and personal. Even with several pairs of eyes and ears invading our space, it was just Edward and I.

"Good, now go and get dressed so I can meet you at the alter, I can't wait!" The laughter had returned to his voice. "I love you. See you soon."

"I love you too, more than words."

Alice took the phone and closed it. "Alright ladies, let's get beautiful, our men await us!"

And the activity began again.

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**E/N: Don't hold out on me...let me know what you think, I love to hear from you all. **

**Till next week...**


	28. Chapter 27 From This Day Forward

**A/N: Dearies...well after looking at my outline I have some news to relay. I think after this chapter we will have about three chapters left including the epi. So we are wrapping things up here, sniff sniff. I can't believe that we are almost at the end of another fic together. You guys rock and I love you all so much for being here with me. But I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself. **

**Anyway, hello to all my new facebook friends, I hope you're liking the fic. If you're not on facebook with me yet then look me up, I am Bnjwl Fanfiction. We have lots of fun over there. **

**Much love to all my other girls, the Pea Pod- Mary, Amanda, Jen, Becky, Erin, Laurel and Ness. You all make me laugh and then hold my hand when I cry. Love you more than my luggage! To all my reviewers, favers, alerters and such- I love you too!**

**On with the show...

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Chapter 27- From This Day Forward**

**Edward**

I have to admit listening to Bella open her gifts was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I wanted to see her face as she opened the bracelet from me; I wanted to be able to hold her as the tears flowed when she saw the hair combs that her mother and grandmother wore.

Bella never said much about it but I knew that she missed her mother deeply. She had to miss her; she was going through two of the most important times in a woman's life, getting married and having a baby are times when a woman needs their mother to help guide them through and to understand. Unfortunately, she was going through these important milestones at the same time and right after losing her mother. I was amazed at her strength and her ability to hold it all together every day. For weeks, months and even years after my parents passed away I had trouble with their loss. It was so hard to hear Bella degrade herself and her accomplishments when in fact she was so much stronger than I ever was about this situation.

I glanced at my watch again and counted down the minutes until I would see her walk down the aisle. Nothing felt more right. All the concerns and worries about our age, being in college, the baby-none of that mattered. We were meant to be together and raise our family together.

Emmett burst through the door swinging a bottle in his hand and cheering loudly. I glanced over at the Chief but he seemed lost in thought and paid no attention to Emmett. Jasper and Carlisle also filed into the room behind Emmett albeit they were much, much quieter about it.

"Okay, Eddie boy, bring your dumb ass over here and take a shot with us!" Emmett boomed into the room.

I paled, and glanced at the Chief again. I had no idea what the hell ran through Emmett's mind sometimes. We were standing in the room with the Chief of Police who in a matter of minutes would be my father in law, and he was asking me to take a drink. And illegal drink!

"Em…what the hell?" I sputtered.

"Aw, come on. Chief will drink with us and then he can't arrest you for underage drinking without hauling his own self in for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. So let's drink." Emmett had lined up enough shot glasses for each of us in the room, including me. Charlie just stepped up and stood in front of his glass, still not really focusing on any of us, just his glass.

Carlisle must have noticed his obvious discomfort because he spoke up. "Charlie, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. It's just hard to know that no matter how much I want to stop time and never let her go, I have to. You know?" Carlisle was the only one that could answer that question with honesty. He stepped over and clapped Charlie on the shoulder as he spoke.

"Yeah, they never stop growing up. And eventually they don't need you anymore. But the good thing is that you have done your job right when they don't need you anymore. You know?" Carlisle's logic made sense to me; I just prayed that it did to Charlie. I couldn't get this close and have her dad call this all off. My heart stood still waiting for Charlie to acknowledge Carlisle's words.

"I guess you're right about that. She is more than ready to be a grown up. Hell at times she's a better grown up than I am." He chuckled and took the shot glass full of amber liquid. "Here's to Edward and Bella. May they live a long, happy life together!" He held up his glass to me in salute. Carlisle, Emmett and even Jasper had grabbed their glasses and repeated the gesture. I was the lone stand out. My eyes met Charlie's again waiting for his approval. "Drink up boy, you are gonna need something to settle those nerves." Without haste I grabbed the glass as well, clinked it against the others and threw back the shot. Charlie turned towards Emmett and handed off his glass. "Now, you get that out of here. That shot was a freebie, the next one will get you thrown in the slammer boy." The look on Charlie's face told Emmett that he meant business and it was Emmett's turn to pale as he grabbed the glasses and bottle.

When Emmett was done scurrying from the room Charlie burst out with a large laugh. I realized that he was taking his chance to get one over on Emmett. He clapped me on the back and said, "Let's go and get you two married, shall we?" I knew that I was in good with my almost father in law, I appreciated Charlie for his show of alliance between the two of us. And it was funny as hell to get one over on Emmett who normally was sticking it to me.

Charlie left to find Bella to escort her down the aisle and Carlisle left to meet up with Esme. That left Emmett, Jasper and me waiting to move to the front of the alter to wait on our ladies.

"Edward, you both are perfect together. Love her for the rest of your life and treat her with respect." Jasper offered.

"Never go to bed angry, always let her win the argument and put the seat down. That's my advice for you." Emmett beamed, so proud of his stellar advice. Jasper and I both shook our heads at him. He is in a category all on his own.

We made our way to the front of the church and waited. The situation should have scared the shit out of me. I should have been scared to make this big step at this point in my life. But I wasn't, in fact I wasn't nervous at all. This felt so right to me. I knew without a doubt that I was at the right place at the right time.

The music started and I watched as Rosalie and Alice both made their way down the aisle. They both looked beautiful and very happy. Then the doors opened and Bella stepped into view. And my whole opinion changed, Rosalie and Alice paled in comparison to Bella's beauty. She looked radiant, her skin glowed and her face was lit up from within. The dress fit her perfectly and absolutely suited her personality. Alice was a master at her craft that much was obvious. Her hair and makeup was subtle and allowed Bella's inner beauty show through instead of the artificial front that so many women rely on.

I guess that we should be embarrassed that we were getting married with Bella pregnant, obviously pregnant. Mr. Webber said that while God would have preferred us go about the steps in the right order he is happy that we are doing the right thing now. And I would never ever be embarrassed about my daughter in any way or fashion. Besides we had close friends and family here with us today, so we knew without a doubt that all involved supported us fully. I understood Bella's decision to make this part of our wedding a small affair. I knew that I would look back on this day and always remember it as one of the best days of my life. It certainly made it easier to know that no one would be condemning us on this day for our mistakes or decisions.

When Bella got close enough to me I could tell her eyes were misted over. It almost made me chuckle because I knew that Alice was itching to get to her with a Kleenex and clean her up before anyone saw her that way. I, on the other hand, wanted to see the tears. The emotion that she felt for the day, it showed her love in a way that words never could. Just seeing her so close to the edge made tears spring up in my eyes as well.

The _Wagner's March _had to be the longest and slowest damn song in the history of weddings themselves, because it felt like Bella was never going to get to me. I needed to take her hand in mine, I needed to feel her skin, to touch her and know she was really here with me.

When she finally reached the alter where I stood, Charlie stood between us. We turned and listened as Mr. Webber spoke about the bonds that a family makes with each other and how those bonds are broken when two people enter into marriage with each other. That a husband and wife break the bonds of family when they take each other in marriage, and that other than our bonds with God, our marriage bond would be the most important in our lives. I knew that this would never be an issue with either of our families but it was nice to hear that guideline for our marriage. Mr. Webber finally asked of Charlie, "Who gives this woman away?"

Charlie's response gave me a moment of hesitation, I was afraid for his answer. I was fearful that it might upset Bella and remind her of her mother's absence on this day. When Charlie's clear, strong voice spoke, "Her family and I do." I noticed that Bella reached up and touched the hair combs that held her hair back off of her face and secured her veil in place. She was reminding herself that even though her mother wasn't here in a physical being, she was certainly here in spirit. Charlie moved Bella's veil and kissed her cheek. He took her hand and placed it in mine and clasped both hands in his. "I love you both, and wish you all of the happiness in the world." His words stunned me at the depth of emotions as he gave his daughter away to me. I was beaming with pride to know that I was good enough in his eyes.

I finally felt her skin touching mine, her eyes searching mine, our souls talking to each other as we stood motionless, together. Mr. Webber began to speak again. He quoted Bible verses and talked about marriage. I wouldn't remember anything he said. I just remember the look in Bella's eyes and the joy that showed from her soul. We held hands as he talked; I rubbed my thumb along the inside of her wrist. I waited for my chance to tell her all that was in my heart.

"Edward and Bella have decided to write their own vows. Edward." Mr. Webber nodded at me.

I cleared my throat and spoke to Bella. "Words seem so inadequate when I tried to decide what I wanted to say to you. I wished for some sort of supernatural power that would allow you into my heart, so you would know the depth of my love for you." I took a deep breath and relaxed when I saw her laughing eyes. "Our love was so easy and simple from the start and we certainly had a few bumps along the way. But nothing could keep us apart." I felt her hands tighten against mine. I rushed forward to hopefully convey to her that I had more to say. "Your kind spirit and the strength you display to me each and every day amaze me. Your ability to love and show love makes me want to be a better man. I want to work each and every day to live up to the title of your husband, to be the man you deserve." All traces of her hesitation were gone and were replaced by joy and happiness. "I promise to always take care of you, to always look out for your needs first and protect you to the best of my ability. I thank you for our child and for giving me the opportunity to go through this with you by my side. I loved you the first time I saw you and I love you more each day we spend together. I'm proud to call you my wife." I knew that I couldn't kiss her yet so I lifted her hands to place a kiss on her knuckles.

Mr. Webber turned to Bella when he spoke. He quoted another Bible verse and I stood mesmerized by Bella. She turned to face me again when it was her turn to relay her vows to me. After softly clearing her throat she began. "Edward, I have had several examples of great men in my life. Each has taught me over the years, they showed me the kind of man I wanted to have in my life as my husband. Charlie, Carlisle, and even Phil made sure that I looked for the best; and that man is you, I found my soul mate in you." She took a moment to wipe away a tear from the corner of her eye. I gently squeezed the one hand that I still held. "I know that this road will not be without bumps, as we both have already seen, but I do know that it is worth the journey with you. You have the ability to know what I need when I need it. Some say that is great intuition but I say that is love. I hope I can return that to you. I want to be there for you, knowing what you need, taking care of those needs and helping you to be a better man. Just like you do for me. I promise to always stop to think before I speak, to put your feelings first and to raise our family with the love and devotion. I'm proud to call you my husband." I reached down and rubbed the side of her stomach when she spoke about our family.

In many ways I wished we could have waited until Makenna was born so that she could be a part of this but I wanted my name attached to both of my girls, so I guess I was too impatient to wait for that to happen.

"The rings that are placed on each other's hand have special meanings. As a ring has no end, it symbolizes a couples love and devotion to each other without end. The precious metal that is used to make the rings also symbolizes the unique bond the two have and how precious it is to them. Edward please take the ring and place it on Bella's hand and repeat after me…I give you this ring to wear with love and joy. As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you. The most precious metal symbolizes that your love is the most precious element in my life. I place it on your finger as a visible sign of the vows which have made us husband and wife."

I gladly repeated each of those words as the weight of them began to settle down on my shoulders. I realized that instead of feeling oppressed by the task, I felt invigorated by them. I felt ready to take care of Bella and Makenna. And as many children she would give me.

Mr. Webber turned to Bella and asked her to do the same thing. She placed the ring on my finger that we picked out together and spoke with a clear strong voice. Her tone saying she was feeling the same wave of joy that I felt. It made my heart sing to know that she didn't have any hesitation or doubt at all when she spoke the sentiment to me.

When we were both done with the rings Mr. Webber paused for a slight moment, an extremely torturous moment since I knew what came after his pause. "What has taken place in the sight of God is sanctioned by God. Let no man divide what God has placed together. Edward…you may kiss your bride."

I'm sure the smile that split my face could have lit up the entire city of Seattle without any help what so ever. I let go of her hands. Bella slid her small hands up to grip my forearms and I wrapped my hands around her, one darting up to cup her sweet face and the other gently resting in the middle of her back. When we were close enough that only she would hear, I whispered to her, "I promise to love you every moment of forever, Mrs. Isabella Masen-Cullen." I leaned in and kissed her, a kiss that spoke of my love, my devotion, and my happiness in that moment but still chaste enough to take place in a church. Bella returned every single emotion that I put into that kiss, I felt them all. When I released her lips I simple dropped my forehead to hers.

"Yours, forever." She whispered.

"Yours, forever." I whispered back.

Bella turned us to face the small crowd as Mr. Webber made the announcement that I wanted to hear almost as much as 'you may kiss your bride', "It gives me great pleasure to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen." Bella and I linked hands and made our way to the back of the church, for the first time truly together.

I'm sure we did all the normal things that people do at a reception, cake cutting, garter and bouquet toss, but all I remember was holding Bella in my arms and dancing with her.

After what seemed like half a year, in actuality it had only been a few hours, it was late enough for Bella and I to take our leave. I wanted to drive Bella to a fancy hotel in Seattle, but the drive would be too much for her at this late stage in her pregnancy. Besides I knew we would not get out of here at a reasonable time anyway to make the drive all the way to Seattle. I did find a great B&B outside of Port Angeles that would work for us. It offered plenty of lazy activities to do and lots of time for Bella to rest and relax. I knew she had done too much this past week but she looked so happy the whole time so how could I tell her no.

Bella grabbed my hand and led me upstairs, we agreed that we wanted to change before we left to drive out to the B&B. She had no idea how hard it would be for me to leave my hands off of her knowing that she was now my wife. I had a hard enough time not assaulting her in public much less when we would be in our room getting undressed by ourselves. I turned my back on Bella and heard her dress drift off of her body and whisper as it fell to the floor. I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, praying that when I stepped out she would be dressed in something. She was. I helped her hang her dress up and grabbed our bags off of the floor.

"I wish we had just stayed here instead." She bite her lip in between her teeth, a sure sign of her nervousness. "I love being in our home." I smiled, knowing that she couldn't read my mind but I swear that the exact same thought was running through my mind at the same time.

"Me too, but we will be home in a few days and we have lots of time to be here before Makenna is born. You will be so sick of this house by the time we head back to New Hampshire, I swear you will." I lightly tickled her ribs trying to get her to smile back at me. She didn't deny me. "Let's get on the road before it gets too late, come on." I grabbed both bags and pulled her hand towards the stairs.

We talked and ate the whole way to Port Angeles. The food that the catering company packed for us was wonderful. Bella and I both confessed to being too nervous or too busy to eat much at all that day. I will have to thank Esme for knowing to tell the catering company to do this for us. Besides I didn't want Bella to go without food for her and our sweet little baby either. The atmosphere in the car was light and flirty, I relished the time alone with Bella. I could talk with her for hours on end and never tire of her. But all too soon the B&B came across our horizon. Check in was quick since I did most of it online and paid already with my credit card. I didn't want Bella to know how much it was or she would feel guilty about staying.

Bella and I worked in silence as we unpacked our stuff and she went off to take a shower. I slipped on some pajama pants and closed my eyes to relive every single moment of the day. I will never forget how beautiful Bella looked walking towards me in her dress. She took my breath away, especially at that moment in time. I hoped that the photographer got a shot of her; I would gladly pay any price to buy that photo.

Bella emerged from the bathroom in a simple nightgown. It was rather plain and unassuming in any way but damned if it didn't turn me upon first glance at it. I think it was Bella's warm, sweet smelling body rather than the nightgown anyway. She approached the bed with surety in her steps and desire in her eyes. I was taken aback by this, for some reason I expected us both to be hesitant and unsure about this particular night. I guess it is drilled into your brain that all couples are unsure and scared on their honeymoon night and therefore we would be as well. This, however, was not the case. Bella showed no signs of nervousness and when I searched myself I was excited certainly but not nervousness in any way.

I was reclined back against the headboard and pulled her towards me to semi cover my upper body. With her face so close to mine I could smell the Freesia body wash she had used for the last few months. She said something about the strawberry being too strong for her sensitive nose now. I had no problem with the change, she still smelled edible.

I nuzzled my nose down the side of her face, inhaling deeply. Taking her in and holding a part of her inside of me. Words simply couldn't express the magnitude of feelings running through my body at this time. I felt inadequate to not be able to explain it or even express it to her but I was at a loss. I slid the nightgown off of her and pulled her close to me again, pulling us both into the center of the bed. Bella worked my pants off of me as I kissed her and tried to show her how much she meant to me. Somehow as much desire as I had running through my body yet I still couldn't rush things with her. This was a night for slow, sweet lovemaking with her. Nothing about tonight would be rushed; I needed her to know how much I worshipped her.

When we were both naked I pulled Bella onto her side with my back flush against hers. This position seemed to be the best in her condition and trust me we had tried them all. I held her close as I pushed into her warm center. Her gasp told me she was as lost in the sensation as I was. I rocked against her body climbing the ladder of ecstasy with her.

Bella turned her head and ran her hand through my hair. "Edward, let me turn to face you, I need to see you." I wouldn't resist her but I was afraid for her to be lying on her back for too long. The doctor warned that this is neither comfortable nor safe for a woman in Bella's stage of pregnancy.

"Baby, that's not safe." I expressed hesitantly. I didn't want her to think that I didn't want her close to me, but my concern for her safety won on every account.

"I don't care about our position, find one that will allow me to look into your eyes, okay?"

I pulled away from her and moved to sit against the headboard of the bed. Bella's eyes lit up with recognition of what I wanted. She immediately climbed into my lap and she positioned her body above mine. I had to admit that this was certainly my favorite position while she was pregnant. It allowed my access to her face, neck, collar bones, and breasts all at the same time. I loved the extra curves that my wife had now thanks to our baby. I secretly hoped that she kept many of them. I know that Bella couldn't wait to lose weight but I had my own ideas of perfection for her. I ran my hand along those curves and pushed up into her. She threw her head back in ecstasy. I loved making love to her. She was so expressive with me and allowed me to see parts of her no one else ever has. No one else will ever see, this was something we shared, only with each other.

Just as quickly as her head dropped backwards it snapped back up again. She took her hands and held them on either side of my face. Forcing my eyes to meet hers, I knew she was close I could feel her body's signs. Her eyes locked with mine as she fell apart in my arms. Watching her submit to her pleasure pushed me over the edge as I dove head long into my own pleasure.

When our breathing was normal again, I scooted down on the bed and pulled the blankets over us. She snuggled against me and we talked for hours on end. I touched and caressed her body as she seemed to need to do the same to mine. We just couldn't get enough of each other. We were husband and wife now, somehow those words and the ceremony made all the difference to us. They made the difference in how we felt about each other.

I woke Bella up at almost ten. "Sweetheart, if we don't go down to breakfast we will miss it. And they don't serve lunch for almost three hours. I don't want you to miss out on food." I touched her face and swept my thumb along the pulse point in her neck. She stretched and reached to pull me into a kiss.

"Okay, give me a few and I'll be ready." She slowly got out of bed and made her way to the closet where our clothes were hung up. I was worried about how tired she looked. I know we stayed up way too late last night together. I knew that after lunch we would come back and take a nap so she could rest some more.

We left the room and made our way to the dining room. Bella was starving and I was glad that I made her get up so she could eat. I was pretty hungry myself. Guess it was all the great sex with my wife. I snickered to myself at my cocky comment.

"So, do you think we can go shopping since we are so close to Port Angeles? I have a few more items to get for Makenna." Bella asked as she delivered another forkful of food.

"I guess we can but what if we do it on the way home because I want you to take a nap when we get back to the room. You look exhausted." I tried to give her a say in the conversation but really I was prepared to put my foot down in this matter.

"It's cause that bed was so damn lumpy. I just couldn't get comfortable." She pouted.

"Yeah, it wasn't the most comfortable thing was it?" I nodded; I did wake up quite a few times myself.

"Nothing like the mattress in our room, at our house." She added.

This gave me a great idea. "What if we pack up, shop and then head home. Everyone thinks we are away so no one will look for us at our house. We can have peace and quiet and a great bed all at once." Her eyes lit up the second I said the word home. She began to cram food into her mouth at a faster pace.

"Hurry up." She called out around the food in her mouth.

Within twenty minutes we were packed up, loaded up and checked out of the B&B. I had to delicately explain to the owner but his wife understood completely since she had five kids. We stopped in Port Angeles and shopped until I was worried that Bella would fall over with exhaustion. We were able to cross off everything on the list though so it was a successful trip after all.

Bella dozed off and on while I drove us as fast as humanly possible towards our house. I pulled the car in the garage to keep it hidden and made my way into the house with the shopping bags and our luggage. I went back to get Bella from the front seat. I hated to wake her so I was praying that she would sleep right through me moving her.

The rest of our weekend went just as quietly and smoothly as our drive home. We didn't hear from anyone, except for one text from Carlisle asking when we had to get the tux's back to the rental place. I was pretty proud of us. We had managed to thwart Emmett and Alice the whole weekend. In fact it was almost noon on Monday and still no sign of any of them.

Bella was in the kitchen and I was sitting at the piano when we heard a car pull into the driveway. We both froze. It was obvious that we had spent the weekend here and there was no way to explain that to the family without hurting any of their feelings. I had nothing prepared for an explanation. I had actually planned to call them a little later today and tell them we were now home. So much for that idea! I simply shrugged at Bella and prayed for the best as the front door lock turned. Esme marched in with a large watering can in her hands. She halted when she stepped into the hallway that lead to the back of the house. She could see Bella and I both from her vantage point.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I didn't know you were home. I was worried about your plants Bella, I came to water them. I'm so sorry." Esme began to back out of the hallway and towards the front door. Bella rushed over to stop her.

"No wait, don't go, it's okay." Esme stopped and Bella pulled her into the music room to sit. "We uh… well we came home Saturday morning. The bed in the B&B was terrible and I couldn't get comfortable." Esme's face registered the fact that we had been home all weekend long.

"Well, aren't you two clever? Who would have thought to look for you here? Did you have a nice weekend then?"

"It was perfect, so quiet and restful. I feel great, but hungry do want some lunch with us?" Bella asked as she returned to the kitchen to continue making the sandwiches. "I have a weird appetite but you are welcome to stay with us. We're having some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pineapple chunks and chips. Oh wait I think I will add some pickles as well." I started laughing at Bella. I don't know if she realized it but all of her foods technically started with a P.

Esme shook her head at us. "No thanks I'm going to meet Carlisle after this for lunch. Why don't you two come for dinner tonight though, everyone else would like to see you both, okay?" I nodded at her as she rose to leave.

"Hey, if you don't mind… can you keep it a secret that we were here all weekend?" Esme just nodded at us and left.

"Guess we dodged a bullet there didn't we?" Bella just laughed and moved back towards the kitchen. "You ready with my P lunch yet?" I asked as I followed behind her. She simply broke out laughing at me.

"I hadn't thought about it that way but yeah I guess your P lunch is ready silly."

"Then by all means, wife of mine, let's eat." I motioned towards the table and took our plates to sit and eat lunch with her. I wasn't certain that life could get any better than this moment right now.

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**So what did you think? Let me know,you know I love to hear from you:)**


	29. Chapter 28 Heaven

**A/N:Dear Ladies-so sorry this is so late, I swear this was ffn's fault! I tried to post so much earlier and it just didn't work out:( Again we are almost done here. Just one more regular chapter and then the epi. It makes me so sad to see another story come to an end. I hope it has finally made you all happy with me, it was very theraputic to write it. This story started out with some of my real life circumstances and changed to the ending I would liked to have seen (it didn't end this way for me but it's all good cause I did get my happily ever after, after all) so thank you for letting me work through my own issues by writing this story. My beautiful beta got back to me in like two hours, she is amazing. Seriously, Jen thanks for sticking with me when so many others bailed. Your comments and suggestions are right one and I love you lots for all the help! To my first ffn bestie- EA, we have increased our circle and that is good! But just know that I love you for being my bestie for so long before I met anyone else. You will always be my Peaches, no matter what! To mommymac0508-thanks for being my first regular reviewer! No matter how many I get per chapter, I still look forward to yours. You make my heart beat faster when I see the notice pop up! To all the rest of you- you are without a doubt the best readers ever! Even when you're giving me shit because you don't like Bella. Seriously you all are the best ever!**

**The song used in this chapter is Heaven by Bryan Adams **

**Now with this long ass A/N over with...on with the show!

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Chapter 28- Heaven**

**Bella**

The month after our wedding seemed to settle into a nice routine. Most days we would wake up, eat, Edward would play his music, and I would read. Then we'd eat lunch, usually with Carlisle and Esme since the rest of the gang has drifted off to college again. I would putter around the house; we'd eat dinner and then bed. It would seem like a routine that would get so boring after a few days of it but I felt so far from bored. I loved it, all of it! I couldn't wait to add Makenna into our life.

Each day I seemed to get bigger and bigger and my patience began to wear thin waiting for her to get here. Esme and even Sue tried to keep me busy but it was hard to take this one event off my mind for long. I had signed up for pregnancy yoga at the gym. That did help fill a few hours each week and then I would walk the track while Edward worked out. When we both were done he would meet me at the swimming pool and we would swim for a while together. It felt so good to be in the water, to feel so light again. Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant, I just hated the waiting. I wanted my daughter here with me, so I could hold her in my arms and watch her experience everything for the first time. Edward seemed just as excited and anxious as I was, it helped to know he felt the same.

My weekly doctor appointments helped as well. I got to hear her heartbeat each week, and several times I got to actually see her again. Neither filled the longing that actually holding her would solve, but it was nice to be able to see and hear her just the same.

I was home alone on a cold February morning. Edward had gone to meet Carlisle for lunch. I was supposed to meet Sue and do a little last minute shopping for Makenna, however she cancelled at the last minute, as she needed to go and help take care of Quil's grandmother. Mrs. Atera was getting up in age and she was frequently sick. Sue said it was an honor to help take care of the elder's in the tribe just as the younger generation would do for her. I didn't blame her one bit, and encouraged her to stay in La Push to help out. After all I wasn't a baby and could take care of myself for a few hours alone.

I made a light lunch since I didn't feel like eating much after my busy morning. I ate and then went to lie down. I was tired because the nesting instinct had hit me big time. I went through Makenna's entire room again. I washed every single item she had, re-folded it, and put it away. Then I started on the plastic bowls and lids cabinet in the kitchen. I had sorted, organized and put them all back away. Then I moved on to the laundry room. I had no idea how we had lived in this house for such a short amount of time and yet I still needed to do such actions as I had spent today doing. I knew that with all the activity I had over done things but I couldn't help it. I was a simple slave to the hormones; they were the ones that were in actual control of my body. I decided to take a quick nap before Edward got home.

I awoke to the cell phone ringing. I rubbed my eyes and reached to answer it. "Hello." I yawned in greeting.

"Bella? Are you okay, I have been trying for about a half an hour to reach you." Edward sounded frantic.

"I'm fine, I took a nap upstairs. I guess I left the house phone downstairs, sorry. Where are you?" I asked suddenly confused as to why he wasn't home with me by now.

"We're waiting on a tow truck. Carlisle's Mercedes had a blow out and he hit the guardrail when he was trying to control it. No big deal, we aren't hurt at all it just messed up the front end and he can't drive it. Charlie's on his way to come and pick us up and take us back to my car." Edward's voice seemed calm and in control so I guess that he was telling me the truth but I just had a funny feeling in my gut about it all. "Why don't you go and rest some more and I will see you when I get home. Keep this phone with you though so I can get to you if I need to. Okay?" I answered Edward's suggestion with a loud yawn.

"Sounds good to me, pick up dinner on your way home if you don't mind. I had a light lunch and now I am getting hungry." I asked and before he could answer I blurted out. "Why don't you get some chicken fried steak from the diner? And bring me a piece of their apple pie too, please." Again pregnancy is in control, not me obviously.

Edward's deep chuckle alerted me that he was perfectly fine with the choice I made for dinner. "Sure, baby, anything for my girls. I'll be home soon."

"Okay, love you." I rubbed my back as I answered. Sitting on the floor was too much for me at this stage in my pregnancy, obviously.

"Love you too."

I flipped the phone closed and drifted off immediately. When I woke up my back was killing me and my phone was ringing in my ear again. It was black outside.

"Hello?"

"Hey, we ended up waiting here at the hospital for Esme. Charlie picked us up and then had to drop us off here when he got called out the help Port Angeles guys for a multiple car pile-up. So we called Esme and she is coming to pick us up. I'm so sorry to leave you alone like this. As soon as I get back to their house and get my car I swear I am coming right home. I will pick you up and we can go and eat together, okay?" He sounded rushed and scared.

"Edward, it's fine. I'm fine, I have slept the whole time anyway. Wow, I guess I needed that nap." I sat up and stretched when a sharp pain hit me. "Holy shit."

"What? What was that for? Bella?" Edward almost shouted in the phone. It was hard to hold the phone away and suffer through the sharp pain I felt in my side.

The pain subsided and I stood to try to stretch my body out and ease the ache it left behind. "It was nothing Edward, just a muscle spasm in my back. I think I tried to do too much today that's all." My attempts at easing his worry didn't work at all, in fact he seemed even more worked up at the thought that I had done too much.

"Bella? What have I told you, you need to slow down and not do too much now, your body is not ready to do that much no matter how much it tells you that it is. You need to go and take a warm bath. Not hot, warm. Please, I'm on my way, promise me that you won't do anything else tonight, okay?"

"Okay, I'm going to run a bath now and I will wait for you to get home I promise."

"Okay, we're hurrying. Love you!" He called out as I heard him relaying the info to Carlisle.

"Love you too." My response to him was cut short as he disconnected the call in his haste to get back to me.

I ran a warm bath and dipped down in the deep tub. I was so thankful Mrs. Cope was apparently a soaker because she had a nice deep tub. I was never one for a bath but this one felt like it was straight from heaven. My back immediately began to feel better as soon as the warm water soaked into my skin. I grabbed my phone and pulled up the book I was reading. It couldn't get much better than this, bubble bath with fragrant bubbles to relax me, a book and some peace and quiet. My feet looked pruney so I stood to get out of the bathtub before the water got cold. I dried off, and slipped into my jammies, warm fuzzy ones and threw on some socks too.

I checked the phone to make sure I hadn't missed a call from Edward and made sure to bring it with me as I descended the steps to grab a bite to eat. I couldn't wait on Edward anymore, I was officially starving. I pulled out a granola bar to stave off the worst of the hunger and I opened the phone to call Edward to tell him not to worry about me anymore. Just as I heard his hello, I felt the pop and water run down my legs. Immediately I felt the sharp stab of pain again. I was in labor, my water had just broke. Frantically yelling into the phone for Edward, "Edward my water just broke, it's too soon. My due date isn't for two weeks." I didn't know if this was as big of a problem as I thought it was or not.

"Bella, where are you?" I heard him relaying to Carlisle that my water had broke.

"In the kitchen, I came to get something to eat because I was starving."

"Okay, Carlisle says to go and sit down, carefully. Don't slip in the water." Edward advised.

"Gross, Edward, I am not sitting on my couch! I am soaking wet, I will ruin the couch!"

"Bella, I will buy you a new couch, you need to sit down, now. Just in case." The pleading tone to his voice cause my body to move without any further worries about the furniture. As soon as my bottom hit the seat I immediately felt like I needed to be doing something else. Something to get ready to go to the hospital. "Edward, my bag isn't packed and neither is Makenna's. I need to go and pack."

"No, Bella, just stay seated. We're only about fifteen minutes from you and Esme will help me pack you a bag, okay?" He sounded frantic. "Just stay on the phone with me love, please. I need to hear you and know that you are okay until I can get there."

"Okay." I relaxed knowing that he was almost to me, I would be with him in a few minutes, I just had to hold on until then. I heard Carlisle asking a bunch of questions and Edward answering them for him. I just sat and listened to Edward's soothing voice.

Only one thought struck me as important at this moment. "Edward, Makenna is going to be here soon."

"I know, baby, I know. Are you excited?"

"I can't believe the wait is over." I was dumbstruck with awe that I was finally going to get to hold my baby when another pain shot through me. "Holy shit, Edward!"

"What, Bella, what is it? Is that a contraction?" I could only nod my head knowing that it would not give me any answers at this point. "Bella, are you alright?" I could practically see Edward pulling his hair out at the entire situation. I began to pant in the phone through the contraction so he would hear me. It was the best I could do with the amount of pain the contraction brought to my body. Edward was calling out to Carlisle about the contraction and my panting. I heard Carlisle answer that it was a natural response and that he would call Dr. Jones for us. "Bella, do you know how far apart they are now?" Edward tender voice asked.

"I don't know, I had one when I got out of the bathtub, then one when I got down here and then just now. Maybe about ten minutes apart or so?"

"Dr. Jones, told us to get you and bring you into the hospital. We are pulling into the driveway now, is the door locked?"

"Yes, I locked it when I went up for a nap."

"Good girl, okay I have my key." I flipped the phone closed and rushed, well rushed as fast as a pregnant girl could, to the front door to meet Edward. Right now, he was the only person I needed. Not even Carlisle's medical knowledge would ease my fears, just Edward and his presence.

I stopped far enough away from the door to not get hit by it when he swung it open and it was a good thing I had some foresight. Because Edward swung the door open and charged in like the place was on fire. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry I left you and you were alone." He pulled me into his arms and I resisted.

"Edward, I'm soaked. You don't want to get wet." He pulled me back into him and kissed me.

"I don't care if I have to wear wet clothes for a week, I'm so glad to be home with you. How do you feel?"

"Uhm, well wet." Esme giggled at me and pulled my hand towards the stairs.

"Let's go pack us some bags so we can get to the hospital and have us a baby." I followed Esme as did Edward. Carlisle hung back and said he would clean up in the kitchen.

Esme, Edward and I worked together to get me cleaned up and change, and a bag packed for both Makenna and I. We were out the door and on the way to the hospital in about thirty minutes and about four contractions. Edward had set his phone to time them and we now knew that they were about eight minutes apart. Carlisle assured us that we had plenty of time and if not then he had delivered plenty of babies. This caused a riot from Esme.

"Carlisle, you are not delivering my grandchild in the back seat of a car. Bella will get to the hospital and have this baby in a bed, like she is supposed to. Besides, she doesn't want you all up in her lady business anyways. That's gross!" She wrinkled her nose and made a face.

"Es, I will do what I have to do. If that baby wants to be born before we get there I can do it! Do I want to? No, for the same reason that Bella doesn't want me to, I don't want to be all up in her lady business but I will."

Edward took control of the situation as a giggle escaped me. "No one is getting in her lady business, we are about five minutes from the hospital and I can deliver the baby if I need to, so stop, both of you."

I was so overcome with emotion at the simple thought of Edward delivering our baby that tears ran down my face. Of course he took that moment to look over at me.

"Bella are you okay, does it hurt?" His hands ghosted over me as if he was unsure where to allow them to land on me.

I shook my head and pulled him into a kiss. "You would deliver our baby?" I asked and the three remaining people in the car let go of a breath simultaneously.

"Bella, you scared the hell out of me. Are you hurting?" He asked again. I shook my head again just as a contraction began its evil climb across my abdomen. I grabbed Edwards hand and held on.

"Carlisle that's only been six minutes. Hurry." I began to pant and Edward watched me closely. He stroked my hair and told me what a great job I was doing and rubbed my back. Between the freaking hormones and his sweet actions I was a blubbering mess. I would be so glad to have everything back on an even level again.

Just as my contraction ended we pulled up to the hospital, a nurse rushed out with a wheelchair and I sat down in it. There was no way I was walking anywhere, my legs felt too weak.

Edward and Esme walked down the hall behind me in my wheelchair and the nurse. We looked like a panicked, strange parade here in the hospital. I glanced over my shoulder to see Edward's face. It was a mixture of panic and happiness. When he caught my eyes, he rushed forward and took my hand. It made such a difference to know that Edward was with me in this. No matter what he was not going to leave me, nor would he ever leave Makenna.

Tears at the thought of doing this alone sprung to my eyes just as we stopped at the nurse's desk. The nurse left me to go and find out the room number I would need to settle into. Edward dropped down to look into my eyes, I felt his gaze search my face. Satisfaction was quickly replaced by fear when he noticed the tears. "Baby, you okay?" I nodded and smiled at him.

"I'm just emotional, that's all." I laughed weakly through the tears. I didn't want to tell Edward the real reason for the tears and make him worry that I wasn't in the right place to bring our baby into the world. All of those doubts and fears were behind me. I knew that Edward loved me and our baby and he was happy, I knew that my mom and Phil loved me and would be happy-therefore I would be happy.

Another contraction ripped through my body and I leaned over to hold my stomach. Edward grabbed my hand and held on to me, rubbing small circles on my skin. Carlisle caught up with us at that moment and knelt beside Edward and me. "Bella, breath. When you hold your breath you're fighting against your body." Carlisle began to imitate the breathing pattern I should be following. I matched his and the contraction began to subside. As my face returned to normal, his did as well. "That's a girl. Good job." He smoothed my hair and I saw the excitement glint in his eyes as we sat inches apart.

"This is going to drive you crazy not to be there, isn't it?" I asked, as I could see the ever-present doctor in Carlisle coming out.

"No, I'll be just fine in the waiting room with all the other Grandpa's. Besides who is gonna keep Charlie company if I'm in the room with you?"

I realized that in the haste to get to the hospital I forgot to call Charlie. Carlisle patted my knee as he spoke. "Don't worry I called him as I parked the car. He's on his way. He's on duty but he will be off in about two hours."

"Thanks, I forgot him." I said sheepishly.

"It's a lot to worry about at that moment, it's okay."

The nurse returned and we began our exodus to the room. Carlisle and Esme left our bags with Edward and I in the room and made their way to wait for Charlie. Edward helped me out of my now wet clothes and into a hospital gown. We had to stop twice for a contraction but I was able to breathe right through them. I did have to admit that it was getting harder to do so, though.

When I was settled into the bed, all hooked up to the monitors and such, Dr. Jones came in and checked to see how far I was dilated. "Wow, Bella. You must have been having lots of cramps today because you are at about 6 inches dilated now. How long have you been hurting?" She asked as she removed a glove and tossed it in the trash.

"Well all day now but for the most part it just felt like a backache or slight cramps. Only the last hour or so have I been having contractions." She made several notations in the chart and Edward began to give her the run down about the exact time and length of my contractions that I had while he was with me. I wasn't even aware that he was timing the things so this surprised me. For a split second I doubted his decision to change his career decision. I squashed it and decided that Edward was free to choose for himself. He didn't need me second guessing things for him.

Another contraction hit me and I doubled over, well as much as a pregnant woman can, with the pain. Edward held my hand and breathed with me through it but this one was so intense. Dr. Jones offered an epidural and I immediately took her up on the offer.

After the painful process of sitting still during the contractions and a doctor shoving a needle the size of a ruler in your back (at least that's what it felt like) for my epidural, I was able to sit back and rest. By the time the epidural had taken over the contractions were hard and fast. I really hated to complain because it did take all of the pain away. I would sit in any crazy contortionist position I needed to in order to get a break from the pain.

Edward's eyes never left my monitor now that I was out of pain and semi sleeping. I could hear his breathing speed up with each contraction that came across my numb body. I was just thankful that I really couldn't feel them any longer. I was almost asleep when the nurse came in to check the monitor and I heard Edward whisper to her. "The heart rate keeps going down when her contractions hit the peak, is that normal?" I was instantly awake. There was no way this was happening! I had carried this baby, felt her move, loved her, and cherished her all this time and I would not give up on her. The nurse quietly murmured back to Edward as I strained to listen.

A few moments later Dr. Jones as well as Carlisle came into the room. My eyes darted from person to person waiting for the one to crack and tell me what was going to happen now. Dr. Jones must have drawn the short straw because she stepped closer to me as she watched the heart monitor. "Bella, we have been watching Makenna's heart rate for a little while now. After your epidural, her heart seems to slow when you have a contraction." My eyes misted over, I couldn't lose her. Not now, not after all Edward and I had to struggle through to get back to where we are. She needed to be with us. I angrily wiped away the tears that slid down my cheek and forced myself to listen to her. "It may be nothing, let's check you and see how you're progressing. You may be fully dilated and ready to push." Her gentle smile let me know that she understood and was willing to do all in her power to get our baby here safely. "Just keep in mind that if I feel it is necessary I will take you to a surgery suite and do a C-Section right away. I won't let this wait and see, you got me." She patted my leg and pulled the sheet back. After she lifted my leg and adjusted my foot she crammed her hand all up in mu business. There was no pain but it certainly felt like there should have been. Any worries about where her hand was wiped away when a large smile came across her face. "Okay, looks like it's time for us to have a baby."

The room erupted into chaos. Every single person in the room began to move and make plans. The nurses got the bed ready, Dr. Jones pulled on a gown and mask, Carlisle made a bee line for the door and Esme flew in to take my hand. When everyone was in place and the pushing instructions were given I looked up at Edward. His face wore a readable expression of love, excitement and a small amount of fear. I was determined to do this for him, to have our baby without any more complications. We deserved this much.

At Dr. Jones queue I began to push. I pushed with all of my might, feeling Edward's strong arms around me and his voice in my ear coaching me through it all helped me more than I can say. I begged, pleaded and prayed through each push.

_Please let her be okay and let her get here. I need her, we need her. I love her._

At 11:52 pm and after several of the most intense pushes, Makenna Grace Masen-Cullen made her entrance into the world. Screaming her head off. Edward's expression was indescribable as he cut the cord and helped carry her over to be cleaned up. I lay watching the two of them, as soon as Edward's finger touched Makenna's she quieted right down. Her screams became grunts and low protests. She was beautiful. When the nurse was done with her she bundled her up and gave her to Edward. He brought her to me. The three of us lay in bed just looking at each other. My heart exploded with love and joy. Everything I could ever want right here in my arms.

As soon as Dr. Jones was finished with me and the bed was returned to normal, both Grandpas' were escorted into the room. Esme called Alice, Jasper, Em and Rosalie. I talked to them while the Charlie and Carlisle fawned over Makenna. I dozed contentedly as my family moved around me, my body was exhausted but my heart was full.

I startled awake at Makenna's crying. The lights were dimmed and it was empty of people except for me, Edward and Makenna. I felt terrible for sleeping through the visit. Edward's body rocked our baby girl and sang sweetly to her. She would quiet when his voice carried down the small distance to her but when he got to a part that he hummed she would stir again.

_**Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms**_

_**I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**_

My precarious hormones clicked into overdrive to hear my husband singing something so sweet to our new daughter. I broke down and sobbed. Edward turned at the sound and rushed to the bedside.

"Are you alright?" He sat beside me and placed Makenna down between us. Her little eyes opened and she looked all around the room. She stopped moving when she landed on me. I smiled and wiped away the tears.

"I'm perfectly fine, you were too sweet there singing to her. Damn hormones." He chuckled as I said it.

"Well, I'm sorry we woke you up but I do think she's hungry. I have been playing with her and singing for about a half an hour now but she is getting restless." He suddenly ran his hand across the back of his neck and a blush broke out across his face. "The nurse said if you wanted to breast feed she would be happy to come in and help or she would bring us a bottle if we needed it." Now the blush made sense.

"Well, I have talked about it with Dr. Jones and I think I'm going to breastfeed. They say it's better for the baby, at least until they are six months or so. I figured that I could until we get back to school. Then we will see how things go."

"If that's what you want, far be it for me to tell you that you can't sit with your breasts out half the day, that will never happen."

"Okay, so then let's get the nurse and get our feed on."

After a few pointers, Makenna latched right on and was nursing away quietly. Edward sat with us, precariously perched on the edge of the bed. I shifted slightly to make room for him and he snuggled closer to us both. One of his arms wrapped around me and one wrapped around Makenna. He hummed and sang the song to me that he was singing earlier when I woke up. Again it made tears flow.

I burped, changed and positioned Makenna back on the other side to finish feeding. I enjoyed the silence with her, listening to her swallow, and her small sighs of contentment.

"She's perfect, my mom would love her. Phil too, he was sucker for kids." Edward simply nodded at my statement. Nothing more needed to be said. I tucked into Edward's side and fell asleep with him singing to us.

_**Oh, thinking about all our younger years, there was only you and me**_

_**We were young and wild and free**_

_**Now nothing can take you away from me**_

_**We've been down that road before but that's over now**_

_**You keep me coming back for more**_

_**Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms**_

_**I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**_

_**And is all that I need and I found it there in your heart**_

_**It isn't too hard to see, we're in heaven**_

_**Oh, once in your life you find someone**_

_**Who will turn your world around, bring you up when you're feeling down**_

_**Yeah, nothing could change what you mean to me**_

_**Oh, there's lots that I could say but just hold me now**_

_**Cause our love with light the way**_

_**Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms**_

_**I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**_

_**And is all that I need and I found it there in your heart**_

_**It isn't too hard to see, we're in heaven**_

_**I've been waiting for so long, for something to arrive**_

_**For love to come along, now our dreams are coming true**_

_**Through the good time and the bad, yeah, I'll be standing right there by you**_

_**Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms**_

_**I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**_

_**And is all that I need and I found it there in your heart**_

_**It isn't too hard to see, we're in heaven.**_

"I love you Bella, I mean every single word of that song." I fell asleep knowing that he did and for once without a doubt in my heart.

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**E/N: A small side note...I have an one shot that I donated to Fandom Fights the Floods. It is a new story so I hope you all enjoy it. Please head over and donate a simple small $5 to get an unbelievable list of people who donated one shots, some new some to stories that you already read! It's a small amount but can do so much when we combine them! Please check out my profile for a link to where you can donate and see the list of names. Thanks!**

**Once more...let me know what you liked of disliked about it! I live for your comments**


	30. Chapter 29 In My Daughter's Eyes

**A/N: Last regular chapter, sniff sniff. Nothing new to say, said it all last time:)**

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**Chapter 29- In My Daughter's Eyes**

**Edward**

Holding Bella's hand and watching her pain as she pushed with all of her might was indescribable. She was a fighter; fighting against nature, against the naysayers, against the forces that were trying to keep happiness just out of our reach. I have never seen determination like I saw in her eyes. She was willing to work as hard as she needed to in order to get our sweet baby girl here as quickly as she could. Bella was making sure that Makenna got here quick enough so that she didn't have to be subjected to any more dips in her heart rate. So that the danger was over and our girl was in our arms, right where she belonged. It was also Bella's way of fighting for us, showing me that the most important people in her life were in this room and she was now strong enough to fight for us as a family. Our happiness meant more than anything else. I finally felt the last piece of the wall that stood between Bella and I fall and shatter at our feet.

Tears stood at the edge of Bella's eyes. I didn't know the exact cause of them, whether they were emotions or pain, but I gripped her hand tighter and followed the doctor's instructions. I counted with her, I breathed with her and prayed that what we were doing was enough. After just a few pushes, I lost exact count, I could see Makenna's head crowning. Bella seemed so tired and almost ready to give up. Before I knew what I was doing I took her hand and lead it down to where Makenna's head was just barely poking out. "That's our girl, right there. She is almost here with us. Push, Bella, get her here." Dr. Jones' mouth stood open in shock but it was the encouragement that Bella needed. She pulled her legs back just a little further, sat up and dropped her chin to her chest. When that next contraction hit Bella pushed with inhuman strength. My eyes shifted back and forth between Bella's exhausted face and Makenna's head making its entrance. Inch by inch, Makenna eased out. I whispered to Bella, "I can see her ears and forehead." Bella pushed harder.

Before I could give the update Dr. Jones called out to Bella. "Hold on the head's out, rest for a few seconds, we need to clean her up." I could see Dr. Jones moving around and the nurses begin to move in closer in preparation. I stood staring down at Bella, she was enthralled at what the doctor was doing but I was enthralled at her. She was sweaty; her hair was wild and splayed all around her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes shone with unshed tears. She was simply breathtaking. I have never been more in love with her than I was at this exact moment. Bella must have felt my gaze roaming over her because she looked back towards me and mouthed 'I love you'. I leaned down to kiss her, my silent return of her sentiment. Dr. Jones called out to Bella. "Okay, dear on the next contraction, let's push her out." Esme and I each gripped Bella's hand and Bella sat forward in preparation to push.

Sure enough with the next push at 11:52 pm Makenna Grace was born. Dr. Jones looked up at me and asked the age old question. "Daddy, would you like to cut the cord?" I nodded my acceptance as I looked at Bella. She was staring at our baby girl. So I stepped down and took the scissors and cut in the area where Dr. Jones indicated.

Once the cord was cut the nurses rushed Makenna over to the bassinet and cleaned her up. I felt drawn to her as if by cutting the cord that detached her from Bella actually created a cord between her and I. I stepped over and took in every single inch of her tiny little body. She was so beautiful. She had a combination of mine and Bella's hair coloring. It was most the dark coffee colored that Bella had given her with the crazy mix of bronze that she inherited from me. Her eye color was all mine but the shape was definitely Bella's, as were her eyebrows. Makenna also had Bella's skin tone and nose, but her jaw and lips were exact copies of mine. The nurse called out her weight, six pounds nine ounces. It looks like she will be closer to Bella's frame than mine. I had to give thanks for that, I didn't want my little girl to be a giant freak of nature taller than all the boys so that they were afraid to ask her out. Wait, on second thought that might not be such a bad thing.

Esme drifted over and held Makenna's little hand. Her cries could be heard from all over the room. She was definitely not happy with the treatment the nurses were giving her. Once she was all cleaned up and her footprints were done, the nurse showed me how to put a diaper on her. I left the clothes to the experts though, I wasn't sure I was ready to put clothes on her when she seemed to have little control over her tiny body. The more I talked to her the calmer she became and she almost settled completely when the nurse laid her in my shaking arms. I gazed down at her in wonder; she was as breathtaking as her mother was. I knew without a doubt that she would hold my heart in the palm of her hand; I was completely taken with her.

I glanced over at Bella. She was lying perfectly still in bed, just watching Makenna and I. I moved towards her, I wanted to present Bella with our daughter. "Look at her, Bella, she's so beautiful. She looks like both of us." Tears formed at the corner of my eyes. I was overcome with gratitude that all the tiny decisions that ended up taking us down the path that led us to this moment had happened. As hard as they were to live through at the time I was thankful for them at this moment. And I certainly wouldn't trade a single moment of it away.

I snapped out of my mental gratitude when Bella reached out her arms for Makenna. The second Bella's arms wrapped around Makenna all noise ceased. Bella spoke softly to her and Makenna just stared at her mommy. It was beyond words.

Soon all the activity of the birth ceased and nurses were now all gone from the room. It left a nice quiet void. Esme had also stepped out to retrieve Charlie and Carlisle. I watched Bella talk to our daughter.

I drifted back over to the bedside and joined Bella while she talked about Makenna's features. We talked about each feature that she had contributed to her. Bella was thankful that she had my green eyes. I however, was sad about this fact. I wanted her to have Bella's warm rich brown eyes. Bella was also thankful for the combination of our hair coloring, she did comment that it looked like Makenna's would be somewhat unruly like mine. It was curlier than Bella's so that must have come from me as well. Bella echoed my sentiments that we were just glad she was here and perfectly healthy.

All at once Charlie, Carlisle and Esme rushed back into the room. They brought flowers, balloons and stuffed animals. I handed Makenna over to Esme who supervised the grandfathers and I made my way to Bella's bed. I scooted as close to her as I could and wrapped my arms around her. She began to doze off as I spoke softly to her. I told her how magnificent she was, how proud I was of her and how beautiful our baby girl was. I kissed her temple and really just wanted to get closer. I wanted to climb inside and just be with her if that were possible. Since I knew it wasn't possible I settled with just laying next to her, holding her while she slept.

I watched as Esme, Charlie and Carlisle fawned over Makenna. Esme helped change a diaper and then the three reluctantly left us in order to go and get some dinner. Each face was lit with joy when they left and I was sure that Bella would be thrilled to see that joy written on Charlie's face again. In fact it was written on all of our faces again. It was nice to share this moment with the ones that stood with us during the hard times.

I couldn't put Makenna down. I knew that so many people said to let them get used to sleeping by themselves and that you should put them down before they fall asleep. But friggen' sue me, my daughter was here in my arms and I was not putting her down for any reason! I held her and talked to her. I sang to her. I changed her. It was only a slightly wet diaper but still I did it by myself and that part made my proud. The satisfaction of taking care of my daughter caught me by surprise. I knew that I would love her but to feel this sense of satisfaction at the simple act of changing her diaper was a huge surprise.

I settled down on the window seat. I alternated between watching her sleep and taking in the lights of the city. I thought back to all that lay ahead of us and marveled that my life had turned around in such a short amount of time. In a few months I had everything I had ever wanted. I closed my eyes as a few tears slipped from my eyes and came to rest on Makenna's face. As a quiet chuckle escaped my lips I reached up to wipe the evidence away from her face. Glancing over at Bella again, I said a small prayer of thanks to God for allowing all of this to work out. I was blessed beyond measure that was for sure. I wondered silently if this was what heaven would be like, because really this was all I needed in heaven to be perfectly happy with it.

Makenna stirred in my arms and I began to gently rock and sing to her. I sang words that came straight from my brain, no though, no particular song really. Just my feelings to her.

_**Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms**_

_**I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**_

She settled down but continued to make small noises whenever I stopped singing. So I sang to her every single song I knew, well the ones that were soft enough to calm her down.

I stuttered for a few seconds when the nurse came in. I have never sung in front of someone else before, just my family and Bella.

"Oh, don't stop. She loves it." The nurse nodded her head indicating the perfect baby girl lying in my arms.

"Yeah, she does. I think I have sung every single song I know." I laughed. "But if I stop she starts to fuss and Bella is so tired. I was trying to let her sleep for a few more hours or so." I shrugged, not knowing if what I was saying was even possible.

Just then Makenna began to fuss a little and mouth around on her fist. I wasn't positive but she looked hungry. "See how she's doing that?" The nurse's hand came up and pulled the blanket back so that Makenna's entire face was on display. "That means she's hungry. She will do that or else she will turn towards any skin contact that she feels; they call it rooting. She might need to eat soon no matter what you do." I blanched at this thought. I could change a little wet diaper but feeding, well that was too scary to even think about me doing. I had no idea how to do that, at all. "Do you know how your wife plans to feed her? Breast or bottle?"

I just shook my head no. "Bella was still up in the air about this, I heard her tell Esme that she wanted to try but just wasn't sure. She knew very little about breastfeeding."

"It's okay. We have a Lactation Consultant on staff, she can come around and help you guys figure things out. You call me when Bella wakes up if she wants to and I will get Charlotte up here to help you out. Okay?" I nodded.

After a few minutes of her checking Makenna over, she left. She said she would be back a little later to check Bella out. For now she would let her sleep. So, I went back to holding and singing to my girl again.

_**Baby, you're all that I want, when you're lying here in my arms**_

_**I'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven**_

I heard a sob rip through the room and looked over to see Bella crying. I rushed to her side and found her to be in the throws of a hormonal cry as she called it. Bella smiled and wiped away the tears as she gazed down at Makenna. The blush of embarrassment quickly took over my face as I tried to find a way to ask my wife if she was interested in breastfeeding. Not gonna lie, I wanted to see her hold Makenna up to her bare breast and feed her. Not just for the obvious reason but it just felt like Bella would be providing so much more to her by being everything she needed. By being Makenna's complete source of life.

I rushed through explaining and was overjoyed to hear Bella say that she was still interested in it. In fact she seemed to be enthusiastic about it. Responding with, "Go and get the nurse so we can get our feed on." I dashed out of the room and down to pull our nurse aside. Within no time Charlotte was in our room and showing Bella and I all the tips to make breastfeeding go easily. Makenna was obviously a very hungry girl because with just a few tries she latched on and began to nosily eat. Charlotte left us with her number to call in case we had any questions and left us alone to enjoy our bonding time.

I couldn't help myself I slid into the bed as best I could and wrapped my arms around both Bella and Makenna. I was content to enjoy this silence but I could tell that Bella was thinking about something. The way her forehead dipped down and her teeth worked her lip around between them. I waited for her to bring it up, for her to get her thoughts in order before I she spoke about it.

When she finally did speak it was about the exact subject that I thought she would need to talk about; her mom and Phil. She talked about how proud they would be of Makenna, I mentally added that they would be so proud of her as well. I knew without a doubt that her mom would be happy for Bella. Renee's free spirit ensured that she never put boundaries or restrictions on Bella growing up. She allowed Bella to make her own choices and it has worked out for the best for Bella. Renee was never one held down by convention and what society thought you should do, she was more of an 'if it feels good do it' kind of philosopher. She wouldn't be bothered by our age or what order we did things. If at the end of the day things were okay then she was okay as well. I agreed with her and pulled her close again.

After she burped, change and repositioned Makenna, I began to sing again. The next time I looked down both of my girls were sound asleep. I drifted off after the long day myself, perfectly content to lay in this small hospital bed with them.

By about five o'clock the next afternoon, Bella was going stir crazy. She wanted to be at home, with all of her stuff and away from the constant noise and activity of the hospital. And she made sure to tell Carlisle this when he and Esme stopped by to see her.

And Carlisle being the great doctor that he, not to mention father, pulled some strings and got Dr. Jones to allow Bella and Makenna to go home. We packed up all of the balloons and flower arrangements and made a hasty retreat to the house. Carlisle and Esme followed. They stopped to pick up some dinner, so that Bella and I would have a few minutes of quiet to get settled in.

Bella buckled Makenna in and snapped her seatbelt in place as well. I checked my mirrors again, and cautiously drove off from the hospital. Makenna was ours, only ours now. No one else checking up on us, making sure we were doing things the right way. Making sure that no harm would come to our daughter through our stupidity. I began to feel a panic creep up. What if we did fuck her up? What if we made a rookie mistake that we didn't know about? The fear and panic was clawing its way up my throat and causing some rapid breathing to begin. I took a deep breath and glanced back at Bella in the rear view mirror. She was looking down into the car seat. One of Makenna's tiny hands was wrapped around Bella's finger. The gaze on Bella's face held indescribable love and joy. I watched for a few seconds as Bella talked with our daughter. And I realized that we would make some mistakes, but nothing that would be big; nothing worthy of the panic attack that I was heading for. We loved that precious child more than words and that alone would keep us from harming her. By the time the light had turned green, my breathing had returned to normal and I drove off without comment about the slight glitch in my feelings.

Life with Bella and Makenna was absolutely fucking perfect. Makenna was a great baby, she ate, slept and in between she played with us. Bella teased me that I was too attached to her and wouldn't be able to return to class and the crazy schedule that it required when it was time. I made light of her jokes but deep inside I felt like she might be right.

Bella and I spent time looking at houses near Dartmouth. We spoke to a realtor on the phone and she agreed to go and take more pictures of several houses for us. We narrowed it down to three houses, after looking at the pictures Irina sent us it was plain to see that Bella and I both only had one favorite now. We called Irina back and told her about our interest in the house. She asked us to fly out for the weekend and look at it in person. I talked it over with Bella, she agreed but refused to leave Makenna. So I booked three seats on a flight out of Seattle. We would stay for five days, for no other reason than we could. I wanted to see where Bella spent her time without me and get a feel for the school myself. Besides I could meet with the advisor that I had made contact with. I knew that this was where I was supposed to be. Everything had worked in my favor and too many doors opened up for it to be by chance. Peter, my peer advisor, gave me plenty of helpful tips in each and every email he sent to me. I couldn't wait to get started. Music had been such a large part of my life for so long and now to finally commit to making it my life felt so liberating.

Bella was so afraid that Carlisle and Esme would be so angry with my decision, but they took it in stride and admitted that they knew some changes would need to be made now that my situation had changed.

_I pulled Bella into the study where I knew that Carlisle and Esme had retreated to. Alice and Rose were downstairs doting on Makenna so this was our chance to talk to them about everything. I knocked softly, not wanting to disturb them if they wanted to be alone. That idea was cast aside as soon as Carlisle called for us to come in. Bella still hesitated as I shifted forward through the door. Esme was snuggled up against Carlisle's side on the couch, each of them reading a book. They both cast them aside when Bella and I entered the room. _

"_Edward, Bella, what's going on?" _

"_Bella and I would like to talk with you two. We have made some plans that we want to let you in on." _

_Esme sat up a little as she waved for us to take the love seat across from the two of them. _

"_We kind of expected this, I actually expected it sooner. Let's hear what you have in mind." Esme seemed to radiate sadness but a sliver of happiness was mixed in, letting me know that she understood the need for us to move away again and continue on with our lives. _

_I sat down and dropped my forearms down onto my knees. It would be a lot harder to tell them this news now that I was looking at them face to face. Bella's hand slid down my arms and rested against the bare skin that my rolled up shirts sleeve left. It comforted me beyond measure. I took in a deep breath and began to explain our plans. _

"_A few months ago I sent in an application to Dartmouth. I applied to their music program." I heard a sharp intake of breath. I dropped my head to steel myself to continue on. "I got a letter about a week after Makenna was born, I was accepted. They will transfer over several of my courses and I can take two summer courses and be finished at the same time Bella is." I turned to glance at her sweet face, anything to reassure me that we were making the right moves. This was a pretty scary move to not only take ourselves but our daughter across the country from both of our families. _

"_Edward, that is fantastic." Carlisle moved to the front of his seat and his face showed the approval he felt. _

"_I just figured that it would be easier for me to go back with Bella. She can't do this alone and I can't be away from her or our daughter." I held up my hands mimicking my thoughts. "It was the only option. It won't be easy but we can do it together." I glanced at Bella again before I finished. "I know we can."_

"_Oh, you two." Esme said as she stood up and began her move towards us both. When she wrapped her arms around me she was crying softly into my shoulder. She pulled away wiping her tears off and tried to smile. "I knew this was coming and even as much as I prepared for it, it is so hard." She smiled a little larger this time. "Please don't mistake my tears, I am so proud of you two. You will do so well at school and be home in no time, right?" She chuckled as she pulled Bella into a hug; both had tears in their eyes now. _

_Carlisle clapped me on the back and we stood back and watched our women comfort each other. _

"_So, have you looked at housing?" Carlisle asked after a few minutes of watching them. _

"_Well, actually we are going to fly out there and look at this house we are interested in." At this comment Esme pulled away from Bella and I could already see the glint in her eyes. There is nothing she loved more than a new project to work on. _

Bella and I boarded the plane, with Makenna strapped to the front of me in her Baby Bjorn sling. It kept both of our hands free and kept her close and safe. She slept the whole time and only woke up in the cab on the way to the hotel. Bella fed her, changed her and put her back in her sling attached to my chest. We took another cab to meet Irina and look at what we hoped would be our new home.

Two steps in the door and I knew it was the one. Bella's eyes told me that she knew it was the one as well. We followed Irina throughout the house but there really was no need. All the pictures that she sent us told us what we needed to know. She drove us back to her office and we wrote up an offer on the house. Bella and I had planned for this and after we were married we went to the bank and moved around some of our finances to be ready to buy a house. We knew it would work best for us with Makenna. It would make us feel settled and at home even if this wasn't where we would spend the rest of our lives. We wanted Makenna to have a home, not an apartment to live in. Besides we were thinking of hiring someone to help us take care of Makenna and the house while we were at school so the extra room would be nice for that as well.

After all of the paperwork was done, I called Peter and let him know I was in town. He wanted to show me around a few places and asked if we could meet with him. Bella made a quick call to Angela and she agreed to watch Makenna for us so we dropped Makenna off at Angela and Ben's apartment and made our way to meet Peter. He showed me around the campus and a few of the hangouts the music kids frequented. I met a few of the other students and we stayed to hear them play. They were good, I was a little intimidated by them, I won't lie. A few asked me to play and that just amped up the nervousness. I played the song I wrote the night Makenna was born; it must have been fine because they all complimented me on it. I decided that it was time to get Makenna and head back to the hotel so Bella and I said our good bye. I exchanged numbers with a few of them since we would be back within two months and we agreed to hang out when Bella and I got back. It was liberating to know that we were accepted, I, again felt like this was definitely meant to be.

The next two months were a whirlwind of packing and getting ready to go back to Dartmouth. We shipped the stuff we were taking with us from the house for us and Makenna. We packed a small suitcase and boarded a plane. Esme came with us to help out for two weeks. She thought that she could help unpack and get the house decorated and in order, as well as watch Makenna until we found someone who could do that for us. She was right we needed all the help we could get.

Soon enough our house was unpacked and set up, we had hired someone to take care of Makenna and Bella and I both started classes.

None of it was easy; there was definitely a learning curve for dealing with Bella and Makenna. But life was as close to perfect as I could hope for. I had my love, my daughter and my music.

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**E/N: Thanks to everyone who was a part of this from my beta, pre-reader, friends (new and old) to all of you the reviewers! You all mean the world to me, thanks for taking a moment of your time to spend it in my dream world!**

**One chapter to go...**


	31. Epilogue

**A/N: As you can see I am too excited to wait till Monday to post this...**

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**Epilogue-**

**(Five years after last chapter)**

**Bella**

"Bella, come on the car is here!" Edward called from the bottom of the stairs.

I really didn't see the need for me to go with him, this kind of shit made me nervous and he knew it. I think to be honest this time he was just as nervous as I was. Otherwise I really don't think he would ask me to go. I mean he has taken Alice and Jasper twice, Esme and Carlisle flew out with him as well. Emmett and Rosalie were going with us this time. We were all packed, our dresses picked out and we just simply had to get out the door in time to catch the plane.

I worried about Makenna again. I knew she was with Charlie and Sue but I still worried. I mean we had left her alone in her five years but not often. Neither Edward nor I could take it for long so we always ended up going back and getting her or just giving in and taking her with us when we left. She had so eloquently told me as we were saying our goodbyes, "Mommy, I am big now and you can go with Daddy. I will take good care of G'pa and SueSue." I wiped the tears away from my eyes and told her how proud I was of her, kissed her goodbye and left holding a tight grip on Edward's hand.

Thankfully when we reached the airport I was too busy to worry yet again if I was doing the right thing by leaving her. We checked our bags, checked in and waited to be called to board.

Rose and I made small talk while we waited. Emmett and Edward played some racing game that Emmett had downloaded on his phone. Emmett and Rosalie had moved back to Forks after they graduated from college. Rosalie opened her own business. She restored and sold cars. Emmett helped out at the shop with her but his real love was his after school coaching job. He adored those kids and it was so fun to watch the football games every Friday night. I don't know who gets more involved Em, Jasper or Edward. Alice and Jasper live in Seattle. Jasper went on to be a History Professor and Alice works for a small design firm. She's working her way up at a rapid pace. We all were so proud of all of them.

Carlisle and Esme are beside themselves to have all of us so close. I knew that they were secretly hoping that Alice and Jasper would add to the one grandchild and one on the way that they currently have. Rose and Emmett are expecting their first child; she's about five months along. Just pregnant enough to be beautiful and not so much that she looks like a whale. Her words, not mine.

We arrived to the already blistering heat that was LA at a little after ten in the morning. After checking into the hotel Rose and I went our separate ways, only to then rush down to the spa to make our appointments. This was to be a day of beauty for us, after all the spa treatments we would be met in our suite for hair and make-up. Rose loved the whole day, me…yeah not so much. It just wasn't me, I preferred a quiet evening at home with Edward and Makenna.

As if he could read my mind he sent me a text.

**Somebody wants you, somebody needs you**

**Somebody dreams about you every single night**

**Somebody can't breathe, without you it's lonely**

**Somebody hopes that one day you will see**

**That's somebody's me**

It certainly wasn't easy to keep up with a songwriter in the sweet department. I mean the man had lines like this all damn day long. How did he honestly expect me to come back from something like that? I closed out the text and called him.

"Hey baby, I got your text." I purred into the phone.

"You did, I didn't text you?" He joked, I could hear the laughter below the surface as he spoke.

"Well then Mister someone is really hung up on me and you had better watch your back." Two could play this game.

"Oh is that so, Mrs. Cullen?" Even after five years he still loved to call me that, and I have to confess that after all this time I still loved to hear it. My heart still raced every time he said it.

"Did you get the text from my Dad? He sent us a picture of Mak in the car with the lights going and his hat on." That little girl was certainly not going to doubt her worth to the family, she was spoiled by every single one of us, entirely too much.

"I got it and called to tell her that she should consider being the next Chief, she looked great in the hat." We both knew without a doubt that Edward would never consider that career for his girl. Not that he doubted that she could do it but it would break his heart each and every shift she walked out the door and he had to worry if she was ever coming home. He was indeed a softy at heart.

"Yeah well I couldn't call the technician decided that it was time to stick a hot wax strip to my body at that moment and let's just say that with the words coming out of my mouth after that you would not have wanted me to call and talk with our daughter. I will call her later though just before we go, she made me promise that Rose and I would send her a picture of us in our dresses." I guess Edward really wasn't the only one that was wrapped around that little girl's finger.

I would like to say that going back to school with Mak in tow was a struggle, but really it wasn't. Thanks to the money that was left to both Edward and I we were able to buy a large house not too far from campus. We worked our class schedules around each other and tried to be at home with her as much as possible. It was fairly simple. I know that the money really made things possible. We never had to worry about working to live, or in fact about money at all. That was a fact that I couldn't be more thankful for at all. In fact one of the first things we did after we established our careers was start a scholarship fund for students with children. We wanted to take the chance to pay it forward. Would either of us trade that money for our parents, hell yes, but we recognize the opportunity they gave us. Besides with Mrs. Turner's help we had it made. She cooked most days that we were in class, kept up with the housework and took excellent care of Makenna. She moved back to Forks with us and she trades off her days between our house, Rose's, Sue's and Esme's to help us all keep up with things. We are certainly spoiled. Makenna loves her; she thinks of her as part of the family.

"Wait, Bella, what did you get waxed?" Edward was suddenly very interested in what I was saying. His voice lifted in excitement and anticipation.

"I have to go Edward, they're calling me in to get my nails done. Love you." I snapped the phone closed. I didn't mean to reveal that little piece of information. Edward certainly loved it when I waxed but with Makenna that wasn't possible all the times. I pulled it out for special occasions and this was certainly a special occasion. We would be here in LA till Monday evening and I was going to make good use of it. This was going to be Mommy and Daddy's special time, if you know what I mean.

The next few hours were a serious blur. We were primped and dressed. Edward and Emmett met us in the lobby as we made our way to the car that would take us out for the evening. I was so glad to have that car in fact, there was no telling exactly how late or how much we would be dealing with tonight and it was a great comfort to have the car at our disposal.

Edward's eyes slid over the contours of my body several times while we were in the car. I could feel the heat radiating off of him and it seemed to increase with each pass of his eyes. I certainly would be riding his lap right now if we were alone. But…we weren't so I was trying to hold it together. Besides I was smoking hot if I do say so myself and there is no way I could fix the hair or make up it took a team to put together for me tonight. And there was no way I was going to show up looking like I was taking a walk of shame instead of arriving in style.

Emmett lightened the mood by grapping Edward's phone and took several pictures of us all and texted them to Makenna. Then we called her to make sure she got the photos and say good night. Charlie and Sue agreed that she could stay up just a little longer before they would put her in bed. "Momma but I won't see Daddy that way." She begged. I almost gave in and Edward was already whispering to me that she could stay up. Sue, thankfully, saved the day and promised the Grandpa and Grandma was recording it on the DVR for her to watch tomorrow when they picked her up so she could stay with them. Carlisle and Esme would keep her for the rest of the weekend so she could swim and watch her Daddy on the TV tomorrow with them. She settled down and blew us all a kiss before she scampered off to eat her popcorn with G'pa and watch some baseball.

Before I knew it, we had arrived. Emmett and Rose decided earlier this afternoon that they didn't want to enter through the front doors with us since she was pregnant. Emmett didn't want her jostled or rushed around, besides this would take us a long time to make the short walk into the venue. We let them off around at the back entrance and once Edward made sure they got inside, he made his way back to the car with me. As soon as the door closed he pulled me into his arms and onto his lap. His lips assaulted mine as I tried to pull away. "Don't do that, baby, I need to kiss you. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" He murmured against my lips as his ghosted across mine and his hand trailing along my thigh and moving towards the feathers that adorned my skirt.

"Edward, we can't make out in this car, first of all the driver will see. Secondly I can't fix the hair and make-up that you paid a fortune for a team of people to put on me." He chuckled and pulled back but only far enough to kiss my bare shoulder as his hand slid under the strap that covered the other shoulder.

"You will be mine after this whole damn thing is over, say you will." The look in his eyes was almost feral. I knew that he played it cool on the outside but deep inside these events worked his nerves just like they did for me. We both enjoyed our quiet, peaceful life in Forks. Everyone in town knew what Edward and I did for a living but no one made a big deal about it, and for that we were thankful. That reason alone made it simple for Edward and I both to do our jobs and still maintain a normal life. No one really cared that I had written two books and that Edward had several songs on the charts right now. We lived our lives and no one cared. We were just Edward and Bella to them.

"I am always yours. Every day of forever, remember?" I used his words on him. I knew he would remember them and why he used them himself. Obviously I was right because a smile graced his face, not the tightlipped smile he put on when ever there was a camera, it was the smile he used when we were alone. It was my smile, the one that pulled up on one corner of his mouth farther than the other corner, it made his eyes slightly wrinkle at the corners and it made my heart sing every time he used it.

Edward and I made our way down the red carpet. He answered the same questions at each stop we made. I tried to hang back and stay out of the spotlight but that never happened. Edward's tight grip on my hand never let me further than an arm's length away from him, usually much closer. He smiled and answered all the questions politely, he was such a charmer. I could see the trail of melted hearts in our wake. I couldn't blame any of them; he won me over the same way.

_**I stepped into the cafeteria for the first time. I reached around and pulled my book bag to the front of my body and unzipped it. I reached inside for my lunch and realized that it wasn't there. No lunch. I sighed in defeat and made my way to the salad line. Surely they couldn't screw up salad, right? When I slid my hand into my jeans pocket to pull out the cash that Charlie gave me I realized there was no cash either. I guess in my haste to be out of the Chief of Police's car I left both my lunch and lunch money. I made my way to the empty table in the back and tried to blend in. I pulled out my book and tried to look engrossed, hoping that no one would want to sit with me and disturb my intense reading session. I was wrong. I was assaulted from all sides, literally. **_

_**Alice and her boyfriend approached from my right. Another couple approached from my left and converged on the table all at once. I had made the mistake of sitting at Alice Cullen's table. She was nice enough and shared her World History book with me during the last period until the teacher could get one for me. She was sweet, but very talkative. Very talkative. **_

"_**Bella, how did you know this was our table? Never mind, I'm glad you sat with me. I'll introduce you to my family. This is Jasper, my boyfriend. This is Emmett, my brother and Rosalie, my sister who is also Emmett's girlfriend. And this good for nothing is Edward, also my brother." Alice said all of this with one breath and lots of waving of the hands. I felt lightheaded just listening to her talk. When she waved her hands behind me I turned to see Edward had arrived with a full lunch tray. **_

"_**Dude, how much are you eating?" Emmett asked swiping a banana off of his tray. Edward reached over and smacked his upside the head but never took back the banana. I could see that the gesture was just that a gesture and not really meant to hurt him. **_

"_**Well, this must be our already famous new girl."Edward asked taking up the available seat between Emmett and me. I started sputtering. And Edward threw up a hand to stop me. "Relax, Bella, I'm joking. Alice told me who you were on the way to lunch." I did relax with his words. I had no desire to be famous because that involved lots of attention and I did not like attention. "Hey, where's your lunch?" Edward asked around a bite of his pizza. **_

"_**Well, I guess in my haste to get out of the most embarrassing ride in town I left it on the front seat of the cruiser." I offered. **_

"_**Dude, I disagree. The most embarrassing ride has to be hands down," Emmett took a huge bite of his hamburger before finishing, "the Hurst. The cruiser will never ever touch the Hurst." Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head, I assume for talking with his mouth full at the same time Jasper threw a fry at him. I on the other hand agreed with his wholeheartedly. The cruiser was not as bad as a hurst. **_

_**Edward turned back to me and scooted his tray towards me slightly. "Here eat some of this stuff, surely there's something on here that you like. We can't have the prettiest girl in school starving in the midst of all this food." I blushed and grabbed an apple. He pushed the extra slice of pizza at me as well. Throughout lunch the entire table kept me entertained. I realized as the bell sounded that I enjoyed myself and really looked forward to being friends with this crazy group of people. Some more than others. **_

A question snapped me back into reality. I pretended like I had a hard time hearing over the noise and she politely asked again. "Who are you wearing?" I answered like I was coached to do and listen to her fawn over wedding ring. She made a comment about how lucky I was. I had to bite my tongue to tell her that I knew without a doubt about the exact amount of my luck, but I figured that was for another time.

We eventually made it to the end of the carpet and was ushered inside and shown our seats. Emmett and Rosalie were like two kids in a candy store, with so many celebrities to meet in one place. Emmett shook hands with Elton John and Rosalie was bragging about meeting Prince. I only wanted one thing, to get this over with and get back to our hotel.

The night was actually enjoyable as we watched the performances and listened to celebrities thank God for their awards. Most of them were sincere but a few made me snicker. We were down to the last three categories. This was when the nerves kicked in. _Song of the Year_, _Album of the Year_ and _Artist of the Year_, those were the last three remaining Grammy's to give away. Edward was part of the first two. The song he wrote for Makenna and I the day she was born was up for _Song of the Year_ and his most recent project was co-producer for a new act that was up for _Album of the Year_.

This wasn't his first award for his songwriting talents but this was his first Grammy nomination. He said somehow this was different than all the others. There's just something about a Grammy he said. Either way I was proud of him.

We watched as the winners of last year's _Song of the Year_ made their way to the stage and joked through the monologue that preceded the nominees. I listened as each song clip was played. I liked them all but none compared to Edward's song. It held so much meaning for us and to us. And while I loved the performance of that song, none held a candle to when Edward sang it to me. Nothing would ever be better than that.

Finally, they announced Edward's name as the winner. He stood and hugged me to him, tighter than he has ever held me before. As he pulled away he said to me, "You, it's all because of you. You know that right?" I nodded, too emotional to actually say words right now. His long legs carried him to the podium and he took his Grammy.

I held my breath as he spoke; he simply looked breath taking up there. "Wow, thanks so much for this. This has been such a long journey and I feel like now I can look back on it and say it was a good journey. I wrote this song on one of the happiest days of my life and to know that it touches you all in the same way is overwhelming." He ran a hand through his hair. I could tell he was struggling with holding his emotions together. When he had them in control he looked back up and our eyes connected. "Bella, the journey was worth it. Every single step, every single word, not because of this award but because in the end I have you and Mak and that is enough for me." I tried to hold my emotions in, I was afraid that the camera would be shining on my face and putting our personal moment on display for the whole world. "Thanks to everyone who has helped make this song possible. Oh yeah and thanks to God." I giggled as he, in his own way, made fun of the night and those who were so caught up in it.

Edward was once again called up to accept a _Grammy for Album_ of the year with his co-producer and the artist. This time he kept his speech of thanks to those that helped his career.

When the ceremony was over we made our way to the after party. We partied like rock stars and while it was fun to see all the celebrities and talk with them, I really only had one place I wanted to be…in bed with Edward, alone.

We used Emmett and Rosalie as our excuse to get out of there and were more than happy to do so. Once we dropped them off at their room two floors below ours we quickly made our way back to the elevator.

As soon as we hit the door, the clothes started to come off. The dress was left on the floor with one swift tug of the zipper and the shoes ended up who knows where. The jewelry I left on the dresser and I dropped to the bed in just my panties. I turned over on my stomach to give Edward a full view of the cheeks that were hanging out of the bottom of those panties, that man had a thing for cheeky panties. I heard him groan from the doorway as he finished removing his clothes.

The bed dipped from his weight and I sighed when he laid his body down over mine. His hard cock pressing into my ass, I could feel the soft skin against the bare parts. Edward pushed up on his forearms and slid his cock into the back of my underwear, the lace held him against me as he pushed himself back and forth across me. I know how sexy the lacy felt when I moved certain ways as it strained against me so I am sure he was in heaven feeling it slide along his shaft.

"Have I told you what a beautiful ass you have?" He murmured against the back of my neck.

"No."

"Well you do, it makes me want to lick it, bite it and do all sorts of nasty things to it." Edward's dirty talk always made me soaked but tonight especially. Tonight we were no longer Mommy and Daddy, we were full grown adults who were getting the chance to have a night alone. And boy what I had planned for that night alone.

"Then bite it." I sassed.

His groan grew softer as he pushed down the bed until he was at his desired location. He leaned down and bit the soft flesh where my thighs joined my legs and then began to suck the skin. Unable to keep still, I shimmed up on my knees a little and pushed against his face. I wanted him to pull the underwear off and push right into me, nothing slow tonight, I wanted a hard fast fucking. Edward had other plans. He pushed down on my ass so that my hips rested back against the bed and proceeded to kiss and suck on every inch of my skin on the back side of my body.

By the time he got to the point where he was pulling my knees back up and removing my panties I was certain that I would come at his first touch. His single finger slowly pushed into me and immediately pulled right back out. He spread all of my wetness around, making sure to touch all of the sensitive spots.

Women have orgasms for many reasons with many different stimuli. I can have an orgasm with clit stimulation and let me tell you that Edward's mouth is perfect at that. Or I can have an orgasm with penetration; however the most powerful ones are when I get both stimulated at the same time.

Edward's fingers slipped back into me and I raised my hips a little further when he shifted into position under me. His talented mouth began to suck on my clit while his fingers worked their way in and out of my pussy. I rocked back and forth across his face, while words slipped out of my mouth at random.

"Fuck yes, oh God, please don't stop." My rocking increased along with the pressure he applied to my clit. I felt one of his fingers pull out of me and spread the moisture around, then he slid three fingers back into me and curled them forward. Just when I felt the familiar tingling begin to engulf my body, Edward began to slowly work his finger around on my ass. He applied gentle pressure as he slowly worked his finger in. I never really thought that this would be an act that I would enjoy but right at this moment all I could think about was having his finger all the way in working me from that side as well. I pushed back against his hand as hard as I could, forcing his finger all the way in.

Words were lost at this point, I could only make sounds. Gasping and moaning at the most. My knees gave out and I slide down harder onto Edward's face but he kept up his assault with his tongue.

"Fuck yes, please." I panted as I pulled my hands off of the bed and sat down fully on Edward's face. This forced his hand further inside me. His fingers curled again towards the front of my body and worked my G-spot.

Stars and spots began to form in front of my eyes as I gave into the sensation of his actions. The fire ripped through my body and replaced the strain with an intense pleasure. No words, no sounds were possible when the orgasm engulfed me. Just feelings.

I dropped my hands back down onto the bed and attempted to maneuver off of Edward's face. My body didn't seem to be in the mood to cooperate with my brain. Edward moved me off of him and turned us both onto our sides to face each other. I could see his face glisten in the lamplight; I have covered him with my pleasure. I wanted to lick his face and kiss his mouth, to taste what he tasted but my body was too weak to carry out my plan. So I lay still with him.

I searched his face and watched him searching mine. He was right every single step, no matter how painful or hard, was worth it to be where we were right this moment. I decided that this was the moment that I would share my secret with him; the secret that I have been keeping for two weeks. No one else knew, this time I would do it right, I would tell the man who deserved to know first. I had planned to tell him tomorrow at lunch. I had made reservations for a seaside restaurant that had an incredible patio for us. I thought the setting would be perfect but this that we shared between us was the perfect setting.

"Edward, I need to tell you something." I whispered.

"Shh, baby, no talking now. We can talk later, right now I want to just hold you." He whispered back.

"I think this is something that you are going to want to hear." He pulled back and looked deep in my eyes. He nodded at me to continue. "Well, our lives are sort of settled again and we agreed that after we got settled we would start trying to have another baby, right?" He nodded again. "Well, it looks like we don't have to worry about that." His arms tightened around me. "I'm pregnant." I whispered again, the words seemed too important to shout them. They seemed like they needed to be kept between us before we told others.

"Bella?" His voice sounded confused, maybe a little angry.

I rushed to explain. "I don't know what happened, I didn't plan this, it just sort of popped up on me. Really, please don't be angry. We were going to start trying soon anyway." He put his finger over my lips and stopped my rambling.

"When did you find out?" He asked.

"I went to the doctor about two weeks ago. I wanted to tell you tomorrow at lunch, that's the reason that I planned the lunch was so we would be in the perfect place for the news but now just seemed right." I was praying that he understood why I held onto this news till now.

"What did the doctor say?" He asked, I was still unable to decipher the tone of his voice.

"Well, actually I just did the pregnancy test and took the vitamins. I wanted you to be with me from the start on this one and I just couldn't stand the thought of seeing Dr. Jones without you, so I didn't see her." I shrugged, not really having anything else to offer him except my simple explanation.

We stared at each other for the longest time. I was too afraid to speak, too afraid of his response and he just didn't offer one right away. I closed my eyes as I felt the first tear break free.

"Oh Bella, why are you crying?" He asked.  
"I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear, I just wanted to do it right this time." I sobbed into his shirt.

"Oh, baby, you do everything right. Don't cry." He kissed my temple and soothed my hair. I was so confused now for sure. His sweet words and the stoniness of his face didn't seem to match.

"I don't understand, how did I do this right? I screwed up again." I said.

"Never, this is our baby, how can that be a screw up?" He asked as the joy cracked through the stone and lit up his face.

"You're not mad?" I blinked back the tears to be able to see him clearly.

"About you being pregnant? No, about you wanting to tell me the right way and planning this big lunch, never. I love you and want this with you." He kissed me and showed me exactly how not mad he was. "In fact, I was planning to ask you to stop taking the pills tonight. I was laying here working up the courage to ask you when you delivered your news." He chuckled. "I guess my shock was misunderstood, huh?"

"Yeah, to say the least." I smacked his arm but pulled him right back into me to hold on to him.

"We're going to have another baby." He murmured. Then he pulled his body over mine and made sweet love to me.

The next afternoon, we talked Emmett and Rosalie into heading home. We were so excited to share our news but we wanted Makenna to be the next to hear. She had been asking for a baby brother for so long now. Every since she found out that Emmett and Rosalie was having a girl in fact.

The plane ride home was spent time reflecting. The only conclusion at the end was simply this…I loved my husband, I loved my daughter and this new baby in my belly, I loved my life. I would never doubt him again. I would never make decisions for him; and I certainly would ask from now on instead of listening to the believable lies.

The End

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**E/N: The song used in this chapter was Somebody's Me by Enrique Iglesis. I seriously had a whole playlist for this fic but guess what? I updated iTunes a few days ago and it wiped out all of my playlists! ALL OF THEM! Some of them had over 200 songs, so needless to say I am quite unhappy about that! Any way, if I get the urge I will go back through and put the songs on my blog for you. If you would like to know about one of them, let me know and I will be happy to give you the info. **

**I seriously want to say thanks for the love and support for this fic. It was so personal and that makes all you have done for me that much bigger. You guys are the best ever! **

**I have a new (continuation) fic coming out soon. It will be a continuation of Love the Way You Lie by Robicorn. Add me to your author alert to get the info on it. I hope to see you all over there with that one! ** keeps fingers crossed****

**Once again, for the last time on this fic...Till next time...**


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